Experience description:
I
remember being in a void. I simultaneously existed separately within the void
and also was one with the void. Incorporeal and without any concept of thought
or feeling, for these things did not exist here. I was nothing more than a
simple yet impossibly complex awareness. Yet there was nothing to be aware *of*.
I
simply existed like this for what seems now like a few moments, although time
had no relevance in that place. Then, a sense of some sort came into 'me'. A
sort of sixth sense that was something more than could be 'felt'. It both came
suddenly, in an instant, and also had always been there. Impossible
contradictions such as this could not and cannot be made to be understood now.
The best way I can attempt to make this reconcilable is the sensation of
thinking 'Of course, why wouldn't that be?'.
That sense, was the awareness that there was something beyond the void in which
I inhabited/was. I did not know what was beyond, for I had no
understanding/concept of 'things', or 'beyond', or 'void', or 'existence'. But I
was aware there was SOMETHING beyond, 'out there', past the veil of this void
that seemed to be all there was. And in that moment, out of pure curiosity, I
made a decision to look for it. To find what was beyond.
Seamlessly, I remember being an infant, and crawling around on my kitchen floor.
I see the family cat and decide to pull on her tail, which she responds to by
swatting at my face and scratching my eye. I remember being in pain, and crying.
The memory hazily fades to black, and at that point I wake up in bed as a 4 year
old, questioning why I had such a strange dream. I ask my parents about it, and
to my surprise, I found out the cat scratch was a real event which occurred when
I was 1. I still have the scar the cat left me, on my top-left eyelid.
The timeline of events occured so seamlessly, I never gave it any thought as
something significant. Not until I reached adulthood and the subsequent
existentialism I am currently going through.
These memories have influenced my thoughts and feelings about life and death,
spirituality and faith, and purpose of life. I do not believe in any organized
religion, I do not believe that life has any inherent purpose, and I do not
believe that death is the end.
I
believe that we are simply vessels for the awareness that exists in that
infinite void, which we are all a part of. We chose to be here, splitting
ourselves into billions of separate souls just so that we may experience this
plane beyond the void, until we ultimately return to it and become one with
ourselves inside of it.
Any associated medications or
substances with the potential to affect the experience?
No
Was the kind of experience
difficult to express in words?
Yes There were no emotions to be felt,
no thoughts to be expressed, no concepts to conceptualize, no sensory input at
all. Comparable to a psychedelic ego death.
At the time of this experience, was
there an associated life threatening event?
No Response
What was your level of
consciousness and alertness during the experience?
Single awareness, nothing more, no ego.
Was the experience dream like in any way?
Somewhat
Did you experience a separation of
your consciousness from your body?
Yes I had no body, nor did i have a
concept of what a 'body' was. I did not have any discernable form, from what I
was aware of.
What emotions did you feel during
the experience?
I did not
understand nor could I comprehend what emotions were, and would not know if i
was experiencing any. Possibly curiosity or wonder.
Did you hear any unusual sounds or
noises?
No
LOCATION DESCRIPTION:
Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar
religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or
amazing creatures?
No
Did you see a light?
No
Did you meet or see any other
beings?
No
Did you experiment while out of the
body or in another, altered state?
No
Did you observe or hear anything
regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?
No
Did you notice how your 5 senses
were working, and if so, how were they different?
No
Did you have any sense of altered
space or time?
Yes Space did not exist. It was both
infinite and suffocating. Time either did not exist, or I was unable to
comprehend the concept.
Did you have a sense of knowing,
special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
No
Did you reach a boundary or
limiting physical structure?
Uncertain I sensed something outside of the
void. I did not know what would happen if I looked for it. I do not remember the
act of crossing over.
Did you become aware of future
events?
No
Were you involved in or aware of a
decision regarding your return to the body?
No
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the
experience that you did not have prior to the experience?
Uncertain
Life is odd for me, and most others don't experience the absurdity my life
has in theirs. Imagine George Costanza, but everyone else is weird instead.
Did you have any changes of
attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
No
How has the experience affected
your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?
I care little about most things
in life, but I do appreciate the fact they are here at all.
Has your life changed specifically
as a result of your experience?
Uncertain I am, and for most of my life have
been, clinically depressed and suicidal. Possibly a wish to return to the
peaceful void.
Have you shared this experience
with others?
Yes They did not and could not
understand