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Simon G's Experience

Experience description:   

My out of body experience (OBE) occurred in 1998. I was a freshman in college and was away from most of my friends and family for the first time in my life. I had been raised to be a devout Catholic and it was now time for me to work on my faith alone. I was a true believer and I had no intentions of dropping Sunday services and religious activities just because I would now have to go to a new church on my own. The thought not to do so never crossed my mind because I did not view going to mass as a chore or something I had to do for the sake of keeping up pretenses. In short, I loved it.  

My eldest sister, however, was also attending the same university and so I did have some family support there. I was actually sleeping at her apartment when I had my first OBE.  

I had fallen asleep on my the couch at my sister's apartment the night of my first OBE. I was dreaming about a lecture that I had attended earlier that day. While in the dream, I was sitting down listening to the professor speak when I noticed a blue ball of energy slowly rise out of a seat from below and to the right of me. It appeared to be about the size of a basketball and was glowing intently. As I began to really take notice of it, I faded into a darkness that enveloped me and gave me a suffocating feeling. I then had the sensation of rolling over. I landed on the floor and both felt and heard a resonant thud. This startled me to say the least. 

I sat up and opened my eyes. I was still in complete blackness but had no problem seeing the apartment exactly as it was. It's hard to describe but the outlines and edges of the furniture and walls were easily discernible to me even though everything was still dark. I tried to get up and when I did, I saw my body still asleep on the couch. The blackness was weird but knowing that I was of a sound mind and was staring at my physical self still sleeping, panicked me in such a way that words fail me to describe my fear accurately. 

I knew that I was not dreaming. I was sure of that because the "lecture dream" was still fresh on my mind as well as the interruption of it due to my rolling off of the couch. My beliefs told me that the only way this was possible was if I was dead. In the moment, I did not over think how I had died but was sure of it. I began to cry and acknowledged that I was still able to produce actual, wet tears without a physical body to produce them. I was fully expecting some sort of white light or an angel to come down and escort me to heaven. Like I said, I was a devout Christian and was a genuinely good and was a kind-hearted person. 

It worried me that neither occurred so I closed my eyes and began to pray. While in prayer, I noticed that a bright light was starting to fill the room. I opened my eyes and the room was now lit up but only through the lamps and light bulbs. No angel had come yet but just being out of the strange darkness was comforting in it's own right. I then realized that my physical body was no longer on the couch. About that time, I heard a knock on the door. I was certain that this was my angel escort. 

I opened the door and saw no one but noticed that it was still completely black outside. Seeing the blackness again made my initial fear rise back up and I arrived at a horrible, soul destroying realization. If there is only a heaven and a hell awaiting us after death, I had to go somewhere and it appeared to me that heaven wasn't claiming me. 

I dropped back down on my knees praying feverishly for God to forgive me. A voice that I perceived to be external told me that I had not truly dedicated myself to God and that I had no excuses. This sealed my fate as far as I was concerned and the emotional pain that I felt was indescribable. More than anything else, however, I felt betrayed. I was a compassionate and loving person and I was not just some Sunday warrior to boot. 

After hearing that message, I again opened my eyes and was surprised to see that I was no longer in my sisters apartment. I was now in an apple orchard and all the trees were in full bloom. The fragrance was amazing as well as the different colors of blossoms on the apple trees. Honey bees were busy darting from bloom to bloom eagerly devouring the nectar. 

I felt a tap on my shoulder and a beautiful woman was smiling at me. She must have been a good foot taller than me and had light brown hair and deep green eyes. She asked me why I was so timid and I chuckled. I can't recall my exact words but they were to the effect of "you have to be kidding". I was dead after all and I may have been in a gorgeous orchard but it was not the Heaven that I expected yet it was no hell either. 

She told me that I was not dead and that I could return to the physical world anytime I wanted to. This was some very welcoming news but I was now ashamed for my crises of faith and asked the woman if she could tell Jesus that I was sorry. She smiled at me and asked who was Jesus. 

This instantly panicked me again. I started connecting some dots. I was in an apple orchard (forbidden fruit), with a beautiful woman whom I had assumed was an angel but I was now mistaking her benign smile for a malevolent grin. If she wasn't an angel, she had to be a demon and was trying to trick me. She did say that I wasn't dead but this was in direct conflict with all my rationale of how I could be experiencing everything as I was. In other words, this experience was not possible if I was still alive.  

I turned and ran only to have her appear ten feet in front of me each time I thought I had lost her. Again, I started crying and begged her not to take me to hell. This time she lost her woman form and became the blue ball of light that I had seen in my dream earlier. For some reason, this put my mind completely at ease. Seeing her in this form made me realize that I could completely trust her. 

She apologized about frightening me and changed her form to accommodate me. She began to talk to me telepathically. She asked me if I always jumped to such extreme conclusions for no reason what so ever. I asked her why she pretended to not know who Jesus was. She replied that she had never said that. I didn't allow her to finish her question and had I done so, I would have heard "who was Jesus to me?" 

That's easy, i said. He's our lord and savior. She smiled at that and asked if I wanted to see something. For whatever reason, she now had my trust completely and I said of course I do. 

Instantly the scenery changed and I was in a cave that opened up to what seemed to be miles above a huge pit of glowing fire and tortured souls. The feeling of absolute misery filled me. I asked her if this was hell. No, she replied. There is no preformed hell waiting for anyone. People who thought they should go to hell for their deeds would if they believed it. The same applied for those who believed they would go to heaven.

She then began to explain the paradox of what I was seeing. Even though there was no heaven or hell awaiting anyone, we could create our own through our beliefs and expectations. I trusted her but I could not reconcile what she was telling me with my short lifetime of being told that there was a hell awaiting all those who had committed great sins of murder, rape, and so on.  

She instantly sensed my distrust growing again and told me that it was time for me to go back. She said I just wasn't ready to know the truth. Back I went. 

I have had many more OBEs since that initial one and I have learned some personal truths. There is no God in the sense of most religions that I'm aware of. We are not spirits or souls so much as we are just consciousness. Without trying to sound arrogant we are all gods but that is misleading as well.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   No 

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Uncertain     My emotions were extremely difficult to explain but not so much the experience.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    In the cave.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   I did not feel as if I was privy to anything or that I had a greater understanding. Everything just seemed ultra "real" because of my panicked state of my mind.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.
   The same. Everything was line of sight but I have sense discovered that this was due to my expectations.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.
   Normal.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   Fear, anxiety, guilt, shame, trust, and some peace. All the neagative emotions were heightened.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   Yes   I saw normal white light but the blue ball glowed a magnificent blue. It sparkled and pulsated.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
The woman I encountered appeared to me in a human form but she then changed in to a ball of blue light. I assumed she was an angel and she never actually affirmed or denied this.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   Uncertain  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   Uncertain  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
The cave above the hell that I saw.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   Uncertain
I had the distinct notion that the hell I saw was not accessible to me. This was reassuring.

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   No

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   The being I saw explained to me that we would go to a heaven or a hell when we died if our expectations told us this. Our expectations would eventually change though and we could continue on after that. In this experience, I did not know what that meant exactly.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Uncertain   I assumed that there was no God in the sense that I understood there to be since there was no real heaven or hell either.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   No  

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   The fact that there was no heaven or hell was in direct conflict with my beliefs at the time.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   I do not remember some of my own words but I remember everything that I saw or heard. I have no memory in the physical to rival this recall.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   I no longer make choices out of fear or consequences after I die. Instead, I try just as hard as I ever did to do the right thing but I no longer worry myself and accept my actions as they are. I now have more mercy for those who commit heinous acts because I now no that they may punish themselves greater than any God can.

My experience directly resulted in:   Moderate changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?  
Yes   I no longer believe in a God in a traditional sense. We have physical bodies so we relate to each other and ourselves in ways that would not be possible otherwise. In effect, we are here to learn and grow as consciousness both individually and collectively.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   No  

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?    
No part was more meaningful than any other.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?  
No 

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   No  

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   My recall for one but mostly because I just could not dismiss it as a dream. All my emotions were stronger and they alone should have woke me up if this was a simple dream.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   I have many more oobe that have all validated the original.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   Oddly enough, I forgive people easier because I know that everything that happens is just needed experience to grow.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I believe that there is no organized religion that has it right. Not even close.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   No  

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   If everyone would take the time to have their own oobe intentionally, the world would change drastically for the better.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes   Yes. Some questions made me realize that I should explain some parts in better detail.

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?        Take a neutral and scientific approach to verifying what an oobe really is.