Was very, very depressed from a lost love / soul mate from the previous summer. Dated men to just date and use them. Went on a camping trip with lots of people and guy who really liked me although I did not have the same feelings towards him as I still pined for my lost love from the previous summer. Did coke, 'shrouds & smoked some weed. Then went on a hike. Mid way through the hike my friends went climbing on rocks above the trail so I hung out and prayed for guidance and support. I was so depressed for such a long and it was really hitting home being out in nature since my lost love and I had meet in the summer of 1980 in Yellowstone National Park. He was 19 and going to college and I was 22 at that time with no direction but knew enough at that age not to insist that he move with me or I with him because he needed to complete his education and I didn't want to be the reason for any failures in his life. I thought that if it was to be it would work out. I was really in love and so depressed that after Yellowstone we didn't hook up but again it was because he needed to focus on his education and not me.
So here I am, all alone in nature, extremely and I do mean extremely depressed and crying and just asking God to take me away from all this pain and loneliness, wishing I were dead. It was around noon and all of a sudden in my deepest despair I was in the presence of something much bigger than me but no actual "seeing" a person but felt that I was in the presence of someone so wonderful. And very bright light all around "me" even though I didn't "see" any part of me. I just had a sense of me being engulfed with such love, acceptance and "wholeness". The feeling was wonderful, peaceful, joyous and secure. I "hear" a voice say "It's not your time". I said I wanted to stay and be here in all this love and again "It's not your time, you must go back". I said again I didn't want to that I wanted to stay here. I begged but was told to go back and before I left I asked why are we here and the voice said "To get wisdom". All of a sudden I was physically aware of the rock I was laying on and that time had actually passed. I gasped for air and noticed that the shadow from the trees had moved quite a bit so there was a passage of time for sure.
I heard my friends yelling for me and they later said I wasn't responding and
they thought I was napping. I was also completely sober and with the amount of
coke and 'shrouds I should have been high for the entire day. When I came back
to the camp site I was even more depressed because I knew I had experienced
something unexplainable, something so joyous and loving that I never had
experienced before on Earth or from anyone. Years later while reading my Bible
I came across a passage and it said "to get wisdom". Then, many years later I
read accounts of others who had NDE and read about some of them being in a light
and encountering such acceptance and love that it was then, years later, I felt
that I really did experience something special and unique and that it wasn't
from the drugs. I never feared dying again since that day in 1981 and look
forward to the day when I can again be in that same presence of complete
unbounded love, acceptance and security.
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes The "feeling" of complete love, acceptance, forgiveness, understanding, "wholeness" or being inside or part of God
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? No n/a
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The entire time
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal
If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain: The entire time
Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)? Yes Very very bright white light surrounding me or being inside a very bright light in the presence of someone so wonderful
Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
Yes I "heard" a voice
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Un-measurable love, acceptance, joy, peaceful, secure, understanding
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? No n/a
Did you see a light? Yes I actually felt part of the light or that it was all around me and I was in the center of it all
Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes Only that I heard a voice and I had a feeling it had to be God
Did you experience a review of past events in your life? No n/a
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No only heard a voice telling me not my time and that I have to return and that the reason why we are all here is that we are to get wisdom
Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? Yes I felt that I was not on Earth but definitely somewhere if not physically
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes Only after "returning" and I noticed the shadows from the trees had moved a lot
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes Universal order of peace, love, forgiveness and acceptance
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No but I wasn't "allowed" to stay
Did you become aware of future events? No
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience? No I was actually more depressed but not because of a lost love but because I couldn't stay and that lasted for at least 2 years (from 1981 to 1983)
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes with my husband and certain friends I took me about 20 years to first tell this story to others. I don't think my husband believes me. I tell others now hoping they don't feel death and just live their lives with giving love to others and accepting love as well from others. How they feel is unknown. I don't know if I've made any impressions on anyone. I sure they all think I'm weird.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No and when I saw a show on TV a long time ago it was then that I knew I wasn't the only person who experienced this because some of the same things like the "light" "love" "peace" was described as the same as my experience.
How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened: Experience was definitely real I just knew it. I had been somewhere so very wonderful and that I really wanted to stay. I never felt so much love and acceptance before.
Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you? That God loves us all so much that there is nothing to fear from Him because he loves us and accepts us. We are all here to get wisdom and that love is all there is and love is all that matters.
How do you currently view the reality of your experience: Experience was definitely real Often think back on the feeling I had to get through tough times and I recall the intense love and that super bright white light and I know that whatever I'm dealing with will pass in time and that in the end all that matters is the love I can give.
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes I stopped dating just to date and use men. I am way more forgiving, understanding, not rushed and more at peace with life and hope that I exhibit the love that I had felt but I know I don't because that love I felt towards me was on such a higher level than in a way as a human I can give.
Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes although the Bible perches about Hell I just can't believe such a wonderful loving God would send anyone there - even the worst of the worst are loved by God. I don't fear death at all.
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? That there is "life" after death. Not a physically life like with bodies and all but connected in the mind, or soul, with God. Like living inside of him or part of him and being loved and loving. So much acceptance and forgiveness from God. It was really bitchin' so much joy and happiness - just unexplainable to put into words.
Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes I was able to articulate this experience better with the questions asked as it's so hard to explain to anyone who hasn't had a NDE.
Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience? n/a