Experience description:

I was nearing the end of a 20 year marriage to an abusive man with whom I shared six children. Our home was marked by chaos, where the needs and struggles of teenagers, toddlers and combating parents collided under one roof. I was subjected to ongoing verbal threats and slanderous attacks, financial anxieties, emotional panic, and looming divorce proceedings.

During this turbulent time, a good Catholic friend of mine told me about a priest who she thought could help provide me with some support and guidance. One afternoon, she drove me to a church in Hyannis, Massachusetts. She introduced me to a priest who was waiting for us in the parking lot. Father led me through a courtyard to a chapel in the back. After sharing just a few words together, he opened the heavy, wooden doors and said to me, "Go and spend some time with the Lord." And then he left. I took in the beauty of the holy statues of saints and sacred artwork that lined the walls beneath stained-glass windows. There were marble steps that led to the altar behind an ornate wrought-iron communion rail. My eyes were drawn to the flickering flame of the sanctuary lamp, indicating the presence of the Lord inside the locked tabernacle. The stillness carried a quiet sense of reverence that invited silence and prayer. For a few moments, I just stood there, taking in the sacredness of my surroundings.

Suddenly, the weight of my tragic circumstances came rushing back, and I was overcome with emotion. Tears filled my eyes and I began to weep uncontrollably. Through my tears, I reached for the railing gate and opened it. Falling to my knees, I began crawling up the marble steps while I wept, collapsing under the weight of my grief.

And then I "heard" His voice, not with my ears, but in my intellect. It was three very distinct and clear sentences, one following the other in rapid succession. "Be patient. Everything will be made known." "Develop a strong prayer life so I can communicate with you more freely." "Do not be afraid." It was so unexpected and so profound that my tears stopped midstream as I tried to make sense of what had just happened.

I don't remember much more about that afternoon. I don't remember if I saw Father again, or the conversation on the ride home, or whether or not I told my friend about my experience.

Life went on. The traumatic divorce happened. For a long time, life continued to be unstable, chaotic and exhausting. During those years, I briefly lost touch with a few of my older children. I was a single mother of a fractured family, struggling to survive; juggling a full-time job, arranging child care, and holding down whatever home we happened to live in. Apartment hunting was frequent; moving, packing, unpacking, and moving again. I became alcohol dependent. I went to local bars and dated many men. I stopped going to Mass. I rarely prayed. Every now and then during lucid moments, I would think about that afternoon in the chapel. The memory of it was always there, a soft whisper beckoning to me.

I don’t know exactly when I truly began to live the words I received in the chapel. It didn’t happen all at once or through some dramatic epiphany. Instead, they took root gradually, unfolding through small moments of grace, through starts and stops, and through the quiet changes that happen over time.

Now, in my mid-sixties, those years of struggle and heartbreak feel like a distant chapter in the story of my life. I am no longer burdened with alcohol dependence, have found my forever home, and have settled into a simple, structured life of celibacy, prayer, and service. My faith has moved to the center of my life and is the compass that guides my choices, and directs the spiritual path I plan to follow for the rest of my days. Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience? Fully awake and alert.

Was the experience dream-like in any way? No.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? No.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Shock. Awe. Followed by gratitude and inner peace.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises? Yes. I "heard" a voice giving me spiritual instruction. I did not hear it with my ears. Rather, it was an inner voice that communicated directly into my thoughts.

LOCATION DESCRIPTION: Did you recognize any familiar locations, any locations from familiar religious teachings, or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures? No.

Did you see a light? No.

Did you meet or see any other beings? No.

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? No.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time? No.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order, and/or purpose? Yes. I was given spiritual instruction in the form of three sentences that I will never forget.

Did you become aware of future events? No.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal, or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? Yes. I would not call it psychic or paranormal, but I have definitely had other mystical experiences, both before and after.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes. I started reading books about Catholic saints who also had mystical experiences and began to understand the reality of communication with God through prayer and meditation.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices? I have become more sensitive to other people's suffering. I have been told that I have unique wisdom and insight into circumstances and situations that can be perplexing to others.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes. I think I have covered this already.

Have you shared this experience with others? Yes. I cannot remember when I first told someone, but in recent years I have begun to share my experiences with those close to me. Although the experience itself may cause a gasp of incredulity when I share it, those who know me are never surprised that such a thing happened to me. I do not like the attention because I am totally unworthy. I only share it in the hope that someone may benefit from it. It has recently entered my mind that future experiences may not be meant to be shared. Currently, I am trying to discern that.

What emotions did you experience following your experience? Shock. Awe. Then gratitude and peace.

What was the best and worst part of your experience? The best part was the information I received and, of course, the way I received it. The worst part is that I did not act on the wisdom of the words, and their fruits lay dormant for many years.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? Jesus is listening. He will answer you when you least expect it.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications, or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? Yes. Events have occurred through prayer and meditation that I cannot explain other than to say they came from Heaven.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes. I cannot think of anything left to add.

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire. I think the questionnaire is as concise as it possibly can be.