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Spencer's Experience

Experience description:   

At 19 years I have had several profound meditative experiences and almost immediately after having exited my third trance I experienced a strange feeling at the top front of my skull. It felt like the crown of my head was free-falling, a sort of giddy excited feeling.

I felt my eyes roll back into my head and a profound and ecstatic feeling of clarity came over me as my vision faded into the background (like the option on your tv to watch a second channel in a smaller box in a corner of the screen so you can watch baseball and hockey at the same time).

I was still aware of the scene of my room in front of me but it was a dim perception, like watching it on a tiny screen. Instead I was cognizant of being in darkness. It was not a cold, empty and frightening darkness like everyone imagines but instead was filled with the most loving and caring sensation that I have never felt on this earth. I wanted nothing more than to lie forever, basking in the glorious darkness that was at the same time the most loving light that I have ever felt. Like closing your eyes in the sunshine and receiving a warm hug from a loved one but multiplied by a million.

Soon a sneaking suspicion that my 'vacation' (it certainly had the air of vacation) was about to be cut short came upon me and I was aware that I had been coaxed from the abyss by two beings who presented themselves to me as floating blue orbs (I was also represented as such). I irritatedly asked them why they were bothering me and they said that I was urgently needed for some kind of situation and that while I slept the other half of my soul (the half that prefers doing over watching) had decided that she would go to earth with or without me to resolve this situation, and so slipped away.

I knew that these beings were here to take me from my place of rest and put me into a human body so that I could resolve or help resolve the situation they needed me for and also to re-unite with my hasty soul counterpart.

Despite my begrudging sense of duty and my knowledge that my time of rest was up, I defied these two beings and told them to stuff it and that I was going back to sleep. They became slightly agitated and told me that they knew, I knew that I had to comply.

However I still was hesitant, remembering past lives spent on Earth, anguishing painful lives that I was still recovering from. They mentioned some kind of promise that I had made and that it was no use trying to back out now.

It felt like I was only half awake, caught between two realities. One of wonderful rest and healing and the other, the possibility (or perhaps certainty) that I would have to return to Earth.

I was still not convinced that I was needed as badly as they said I was and began drifting back to sleep, half hoping that these beings would leave me be. What happened instead was the cosmic equivalent of a scuffle as I felt my essence seized by these beings and heaved into a gently rotating blue portal that had opened up near us.

I had never been as offended as I was when this happened. I sensed that the two blue beings were my old friends and that we had shared many adventures but this awakening of my spirit felt like betrayal. Like I had finally gotten out of the cage only to be forced back in.

The vision continued and I was seemingly back in the dark, warm place of comfort I had just left. I remember thinking that coming back to Earth was just a bad dream and that I was still safely snuggled up in the womb of God (for lack of better terminology).

My relief was short lived however because actually I was dozing inside of my physical mother's womb (which is almost a replica experience of the darkness), and soon the sounds from outside and the atmosphere of excitement (on the part of others not me) confirmed my worst fears. That the dream of me being forced to come back to Earth in this time of great strife was real and that I already had a body and would have to live through another physical life.

Another wave of resentment came over me as a blast of unimaginable cold, and harsh artificial light hit my face. At this point the shock basically cut all thought and I became, for all intents and purposes, a human baby complete with memory wipe and material needs.

My mother told me that in her womb, I had gotten myself into an unfortunate upright and cross legged position that made it extremely difficult for doctors to deliver me in the normal manner, or even by cesarean section. She told me that to deliver me she had to undergo emergency surgery and as a result had a much bigger incision than most cesarean sections. She said the doctors told her that I was the most difficult to deliver baby they had ever come across and she told me that she felt me resist my birth.

She also told me that for the first year or two of my life I lived with woolen mittens on my hands because without them I would gouge rather nasty scratches onto my face. Something I have always considered to be an unconscious representation of my original displeasure of being once again, incarnate.

Anyways that is my rendition of my pre birth experience.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes Words do not factor in, no words were ever exchanged, the entire experience was completely based on feelings since I had no ears yet to hear. And feelings are difficult to communicate verbally in this world.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? No

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience? Elevated from normal

Was the experience dream like in any way? It felt more real than anything I have experienced on the earth

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes A pulsating 'floating' orb of pure blue 'energy'

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Begrudging responsibility, resentment, betrayal, but still excited

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises? All interactions happened at a level beyond sound, I had no ears to hear with anyways

LOCATION DESCRIPTION: Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures? Uncertain A pitch black realm filled with love and light (darkness and light at the same time strangely enough)

Did you see a light? Yes Darkness so utterly dark that it is also a kind of light.

Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes Floating blue orbs, floating in the darkness, they felt like friends and they seemed to be much more cognizant of the situation than me as they informed me that it was time to once again assume a human body.

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? Yes I remember sitting upright in my mother's womb, a fact she later corroborated.

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different? Uncertain the 5 senses require a body as far as I know

Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes Throughout the vision I felt as though I was waking up from a deep sleep and so the grogginess lent itself to the quickening of time.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes That souls have to be split in order to fulfill the duality of the physical realms. You are a complete being but by yourself you are half of a whole. There is a second part of you that embodies the opposite characteristics and this person can be male or female regardless of your physical sex.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  Yes. I was heaved into a large undulating blue portal that looked like a swirling sky and I was aware that this was the portal to earth.

Did you become aware of future events? No

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body? Yes Apparently I had made some sort of vow to return to earth when I was most needed, but I was on the verge of forsaking that vow because of the painful nature of incarnating physically. In the end I had to be forced by an outside force into assuming a human shape.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? No Response

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Uncertain This was after my third time meditating and I had already undergone huge upheavals in my personal world.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices? I no longer find the idea of participating in any kind of corporate environment palatable. I no longer enjoy forming shallow relationships with people because I recognize that such relationships are trivial, fake and pointless. Religion and atheistic thought has made way for a general kind of spirituality.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? No

Have you shared this experience with others? No What emotions did you experience following your experience? Incredulity, a resignation to responsibility, some depression, some joy

What was the best and worst part of your experience? Because of this experience I gained insight into why I have the character that I do in physical form. Finding out about the apathy and lethargy that are a part of my spirit was the best and worst part of the experience and it has led to insights about many areas of my life.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? Sometimes the truth hurts, but sometimes you just have to buckle down and do what you were made to do.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire. I'm not sure. I think that if you are supposed to have knowledge like this you will receive it and if you are to relate the experience to people then you will do so. It was pretty comprehensive