Experience description:

I had just been going through a very challenging period in my life. The situation had resolved through very specific answers to prayer that seemed somewhat extraordinary.

I decided to go to a worship conference to express my gratitude to God. But while trying to worship, I felt a deep struggle within. I hadn't only suffered through this latest hardship, but had had so many in my life on a continual level, both before coming to faith and after. It never ceased to end, and I felt so disappointed with God for allowing all these things.

I sought out a restroom, and locked myself in and yelled at God. I yelled at Him/Her how angry I was, and how disappointed. How could She/He allow all these things to happen? What was He/She thinking when creating the world? From the beginning of time there has been so much suffering for mankind. Just suffering, suffering... The state of the world had also led to even God having to suffer and die on a cross. What was the point of it all, how could anything be worth it? 

After letting this steem out, it felt a bit easier to focus on gratitude and sing along in the worship songs. The next day I was worshipping at another service. I had my eyes closed.

Suddenly I was standing in what I understood was heaven. I was in the outskirts of the most lovely garden, as if both being in it but at the same time looking in. As I'm writing this, tears come to my eyes, and I wish I could take this experience and incorporate it into every persons mind in the world, because it was so beautiful. But words can't even come close to describe it.

So many impressions entered me at once. The first striking one, was how totally transformed I was going to be in heaven. It was as if I was getting a taste of this transformation already. And the word 'transformation' was so poor, it didn't contain an inch of what this heavenly transformation meant. I was starting to change nature into something entirely different. Something totally other, and altogether wonderful. I wasn't scared at all. Even if I was about to leave everything that was familiar about being human behind me, I just wanted to plunge directly into it. I couldn't wait. It was wonderful beyond imagining. All the suffering in the world was just a little speck in comparison to this amazing existence. And it would last forever. 

The second striking thing was how beautiful Christ was. He was standing at a distance away, a little bit the left in the garden, close to some trees. He wasn't looking at me, I couldn't see his face, so it wasn't like a personal meeting. But everything in me felt connected to him. The beauty was his consistence. In so many senses, in so many layers, way beyond what human nature could perceive. It was clear that around his being, everything else was centered. Not in a preoccupied way, just in a restful, underlying way. And Christ was really, really restful. The word I think of is pacing. He was just pacing, just being, and through that everything I saw stemmed. 

The garden was delightful. Everything there was beautiful, springing from this beauty of Christ, who was its gardener. It had a wild look. There were bushes, trees, and many different flowers. They had different colors, but still everything was pink. A very soft, warm, intense and calming pink (I'm aware that the adjectives are contradictory...) I was overwhelmed by the gardens beauty, too. (A while after this experience, I thought that perhaps I perceived it as pink since I'm a little bit synesthetic, so perhaps that was how my brain somehow interpreted my feelings, but when later starting to learn about other peoples experiences of heaven, I've understood that some sense colors too.)

The longer I stood there, the more I transformed. I had a very clear sense that if I were to stay longer, I would actually be transformed the whole way through, no going back. But it was just a fleeting fact, that my brain didn't bother with. I had all my focus on the beauty around.

During this time I could simultaneously hear the worship music in the background of my senses. I didn't feel as if I was leaving my body, I was in it, but very much more in heaven.

I had just noticed how immensely beautiful the smell in the garden was, and was about to start exploring that, when the worship music stopped. The drummer ended the session with a strong, emphasized beat. At the same time, I was in an instant out of heaven, and back in the hall again.

While the preaching started, I left the facilities to digest what I just had experienced. As I walked over the courts, the trees outside were shining with a new beauty. I realised that the trees here, are actually the same ones that are going to be in heaven.

As I walked, I had a sense that people were looking at me.

I walked over to a chapel in the area, and while walking I had a strong sense of how Christ was present in every move I took, and in every single detail of everything that is happening, all around the world. I sat down at a bench in the chapel. After a while, I spotted a notebook laying next to me, that someone had left behind. On its front cover was my name written, with a heart drawn next to it. As I walked up to the altar I read the passage that lay open in the Bible there. I felt that it spoke to me about my reasons for suffering and was comforting to me. 

But now I have glided over from the supernatural experience itself... or have I..? For one of the things about that experience, was how absolutely natural it felt. Yes, I had just been in heaven, but it was the most natural thing I could experience. And yes, I was now walking on earth, but I felt surrounded by supernatural happenings, well aware that everything around me had a divine touch to it... For quite a long time afterwards, I had a sense of heaven being very intertwined with earth.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?      No     

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?          Yes    It was beautiful and different beyond words.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? No     

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?    Fully conscious, fully awake.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?  No. Dreams feel two dimensional to me. This had depths and dimensions beyond everything.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   No     

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          Total bliss. Total awe. Total happiness. Total transformation.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?         No

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?         Yes    A garden is prevalent in Christian tradition, but it was not how I would've thought of heaven before, I would have thought more of a city or so.

Did you see a light?        No     

Did you meet or see any other beings?         Yes    I saw Christ from a bit of a distance, but it wasn't an personal meeting.

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state?         No     

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No     

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different? Yes    I primarily had the time to see and smell. I had a sense of being transformed, and don't know if this affected my senses so I could perceive the supernatural beauty around me, which was beyond anything I had experienced. It could just be that my senses worked the same, and there were many more depths that I missed out on.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?          Uncertain     Yes and no. Since I was aware of the music in the background, I could've been aware of what earthly time passed. But my focus was in heaven, and time was still/eternal there.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         Yes    I sensed how everything was connected to Christ/God, and how God is in everything.