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Sevilla L's Experience

Experience description:   

I had an experience a few years ago that was NOT a dream but it did happen after I went to sleep - it was 100% real. I had just gone through about a year of faith shattering experience - left my husband and the Bahai Faith (for all intents and purposes as I wasn't about to represent the Faith in my condition) and moved to a small town for work. I was in a major life transition. I went to sleep one night and something happened to me that was not a dream and was not a NDE. I was though, given a gift. A gift of exposure to the next world.  

I was accompanied by an unknown entity of the purest love.  I was told I was being given a gift and I was suddenly plunged into The Sea of Eternity; the purest most powerful love beyond all imagining, it was the essence of everything. I was at once one with everything that had been and everything that would be in an instant. I was infinitely connected to everything without separation while still having an individual consciousness. This space of infinity was like being the the middle of every firework that had ever gone off all in once beautiful blaze of unspeakable brilliance. The color so fantastical, earthly eyes have never seen the colors that existed there. Energy made of pure love was winding around in a massive whirling  energy that threw me into complete ecstasy.  It was so loud that it penetrated everything - but the sound itself was pure love and ecstasy.  A circular flow of energy and lights dazzling beyond description. 

That ecstasy was so powerful, so all consuming my physical body was flailing around on my bed. I could not wake up but was aware of my "sleep". My body was WRITHING in this ecstasy and I was moaning and groaning at the top of my physical lungs while I was recognizing my oneness with the Essence of All Things. This was no pain - but a joy so beyond comprehension that my physical body could not bear the sheer power of it. I might have been likened to an electrical outlet trying to contain the power of the whole world's electricity supply at once.  I think my body reacted so strongly because I was NOT in a near death state and was not detached from my body.  A veil to the other world was being lifted for a moment for me so my body directly reacted to the force I was exposed to by writing and moaning - the ecstasy was too great for a physical being to bear.   

The whole time I was experiencing this unbearable LOVE, I was being told "Everything is OK. You're going to be alright".  It was not reassuring me in the moment because of what was happening with my body that was flailing with Divine Passion, it was giving me reassurance regarding ME and my life.  It was just pure acceptance.   

With the purest wash of love and joy filtrating everything I was and becoming one with the Love all at once. I was then brought back and allowed to come out of it. I "awoke" drenched in sweat and panting like I'd run a marathon. I knew if I succumbed to the rapturous love I would not come back - however, with this knowledge it's important to know that death was not on the table as a choice - it was just an offer to take a swim in the Ocean of Life, not to become a fish and live in it.  

I received no religious message or reassurance of faith as a Bahai. I was just allowed this gift of reality.  I have struggled to understand why I was given this gift.  It is affecting me more now 8 years later than it did at the time in regards to my life. Which is why I went searching for others like me and found this site.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No           

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     The love, the fireworks of lights and colors that don't exist here, the ecstasy, the oneness with all things that had been and would ever be and the knowing of it all - all at once.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          No      

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           Fully conscious in regards to knowing I was me, that it was not a dream, that it was really happening, that my body was "asleep" in my room and I was being taken some where to be given a gift.

Was the experience dream like in any way?   No. In no way was it dream like except in my attempts to describe it.  The difference is what happened was real and dreams are not so that was confounding.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes     I never lost awareness of my body as I was always connected to it.  But my consciousness did go somewhere else, to another dimension.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Ecstasy beyond comprehension or definition.  Supreme, pure all consuming Love, unconditional creative love.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           Yes, the sound of energy WOM, WOM, WOM slowly (much slower than a heart beat but it was regular. It was the most beautiful sound and I could feel it go through me, I was a part of it.  It was a circle of energy and light and power and love that made the sound.  Almost like what one might hear in a powerful electric plant but it was pure beauty.

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?    No       Nothing physical.  Only the Sea of Eternity and KNOWLEDGE and LOVE.  If you can call that a place.  Nothing structural. Just fireworks of unknowable light.

Did you see a light?           Yes     I saw and was one with an ocean of fireworks light, dazzling and unspeakably beautiful.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     I was accompanied by another consciousness that was pure love who took me to the Sea of Eternity.

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? Yes    

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?     No       I was made aware of everything that had been and everything that would be as I was one with it all.  But I could not recount any of it, only a shabby ability to recount what it FELT like.

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?          Yes            My physical body was exploding in utter rapture.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     There was no time.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes            I knew what I was being shown was a gift.  I was allowed to know all that ever has been and all that ever would be but I could not bring that back with me.  Only that it existed and was in perfect order.  I knew I was not dying nor was I close to death or sick in any way and I've never had a seizure of any kind.  I did know I could die if allowed to stay because it would be impossible for my physical body to bear the sheer force of the Love.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?             No      

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes     Yes, as I was allowed to be one with all that has been and all that will be.  But I wasn't allowed to interpret and keep it in my physical consciousness because I can not contain it while in form.

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       Uncertain            I don't recall now.  I think I willed myself from the experience because I knew my body could not bear another second of the Ecstasy in the Sea of Eternity without dying from it.  Like it would short circuit my body or something if I stayed any longer.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?  Uncertain      Uncertain because I am not sure I didn't have them before.  I did become more intuitive I believe, my dreams more vivid and useful in the years to come.  I have been more aware perhaps, of my intuitiveness and not blocked it any longer.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     I continued to move away from religious practice but continued to move towards investigating more ways to communicate with the Divine through alternate means, trying to make sense of it.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       My spirituality became stronger in a new way.  I knew this existed but being part of it myself made being able to reconnect to the Divine so much easier and quicker.  I

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes     I think it gave me the courage to move on with my life and that I was on the right track by having left my old life.  Why else would I be told everything was OK?  I divorced my husband some time later, got remarried and had a son at age 38.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     No one has been influenced to my knowledge.  No one I've met yet seems to have any appreciation or context for which to appreciate it in.  The only comfort I've gotten is from NDE stories.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  "why me",  "I am not worthy of such a gift",  I left my religion why would I be given this insight?"  "no one is going to believe me" and of course massive, incredible LOVE.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      Best was knowing that love and ecstasy is there and awaits us, it's there, it's real but we just can't bear it in physical form.  That's why it's only for when you're a soul free from physical form.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        Just questions...

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?                     No       Nothing could accurately or comprehensively describe what I experienced. But, to the best of my ability, yes.