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Sarah R's Experience

Experience description:   

My experience is different in that it was NOT triggered by a near-death encounter, and yet I came to the same spiritual viewpoint expressed by many who did have that experience.  That is why I think it is significant that you know of it.  It is NOT necessary to die to go to Heaven.  Heaven IS a state beyond mind, the realization of completeness and oneness with the Beloved, All-in-All.  We always have been, are now, and always will be ONE with the Presence of that we call God, by whatever name. There is no way to be separate from an omnipresent being.  Period.  We can only THINK we are separate.

I went from flat out destroyed in life and considering suicide, through a four-day transformation through processing my life at a retreat, to a state of joy and Self-realization.  I saw myself as A Christ, not the only one but one of many, being sent back out to live in the world, no longer of the world, to share that message of unconditional Love.  My old self is dead, so in that sense I did experience a "death."  We are all living out the metaphor of the birth, death and resurrection cycle anyway, some just need a more "realistic" death experience to awaken.

After the retreat, where I forgave my entire life, I felt completely at peace, complete joy, and all colors were brighter and clearer.  I knew that it didn't matter where I was or what I was doing, I was in the Presence of God and that is the true definition of Heaven.  Sitting in a hotel room was the same as glorying in the beauty of a cathedral, or for me, a moonlit night sky on the shoreline.  I looked into my own eyes in the mirror and was aware of an infinite consciousness looking back at me.  God is omnipresent, everywhere -- is not that space an inch behind your eyes that you think of as "YOU" a place?

I will tell you that my family did not understand what was happening to me.  I did still have some old issues and archetypes in my subconscious to clear and so later some negative concepts arose but overall the experience was positive, unforgettable, and changed me for the better.  I became able to channel higher energies from that dimension we exist in but cannot perceive to create effects of healing in this world.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     It is a level of perception that most people have never experienced, so trying to tell them is like describing a new color.  We have words, like "joy" but since we lack the experience they describe, all we are left with is a shallow, flat, temporary, Christmas-card word that has no meaning, until we actually experience what "JOY" is.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain      My life had come to a crash-and-burn dead end.  Lost love, miscarriage, lost business, no purpose in life.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    First week or so.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            First week or so.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes    

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Joy beyond anything I could ever have imagined possible.  Completeness.  Love.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No      

Did you see a light?           Uncertain      Felt it.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Uncertain      My sense was not of OTHER beings, but of a consciousness within all of us that was always there, but I was now aware of. God was speaking to me from within everyone around me, and though what S/he "appeared" to be saying was mundane, the spiritual messages were profound.  For instance, walking my niece's dog, I encountered a black man, fishing.  The dog was young and untrained and jumping all over.  I apologized for his behavior and said, "He's just learning," and the man looked up at me and smiled and said, "It's OK to be learning," and for one instant we both knew we weren't talking about the dog, but about me, and about the human race, the children of God.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    Yes     I was going to say no, considering the event starting after the retreat, but I did review and forgive my entire life during the retreat, so perhaps recreating an NDE in life can have the same effect of enlightenment, so that may be something you need to know.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Uncertain     

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes     Yes.  Right here.  Everything was beautiful, perfect, and exactly what we have asked for.

I wrote a little poem that expresses this. 

Seeking Heaven far above,

Don't you know where you are?

Angels see with eyes of Love,

That Earth is a shining star.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     Time was completely unimportant.  I was living completely in the present.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes            Universal Order.  We are already in the Presence of the Beloved.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No      

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes
            I wrote in my journal the summer before 9/11, channeling the "voiceless voice" as Neale Donald Walsch calls it,  "There's going to be a war.  I need to scare the hell out of some people."  Considering that after 9/11 there was a huge influx to the churches, I'd say that did occur.  Please don't read this as an omninous threat, it came with a sense of humor, actually.  Many people DON'T look for God until they're backed into a corner and terrified, so that was a way of "scaring the HELL" -- the hell they create with their thoughts, out of them.  It's unfortunate but that's what many of us are like.  I also wrote, "10 miles north of Houston"  but I'm not sure what that refers to, unless Bush was there at that moment and it had something to do with him.  You have to remember, at that time a terrorist attack and a war was the furthest thing from our minds -- they had just spent a lot of time in Congress trying to figure out how to spend the surplus Clinton left us.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes     Yes.  I became a spiritual, empathic healer.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I shared it with 150 other people at the retreat at the time it was happening. I shared it with my family, who did not understand.  They put me in a mental hospital, but since then I have done healing work on them and have shared books like "Spiritual Emergency" by Stanislav and Christina Grof with them and they regret that decision.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Yes     No.  Not related.

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    The joy and the Presence of the Beloved (God) was real.  Later I began to process negative concepts and those were not real but simply needed to come up to be released.  With informed guidance that would not have been so difficult.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?   

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real            This is what is called in some spiritual circles, a "peak experience" -- I see it actually as a natural spiritual transformation that we have forgotten about.  We are caterpillars trying to stop one of our own from becoming a butterfly, because we don't have eyes that can perceive butterflies and have no idea that they have anything to do with us. In my view, caterpillar is to butterfly as human is to angel.  Angel, however, simply means "messenger of God" -- angels are just those of us who have had this experience and have come back to the "normal" consciousness to try to lead others into the state of mind, the realization of God's Presence, here and now, that is Heaven.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     I am happy to love without expecting anything in return.  Service to others is a joy in itself, and the only purpose.  If I do feel any negative emotion, it's disappointment when I share this with someone and they don't "get it."  My purpose is to awaken humanity to the joy of their existence.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?           
Yes     I was a miserable, broken down ex-literary agent and environmental entrepreneur.  I can see now that all along my spirituality was getting stronger and that I was always right where I needed to be, but after this experience I became a spiritual healer and massage therapist so I could practice healing arts and a minister.  I am a completely different person and I live at a level of peace that many people never experience.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No       I actually had two "peak experiences" -- one in the summer of 2001 and then in the summer of 2002.  Now I just live in a higher state of peace most of the time.  Lately I have been experiencing some difficulty because of physical issues, but I still have that underlying knowing that God IS that nothing can take away. No drug could ever match the joy that I experienced.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        I know this is not considered an NDE, but I think it is pertinent because there IS no barrier between this life and the next except a mental barrier.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Uncertain