Robin D's Experience

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Experience description:   

I was, as usual back then, severely depressed.  It went untreated till much later.  I did all I could to cry for help, SHORT OF SEX, DRUGS OR PHYSICAL HARM. Anyway, one particular day, I went to my peer group counselor because I couldn't function.  I was an emotional wreck.  I crumbled in a heap outside the door to the room-couldn't even make it inside.  I was crying uncontrollably and couldn't get up.  A couple of friends came by and stopped to see what the matter was.  The counselor was there, I recall.  One friend, Louise, sat with me.  She had her hand on my shoulder and talked.  I remember her talking about some emotional stuff she went through, and how she's ok, and needs to spread all the love she can in return for God's help. I remember her voice more than what she said.  Except this:  She made me look her square in the eye, and she said, calmly but forcefully, "Try talking to God.  Talk to God."  Her voice went on.

Louise sat on my right.  Suddenly something made me look to my left. It was between periods and the door to the stairwell opened. I thought I was looking at the stairs.  But the stairs went up and up and extended toward the sky  (which I couldn't see in reality, but I did).  Suddenly, the staircase I was looking at "morphed" as it were, into a shaftway or tunnel, extending upward. I saw a light blue sky at the end.  Then, out of nowhere, appeared a light.  It looked, I thought then, like the sun.  But I could look right into it.  It shone very brightly and it rippled or pulsed-that's the best way I can put it. It remained at the end of this stairway/tunnel extending skyward.  I never moved any nearer to it.  It spoke without using words.  It communicated a lot about universal goodness, God, the universe, life in this plane.  It didn't think I should know yet about the next plane/level/"world". It let me see itself to let me know it was there and to keep on going, it would be alright in the end.  All the time, I was fully aware of my surroundings, everyone there and what they were saying to me.  I think I spoke too, but I don't remember what was said.  This light comforted me in a way I could never make anyone understand.  It all happened in what was probably a few minutes.  Maybe the most profound of my life.

When I read over the years about NDE's and how people saw "the being of light" and the tunnel, my first thought has been, "that's what I saw" except for being drawn toward it. The light remained way, way out of reach.

I have shared this with some people over the years.  Some sort of understand, some don't.  I have never spoken to a professional about it.  I would like some insights and clarification.  Or at least to share with someone who can relate.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience:  No

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  No

At the time of the experience, was there an associated life threatening event?  No

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?  Fully conscious

Was the experience dream like in any way?  NO

Did you experience a separation of consciousness from your body?  No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?  Very comforted.  Very receptive to what it communicated.  I wasn't relieved of the depression, but at that moment, I felt much much better.  I was able to function and went back to classes.  I kept this with me always.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?  NO

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?  No response

Did you see a light?  Yes

Did you meet or see any other beings?  No

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  Yes

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Yes

      Describe:  I saw a clear light blue sky.  The real sky was not visible from where I was.  It was all very far away.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes

      Describe:  There was no real time.  I know it had to have happened in a very short span of time.  But there was no time sense.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?  Yes

      Describe:  I came to know a lot about the constancy and certainty of the universe and what I call God.  I refer to them together in prayer as "God and The Universe".  I know its unending-ness and am awed by it.  I was told about the universal essence of goodness that this light "I" it said tries to communicate to everyone.  It knows a lot of people just don't get it.  It said that all the prophets of all cultures were spoken to by It, in ways they could understand.  It said that there is a soul.  And life after life after life. It said I would know my purpose later.  I know the path I've been on but still don't know the purpose, but that's ok.  The road will get me there.  It said so much I could never put it all into words, even to myself.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?  No

      Describe:  I saw a tunnel/shaftway/staircase, leading all the way up.  There was no way I could climb it.  Not possible

Did you become aware of future events?  No

Were you involved in or aware of a decision to return to the body?  No

      Describe:  I never left my body

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  Stronger intuition

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?  Yes

      Describe:  What I always thought was true was validated for me

Has the experience affected your relationships?  Daily life?  Religious practices etc.?  Career choices?  Knowing what I was told then has made me a little like an oracle.  But it's sometimes hard to bond with people.  The other world sometimes seems more real to me.  The knowledge that all will work itself out has put me on the path of least resistance more than I should be.  I'm now learning how to take more action.  I have always been a performing artist, and singer. I have been drawn to the helping professions.  I was before but it seems more valid to me.

The difference between dogma and spirituality is very clear to me.  Although I haven't abandoned it, organized religion is hard to take because it has become dogma over spirit.

Have you shared this experience with others?  Yes

      Describe:  Some are fascinated, some have no clue what I'm talking about.  Nobody really understands or can relate.  Even someone I told who had an NDE.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  A sense of calm and comfort.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?  The best:  Feeling honored with this, the comfort and insight I was given and how this has enabled me to survive.

The worst: Knowing what I was told has made it too easy for me to retreat from reality and not deal with bothersome or painful or difficult issues.  You see, I know there is something bigger than all this out there and all this stuff doesn't matter.  But that isn't good for handling your life.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?  I feel deeply honored by this.  I want to find ways to pay it forward.  I also need to deal more with reality and not hide behind this to escape.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?  Yes

      Describe:  The surety of what happened to me has kept me going all this time.  I am not sure I would have been able to go on had it not happened.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?  No

      Describe:  Well, I have recalled it many times but it has never been reproduced.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?  Yes

      Explain:  I hope so.