Steven B's Experience

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Experience description:   

I went to sleep, and the following is what occurred.  I was floating, not as I would picture floating on earth but floating in the sense that I had no physical form of support. I was experiencing total and complete contentment, in its most absolute form.  No happiness, sadness, No exhilaration, just complete contentment. I had no thoughts, just complete nothingness that left my mind (or whatever it was) blank.  I had never even remotely experienced contentment like this in my life.  I have no idea how long I was in this state I just stayed in this state because, for lack of a better way to state it, It felt great. 

I absolutely knew I had left the physical world and had left my physical form, as though there was a wall (not a physical wall) between my current state and my former physical state. I knew that I was not a great distance from my former state, but was separated from it. 

The 1st thing that came to me after a while (I have not sense of how long) was an overwhelming sadness, because it occurred to me that my leaving my physical form (my death) would bring great sadness to my family and those that i loved, this knowledge that my leaving would bring great sadness to their lives made me very sad. 

No sooner than this occurred then a (I have no idea how to describe this) explanation/ knowledge was given to me explaining everything, the past, current and future, regarding my leaving. I fully and completely understood how my leaving affected everything. This knowledge was given to me in form I cannot describe, it seemed to encompass knowledge, feelings, emotions and other things I cannot describe. The words that were left to me to describe this is "All is as it should be!"  Once I fully understood all this I again went back into a state of absolute contentment. 

At this point (once I let go of my last emotional ties to my former state (my worry of the sadness I had caused) I started moving, I had no physical sensation of moving, but I knew absolutely that I was moving towards a destination.  I had no sense of curiosity as to what was happening, it was as though something inside me understood the process (as though I had done this several or more times before) completely and I understood to just relax and enjoy the ride.

I will state at this time that all I remember of my surroundings was that it was like a light gray fog, I believe at this time that this was what you see when one is not using their sense of sight (the same as when you close your eyes you see black) but i am not positive about this. 

As i was moving packets of knowledge/understanding were being given to me. I can still remember each Packet (packet is a poor description but it is the best I can do) was short but came with a great deal of information, much more than I could even assimilate in my physical form. No sooner had I received this information than I fully understood it, then the next packet would come right on top of it and I would fully understand it on and on.  This information included information on all things and information on myself and how things worked. This went on for a time (but I have no sense of how long). 

Then some information (sometimes it seems maybe describing it as veil being lifted from your soul one at a time, each veil exposing more of who you are, might be a better way to describe it) came to me that somehow jolted or jarred me, I do not or was not allowed to remember what it was, but it seemed to throw me off track.  For the 1st time I became aware of my surroundings, (at the time even though I was aware of my surroundings I seemed to be totally indifferent towards them) What I saw was black with small white dots of light, afterwards I assumed I was looking out into space and the lights were stars.  That was exactly what it appeared to be, but I am hesitant to use that description, it just was not relevant to me at the time.

After this I resumed my travel, and information/knowledge/veils? continued to come to me, each building upon the previous one, each coming quickly on top of the previous one.  I will state now that afterwards I was able to recall this knowledge for a short time, but soon was not able to recall any of it but what I have included above.  The memory of it has been closed to me.

The following is the next thing that I was allowed to retain a memory of. The next packet was knowledge that I had left someone that I loved dearly.  The minute this knowledge was given or this veil was lifted I could clearly remember who this was. Immediately I experienced more love then I had ever experienced in my Physical form, It was a Love that was in every particle of my existence, it was wonderful.

My next feeling was again sadness towards my family in that I was never able to share this great love with them, I remember thinking that I could not have loved anyone as much as I loved my family (wife, children etc) but the Love I felt for them now paled by comparison to the Love I felt at that moment.  The next thing that I remember (I am not sure if this was given to me or it was something that was recalled once the veil was lifted from obscuring that part of my existence) was that she (it was a she) had gone somewhere 3 times to a place from which I was worried she would not return from. 

For the 1st time I realized the burden of this worry that I not only carried with me at this time, but carried with me throughout my time on earth, even though I was unaware of it at the time. I at this point remember? (I use a question mark because I am not sure if that is the correct term to use) As I remember it I would leave to spend my time on earth and she would leave to spend her time at this other place and this occurred several times. I remember? at this time that she stated before I left to go to earth the last time that this would be her final trip to this place (I at the time Knew where this was, but the memory of what it is, is no longer with me) For the 1st time in what seemed like forever the burden of the worry was lifted from me with the memory of this promise. 

I can remember thinking that I would remind her of this Promise? (not sure if that is the correct term) as soon as I saw her. Immediately at this point additional knowledge /understanding was given to me that made me completely aware of Freewill and how each of us must have complete freewill to affect their own lives and that no one including myself can impose themselves in such a way as to affect another's freewill (or free choices to do with there lives as they will).

I had an absolute and complete understanding of this concept at that time, and I can remember the complete acceptance of this understanding, but no longer can find any way to explain it.  Once I knew I could not in anyway compromise? her freewill by bringing up this promise the sadness that she might go to this place and not return cam back to me. At this point saw her she was about 30ft? away and below me.  The minute she saw me she saw my sadness which really surprised me because I thought I had hidden it from her. The minute she saw this sadness (not because she could visually see it, but as best I can describe it she could see it in my soul?)

She immediately stated to me that she would not be going back to this place again and that i should no longer worry and that she did not make this choice because of me, but because it was a choice of her own freewill. Again I felt the worry lifted from my existence. That was the end of my experience.

One other thing I did not mention earlier, but something I felt throughout the experience, was that my time on earth was so inconsequential in comparison to my total existence that it seemed almost irrelevant.  As though if one lives to be 80yrs old and trying to look back at what occurred back in March 7th, 1946 at the time between 7:50 and 7:56.  I sure that it was a part of your existence, but you probably would look back at it as being such a small part (time wise) of your existence that it is inconsequential. I remember Most of the information that was given to me afterwards, but I could feel most of if slip away very soon afterwards (as though a hole was slowly closing cutting off my access to this)

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  No

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes

      What was it about the experience that makes it hard to communicate?  Your asking me to explain in words something that is difficult to describe in words.  I received information/ knowledge that was enormous in spread but simple in its input and it was given in form that I do not have words for, somewhat like trying to describe Quantum Physics with the vocabulary of a 2yr old.  Knowledge information seemed to encompass thought, emotion, feelings and so many other things impossible for me to describe

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  No

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  Much more so than even at this point ( as I type)

Was the experience dream like in any way?  No, I cannot explain it but afterwards you (I) became aware of certain truths.  This is a truth, and I could more easily deny my own existence at this moment than I can deny this event.  A lot like Knowing that there is life after death on earth. I have no ability any longer to deny this truth.

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  Yes

Describe your appearance or form apart from your body:  I had no awareness of whether I continued to carry with me a form. It just did not seem important to me at the time.  But I Knew absolutely that I had left my physical form.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  Complete and absolute contentment, of such a nature that I have never even remotely experienced her on earth and I have absolutely no ability to describe.  And some sadness as described above, with overwhelming Love towards the end of the experience

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  I do not recall ever hearing any sounds, no one ever talked to me, somehow the information was just given to me.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  No

Did you see a light?  No

Did you meet or see any other beings?  No response

      Describe:  Only the one person as described above

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  No

      Describe:  None at least that I can remember

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  No

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  No

      Describe:  No other than the location where I first saw the Girl I described above.  It was a place, but nothing about this place stands out in my memory

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I just was not aware of time, everything seemed to be sequential.  (that's the best I can do)

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

      Describe:  I can remember receiving the information. At times it seems as though my entire existence can remember these things, but my mind is not allowed access to the memory. When I remember these things My entire body can feel it, but I just cannot find it in my mind

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I stopped a distance from this person and never came any closer as though something stopped me from getting closer? 

Did you become aware of future events?  No

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  Uncertain

      Describe:  I believe I chose to return to my body because of my love for my family and kids but I have no specific memory of it.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  Its odd, but I did not make a connection until today, I have a watch and it always seems to run fast, (no big deal) but now it runs slow, which for a long time I thought was odd, usually if it runs fast or slow it will remain that way not reverse itself or go in both directions. this just seems odd, but I can't for certain make a connection.  I have always had a sense of deja-vu, this is nothing I would relate to this experience.

But the one thing I have now that I did not have before was the ability to feel things. Such as if I read about a plane crashing (I used to wonder what those last minutes would have been like for the pilot) now I can feel/Experience it.  It scares or bothers me when this occurs, I don't know how to handle it. It is overwhelming to me and I try to shut it out. 

One other thing has occurred,  I had a out of body experience a while back, I can remember just laying down and feeling totally different, as though I was totally disconnected from all things, I didn't understand it at the time, but it was a great restful feeling. the next thing I know I have just finished (or returned from my experience).  I remember being vividly aware of everything in the experience immediately afterwards, but again slowly its memory was denied or removed from me, I remember having visited several places and how vivid the colors were, they make everything her on earth seem hazy or dull by comparison. 

Afterwards I fully understood how to do this and how to make it occur again.  I can remember several times (this occurred about a year ago) laying down and thinking I going to just absolutely relax and separate myself from all physical ties, and return to that place, but I have 4 children and would always find myself exhausted from the day and thinking maybe I'll do it another night. I never did do it again and seem to lost the ability. I know that does not make sense because it truly makes no sense to me.  I look back at that time like i was a different person than I am now and that person knew how but I don't.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  No response

      Describe:  I had certain beliefs before, but was just forming them.  Now a lot of these beliefs have become truths. Life is about us, not about work, money etc. but about friends, family etc. and we should hold these in the highest priority. We are all here trying to help each other as best we can to reach a better or higher place. Many others to that I won't describe at this time

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  The past year I have been feeling a bit disconnected from life.  Feeling a bit lost, as though I had lost my purpose in life as though I was no longer a part of this world. It affected me and was hard on my marriage.  I knew my marriage was falling apart and I felt as though there was nothing I could do to correct it.  I asked for help (prayers) and somehow was able to turn it around.  Things are going real well now.  I have to constantly remind myself to stay in the here and now and to make them most out of all things including my marriage.

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  I only shared it with my grandmother.  She is a very religious person and I thought she might understand. But it was met with indifference. Since then I have decided this was a very personal experience and that I would keep it to myself.  I have chosen to share it here for some compelling reason for which I cannot fully explain. 

I originally discovered NDE site because I was trying to understand where exactly was this place that this person I met On my experience was going and why it worried me so much (I used to think it something to do with the devil and/or hell, but once I accepted the fact that I no longer have any idea what it was the rest of the experience seemed to make more sense?).  I have not found anybody who had a similar experience, (maybe we all look for some form of validation) so if there is someone out there who had a similar experience maybe this will help them, knowing they are not alone?

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Excitement with the prospect that there was someone out there I loved very much who was waiting for me. Other then that maybe some confusion over the not knowing where she went and what it was in this place that concerned me so

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  Discovering that their is someone out there waiting for me. Worst: The disconnected feeling I have developed towards life.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  2 things:

1) that telling my story is irrelevant, that this site is irrelevant. All that we are trying to discover through this site and other like it.  We already Know.  We are just not aware of if at this time for the purpose of fully experiencing our time on earth. We should understand that we should spend this time fully experiencing our time on earth and giving as much as we can to the people we love and to all people helping them out as best we can. 

With a bit of patience we will all learn all about afterlife soon enough and no matter how much we study it we cannot fully understand it and it only distracts from important things.  It is not as though this is bad, more of a simple curiosity. (or in my case a person looking for some form of validation) As long as everybody understands the simple message of loving and helping those around us on their journey, all else is irrelevant including this site. 

This is why I have chosen not to further explore the OBE experiences, which are a neat experience, but irrelevant also. All this will come in time. Enjoy and experience the here and now. This is gods gift.

2) My sister Past away last year at 39yr. She died peacefully in her sleep. (she was my only sibling) The day of her funeral it came to me the following "God wanted one of us, and she chose to go because I had children (she had no children)" I understood this, but could not make it fit into anything relevant.

I passed this on to my mother, not Knowing what to do with it.  My mother immediately stated after hearing this that this message was meant for her not for me (although I was the one meant to pass it on) She said that made it all make sense and that I would not understand.  She has never let me in on what all this means. 

But (and this is speculation on my part) I believe I also died in my sleep as did my sister, but I chose to come back for my family.  It must have been an important part of our (or my parents) earth experience to experience tragic loss.  Since I was unable to provide because I felt a need to be with my children, she had to provide that loss.  And that message was her explaining that she understood this.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  Yes, but I have explained all this above

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No

      Describe:  other than the one time described above

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Uncertain

      Explain:  at best it can only fully describe 5% of the experience, I have no ability to explain the other 95%, I just don't have the language or the terms.