Experience description:

I put no in terms of life threatening because I was not in the hospital or about to die. But I was homeless, lost my children to my brother, had no job, mom had died, family was angry with me. I felt I had no one and felt like if I was erased in this life my kids would be better off without me. I never wanted to kill myself but just prayed God would just erase me.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?      Uncertain     This will probably disqualify me regarding the 1 experience I was going to share but I was at the lowest place in my life and was addicted to crystal meth. My spiritual experiences began when I was a teenager and continued through my life even after. I am 14 years clean and sober now and still have memories, dreams, flashbacks of the time I was in heaven mapping out this life I am living. It isn't something I can share with many as most don't have this happen to them. I wonder why I remember where we came from and I wonder if I am the only one. I also have had 2 visions that were incredible. One when I was pregnant and deciding whether to keep my pregnancy as that would have been my 3rd child and I was a single mom. The second came just before going to see my dying mother. I saw HER life flash before my eyes. Pictures dropping like record albums in front of me as I heard the sound of ticking (like in 60 minutes with the stopwatch).

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?          Yes    I was at the computer searching the internet for legends and myths and came across a website called siloam.net. I began to read the story but what happened next is far from believable except it happened to me. I saw a picture image and it looked familiar. The website also looked very familiar although I had never seen it before (but I felt like I had). All of a sudden I was not sitting in my room reading the story but I was in a very large (warehouse large) room with rows and rows of tables with computers (like for students). I was facing a wall along the side with a door to my right and through the door was stairs that took you down. Where I was sitting I was typing the VERY STORY that I was reading. I was typing with no notes or books and it was all by memory. Then when I came out of that flashback I sat and stared at my screen and looked up the writer of the website. His name was Rush E. Allen. That isn't my name but I thought it interesting that my dad's name in this life is Edwin Allen (or E. Allen). I don't know why but I felt like I was the true author of this story and I also felt that I was meant to stumble on it so that it could trigger the flashback. Like it was meant for me to remember. I feel so alone in this life because what I know to be truth sounds absolutely insane. I've had many 'memory bleeps' about home since. I could share more. The one thing about home is that we have ALL of our intellect there as it isn't tied off like it is while we are here. There is only positive at home. Love, understanding, compassion, teamwork, friendship, support - All 100% magnitude and nothing like here.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? No     

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?    Fully awake and alert.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?  No. Not a dream. Not a vision either. It was much clearer. I am not sure how I could be sitting in my little bedroom reading a website and then be in a big warehouse typing the very story I was reading. It was real. Not a dream. Very vivid. It made me remember where I actually came from.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   Uncertain     I guess if I was in my room and then ended up in my body typing on a computer in a large darkened warehouse that would be a separation of consciousness. It is hard to understand. FYI: I have never shared my experiences as deeply as I am now and not on any other website. When things began to open up for me, especially on this day I knew there was more to this life and I did from that moment on realize I am the architect (or one of the major planners) in the life I am now living.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?         I was excited. I knew there was more to this earthly life than what was told in churches. I don't believe everything I read and like to research to see what is written and if the person is credible. When it happened to me I was so happy because I felt like I was able to see something that few are able to see. Because it happened to me I believe it 100%.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?         Not in this experience I did not. But after my mom died in July of 2002 I began to hear tones. It sounded like maybe 6 tones of music playing slowly and it was some sort of a ballad. Then the tones picked up and I was hearing music - the most beautiful music I have ever heard. Sometimes I could hear voices singing (like a choir) but most of the time it was a melody that played in the background in my life. I knew that it was inner music and not coming from the physical plane. I thought maybe it was the music we hear in heaven or maybe it was the music of my soul. It still happens but not like at this time in my life when I was at my lowest.

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?         No     

Did you see a light?        No     

Did you meet or see any other beings?         Yes    In the experience above I did not encounter other individuals. But I have had several experiences since this one which I call 'memory bleeps' as for me they were not dreams or visions and not a past life (although I have had those as well). One of the experiences I will share is I was in a white room with white tile floor, white walls, and white ceiling. A girl showed me a picture and I said, 'Perfect! Her eyes are mesmerizing!' The reason that 'memory bleep' came to me was I was in a department store (like a Target) and I saw an image from a National Geographic magazine of a women with a drape over her head. Her eyes were so distinctive that it through me into the flashback. I guess I was right when mapping out my life and knew that once I saw that photo it would take me back to when I first saw it and it wasn't in this life, but in that white room with the girl holding the picture.

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state?         No     

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No     

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different? Yes    I felt 100%. Like beyond anything I've felt in this physical life. My senses were heightened. I had knowledge beyond what is here but it was normal to have it (not odd feeling). I felt confident, empowered, loved, with purpose and no negativity. Time is not a thing over there because there we have all the time in the world. There is no past, or future but we live in the NOW there with all our memories and experiences all at our disposal. It is ALL GOOD.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes          Not time as time doesn't matter. But it did feel different there. I still felt solid like I do here but I also know I can go wherever I want in a matter of a second. It is similar to here but better and bigger. It feels like here but way better and yet at times it feels solid like here but you can get wherever you want to go. Hard to explain.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         Yes    Everything makes sense there. We know why we are doing this physical life. I have stumbled on many things that match up to what I experienced there. We do believe in God there as well, only he is with us there and we know it as an absolute. One time I woke up in the morning and for just a few seconds I saw numbers and charts like it was the entire reason of our existence and I understood it all and in those seconds it was SO SIMPLE. I wanted to hang on to that but it quickly vanished and with it took all the memories and understanding I had with it.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?           No     

Did you become aware of future events?      No     

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?          No     

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Yes    I get messages through billboards, radio, television, mail, the advertisement on the back of the bus and they all connect and make sense to me. It is only when something is trying to come through to me that this happens and my eyes lock in for some unknown reason and after I get 3 connections I understand. Usually they are for me and not another person.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?     Yes    I believe we have had past lives as I can recall a few of mine. I believe we are here to grow and have lessons we set up for ourselves to further our learning. We can't learn as well in a positive environment with no negativity as we have at our real home so we come here to experience it with all the difficulties, negativity around us. It helps us more to come here and get the most out of what we are wanting to grow in.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?   I still pray to God. I also know each day that there is a reason I am where I am at. I did write my book and published it in 2013. It was something I knew I would write when I was 12 years old and my Reading teacher told my parents I had writing potential. With all the abuse I was experiencing at that time I didn't think there was anything good about me so hearing something kind made me feel special. I walked outside and looked at the evening sky and it seemed more intense and 3-dimensional like the sky was a living and breathing entity. I made a wish that night that one day I would write a book and I wanted it to be a good one.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes    I am no longer afraid that when I die I don't go somewhere. I know we all will go back when we are done here.

Have you shared this experience with others?       Yes          They listen. I can't expect people to believe what I am telling them. This sounds absolutely crazy to most although to me it makes total sense.

What emotions did you experience following your experience? Happiness. What I experienced made me realize I was right where I was supposed to be. There are no mistakes. I was supposed to be going down the horrible track I was on and had hope I'd get out and with the thread of hope I had I did get out and back on track with a huge amount of love, empathy and understanding for myself and others.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?          The best was experiencing it. The worst is still being stuck here. LOL!

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?       Uncertain     I have had several amazing experiences since the first one. Whether it was family members that have died coming to see me in my dream shortly after they died or experiences with family members that right after they died leaving things around to get my attention. These things happened shortly after they died I think to let me know they were okay. They didn't go on after that.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?           Yes    Yes. Although I have several experiences that I could share that are amazing this questionnaire is asking for a specific experience and not multiple experiences.