Experience description:

I was in the hospital because of surgery. I had been having headaches and was being treated for breast carcinoma, specifically the most aggressive type, TNBC. A scan revealed a large tumor in the back of the cranial fossa. The tumor was pressing on vital functions, and before the surgery I was in the ICU.

I remember being taken to the operating room and being given a mask over my face for the anesthesia. I was afraid for my life and was literally shaking with fear. I was afraid that I might not make it through the surgery or wake up afterward. Not even in my wildest dreams could I have imagined what would follow after being put under.

I found myself in a place that was completely white. Everything around me was white, and I knew that the space I was in was not enclosed in any way. There were no walls, no floor, and no ceiling. It was as if it were an infinite space and earthly time did not even exist there. Everything was much clearer and more realistic.

I did not see myself, but I knew that I was not my physical body. I had no arms, no legs, and no head. I was some kind of form of matter, which I would describe as energy. Even though I had no eyes, I could see, and even though I had no ears, I could hear.

I experienced this beautiful peace, relaxation, lightness, and an almost uplifting feeling. It was as if I were a form that was incapable of feeling fear or anger, as if those things simply did not exist in my repertoire. It was completely different from the feeling I had when I was falling asleep under anesthesia.

I also knew that there was a point in the distance that, if I crossed it, there would be no way back. It seemed to me that the whiteness in the distance was even whiter, as if there were light there, but it was different from the light we know here on Earth.

In front of me there was a pile of something. It looked like wood, like small pieces of wood or little logs, but I am not sure whether it really was wood. I was analyzing it, and I am not completely sure about its substance. It was a pile of pieces lying on top of one another, and somehow I knew that I was supposed to do something with it. It was as if it were a task for me.

At that moment, I did not know what to do. I had no instructions, nobody was there, and nobody was speaking to me. Somehow, though, I knew that it was my task. I said to myself, "Okay, so I have 50 years for this. Fifty years to figure it out and do something with it." I felt a smile and joy inside me, along with a feeling of lightness and the knowledge that I would figure it out when the time came.

Then my nurse woke me up in the ICU.

After everything I had been through, and after the surgery had lasted more than five hours, what I experienced seemed to have lasted only a few seconds. I woke up with a smile on my face and with great joy inside me.

It was a month before Christmas, and I remember that there was an artificial decorated Christmas tree there. I remember looking at it and feeling happy because of it. It was an ordinary hospital Christmas tree, but to me it was the most beautiful one.

I was given ordinary porridge made with water, and it was the best porridge I had ever had. The nurses could not understand why I did not want any pain medication.

From that moment on, I felt gentle vibrations inside me. At first, I thought they were caused by the medication and the surgery because it had been a major intervention in my body. But the vibrations continued.

My recovery continued very quickly. At that time, even the doctors, my oncologist, and the entire medical staff could not understand how quickly I recovered or how well I seemed to be doing. I thought that this was normal after such a surgery.

What I was dealing with, however, was my "experience" and the fact that I could still feel that I was vibrating. I knew that the force I felt inside me and those vibrations were not from the earthly world. I felt them healing me and giving me a good mood.

Everyone I confided in and told about the experience would tap their head, and I felt that these people considered me crazy. Eventually, I stopped talking about it. The people around me convinced me that I was imagining it, that it was just a dream, that it was caused by the medication, or something similar.

To this day, I still feel that energy and that vibration inside me, although it is weaker and sometimes I do not feel it. I think it has something to do with whether we are connected to ourselves and whether we are connected with our soul, or whether we somehow survive on autopilot.

We are not just what Western medicine considers us to be. The body is a vessel that needs to be cared for, but we are something that I cannot describe in words. Maybe we are energy. Maybe we are a soul.

But there is another "world."

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? Uncertain. Anesthesia, antibiotics.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Uncertain. I underwent brain surgery for a metastatic brain tumor, but I do not know whether there was any acute life-threatening event during the surgery.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience? I was fully conscious and highly aware. The experience felt exceptionally clear and vivid, even clearer and more real than ordinary waking consciousness.

Was the experience dream like in any way? No. No dream.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? A deep sense of peace, relaxation, lightness, happiness, joy, love, a sense of safety, and an uplifting feeling.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises? No.

Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures? No.

Did you see a light? Yes. The entire space was white, and it seemed as though there was a light there, but it was different from any light I have ever experienced on Earth. The whiteness seemed even brighter in the distance.

Did you meet or see any other beings? No.

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? No.

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different? Yes. Even though I had no eyes, I could see. Even though I had no ears, I could hear.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes. The space had no walls, floor, or ceiling and seemed to be infinite. I also had the feeling that our earthly concept of time did not exist there.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes. No one told me anything, no one was there, and I was given no instructions, yet I somehow knew that the pile in front of me was my task. I also knew that I had 50 years to figure it out and do something with it.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes. I knew that there was a boundary in the distance, and that if I crossed it, there would be no way back.

Did you become aware of future events? Yes. I became aware that I had 50 years to figure out my task and do something with it. Given my diagnosis and the prognosis of my illness, this sounds unbelievable.

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body? No.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? Yes. Despite my devastating diagnosis and prognosis, I am still alive to this day. According to my PET/CT scans, I still have several tumor lesions in my body, yet, in the words of doctors specializing in oncology, it is considered impossible that they are not doing anything to me, especially in the case of TNBC. And I am not receiving any treatment, I should emphasize. I definitely did not have the vibrations in my body that I experience now.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes. My attitudes and beliefs changed significantly after the experience.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices? The experience has had a profound effect on my daily life. I became more focused on looking inward, self-love, understanding myself, and searching for the purpose of my life. I became more interested in dreams, the nature of consciousness, spirituality, and the possibility that there is something beyond what we can perceive with our ordinary senses. It also changed the way I think about death and made me feel that life has a deeper meaning and purpose.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes. My life has changed significantly as a direct result of the experience.

Have you shared this experience with others? Yes. Most people did not understand my experience. Some thought it was just a dream or a result of the anesthesia or medication. Others seemed to think that I was imagining it or that I was crazy. I felt that people were judging me, so over time I stopped talking about it. I do not know whether my experience influenced them in any way.

What emotions did you experience following your experience? After the experience, I felt an overwhelming sense of happiness, joy, peace, love, lightness, and inner calm. I woke up with a smile on my face and a profound feeling of happiness inside me. I also felt a deep sense of peace and reassurance. I was not afraid. Instead, I felt that something had changed inside me and that I had experienced something very meaningful.

What was the best and worst part of your experience? The best part was the profound feeling of peace, love, happiness, lightness, and freedom from fear. I felt that I was something more than my physical body, and I had a strong sense that there was something beyond the reality we normally perceive. I also felt that I had a purpose or a task that I was meant to fulfill.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? No.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? Yes. I had a second surgery and a second experience. I also had meditations that took me into different situations and showed me different things, as well as visions and lucid dreams.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes.