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Tonya G's Experience

Experience description:   

My life was very stressful my marriage was starting to fall apart I had two teenage daughters in high school and a three year-old boy. I suffered with asthma my whole life younger really bad and into adulthood became manageable, but seemed to be getting worse during this time. All the kids were getting over being sick and I seemed to have caught it and was self medicating with all these over the counter cold and flu meds. So the girls were in bed, it was night time. I was putting the baby to sleep on the couch with me and by the time he fell asleep I remember I could not even get up to put him in his crib I could barely get the words out calling my husband to get him he was in our bedroom but I did he came when he took baby out of my arms I said 'you may have to take me to the ER I can barely breathe I am scared! he put the baby in his room came back I told him forget taking me call 911 please!!! I remember pacing my breath trying to remain as calm as possible from all the years living with asthma I remember whispering to him because talking was making my breathing more difficult tell the paramedic/fire trucks to please not use the sirens if possible I did not want to frighten my children. The forestation was seriously two blocks from our homier that very short amount of time I still remember it but at the time seemed like all was slow motion??? and as the seconds ticked by I remember OMG this is it I cannot believe it I new I was going to probably die!?? I was on the couch then somehow ended up laying on the ground at the threshold of my front door with door open my husband was outside all kids still asleep in their rooms.

As I lay there taking my last short gasps of air I was looking toward my dining room and say this what I can only describe as a back mist it was a large mass and it was coming towards me fast clinging to the ceiling and walls I was in SHOCK and my first thought was 'NO! my KIDS OMG they are to young they still need me I cannot die!' this may sound dumb but my last breath and words were when this mist reached me were and I whispered it to 'it' F#$% YOU I AM NOT READY TO DIE. and I passed out.

Then like I said I remember a little after like the paramedics rolled up quite that gave me comfort my kid would not see me like this I remember cursing the mist I vaguely recall being wheeled out of my home and a paramedic squeezing bag at my face not ride to hospital then them rushing me in a room to work on me telling my husband he could not go further I had stopped breathing that's it. Then like it was that same moment or so thought, I awoke taking a huge breath gasping my wrists were restrained I had this thing on my face some other stuff hooked up to me on this bed I was freaking out could not move alone in this room saw a call button on the side of my bed its late at night I was pushing the button crazy and this really nice nursed walked in and she said ''oh, good she touched my cheek you finally woke up!!' she told me I had been there for over a week that my kids came everyday touching, kissing and talking to me to PLEASE WAKE UP. Remember none of it, like I said it seemed only minutes from the time I took my last breath on the floor at my front door cursing that mist to the tome I awoke. I felt pretty terrified I remember. I had to stay another whole week with that respirator down my throat until I was strong enough to breath on my own. I remember that hospital scared me I spent the second part of my stay there alone a lot of the time this I cannot explain either but I remember it I could not understand or explain it to myself but whatever that mist or thing was it was hanging around my room I saw it I felt it I saw it in a TV commercial somehow sounds unbelievable like from a horror movie but was laying there in my hospital bed commercial comes on it wasn't mist it was the actors don't even really remember what they were saying BUT IT WAS THAT THING????? I remember the rest of the days sensing it I stopped watching TV and recall 'talking to it in my head only' but I knew or felt it was death saying to it YOU CAN GO BECAUSE I AM GOING TO GET BETTER STRONGER AND GOING TO BE FINE. I WILL NOT STOP BREATHING ANYTIME SOON.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event? No

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain I could express it but people I told were shocked said things like lack of oxygen had me delusional or the mist I saw was the devil coming to take me to hell!!???

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I would say yes. The most ever next to having my kids being born I was.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I felt this is it. This is real I am going to die now permanent forever the end.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. my vision was like this is it this is so final I am not ready this cannot happen I REFUSE TO DIE I HAVE TO FIGHT even though I was on the floor taking my last breath of air could even move then blackness

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. my hearing was soft I could here everything but it was all soft everything slow motion yet happening fast if that makes sense?

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? terror, sadness, confusion, anger, desperation, uncertainty, helpless

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?
Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Uncertain
I felt when that black mist was come towards me I could move at all that when it reached me I would be dead that it was over.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life
when the mist would come to me come over my body that I would be dead I just knew 'IT WAS DEATH so right before it was to come over me I cursed it I CANNOT DIE MY KIDS STILL NEED ME. It came over me I took a last breath blacked out.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)? No

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist? No

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime? No

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist? No

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose? No

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love? Uncertain only as I was taking my last breath that mist moving toward me fast the whole entire time even before that point I felt heartbroken about dying loving my children so much not ready to leave them forever

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives? No

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose? No

What occurred during your experience included: Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your exp consistency that death was permanent, non consistency that what the heck was that black mist in my house right before I gasped my last breath of air??

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I do not know how my remembrance of the experience compares to my remembrance of other life events t I will remember this event forever because it was very serious and the things I saw and felt were so unbelievable and unexplainable.

My experience directly resulted in:
Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?
that I told that thing I was not ready to die and I came back that I lived!

Have you ever shared this experience with others?
Yes right away most were laughing made joke about it, a few close friends some total strangers believed me

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened: Experience was definitely real

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time: Experience was definitely real

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience? No

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? No

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you? compare my story and find if any others had similar events as mine