Vergil C Experience
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 Experience description:

My grandmother was put on end-of-life watch at the start of the month. My family has been worried about my father, because he's been taking care of her for years while she faced dementia and late-stage cancer. While I wandered around the house at about midnight on October 3rd, I felt a huge surge of electricity well up inside of my brain and upper back. The sensation itself felt like a gas bubble rising from beneath a huge body of water. As the energy intensified, like a bubble making its way to the surface and into the light, multiple images of my grandmother overtook my visual memory; it followed no chronological pattern (if any pattern at all), but I saw my own, visual memories of her throughout time in that moment as this energetic feeling overwhelmed my nerves. Eventually, I felt the electricity discharge from the top of my head as if the bubble reached the surface and popped. My mind cleared up. There wasn't any other sensory hallucinations/experiences. I woke up around 7 AM and went onto social media, seeing my father post the news of my grandmother's passing the very minute I logged in (likely a coincidence).

I talked to my mother later that day about my experience, but it was a bit difficult since I have to be very, very careful of topics I've yet to rationalize. I study philosophy, consider myself a skeptic, and all of that. It turns out that my mother woke up around the time I had my experience before going back to sleep.

Let's fast-forward to the night of October 6th, and I'll do my best to explain this as critically as possible. Anyway, I was very exhausted from a trip the day before--my body temperature was slightly elevated, so I took the day off to recover. Around sundown, I had a different electrical feeling course through my body. This time, it exacerbated my exhaustion, my mood neutralized, and my ego began to slip away. I'm normally an anxious person who's fixated on what's to come, but I felt all of my worries, ambitions, traumatic experiences, and familial connections becoming irrelevant to my memory or being. Then, I felt the connections between time, space, and literally everything that has existed and presently exists. I was intellectually aware of the future potential of all things while my ego continued to fade away. Then, I felt reality slowly pull onto these connections to collapse onto itself and into my core. I was on the verge of blacking out, but I didn't. Just to note: I'm autistic, so this was an extremely, EXTREMELY uncomfortable and overwhelming feeling.

Thankfully, my mind was clear enough, so I thought of my earthly concerns (my emotions were more absent than they typically are) because that experience lined up with two things: one, although extremely rare, I've had premonitions with this empirical sensory experience out of nowhere that overtook my ego; two, I've been reading NDEs, ADCs, and the like, and I noticed a couple of aspects matching those believed to be typical to well-researched NDEs, ADCs, and the like. I thought to myself, trying to laugh it off, 'I owe too many people here, and I better not die.' I was roiling around in my discomfort, trying to rationalize and trying to keep track of potential evidence as a skeptic should do, until I had a visual overtake my mind while I was (almost entirely) conscious: I saw a light as luminous and intense as our Sun, directly focusing on it as if I was looking directly at it, and I heard 'I'm sorry' before the visual and this entire feeling faded away.

Everything went back to normal, and I returned to that feeling before the experience. My mom might've had a burst of energy at this time since she cleaned a lot of the house during this moment, but I'm too hesitant and tired to talk to her. I'll treat my mother's (probable) burst of energy as a simple correlation until I have the mental fortitude to bring it up. Lastly, to speak as a skeptic, my mother's actions and experiences coincided with mine enough that I thought to bring it to a researcher's attention and not brush it off as I normally would.

But that concludes the experiences I've had lately. I don't know if my Oct. 6th experience was my grandmother finally passing on, because I couldn't identify anyone at that moment. What was true, though, (and I dare not conclude that she was talking to me at all) is that she and I didn't have the best relationship. While I cannot say anything about how the mind might survive after bodily death or outside the body at all, I've always believed in restorative justice and letting all people learn and improve. So, I decided to keep the identity thing open-ended for my grandmother, as if this is her space to speak and not mine.   

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?          Uncertain     I don't have a problem with explaining this academically, but I feel like I have to be careful of lexical gaps.

 At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? No     

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?    I was more-or-less completely conscious during both cases. My agency was completely intact.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?  I'd say no

 Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   I don't think dream describes it. Both cases felt like a genuine  perceptual/empirical experience that triggered vivid imagery (first case) and/or an altered state of consciousness (second case).

 What emotions did you feel during the experience?          Uncertain

 Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?         The second case was an altered state of consciousness that felt like my consciousness was on the verge of separation.

 LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?         My emotions were my own at the time. I responded to the first case with alertness as I studied it. I responded uncomfortably in the second case until I started to lose my ego.    Only in the second case and at the very end. I heard 'I'm sorry' beside images of a visualization of the Sun. I can't say whether or not that could've been the light since I didn't notice any identity to it.

 Did you see a light?        No     

Did you meet or see any other beings?         Yes    The light appeared in my imagination. It looked like the sun, as if I looked directly at it. My imagination visualized the intensity and burning sensation you'd expect if you looked at the sun (I'm autistic and incredibly sensitive to blue light). I saw something like the blue sky around it, but I'm not sure if it was the intensity of the light or my imagination filling in the blanks.

 Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state?         Uncertain    

I couldn't identify any beings, but I won't deny the possibility. I also could've sensed my grandmother's passing as if it was an extrasensory experience. I can't confirm if the second experience had another being, if not my grandmother, conveying 'I'm sorry' to me through any extrasensory means.

 Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Yes    In the second case, I studied my altered state of consciousness as much as I could.

 Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different? No     

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?     Yes    My bodily senses didn't feel like a source of my experiences. My brain's active memory was certainly processing them as if I did sense them, but I doubt it'd be right to say that my brain could've been a possible source of my experiences. I've always been very keen about my mental and physical states throughout my life; I just received medication for my lifelong somatic anxiety. There's also the possibility of electrical discharges coinciding with my current mood and worries about my grandmother's passing, but my mother's experience (first case) and behavior (second case) happened at the same time of my experiences.

 Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         Yes    My second experience came with a sense of altered space-time. First, I sensed the connection between space, time, and and everything that has existed and presently existed. I also had the sensation of spacetime collapsing into this sort of singularity unto myself; it felt like it was pulling onto these connections from this singular point. But, I think I was too preoccupied with studying my present state to sense events that could've happened at different points of space-time. I also wouldn't doubt that the knowledge could've been available to me, if I was in fact connected to all of this information.

 Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?           Yes    I'm certain that I sensed a connection among all things as they are within states of time/causality.

 Did you become aware of future events?      Uncertain     I sensed something akin to an additional property of physics. I'm not well-trained in physics and don't want to make wild assumptions beyond what I experienced and currently know.

 Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?          Uncertain     I believe it could've been possible, if I wasn't to preoccupied with studying my second experience.

 Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?      No     

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?     Uncertain     No confirmation. I'm sending this the morning after my second experience. I very rarely had these spooky experiences up until this point, but feel free to reach out to me sometime in the future.

 How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?   Yes

 Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? I'm just taking this as new knowledge that I should bring to a researcher. I was uncomfortable during the second experience, but I'd rather judge this objectively.          I've had other spooky experiences in the past, but I brushed them aside since I had nothing to really support them beyond brain activity, hallucinations, and the like.

 Have you shared this experience with others?       I'm more skeptical of contemporary hard-materialism. I've read Dr. Long's paper for that writing contest in 2021 before this experience, and I'd say (despite being an undergrad) that the consistency could be some justification for further study. My experiences exclusively affected my outlook of things.

 What emotions did you experience following your experience? Yes

 What was the best and worst part of your experience?     I shared the first experience with my mother and some friends. OBERF was the first to hear of my second experience.

 Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? I was taken aback. I took note of everything and returned to normal.

 Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?       Uncertain     I can't say.

 Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?           No     

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.       Yes

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