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Zina P's Experience

Experience description:   

This experience happened just prior to my experiencing a corpus luteal disc rupture. I did not know I was bleeding internally and lost half my blood volume into my abdomen before I got medical care. I would have bled to death if I had not taken myself to the hospital. I had taken aspirin for the cramps which of course sped up the internal bleed! When I arrived at the hospital I was conscious (I had driven myself!) but had no measurable blood pressure.  

I am not sure if this was an NDE but I had this dream just prior to the health experience. I was on a darkling plain (which is from a poem Dover Beach which I don't remember ever reading but I have always thought of this space as the "darkling" plain) It was so very dark. I could see a mountain range in the far distance and then I saw a light. As soon as I saw the light, I  was there. The light came from a crystal staircase that was so beautiful so bright and it wound up and way. It was perfectly beautiful all made of glass and so bright. The light almost seemed to be musical. I remember just wondering at it, just being in awe feeling the beauty and love of it and the music!  

As I stood there, a small man walked up to me. He had a cap like Irishmen wear on his head pulled down low and he looked like a jockey. I said to him, "What is it?" And he said, "It's the stairway to heaven." I laughed because of the rock song and then I told him how beautiful it was, and he said, "Do you want to go? You could go up it." And I looked at it and said, "No, no I can't go right now. I have things to do in town." And he said, "Okay, I'll take you there." 

Without speaking, we walked across the dark plain and to a fence where the town, which was also dark, started. I felt like I was somehow related to him, I felt his affection for me. At the fence he asked me if I was sure about going back and I said yes. He boosted me over the fence into the town. I woke up with complete recall of every moment of the dream including the appearance of the staircase which I can see in my mind's eye at this moment. I had my rupture within the week, and nearly died, had surgery and recovered.

At the time of the dream I was in Los Angeles and very unhappy with my life and after the surgery became very depressed and nearly suicidal. I saw the light one other time, after I moved in to an apartment in my brother's house. At that time, I felt it as a pulling force just as I was falling asleep, kind of what they call a hypnogogic reflex, and I woke up immediately.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Yes  I had a corpus luteal disc rupture and was bleeding to death internally but did not know it.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  No    

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    When I saw the light and was rushed right to the staircase. I said it seemed like music but I felt the music in me.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   Just the feeling of wonder and awe and being drawn

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   No real difference

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   No real difference

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   Love awe beauty  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   Yes   As above the most beautiful light I have ever seen

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
The little man. I can't recall his face and don't know if I ever saw it. I did not feel he was god but some kind of guide clearly giving me a choice about living.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
The darkling plain...it was so very dark but not frightening in any way. And I am afraid of the dark!

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   Yes
The foot of the stairway of course and the fence surrounding the town

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   I came to a definite conscious decision to "return" to life
I cannot imagine why I told him I wanted to come back. I was always very busy at that time and felt an enormous sense of duty and obligation to my job but returning to the town was not appealing at all.

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   The stairway to heaven. I do not really believe in the heaven I was taught about as a child but the stairway was the route to another realm

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   Uncertain   Maybe that we choose to be in this life and it is an ongoing choice

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   No  

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   Well, I was exploring new age things at the time and was shedding my early religious training. So the stairway to heaven was kind of a throwback. But it was interesting that there was no sense of judgment at all. I could go or not go, regardless of anything I had done or my personal merit. It was simply a choice. And it was so tempting and beautiful. I could feel the draw of it in my whole self!

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience     

My experience directly resulted in:  
Slight changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?  
Yes   I am very much a believer in alternate things...I think we can influence and create reality with our thoughts, I believe in another realm though not necessarily one ruled by a god. I just call it the all-in-all. I think everything exists here and there.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?  

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   No       

Have you ever shared this experience with others?  
Yes  They usually just listen like I m a nut.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   Uncertain   I think I knew about stories about "going to the light." But my light was so real.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was probably real   I experienced it as a dream. it did not happen when I was sick but before.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real  

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   No  

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   But they were changing anyway

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   Yes   As I mentioned, I experienced the light one other time, when it felt like it was pulling me when I was falling asleep and then I woke up. I don't remember any incidents in life around that that were life threatening or strange in any way.  

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes  

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?        I wonder if there are other examples of pre-NDEs in other words people being offered a choice to stay or go prior to a life-threatening event?