Tommi L's Experience

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Experience description:   

It all started from about 4am when I realized that my dreams weren't really going forward and I started hearing this buzzing sound in my ears. I first likened it to the sound of a stream and visualized this in the dream. However, I didn't quite understand it and since the dream was not going forward, I hadn't no other choice than to wake up.  

After I woke up, I still heard this sound and I was absolutely puzzled. How could a sound that I experience in the dream follow me to the waking consciousness? I didn't understand this, and I didn't really bother to, I was quite tired. I decided that the stream was an image brought up because of my clear need to go take a pee.  

After visiting the toilet, I noticed that I couldn't go back to sleep. I wondered why my mind was agitated but well, I just went to my computer to surf some sports cars for some hour or two, sneezing a lot all the time, which was not usual but I thought it must be because I was not used to waking up any time during the night and the time of the day was really uncommon for me to be awake. I further thought that the buzzing in my ears must be caused by the accumulated mucus in my ears, sinuses, whatever.  

Going back to the bed, I realized I couldn't get sleep. I was just lying there, eyes closed, turning back and forth, sneezing occasionally. I thought is this because of a full moon or something, but no moon was visible and I couldn't absolutely find why I was so agitated. After being there for long enough, getting no sleep, it happened.  

I heard noises from behind my apartment's room. Someone was there. Was someone trying to get in my apartment? Knocking _my_ door? I had to check. I decided to get up, have the lights on and check the door. This, however, was not easy feat.  

It's not easy to remember all the details of the beginning. I didn't know it was "a dream" and I didn't pay attention to the details. I know from my lucid dreaming experiences that unless I pay attention, I forget it all.    

The unusual situation was clear when I reached out for the light switch and tried to turn it on, even though it felt physical as ever, nothing happened. I realized I had not walked for the switch, but I had floated for it. The room was dark, as it was and I was in my room, not far from my bed. Fright overwhelmed me as I realized I was having an another dream of this kind; waking in a dream to the exact time & place where I'm supposed to be sleeping. Once before I've had similar experience and for clarity, I'll give a brief account of the previous experience at this point, for better understanding of my feelings at that point: 

This previous experience happened like 5 years ago. Then, I had been experimenting a little with lucid dreams and just before the experience I was having my best fully conscious dream where I was in my favorite forest, slowly learning to fly (just a bit above the ground), exercising all my senses, even taste and smell (I was eating some birch branch there and it was as real as ever). Until having enough fun there, I decided it's time to wake up.  

I didn't wake to my real bed, even though I was in my bed and fully conscious. The physical body was paralyzed but I was not. First I thought this is just an another lucid dream and decided to float around, checking the details of the house and everything was as it has always been. I was especially careful to not look at my sleeping body. For some reason, I felt great fear from looking at it but I knew it was there and there it was even the second time I tried to wake up. Third, and fourth. I tried to reach out for the light switch but nothing happened. Until I started to experience the scariest things.  

How scary it is not to be able to open your mouth and scream when an unseen force is trying to get the essence of your self, which alone is able to animate your dear body? My invisible form was being pulled, very hard, from my "legs" to a little bit downwards, increasingly downwards. I was fighting hard, real hard, trying to scream, trying to get grasp, but my mouth couldn't formulate words, hands didn't move. Until finally, I survived. Cold sweat was all around and my head felt very heavy. I decided, I wouldn't never ever lucid dream again and I didn't. 

Until now, if it was just a lucid dream and not a real OBE experience. From the previous experience which I still remember with all the clarity, I knew the setting. I knew that I should be now very sharp: 1) to observe 2) to survive. 

I sensed presence and light behind the door that was knocked on. I sensed it was to be checked, but for it to be checked, I needed light, which I was unable to turn on. I didn't want to meet the possible monsters in the darkness and so I concentrated not on exploring the new, but getting back to my dear body. I experienced the pulling force, which surely would have pulled me through the walls to the unknown presence or beyond, but this time the pulling force was not as hard as during the last time; it was easier to dispel but I was still in fear. I wanted to get back to my body.  

With a thought, I was in my body, but my consciousness was not only in my head but also in the invisible form. I could observe the invisible form which I visualized with light colors and I could experience paralyzed state of my physical body while at the same time I knew that I was the force that was drifting out of me. I observed the essence of life leave from every atom of my body at the same time when I felt that the only true exit route was through my heart. I felt sensations in my physical body, but especially so around the region of my heart. I visualized it being red from the heat, white from the unseen substance. I really felt it happen.  

My physical body didn't want to be left behind but my "true self" seemingly was eager to leave. I tried to lure myself back by telling it the wonders of the physical world. I tried to command my physical body to clap hands, yell, everything, but the body was paralyzed and my floating self was not least impressed. I noticed the only way to communicate with it: by feelings, at the moment as they happen. Words, or thoughts that didn't light a spark, were useless. 

The final thing that was the key to get it back, was to remember God. I was trying to reach out for my prayer beads, unable to do that, unable to utter words of prayer, it was enough to have the thought, a thought which caused a tremendous change in the setting. The attitude of detachment, having trust on God to do the right thing, instantly relaxed me and I was back, opening my eyes instantly.  

I think the buzzing sound was still present, but it slowly disappeared and then, after a while, I got real sleep, without fear. 

I still wonder, what would have happened if I would have had the courage to let the pulling force take my unseen body? Would I have been left to meet some spiritual beings with whom to share words? Did I reject the possibility or did I just do the right thing? Nevertheless, my life was affected. Just like after the previous experience.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No      

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          No      

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           I was very alert because I knew what was happening. This was not my first SOBE

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   It was different from every day waking consciousness (i.e. being outside your body ;), but not exactly dream like

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes     I didn't look to my "spiritual form" after it was fully released from my body, but I'm sure I was not exactly walking, but rather floating. The separation from my physical body was clear when my "soul" was drifting out of my body and I found out that I could no longer control my physical body. The physical body was completely paralyzed

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Fear

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           Clear buzzing in my ears, like a sound of a stream which later transformed to a mere random noise-like buzzing. This was before and after the experience, but I'm not exactly sure if I did hear it _in_ the experience. I guess I didn't have time to concentrate on that part :)

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?    Yes            Familiar location: I was in my room; exact time & place of my sleeping body and the room was dark as it was

Did you see a light?           Uncertain      One thought during the experience gave a hint that if I could have looked clearly past the door that was knocked on, there could have been light behind it. I felt light, presence and stuff from that direction. I guess it would have been the direction I would have been pulled to, if I would have allowed it to happen

Did you meet or see any other beings?           No      

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? Yes    

I tried to switch the lights on. I felt the switch as physical as I ever, but switching it didn't turn on the lights. I was not exactly amazed, having experienced this before. I haven't managed to affect the physical world in any way in my SOBE experiences

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?          Yes            Sight and touch were not different and others I didn't deliberately check

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Uncertain      I felt it wouldn't have proved me no problem to float through physical objects (and I feared I would have been pulled through the walls, or the floor), but I didn't concentrate on testing it

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       Yes     I was trying hard to get back to the physical body and finally managing to do that, made me "wake up". I was trying to clap my hands, yell or anything physical to remind my "spiritual body" that physical is fun and it's not yet time to leave it. The floating form of me, however, was only barely kept in place with these thoughts, trying hard to leave the body behind. The last thought that solved the situation was a thought to have my trust on God, letting it do the "right thing". That seem have told my "soul" that it's not yet time to leave this pathetic human being, but that there is still hope.  

This "calling for God" also has helped me in past to dispel e.g. dirty thoughts with great efficacy; it kind of have worked like "turning my back to monsters and the monsters disappear" so it was quite natural for me to come with that thought

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         No      

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     Prior to experience I was losing my chosen spiritual path of chastity and love for increasingly lustful and selfish thoughts. This had been happening for half a year or so. The experience put a stop to it: no deeper I would go

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       Well I didn't drink alcohol in the pre-Christmas party that we had the same day after the experience. My plan was to drink, but tasting a sip of it felt so poisonous, especially after the experience, that I left it untouched

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes    

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I have a group of friends who are used to my strange believes and experiences. As a reaction they told of their experiences and the similarities of their experiences to what I just experienced

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  A feeling that I'm not so strong after all, that my "soul" can be taken any time from my body, my body being unable to do anything to prevent that. A feeling of weakness accompanied by a feeling of purpose: I'm here not to drown myself in lust, but to meet a certain goal in spiritual development; to learn and change, for better. One of my thoughts after the experience was that, it would be better to jump to the ocean if I'm unable to use for good the gifts of life, of family, of friends, of enemies and the individual happenings (good or "bad") in my life that I have been given.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The "stopping" effect, after the experience, was the best part. The experience in itself was frightening, which I regard good, but at the moment of the greatest fright, the feeling of being physically paralyzed, it was not really "enjoyable" ;)

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        Not really

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes