Experience description:

I was feeling very stressed, alone, a lot of anxiety and very sad feelings.  I remember talking to a picture collage of my mother and sobbing about my life circumstances.  She had been deceased for about 15 years.  I was telling her that I had missed her for my major life events and that I had needed her.  It was late and I cried myself to sleep.  I then woke up STUNNED from what seemed like a dream but, thought that it was much too powerful and the physical affects during and after made me feel like it was so much more. Here is what I recalled:

There was a tunnel of light (something like Van Gough would have painted).  It swirled and curled like a comma. I looked in and there was an angel at the end that looked "plain, white, child-like and simple".  Just a simple form with head on body in the form of an inverted tulip, with two nubs for feet at the bottom. No hair, no arms no wings, no facial features.  I wanted to go all the way through and see what was on the other side so I could see the angel up close.   I decided to go in or through.

The very next thing I knew there was a light swirling all around me, then penetrating me like deep massages to pinpointed spots- vibrations going so deep they passed through one side, then deeply internal, then all the way through to the other side of me.  It wasn't painful, just indescribably intense.  It pulsated nerve endings and cells I didn't know I had.  If felt like nothing I had ever experienced.  As each part of my body was penetrated, that area of the body continued to pulsate with energy while the next one was started.  In particular I remember it happening to my shoulder blades one at a time and then my spine. 

I remember a woman being there (not the angel).  I became aware that she was doing this to me. I was suspended in space - just standing floating in the darkness with her. It was dark but not scary dark- just darkness.  I remember at one point being in fetal position and she came around me from behind, cupped my feet in her hand and pushed in a guiding motion-pushed the penetrating light into the soles of my curled up feet.  The light and energy stayed on my feet for a while and then began to rise up into all of me.  I soon knew that no part of me would be neglected from this (I have no word to describe the entity of the energy-this feeling- from the penetration of light and energy- from the outside to inside of me,  and, inside of me to outside of me. 

I do not recall when or how it completed.  I then found her laying beside me.  Me on my back but turned to the side.  Fitting perfectly like two spoons laying in the perfect fitting compartment.  It seemed like my bed, yet I don't remember the feel of cotton, quilts or mattress- just the feel of her (not a sensory feeling).  We were not clothed, but it wasn't like being naked. There were just no clothes.  I did not feel her skin on mine or the touch of humanness in either of us.  But instead I felt the warm embrace of her all over- especially cuddling me all over and with extra special attention to my shoulders and feet.  This was in no way sexual or sensual but a most matronly love and comfort.  She was now imparting love, comfort and somehow also strength coming from the love and comfort to me.   No words to fully describe these feelings. 

We talked some.  I didn't recall most of the words.  Mostly I was just basking in the feelings of love and comfort in pure black darkness.

At one point I asked her 'Who are you?  Are you my mother?" Her response was not direct , but, a response intended to prove to me who she was that would leave no doubt. When she told me of a childhood account and expected me to respond with a knowing answer of who she was, I still didn't know.  So I wasn't sure that she was my mother (my mother had been deceased for about 15 years at that point). 

I couldn't really look at her because she was always behind me.  I didn't want to turn to face her as it would have disrupted this most peaceful feeling.  But I was allowed to see us as though I was a third person looking down from above.

She was a young woman, seemingly my age,  my hair color, my build, only a larger version, (not larger as in heavy, just larger altogether as in a taller bigger frame).  She was perhaps my mother as a young woman I thought ( but in reality my mother was shorter than me).  The woman looked more like me than my mother.  Facially she looked like me and even had my same hair style but a bit longer.  She looked so much like me only she had a perfect nose and I thought she was beautiful.

Her eyes were loosely shut - or I should say peacefully resting.  But I knew she wasn't at total rest.  There was this incredible look of a woman who was being a complete empath and all of which was focused on me. 

I asked her where she was and who she was with- meaning where is her home and her life.  She told me who she was with but I didn't know who she was referring to.  I told her that I didn't want her to go.  I told her I wanted to be with her.  She said, 'You're a young woman, why would you want to be with us?  Go out and be with your friends."  I said, 'I don't want you to go".  I felt her getting ready to transition to something other than this peaceful comfort.  She said 'You're the one who has been gone.  I've got to get you back now- You've been gone for almost an hour". I remember feeling at this point I didn't want to go back.  But, I wasn't sad or disappointed- just there in the moment and thankful for this time.

I remember no other discussions or thoughts or anything, just movement from pure darkness to a graying kind of foggy tunnel.  Mostly just deep and somewhat misty grayness.