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Susan M's Experience

Experience description:   

I had been sent home from the hospital after a cardiac event with diagnosed pneumonia.  I was resting propped up on pillows but I couldn't breathe.  I am not sure whether I lost consciousness or I was just in a deep sleep but I opened my eyes and saw a beautiful woman sitting on the edge of my bed, illuminated in softly glowing light.  I could see her clearly and she seems real.  For just a split second I wondered who she was but this thought was just a fragment because having her at my bedside seemed completely natural, normal and unsurprising.  There was no sense of alarm.  I just knew I didn't know exactly who she was. 

She communicated directly with my mind and I felt this incredible love for me.  It still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it.  It was the type of love that completely enveloped every part of me and every aspect of my soul.  There was nothing left untouched by her love for me. Every worry, fear, even thought vanished. 

Her eyes were so very kind and gentle.  She was very close to me and reached over and touched my face with her hand, brushing my hair back, just as I had done many times to my own children when they were sick.  I physically felt her touch my forehead and the sides of my face even though it was a slight, tender touch.  Her message was very short.  She told me that she was there to heal me and not to be afraid; that I was not alone and I would not get anything wrong.   I did not recognize her but after she delivered that short message, she stood and looked down at me, smiled and just vanished, leaving an overwhelming feeling of peace, joy and love in her stead.   

I remember thinking WOW and feeling incredibly light, unburdened and just comfortably relaxed -- whole, is a better word, I guess. I felt whole inside. I went to sleep and slept the rest of the night.  Because of the hyper-realness -- the only way to express the experience -- I remembered it in great detail the next morning and wrote it down almost immediately.   

Every nanosecond of this experience imparted information to me.  I learned so much from it and it forever changed how I view the world, people and my own personal experience of life.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   No 

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     Some of the concepts that I learned; for example, mistakes are not possible. It took some thought to understand.  Some of the ideas expressed, I still don't understand and are really difficult to state in words. Like the concept that the pure light that proceeds forth from "the Source" of energy contains a component of deepness, of contrast.  That the contrast is experienced in mortality as duality (light vs. darkness).  Mormon scripture expresses it by saying that the "light shineth in the darkness and the darkness comprehends (encircles, contains) it not."  It was explained to me that it is "in the contrast that we learn and grow." That "vision" would perish if there was no "deepness" in the light -- like a painting that must have shadows in conjunction with the light in order to be seen.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    When she was brushing my face, looking into my eyes and delivering her message

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   I know that this experience took place in just a minute at the most but I felt that time was suspended.  The piercing feeling of love and acceptance that enveloped my being felt like it lasted forever -- hard to explain; but, what my brain tells me had to be correct, that this lasted a very short period of time, my heart tells me differently, that this happened outside of linear time and space that it is ALWAYS.  In other words, this love is always present; I am never alone or abandoned; that mistakes are not possible.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.
   I have always been a "spiritual" person and had an experience 35 years prior to this one where I left my body when my blood pressure dropped to nothing in the hospital.  On this occasion, I just hovered close to the ceiling and watched what was happening until I woke up back in my body.  I experienced no special feelings or heightened awareness.  I have also seen spirits of people who have died -- my grandfather standing next to his coffin and my mother-in-law who died before any of her grandchildren were born and came back to see them at naptime one day.  But NEVER in any of these prior experiences did I have the feeling of complete love and acceptance nor did I have the understanding of life's great purpose and my part in it.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.
   I really didn't notice a difference in hearing, just thinking and feeling

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   Uncertain   I am not certain.  I was conscious of a soft glow of light in the room but I can't say exactly where it was coming from.  I was aware of the feeling of being in bed and the pillows I was propped up on under my head.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   1. peace; 2. awe; 3. wholeness; 4. acceptance; 5. overwhelming relaxation, letting go; calm  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   Uncertain   No, it was more of a soft glow that illuminated my dark bedroom

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time was suspended

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   Everything about the universe
see above: Like the concept that the pure light that proceeds forth from "the Source" of energy contains a component of deepness, of contrast.  That the contrast is experienced in mortality as duality (light vs. darkness).  Mormon scripture expresses it by saying that the "light shineth in the darkness and the darkness comprehends (encircles, contains) it not."  It was explained to me that it is "in the contrast that we learn and grow." That "vision" would perish if there was no "deepness" in the light -- like a painting that must have shadows in conjunction with the light in order to be seen.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   No

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   No

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   That I was "connected" to the woman who came to my bedside and that I would see her again (after this life, I thought).

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   That there is a "Source" from which all energy/light proceeds and that we/humans are like that Source in all respects. That we choose mortality; That the Source of energy is what we call God and we are like God

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Uncertain   I knew I was connected to the woman and that we were "alike" and all human being were "alike" God; I guess, that we are all related

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   Yes   That there are no mistakes, everything teaches.  All experience whether we label it good or bad teaches us.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   Yes   That there are no mistakes, everything teaches.  All experience whether we label it good or bad teaches us.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   I learned the most about love, pure love.  The love that I had previously experienced always had a component of anxiety.  My mother had always said, "if you love me, you will do what I say."  So, to me, the feeling of love and the feeling of anxiety felt close to the same.  Even the love that I felt for my children and my husband had that same component of anxiety -- am I getting this right; am I loving enough.  This love was completely different there was no anxiety or component that reflected the ego -- the I of self -- mine or hers.  I had never experience a type of love that was not controllable -- that just existed, purely, without a foundation based on some action.  This love was immutable.  The feeling still brings tears to my eyes, it is so beautiful and humbling

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   Yes   Yes, but I don't know how to explain it with words -- they were just feelings, the feeling that everything would be alright; this was all part of a plan; nothing needed to be hurried; and the most amazing feeling -- that there was NOTHING I needed to do.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   No  

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   Before I believed God was a Heavenly Father who had commandment and expectations for me and that by following those, he would reward me in an afterlife.  That there were differences in people some were bad and some were good -- that God loved us all but love the obedient ones more.  I no longer believe that.  I was very difficult at first but I now believe that what we call "evil," this component of "deepness" that emanated from the Source of energy, is a part of the learning experience and not something that we should fear.  I wonder sometimes about Hitler and people who do terrible things but I know from this experience that they experience this same love that I did.  Further, as strange as it may seem, I have come to believe that their actions were NOT mistakes in spite of the suffering cause.  I am just glad that my path on earth did not include "learning" or "teaching" others through the principles of darkness

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   It is burned into my brain in hyper-relief.  I will never forget it.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   I am more compassionate with myself and others; it is easier to forgive; I take things less personally; I never feel like life abuses me; if I get down it is easier to relax into the love I experienced and find peace; I care less about what other people do.  The boundaries between right and wrong have blurred.  It is easier not to judge others.  I experience gratitude everyday. That I can feel grateful in all circumstances is the biggest change.

My experience directly resulted in:   Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?  
Yes   Yes, I no longer believe in eternal punishment or damnation; justice after this life is no longer relevant in a place where the kind of love I experienced resides.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   No  

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?    
Yes, it changed the way in which I am able to feel love and to give love to others.  Love no longer has a component of anxiety for me and I am much better at giving love to others without expecting certain outcomes from that.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?  
Yes  About a week; some were suspicious; some understood; some didn't want to hear.  My husband and five grown children all responded differently. My 3 daughters were thrilled by it; my husband, mildly interested; one son; laughed and said he believed that I had hallucinated -- that there was no life after death and that spirits didn't exist; my other son didn't want to hear about it -- said, "it is stupid."  Other people I have shared only on a limited basis.  Most of the time the concepts and principles that I learned I go very easy expressing.  By in large, I have determined that some people who have never had a like experience feel diminished when they listen to mine.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   Yes   See Above

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   I never really questioned whether it was real or not.  I have always believed and known that I had a spirit separate and apart from my body, so seeing one at my bedside in my sixties is no surprising

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real  

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   No  

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I no longer get my underwear in a bunch over religious observations.  In fact, it has been two years since I have been to a church service.  Unthinkable before this happened

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   No     

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes