January of 1980, a 32 year old divorced mother of 3, I was hospitalized for a simple procedure.  Months later (March 1980), I had not healed from the procedure, and followed up with a visit to my doctor.  My doctor (Dr. G.) was a father-figure, and dear friend since childhood for me; but this time he couldn�t face me. I was admitted into the hospital, tests were ran, and I was diagnosed as having a cancerous tumor at the very tip of my uterus that appeared to have been cut off during the procedure in January.  The tumor was right next to the lymph area; and for the first time in my life, my doctor�s

tears and concern scared me.  The biopsy showed the tumor was malignant, a hysterectomy was needed.  After the hysterectomy, there would be cancer treatments; and hopefully they�d be able to get all the cancer cells out with the radiation/chemo therapy.  As if all hell had fallen on me, I screamed like never before.  How could this happen to me � I�d never been a smoker or drinker, I�d had my pap smears done yearly with no evidence of cancer, but now - ???  Why me???

I was with a man that I deeply loved so very much.  Our relationship was �special,� and that of two joined soul mates.  We were two happy people enjoying one another to the fullest.  I wanted to have his baby, but now everything was killed. 

Within days I was to have the surgery.  I remember asking Dr. G. to please be with me.  It was explained to me what I�d be feeling from the surgery.  The surgeon asked me if I had faith.  He said that if I didn�t have faith that he�d feel uncomfortable.  I told the surgeon, �I have whatever it takes to get over this.�  I was told to count backwards from 100.  As I did, I saw the surgeon with his knife  about to cut the lower part of my tummy.  I counted to #89, and told the surgeon to wait because I wasn�t asleep yet.  Before I got to #88:

I saw me rising from my bed and looking down on my body from the ceiling of the room.  I could see the surgeon, the anesthesiologist, 2 nurses and another doctor working on my body � I didn�t see Dr. G.  Next, I went through beautiful clouds into a beautiful brilliant light, sweet, peaceful, loving, delicate, and secure place.  I knew this is the place where God is.  No fear, no pain (not even the remembrance of any pains/hurt), no worry, none of the things holding me down that were with me just a few seconds ago.  I felt the deepest peace and love flowing all around and through me.  I felt security beyond measure.  A loving presence surrounded me, but a tremendous bright light/image approached me.  This entire place was spotless � not a touch of darkness or shadow. This great light was pure and without source � it is the source.  I wanted to get closer to the image approaching me, but I remembered my dear children.  I asked Jesus (the image of light) to please let me raise my children and see my grandchildren.  I didn�t speak with my mouth, it was more like just knowing one another�s thoughts and feelings.

Faster than the blink of an eye:

My mother, loved ones, and nurses were trying to revive me.  I heard a nurse telling me, �come on Honey, you can do better than this; I�ve seen dead people with better blood pressure readings than this�.  When I finally did come around, I was in a room with beautiful roses and an 11� x 14� portrait of me and my loved one.  That night I dreamed of Jesus Christ.  For nights on end I dreamed of Jesus.  Prior to this, I had no dealings with religion or church. 
I was released to go home, but returned for lack of expected care.  The doctors wanted me to start cancer treatments almost immediately, but I was too undernourished.  The dreams of Jesus Christ continued, and left my loved one speechless; and for months he wouldn�t sleep with me.  This hurt more than too much.  I was hospitalized for an even longer time for lack of nourishment, than I had been all year long.  I gave up on �me�.  I felt empty, unwanted, unloved, and ugly.  I started going downhill mentally, emotionally, and even more physically.  My desire to live was leaving me daily.  After experiencing the glorious place where God dwells, now I totally wanted to give up; yet I had three beautiful children that needed me.  The doctors were very concerned with my mental and physical wellbeing. 

One day I caught a glimpse of my mother�s minister visiting a member of his congregation in the hospital.  I hollered for him to please come see me.  I asked him to please pray for me; because if he didn�t, I�d just leave since everything seemed useless to me anyway.  That evening , he did pray for me and left me with a booklet of �St. John�.  I read the booklet and again that night I had the dream/vision of Jesus Christ.  Upon waking the next morning, I felt a release of much doubt, and a compelled will to try and get myself better.  I was released 2 weeks later, and proceeded to have the months of radiation therapy.  It was a very rough/hard time and nothing was guaranteed.  As a matter of fact, my mother/sister were told that I may have �5� years (cancer therapy was very iffy); but nobody whispered that curse to me. 

My lover moved away from me directly after the treatments ended.  I sank into the same inner hurt.  For the rejection he left me with, my doctor and the surgeon both asked him to please come and talk to them, but my love was holding a hurt/guilt inside that he wouldn�t release to anyone.  We had been together for about 6-7 of the best of our lives.  His separated wife and a previous lady friend of his were both diagnosed with cancer prior to me in years past.  Yet, he never sought counseling or advice from professionals.  And, all I saw was emptiness, ugly, lost, hurt, useless, hopeless, dead, and total rejection in me.  I couldn�t help my love because of the pit I was in.

It�s been over �25� years now, and I�m still kicking and making the best of life as I can.  There�s absolutely no fear of death whatsoever.  Thank the Lord for my children, grandchildren, husband, and family.

#2.

In 1982, I met a man (�J�) who seemed attracted to me.  After about 6 months, I �ran� to California to marry this man with my 3 children.  The love of my first lover was still deep within me.  I married #2 a few months after our move to California. 

Thursday, July 26, 1984, I had a dream/vision like none other.  I dreamed that my brother (who really was my first true lover) was walking out of a baseball dugout.  The sun turned black and was slowly falling from the sky.  People were running all over the park.  My love was walking around like nothing was happening.  I was worried about my love and told him, �come on Honey, it�s not too late to pray�.  He didn�t respond to me.  He kept walking.  I panicked!!!  I didn�t want my love to go; but he kept walking as the sun continued to fall from the sky.  All of a sudden my husband (J) shook me and woke me up.  I went back to sleep � I wanted to save my true love.  This time as I drifted off to sleep, I saw myself in the darkest blackest void imaginable.  Cold, the darkest dark, and total evil.  I couldn�t see anything but pitch thick blackness.  All of a sudden there appeared 4 wolves/wild dogs with teeth like fangs about to attack me.  At the blink of an eye, I was in the light.  I was scared; never in my life had I ever experienced such a dream as this one.

Monday, July 30, 1984, my sister phoned to tell me some bad news.  My love had died of a heart attack while pitching at a softball game in the neighborhood park.  This was too much.  I totally gave up.  Nothing mattered in life anymore.  My only love was gone.  I felt further emptiness.  This emptiness left me desiring to die.  For weeks I sulked and fell further into a deeper hole of regrets and hurt.  A friend of mine invited me to go to church with her.  I went to church and asked God to please give me the very same spirit Jesus had.  I had no idea what I was asking for.  One day shortly afterwards, I was at home all alone and with all doors and windows shut.  I cried uncontrollably for the loss of my lover and the heavy emptiness within me.  All of a sudden I heard an �audible� voice.  I looked around to see if my husband had come home early, but no one was in the room but me.  The voice was 110% real and audible to me.  Immediately there was peace, reassurance, and an unsurpassable love within me.  The voice spoke �WORDS� that are within me to this day; �Words� more real and true, than life itself.  About 30 minutes or so later, I realized that I was ministered to by �THE ALMIGHTY GOD�.  He told me what I was to do, what not to do, and how to do what �HE� wants me to do.  The �WORDS� are engraved in my inner-being.  I couldn�t erase those �WORDS� if I wanted to.  At the end of the conversation, �GOD�S WORDS� sounded like echoes traveling down the halls of what we call time.  As if this world (earth) is a small school or step toward the real eternity in God.  The halls were enormous pathways with doorways into classrooms.  This is just an image (the only description I can make in our English language) of the massive echo like sounds from the audible voice as it faded/walked away.  My life has made a complete turnaround as a result of this experience.  I have an unquenchable desire to seek and do God�s Will.  Nothing else matters � except what�s done in God�s purpose.  His Words are engraved within me forever.

I know that my children and husband love me as much as they can, and I truly thank God for them all in my life.  God has blessed me with one of the most wonderful husbands ever.  He is a blessing to me from God. 

#3. 

April of 1994.  I had the worst head pain imaginable.  This headache was excruciating pain for over a week.  Finally I went to see my physician.  Tests were ran, and once again bad news.  I was diagnosed with �spinal meningitis�.  I�d never heard of this, and it sounded deadly from what the doctor said.  Not only did I have it, but my daughter (a nurse) had contracted it also.  With this disease, every single stand of hair on my head was past the #10 on the pain chart.  Putting all 3 children�s birth in one pile, this pain made childbirth seem like cake/ice-cream.   I was given antibiotics and pain pills that had absolutely no effect on this evil.  I was out of work from late April until mid September.  In between that time, once again I prayed to die.  I remember telling God that nobody deserved the pain of meningitis.  One day I woke up and the house appeared foggy.  I thought perhaps my husband had burned something on the stove; but I was wrong.  I questioned my grandchildren as to why the house was so smoky; but they didn�t see the smoke.   Then I realized that I was going blind right then.  My husband took me to the hospital immediately.  Along with the head pain, my eyeballs were too sore to touch.  Upon admittance in the hospital, I was given a cold towel and meds were put in my eyes.  My whole body was in full blown pain now.  When my sight was restored, I went home and turned on the television to a Christian station.  An evangelist was selling a book � �The Names of God.�  I remember telling myself, �if only I could get my hands on that book, I�d be alright�.  But, I didn�t have 5 cents � let alone the $5 to send for the book.  I asked God to please take me out of here.  One week later I received a package in the mail from another television evangelist that I used to send monthly money, but I had stopped.  This was a surprise because I had not contributed to this ministry in 3 years.  As I opened the package, to my surprise, it contained a set of cassette tapes and a book entitled, �The Names of God�.  I shouted for joy for the first time in �5� months.  My husband thought I had sneaked $5 to this ministry � but we were below the poverty level without my income and I did �not� tell anyone (not even hubby) but God about my desire for this book.  The tapes were a blessing beyond my request to The Lord.  Within �2� weeks I was able to return to full duty on my job � and the physician told me she was simply amazed at the rate of my recovery from this horrible disease.  God is too good.

#4.

In May of 1998, I was now diagnosed with a heart attack; I didn�t believe my doctor.  So, disregarding the doctor�s instructions, I went on vacation rather than reporting to the hospital.  Upon my return from vacationing, I then went to see the prescribed cardiologist.  Thorough tests were done, and once again bad/threatening news rang loudly in my ears.  This news was similar to that of the cancer.  After consulting with several specialists, I was told to put in for medical disability, to consider a heart transplant as the next best thing for me to survive, and take 13 different pills daily.  My immediate response was, �Oh no, we�re not going out like that; no transplant, and with less than 4 years to go for my retirement � no this isn�t going to work at all�.  My cardiologist Dr. Caputo was marveled at the fight within me.  I took the bad news home � and as unbelievable as it was to me, so it was with the home folks.  After watching me take 13+ prescribed pills, and my daughters finally getting the chance to talk to the specialists � then my family realize that this was truth in action.  For over 30 months I was faithful with the pills and didn�t even consider the disability retirement or the heart transplant. 

One day in mid 2000, I was scheduled for another heart echo and checkup.  This time as I drove me to the hospital, I decided to talk to �GOD�.  I was fed up with taking all those pills and people treating me like I was either faking or looking for attention.  I remember saying to God, �listen, I�m tired of taking all those pills and feeling like death.  God this time when they look at my heart, please let them see you; let them see your love in me, OK?�  In I went not realizing what I�d asked the Almighty for � again.  The echo and exam was done.  I was told to get dressed and wait.  Being the stubborn lady I am, I left without notice.  I was just tired of doctors etc. � even though Dr. C. was a cutie.  When I arrived home, my phone was ringing like crazy.  The nurse was on one line and Dr. C.  on the other line.  Dr. C. told me that somehow, some way, my heart muscle showed to be normal.  The first exam of the heart muscle directly after the heart attack (which I didn�t feel), showed there was less than 20% use of the heart muscle.  Now this time the heart was so close to normal that Dr. C. was more excited than I was.  He shared the good news with others on his staff and then phoned my primary physician. 

I continued to take the many meds, because no one said stop.  I started having dizzy spells, ringing in the ears, and feeling totally drugged.  After more exams, it was determined that I needed to stop taking all but �1� medication � the other meds were for someone with a diseased heart � and my heart was in a normal state now.  Thank God for being my Lord.  HALLELUJAH !!!

As a result of the initial OBE/NDE, I sometimes can tell ahead of time when something is going to happen � a great premonition.  My children have seen and heard first hand accounts of things I�ve dreamed and seen in visions come to past.

I had a dream of my first love.  In this dream, he pointed to the being of light I had seen and been with when I had the surgery in 1980.  Although his mouth didn�t move, I knew within that my love was telling me, �Jesus is all the Love I need and desire�, and He is.

On several occasions I�ve actually seen Christ Jesus.   No doubt whatsoever!!!

I�ve forecasted certain happenings to people I�m not even close to.

I never thought my father (died in 1967) cared for me � he was an alcoholic and very abusive.  I had a dream that he was arguing with my mother for not taking time with me, and how much he loved me.  I shared this with my sister who knew of the incident � even though I�d lived 40+ years believing he didn�t care one bit for me.

One day I dreamed of huge beautiful roses.  Months later I went to visit my sister.  While fumbling around in her junk drawer, I found a painting of the exact same roses I dreamed of, that she was in the process of painting.

My mother in�law was hospitalized and the entire family was summoned to her death bed.  She was put in a dark room overnight, and we were told she would not wake up � she had a massive heart attack, and was on a life support machine � which was unplugged in this dark room.  At 3:30 a.m. I had a dream that mother in-law was sitting in her bed looking for someone to come see her.  I told my husband of the dream, but he felt sorry for me.  At 9:00 a.m. we went to the hospital to get whatever bad news the doctors were giving again.  We followed the doctor to the room my mother in-law had been left in all night.  When the doctor opened the door to the room, instead of walking forward, he took a deep breath and wouldn�t even let us in the room as he walked backwards.  He immediately went to the front desk.  We peeked in the room, and mother in-law was sitting up asking if someone  could bring her some food to eat.  She lived for about 1 year longer.

It is not surprising to my grandchildren to hear me tell them things on the drive to church � and then hear our pastor say the exact same message.

More than ever, I�ve learned and accepted and learned to love others � even when I haven�t felt loved.  I thank God ever so much for my present husband � he�s simply wonderful.  And my lovely children are priceless in all ways � I love them more than too much.