Tina R's Experience


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Experience description:   

It was Thursday night, October 30th, 2003.  I was sitting at the computer working on a budget.   A friend had dropped by and we had gotten high.  About 5 minutes later i told my husband I didn't feel well and thought I needed to lay down.  As I started for the bedroom I became dizzy and upon reaching the bedroom I dropped to the floor.  I remember telling him I didn't feel well and then just passing into a space of complete peacefulness.  There was a buzzing noise and a space of complete nothingness, peacefulness!!!!  The next thing I remember is looking into his and my sons eyes as they were slapping me in the face and yelling my name. It took many minutes for me to respond to them. I could see them, and the panic that they were experiencing.  It just wasn't the same for me.   I felt completely at home where I was.  It was their reaction that desired me to return.  I kept telling them that I was fine. I just wanted to go outside and breath some fresh air.  As I stood up, the same thing happened again.  This happened three times.  During this time they had called 911. Apparently my eyes were open the whole time.  My husband told me later that looking into my eyes he could see me - i just wasn't there.  The thing that bothers me the most is that "where I was, was so peaceful and I was so completely happy".  The only reason I came back was because they were so frantic. That I kept forcing myself to come back and reassure them that I was okay. Since then I have become very distant, depressed, and unable to experience joy or happiness.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     Yes


marijuana

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes

The feeling while being there...the negative, depressed or unhappy feeling since.  I feel disassociated with life.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          No

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           I remember leaving, and then a space of nothingness, then becoming aware of my surrounding, yet not being able to respond.  Not being able to respond to my husband or son as they were trying to "wake me up".  I could see them I just could not move.  I was somewhere else and yet there

           
Was the experience dream like in any way?   In some sense yes.  I remember what I felt and I have some remembrance of what was going on, yet I did not feel apart of it.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

I remember seeing my body crumpled on the floor all three times.  I remember seeing the faces of those around me.  Yet I felt very disconnected at the same time.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           Yes...a buzzing sound.  Not unpleasant.  A "zooming noise"

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Yes

            Describe:      Yes.. coming back  I would whoosh into the room.  This might sound odd, yet I felt like I was whooshing back into my eyes??

Did you see a light?           No

Did you meet or see any other beings?           No

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           Yes

Not a location, yet what definitely I perceive as a dimension or level.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes

Yes...this all took place within a period of maybe 40 minutes.  While I was gone it felt like hours!

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes

Yes...in a sense I felt like everything or all was okay.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       Yes

I felt like I kept forcing myself to return to my body

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         No

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes

I consider myself an very outgoing upbeat person.  Since this experience i have not felt the usual joy and happiness I normally feel.  I feel disassociated with everyone.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       My relationship with my son and my husband has become very difficult.  I feel like I am forcing myself to be happy.  I'm not.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes

Yes...my friendships and work, and, most specifically at home are suffering from my inability to express what i am feeling.

Have you shared this experience with others?         No

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  sadness, depression, embarrassment

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      You know when you meditate or experience a really happy moment... that feeling of utopia that is experienced.  That was the best.  The worst...the inability to express in words the angst i feel inside.  the lack of emotions i feel. the lack of joy.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        Is what I am experiencing normal. Is this what others have experienced.  I'm really confused

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No

no. to afraid to meditate, most times sleep - unless I'm exhausted - to try to experience anything

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes