know why I have memories of my birth. I just do. My mother and I were sick with
German measles a week before I was born. So I wasn't feeling well. I suspect I
had a fever, but am not clear if I had one while I was actually being born. The
birth process started while I was asleep It lasted two hours from start to
finish. I woke up to the beginnings of feeling squeezed. I have strong memories
of my face being squeezed. The only visuals I have at this time until the NDE
were of a murky purple.
I have a strong memory of my shoulder being stuck in the birth canal. It felt like a hard bone was wedged in there. It is likely that it was my mom's pelvic bone. (And I have a slight scoliosis to prove it.) Lots and lots of pain. The next memory I have is of my pelvis region being stuck in the birth canal- similar to the shoulder one. At the time, I was very confused about what was happening. I was in incredible pain. I have a sensation of blacking out.
When I "awoke" I was floating. I didn't have a body, but I did have a strong sense of myself as a "being". I could feel and "see". I was intact and could move freely. I was light and buoyant and floating upwards. There was no more pain. The air was soft and warm and supportive. I was overwhelmed with joy and a sense of well-being. I have a strong memory of sky blue and white fluffy like clouds. I was moving towards a white light.
As I was going upwards. I looked around and saw other "beings". Not exactly people as I know them here on earth, but other "energies" I was connected to them thru an almost invisible web or threads of light. And we were all connected to the light above us. There was a strong sense of being connected to the universe. I had an intense desire to move towards the white light, which started to envelope me. It was very welcoming and safe.
Then suddenly, I was hit and I came crashing back to my body. I started to breathe using my lungs. I was cold, in pain and angry to be "back on earth" with these "stupid" and unthoughtful adults. I felt like I wasn't done "exploring" and was violently forced back into my body.
Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? Uncertain
My mother was given "local" anesthesia
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes
I had no words at the time. When the memories come up, there are no words associated with the visuals. Over the last two years, since I have begun recalling the incident, I find I CAN use words. What a relief!
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Uncertain
Birth itself is traumatic. But also, I was born with German measles and a fever
What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience? Very alert
Was the experience dream like in any way? My knowledge of dreams came later, but yes, it was dream-like.
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes
I had a sense of being able to move as an entity. I could feel and I could "see". But I didn't have a body per say. More like an energy or organized air
Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises? None that I can recall
Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure? Yes
Describe: Thru a blackness
Did you see a light? Yes
A strong white light above me. I didn't hurt my eyes to look at it. It seemed to be throwing off rays of light into the universe.
Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes
Beings in the distance but not that far away. I connected to them through rays of light/energy in the form of a web like connection
Did you experience a review of past events in your life? No
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No
Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions? Yes
Mostly I have an intense sense of color. Sky blue with almost fluffy whitish "clouds" The air was warm and "soft"
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes
The whole universe was up there with no earthy distances or time, but more like a space and time of its own. Different than earth's and people's time as a came to know it down on earth
Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes
A strong sense that we are all connected. And a strong sense that we are all connected to the light. (which I call God.) I have a sense that we all exist in another time and space, not always evident to our senses down here on earth. There is another "world" besides the one down here on earth
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you become aware of future events? No
Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body? No
And I was very pissed off about the whole thing. I felt like I wasn't done exploring the "other" world and was violently forced to return to my body
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? Yes
Yes when I allow myself. I have a strong intuition. I can usually psychically connect to someone I am close to and feel what they are feeling from afar. I also can pick up on people and situational "vibes" I have a strong sense of connection with people who have "crossed over" and died. Most of this stuff scares me, so I don't open myself up to it often. I will "communicate" with my patients who cannot talk, but I don't use words.
Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? No
The whole experience shaped my life, so I incorporated these experiences naturally into my beliefs
How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices? I don't think there is an experience that I have had that was not in part shaped by my experience so early in my life... There is a reason that I am a Speech Therapist in an acute care hospital. As a swallowing therapist, I am involved in many end-of-life issues concerning feeding tubes. Where else do you get to talk about life and death on a routine basis? And as a Speech Therapist I can relate to people struggling with illness and death who cannot talk. Believe me, they are intelligent; they just cannot communicate with words.
When I learned about religion, God was an easy concept for me to get my mind around, even as a young one. I do tend to relate more to the concept of spirituality, rather than the dogma of a certain religion....I do find that I rarely feel lonely. I have a strong connection with family and friends. However, I have to remind myself to connect with people thru the usual channels of phone, e-mail and in person connections.
When it came to choosing a mate, I chose one with violent tendencies. I use to think it was "normal", which was weird since neither my father nor brothers were abusive. I was disciplined by being spanked occasionally, so the message at birth got reinforced. But with the help of some therapy, I am untangling that message...And the biggest problem with this experience came around sex. This is where most of my conscious memories would first emerge. I had what I referred to as "God sex" where I would go to another place and it was kind of like seeing God, but not really. When I finally got to that place in a therapy session, I didn't know what I was dealing with. I thought it was a memory of sexual abuse.
I told my counselor that I was going to "pass out" She said "Go ahead" Apparently, I slumped back. I went dark and then had a sensation of traveling, but not really leaving my body. The first words I said when I "returned" were "I'm alive!" And then my next thought I had was I had been there before. It was enough like the NDE, that all the memories of my near death experience came flooding back. My life finally made sense to me. I think that is why I had so many abortions and miscarriages. The death experience came when I had an intense pain and pressure in my pelvic region. It seemed normal to send my babies up to God. It's weird how this stuff integrated into my unconscious, both the bad and the good
Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes
Until recently, I only shared my experience in a counseling community with confidentiality assured. I have started to share more of my experience at work when I counsel people about end of life issues concerning feeding tubes. And with patients who cannot "talk" and are dieing. I never tell "the public" about the fact that this experience happened at birth. It's weird enough that I have an NDE experience. I think it is gaining some respectability thanks to institutions like yours. However, a lot of birth memory work is still pretty "airy-fairy" and unbelieved by the public at large. The combination of birth and an NDE is a recipe to invite disbelief, ridicule and the mental health system. This is actually the first time I have put it out in a public forum. I have accepted that my experience will not be believed my many. I would just like to meet one person who also has had a NDE at birth and remembers it
What emotions did you experience following your experience? Very angry and confused
What was the best and worst part of your experience? The best was having that strong connection with all living beings including what I call God.
was that I couldn't talk at the time of my NDE and the memories got "stored" in
my pelvic region. I use to be very confused about sex and procreation.
Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? Just because a human being cannot talk, does not mean that they are not intelligent. I run into that all the time in my job. For the same reason, babies are very intelligent human beings when they are born. They cannot use words to communicate. They do not store verbal memories as adults or verbal children do. But there other senses are intact. I think that is important to remember. They just do not have a lot of life experiences yet. Also, newborns or birthing babies are exposed to a lot of drugs. This may cloud a lot of recall about the whole experience. I suspect that NDE is more common then we know at birth. Since it is a pretty traumatic event when you think about it. Certainly I have read accounts on your site about childbirth causing NDE for the mother. Why not the child?
Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? Yes
It has come up in counseling sessions. Usually with hyperventilation. It has come up in sex. Neither one of these experiences quite duplicates the feeling of being out of my body, or of what I saw, but it was similar enough to trigger the memory. I have also begun to meditate and I can occasionally pull my "spirit" away from my skin about a 1/4 of an inch. But again, nothing like what I experienced
Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes
Yes, but I suspect you have not had anyone recall an NDE this young. Some of your questions reflect that bias
Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire. Tell people it will probably take an hour (at least) to fill out the questionnaire in the beginning of the form