Experience description:
On
October 4, 2010, I had this strong urge to take a bus to Montpelier, VT (45 min
away). I felt compelled to go there, like an itch you can't help but scratch.
When I got there I wasn't sure what to do. I went to the library and was reading
about spirituality. I really wanted to know without a doubt that God existed,
and I wondered whether that would ever happen during my lifetime. I left the
library and since I couldn't figure out what I was doing, I thought I should
just go home. As soon as I had that idea it was if I heard a voice in my head
yelling, 'NO! DON'T GET ON THAT BUS!' It wasn't really a voice but it was this
clear message. I asked, 'Okay, then what should I do?' and it responded, 'GO TO
HUBBARD PARK!' (a park about a 1/2 hour walk away). As I walked there I felt
filled with energy and almost ran up the large hill. I had the sense I should go
to a specific spot in the park (that I'd never been to before) and as I ran
there the inner voice said, 'When you get there you will see God.'
I
expected to be alone with nature but when I got to that spot there was a woman.
Out of respect for her privacy, I won't share details about her or our
conversation (I have no way of contacting her to ask how much she'd want me to
say). The upshot is, she was about to kill herself. I wasn't sure what to do,
but I thought to myself, 'God sent you to this exact spot, the last thing you
should do is f**k this up by walking away.' So I asked if she wanted to talk
about what was going on. Over the course of our hour-long conversation, in which
I shared with her how I was sent there, she came to the conclusion that it was a
divine intervention and a sign that she had to come up with an alternative plan
other than suicide (which she did).
For me,
the experience was confirmation that we're part of a higher power. There's no
way I could have known to go to that exact spot at that exact moment unless
we're interconnected as part of God, or a nonlocal consciousness (two ways of
saying the same thing).
Any associated medications or
substances with the potential to affect the experience?
No
Was the kind of experience
difficult to express in words?
Yes What's hard to explain is how I
knew what to do. It's as if I heard a voice in my head, but I didn't actually
hear a voice with my ears. I had a knowing of what to do that was somehow
communicated to me, or I was in touch with it, but how it happened is difficult
to put into words.
At the time of this experience, was
there an associated life threatening event?
No
What was your level of
consciousness and alertness during the experience?
normal, but I was also being guided by a
larger force.
Was the experience dream like in any way?
no, I was fully awake.
Did you experience a separation of
your consciousness from your body?
No
What emotions did you feel during
the experience?
relief, joy,
wonder, uncertainty
Did you hear any unusual sounds or
noises?
no
LOCATION DESCRIPTION:
Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar
religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or
amazing creatures?
Yes I was in the familiar location of
Montpelier, VT, but I don't think that's what this question means, you're
probably referring to when people leave their bodies.
Did you see a light?
No
Did you meet or see any other
beings?
No
Did you experiment while out of the
body or in another, altered state?
No
Did you observe or hear anything
regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?
No
Did you notice how your 5 senses
were working, and if so, how were they different?
No
Did you have any sense of altered
space or time?
No
Did you have a sense of knowing,
special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
Yes
I'm not sure if this is what you mean by
the question, but what was significant about the experience was knowing to go to
that exact spot at that moment, when someone was in need.
Did you reach a boundary or
limiting physical structure?
No
Did you become aware of future
events?
No
Were you involved in or aware of a
decision regarding your return to the body?
Uncertain Does not apply as I didn't leave
my body during the experience.
Did you have any psychic,
paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have
prior to the experience?
Uncertain Now
and then I know things before they happen, but I don't think this experience
changed my ability to do this. It's always been somewhat random and outside of
my control.
Did you have any changes of
attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
Yes The experience confirmed to me that
we're part of something greater than ourselves. I was open to the possibility
beforehand, but now I know for sure.
How has the experience affected
your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?
I feel peace knowing that we're
part of God. I was hoping the experience would take away my PTSD, because
rationally I have nothing to fear, but that didn't happen. I guess it's not
possible to out-think or out-spiritualize the brain and nervous system damage.
I've had several psychiatric crises since the experience, and I guess it helped
me get through them by providing the knowledge that no matter how badly I was
doing, the potential existed to return to feeling connected to God.
Has your life changed specifically
as a result of your experience?
Uncertain That's hard to say because I'm not
sure what my life would be like if I hadn't had this experience. Also this is my
second mystical experience--the first occurred when I was fourteen--so it's hard
to sort out what personality traits were due to that experience versus this one.
(The reason I'm submitting this story rather than that one is that the first one
was entirely internal--I felt one with and at peace with everything--but there's
no sequence of events that provide evidence of its reality. It was real to me,
but I can't 'prove' it.) I guess I'd say that both experiences taught me that
there's a spiritual reality that goes way beyond the details of any religion.
I'd like to be part of a religious community for the social aspect, but I get
hung up on details that appear to be made up by humans. I feel not that
interested in material possessions beyond having my basic needs met. I think
it's all about how we treat each other and all living things, and the rest is
just details that don't matter. I hope this doesn't make me sound full of myself
though. I don't mean to be saying I'm morally superior to anyone else.
Have you shared this experience
with others?
Yes Immediately after it happened
I told my dear friend and my therapist, because I knew they were both spiritual
people and wouldn't try to deny my experience. They both thought it was cool and
were supportive. I felt like I shouldn't tell anyone else at first in order to
allow myself to process it and come to my own conclusions about what it meant,
without outside influence. Once I felt I'd done that and felt confident in my
experience, after a year or two had gone by, I shared it with others if it was
relevant to the conversation. I figured that if people didn't believe me, they
had the right to their own opinions, but it wouldn't affect me.
What emotions did you experience
following your experience?
relief, joy
What was the best and worst part of
your experience?
The best was
knowing God is real. The worst was being afraid I would screw up this important
mission, but as soon as we got talking, that fear went away as I realized she
just needed someone to listen. I didn't need to be a crisis de-escalation
expert.
Following the experience, have you
had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced
any part of the experience?
No
Did the questions asked and
information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your
experience?
No
Please offer any suggestions you
may have to improve this questionnaire.
I can see that
some of the questions are tailored to near-death experiences. I hope I'm not
wasting your time by submitting a spiritual experience that happened while I was
awake & alive. Perhaps those experiences have even more to teach us than mine,
however, I believe they all speak to the same qualities of reality,
consciousness, and God.