Robert K's Experience


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Experience description:   
 

Let me start off by saying that I am just an average guy.  I have been married for 25 years to a wonderful women and we have two great kids.  I have a house with a mortgage and two dogs in the yard.  I have been a professional geotechnical inspector for over 30 years. My job relies on honesty and accuracy and neither have ever been in question. 
 
 I do not know anything about out of body experiences. I have gone out of my way, to remain ignorant on the subject.  I did not even want to read about someone else's experience or what science had found out.  I wanted my memory of my experience to be pristine.   So, excuse me if I don't know the proper terms for things.  Also, I am going to tell everything, just the way it happened.  I'm sure a lot of it will be fodder for skeptics but I have to include everything, if you are going to seriously study this phenomena.  I hope you are serious about this because, in 30 years, I have never written it out before. 

I did not do anything to bring on the experience and had never considered anything like this happening to me. But one day, about 5:30 in the afternoon, it happened.   I had just gotten off work and I was exhausted.  I was back staying with my parents after a divorce from my high school sweetheart.  My mother was the only other person there.   I had my work clothes on and a pair of heavy- duty work boots.  I walked into the extra room and sat on the Murphy bed.  I was so tired that I laid back and stretched out like someone going to sleep.  I had no intention of actually sleeping nor did I do any more than close my eyes for a few seconds.  I was very conscious and alert.
 
Even though I had been tired I was hyper-alert during the experience. The experience happened in bed but it was not dream-like in any way.  Except maybe the reality challenging aspect of it.  There is no way, that what happened to me could be a dream.  It is true that all dreams seem real to us, while we are having them. However, the instant you wake up you realize that it was a dream. What happened next was no dream.
 
I felt something grip my ankles. It felt like hands squeezing and lifting my heals.  I say hands because I felt the cupping, from the back of the heals, and the thumb across the front of the ankle. Anyway, it was lifting my boots, not my feet. I now find that strange.  I would think a floating experience would involve your body, not your clothes. 
 
Anyway, something lifted my feet, as a person would do if they were attempting to slip off your shoes.  I figured my mother had followed me into the room and was either throwing my dirty boots off the bed or was pretending to slip off my boots.  I say pretending because lace-up work boots don't just slip off.  Either way, I was glad she was doing a playful thing with me.  It would have been out of character for her but nice.   I smiled and opening my eyes, I started to tell her she couldn't get my boots off that way, figuring that would cover either situation. 
 
But what I saw at the foot of the bed stopped me in my tracks.  What I saw sent a chill down my spine and excited me, all at the same time.  What I saw was nothing.  No Mom.  No other person.  Nothing.  And my feet were not even lifted.  They lay flat on the bed.  But the feeling was still there.  The hands lifting my boots from the back of the heals .
 
I was shocked but I didn't want the phenomena to end. So I laid back and shut my eyes, trying to concentrate on the feeling of the hands.  I figured the feeling would go away and I wanted to remember it.   But I sure didn't figure on what happened next.  Believe me, if I was making this up, I sure wouldn't include something as unbelievable as the next part.  But I am telling all, and telling it like it was.
 
The hands did not go away.  They lifted my heals back up again.  Then they paused for a second and gripped me tighter.  Then they snapped me.  Like a whip or a rug when you are trying to clean it.  Like when you are making a bed and you have thrown on the sheets and they are not straight.  So, you pick up the bottom and snap the sheets into place.  Or a busboy, placing a tablecloth in a fancy restaurant. The hands just snapped me. 
 
 The first time it had no effect but the second time something snapped loose.  By the third snap,  I decided this was too weird and I wanted to end it.  I would open my eyes and sit up.  Then surely this would end.  Only, when I opened my eyes, I was somewhere else. 
 
It was pitch black.  I looked around and saw nothing. But I sensed something very strong.  This was something that reminded me of when I was young and my father was a builder.  He would pour concrete basements with concrete walls.  The floor slab of the garage was also concrete.  The point being, that the room under the garage had bare concrete walls on all six sides.  I used to go into these rooms by myself and shut the door.  The acoustics were great and it was interesting to see what it would be like to be sightless.  Kind of a sensory deprivation experiment, I guess.  Anyway, even though it was dark, I knew I was in a very solid room.  I could sense it.  I found I could move around pretty good without hitting anything.  I could sense where the walls were.  Probably some sub-conscious radar from my breathing or something.  Just like when you are outdoors and shut your eyes, you still know you are outdoors.  I imagine most people have had a sensation like that.
 
The reason I am telling you this, is because at this moment, in the dark, I sensed that I was in a very large vessel.  Like the hull of a ship or a huge steel tank.   The thing I was in was very heavy, bulky and solid.  I, on the other hand, was very light and airy.  I was overwhelmed with claustrophobia and felt I had to get out.  I had to pull myself together, literally.  I drew up my legs without looking at them.  I also drew up my arms but these I watched.  They were white "strings" of light that pulled out of long tunnels on either side of me.  I watched one and then turned my head and watched the other as I pulled them out of the tunnels and up to myself.  Even though I didn't see my legs, I knew they had done the same thing. 
 
I was a creature of white light and energy.  I would guess that I was about an inch tall but I'm not sure.  The compulsion the get out of this large, heavy tank however, was still foremost in my mind.  I looked up and saw two almond shaped openings with light coming from them.  I didn't realize it at the time but in thinking back, the heavy vessel must have been my body and the almond shaped openings, my eyes.     
 
Until that day, I had always thought of my body as myself.  I had not experienced a separation of my consciousness in anyway.  I was confused at first, I was just trying to figure out what was happening to me.  All I knew was that when I dove towards the openings, I was sucked right through.  I floated up and remember the freedom from gravity.  It was wonderful.  I think a person gets used to feeling the unrelenting pull of gravity.  We use denial so successfully that we hardly ever notice it any more.  And it wasn't just gravity.  It was barometric pressure and surface tension.  They were gone.  I didn't feel numb.  I felt very alive.  I just didn't feel the pressures of the human body anymore.  I was overwhelmed with the feeling that the body was a large, heavy burden that was, at the same time very vulnerable to all sorts of earthly dangers and pressures.  I was very glad to shrug it off and move on.
 
And then I was suddenly flooded with remembrances. Special knowledge about universal order and purpose. The knowledge I gained, I later called "The Secrets of the Universe".  But this knowledge was not learned. It was too immediate for that to be true.  It felt like (and had to be) remembered. As if a wall of denial was lifted.
 
 I feel very much that we must all have this knowledge, but we are either keeping it from ourselves, so as enjoy "life's little play",  or maybe we forget it when we are born.  But the "Universal Order" was made very clear to me.   We are beings of light and energy that live an eternity.  Our existence is very pleasant and not limited at all.  In our place, we have eliminated pain. But to do that, we had to give up pleasure.  We have no sorrow but we also have no happiness.  We have no tasks that we have to do,  but we also have no sense of accomplishment.  No anger, but no joy.  The result is a very pleasant nothingness.
 
So, ever so often, we "sign-up" for an earthly visit.  I think you can chose a shorter visit, as an animal, or the whole experience as a human.   I believe this must happen many times but it could depend on the individual. The human animal may have even been converted from a primal ape, just for this purpose.  I don't know.   But I do know that we take the "human experience"  ride, to feel all of the earthly pleasures, pains, joy and sorrow, that we can.
 
The knowledge of the true universal order is forgotten when you enter the human baby and is returned to you the moment you leave it.  So all of your human tragedies are not carried with you into eternity but rather cast off immediately.   Your "life's troubles" also take on a very different dimension.  They seem very silly and contrived.   Contrived by each of us to make our lives more interesting.   They have the same ring to them that a young child's troubles have.  You can see that they truly believe in the reality of their angst and fears but you (as an adult) know that they are actually safe and warm. They just need a little comfort. Maybe that is part of the reason why we go thru it too.
 
So, at death we cast off fear and dread and emotional attachments like the memories of a forgotten dream.  This may not be easy to hear, for someone who believes that the deceased stay with us.  In reality, they leave as fast as they can to return to their former selves.  Like a character at the end of a movie, the earthly identity is quickly dissolved into nothingness. These things I know for sure. Unfortunately, I feel there may be other universal truths that were revealed to me but were forgotten when I returned to my body. 
 
Anyway, I felt something solid just above me. It was the ceiling.  At first relieved to have figured out what it was and then shocked to realize that I actually had floated up to the ceiling.  That is when I looked down at my body.  I didn't notice any "silver cord" connecting me to my body, like some people claim.  Nor a white light   Nor any religious figures. But when I looked down at my body, I thought I was dead.  Extreme fear hit me and I panicked.  I dove back into the eyes and was suddenly safely back in my body.   I sat up and the feelings were gone and the experience was over.
 
My entire belief system and attitude about life changed at that moment.  I describe it this way.  If you sat watching a puppet show for hours, without any previous knowledge of puppetry, you may not ever figure out how it is done.  But if the curtain were to drop, for even a second, you would have learned more about how it works, in that second, than in the hours of watching.  Or perhaps a baffling magic trick revealed by a peek behind the curtain.   This was my peek behind the curtain of life. It would be foolish of me not to acknowledge it. 
 
Since that time, all things spiritual now have to be held up to the event to see if they fit.  Western religion speaks of the soul and everlasting life beyond death.  I know these to be facts.  However, the majority of the rest does not fit. Eastern religions speak of reincarnation, so they are closer to the truth. However, once again, certain things do not fit.  This may sound funny, but the experience did not feel like a religious one and I have not been drawn to any religion because of it.  My facts are much more concrete to me than any blind faith they may provide.
 
 I did lose my fear of death and will welcome it when it happens.  Suicide and assisted suicide seem only a way for early release, to me now.  The stigma is gone but I feel that people who kill themselves will probably regret not "playing the game" out to it's full conclusion.  I treasure every moment of life now and I am in no hurry for release.  But I know it will be waiting for me when I pass.  The passing of many friends, my father and grandparents has been made much easier from the knowledge that I gained.   I still miss them just as much but I sorrow for me, not for them.
 
I have tried to tell others about this experience, so as to share the great knowledge that I have been given. Unfortunately, I don't believe that anyone has been influenced by my experience, except myself.  This is quite frustrating to me, since I feel I have the "Universal Knowledge" and I want to run and tell everybody.  But nobody wants to hear.   They have long established religious beliefs that they are not ready to give up.  Or else it is just too fantastic to believe. The truth be known, I'm not sure I would believe it myself, if it didn't happen to me.  But I am more than willing to take a lie detector test, if asked.
 
As soon as it happened, I went to the kitchen and started to tell my mother.  She quickly stopped me and sternly announced that  " Strange things happen to everyone.   But you keep them to yourself !"  That stopped me from telling anyone for a real long time. 
 
I was always a person who said, "If I see a UFO or have a paranormal experience (like seeing a ghost), I'm telling everyone".  But I was mistaken. Now I realize that nothing can be gained by sharing.  Either the person thinks that you are insane or a fool.  Plus, the truth be told, I would only believe in UFO's if I saw one myself. There is a pervasive attitude, in our society, that our reality, as we perceive it, must be protected at all costs. Even if it means condemning the truth-tellers unjustly.  I used to wonder if this was a organized effort by the government, so as not to upset the masses.  I now believe that it is some internal denial in each of us.  
 
Following the experience, I have tried to recreate it many times, with absolutely no results. I only had one other event in my life which reproduced a small part of the experience.  It was years later, when my heart went into atrial-fib.  I had to be hit with the paddles seven times to bring me back.  During that experience, I saw no light or tunnel and did not leave my body.  However, I did have the exact same feelings about universal order and the true nature of our lives. 
 
This experience hasn't changed my life from the outside.  However, on the inside, I live for the moment, try to remember that fear and pain are just part of life and I lost my fear of dying.   Like someone once said, we are not human individuals having a spiritual experience.  We are spiritual individuals having a human experience.  That is very much the truth.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     Uncertain

I was not on any medication or drugs at the time.  However, about 6 months earlier I had tried LSD.

I don't believe that had anything to do with the experience except it showed me that it was in no way a hallucination.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          No

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           Even though I had been tired I was totally alert, even hyper-alert during the experience.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   Only the reality challenging aspect of it.

There is no way that this was a dream. All dreams seem real to us. However, the instant you wake up you realize that it was a dream.  This was no dream.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes, White light or energy.  Gravity or barometric pressure had no effect.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Confused at first, I was just trying to figure out what was happening to me.

Then claustrophobia while separate but still inside the body.  Then fear turned to relief as I fled the body.  When the joy of freedom hit, it was complete freedom.  This moved immediately into complete remembrance and absolute knowledge. The release from troubles, pain, fear and pressure was ecstatic. But when I looked at my body and thought I was dead extreme fear hit me again until I was safely back in my body.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           No.

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?    No

Did you see a light?           No

Did you meet or see any other beings?           No

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?          No

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes

The knowledge I gained, I called "The Secrets of the Universe".   This knowledge was not learned.  It was too immediate for that to be true.  It felt like (and had to be) remembered.  As if a wall of denial was lifted.  I felt very much that we must all have this knowledge,  but we are either keeping it from ourselves, so as enjoy "life's little play", or we forget it when we are born.  But the "Universal order" was made very clear to me. We are beings of light and energy that live an eternity.  Our existence is very pleasant and not limited at all. In our place, we have eliminated pain. But to do that, we had to give up pleasure.  We have no sorrow but we also have no happiness. 

We have no tasks that we have to do, but we also have no sense of accomplishment.  No anger, but no joy. The result is a very pleasant nothingness. So, ever so often, we "sign-up" for an earthly visit.  I think this must happen many times but it could depend on the individual.  The human animal may have even been converted from a primal ape, just for this purpose. I don't know.

But I do know that we take the "human experience" ride, to feel all of the earthly pleasures, pains, joy and sorrow, that we can.  The knowledge of the true universal order is forgotten when you enter the human baby and is returned to you the moment you leave it.  So all of your human tragedies are not carried with you into eternity but rather cast off immediately.   Your "life's troubles" also take on a very different dimension.  They seem very silly and contrived.   Contrived by each of us to make our lives more interesting.   They have the same ring to them that a young child's troubles have.  You can see that they truly believe in the reality of their angst and fears but you (as an adult) know that they are actually safe and warm.  They just need a little comfort.  Maybe that is part of the reason why we go thru it too.

Anyway, at death we cast off fear and dread and emotional attachments like the memories of a forgotten dream.  This may not be easy to hear, for someone who believes that the deceased stay with us.  In reality, they leave as fast as they can to return to their former selves.  Like a character at the end of a movie, the earthly identity is quickly dissolved into nothingness.

These things I know for sure.  Unfortunately, I feel there may be other universal truths that were revealed to me but were forgotten when I returned to my body.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?             Uncertain

I sensed that the ceiling was very solid.

However, I did not try to pass through it.

Did you become aware of future events?       No

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       Yes

When I looked at my body and thought I was dead, I instantly made the decision to dive back into my body.  I believe I went in through the eyes but I am not positive of that.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Uncertain

I hate to mention this because I don't want the actuality of the experience to be blurred by something that could just be a feeling. Plus, I don't know if the two are even related.  But since I am confessing all, I will tell you.

    I feel as though I have healing hands (even though I have no proof of this).

There is a spot about the size of a quarter in the center of my palms that gets hot.  I can feel an energy field coming from it.  I have used this "power" many time and it almost always has very positive results.  It does not seem to work on myself however and I can't always conjure up the energy.

A couple of examples are:

In the 1980's my wife's heart failed. She was hospitalized and was immediately put on the list for a heart transplant.  I put my hands on her chest and the next morning, the doctor could find nothing wrong with her heart.  He was shocked but he released her that day.

My daughter was stillborne and I helped bring her back to the living.  A catscan revealed a large bleed on her brain.  The next one showed the brain had pulled away from the skull and shrivelled up.  We were devastated but I laid hands on her.  The next catscan revealed no bleed and no shrinkage.   The doctor was flabbergasted and accused someone of switching results.  When he found they were accurate, he said not only had he never seen that before but he had no way of understanding what happened.  When it was discovered later that she had a very serious curvature of the spine, years later, I laid hands on her again.  A retake of the x-ray showed no curvature at all.

There were others times, which ranged from relief of aching muscles to saving the life of the girl next door, who had drowned and turned blue.  Just touching her, not CPR, brought her fully back.

Of course, all of these events can be documented by the hospitals and witnesses and there were many other events but I don't want to dwell on them.  Like I said there is no proof that I affected these miracles.  They may have come from the people themselves.  But if the hands did heal, it is still not my doing but rather a force using me as an instrument.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes

Of course I did.  I describe it this way.

If you sat watching a puppet show for hours, without any previous knowledge of puppetry, you may not ever figure out how it is done.  But if the curtain were to drop, for even a second, you would have learned more about how it works in that second than in the hours of watching. 

Or perhaps a baffling magic trick revealed by a peek behind the curtain.

This was my peek behind the curtain of life.  It would be foolish not to acknowledge it.  All things spiritual now have to be held up to the event to see if they fit. 

Western religion speaks of the soul and everlasting life beyond death.  I know these to be facts.  However, the majority of the rest does not fit.  Eastern religions speak of reincarnation, so they are closer to the truth.  However, once again, certain things do not fit. 

This may sound funny, but the experience did not feel like a religious one.  I have not been drawn to any religion because of it.  My facts are much more concrete to me than any blind faith they may provide.

I did lose my fear of death and will welcome it when it happens.

Suicide and assisted suicide seem only a way for early release.  The stigma is gone but I feel that people who kill themselves probably regret not "playing the game" out to it's full conclusion.  I treasure every moment of life now and I am in no hurry for release.  But I know it will be waiting for me when I pass.  The passing of many friends, my father and grandparents has been made much easier from the knowledge that I gained.   

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       I have been married to my loving, caring wife for over 25 years and I have two beautiful children.  But I am not sure that even they believe the facts of my experience.  I'm not sure I would believe it myself, if it didn't happen to me.

I have not found a religion that can be supported by the knowledge that I have been given.  I have a job that supports me and my family.  That is all.  I enjoy every moment of life for what it is.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Uncertain

From the outside, no change is apparent.  On the inside, I live for the moment, try to remember that fear and pain are just part of life and I lost my fear of dying.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes

Unfortunately, I don't believe that anyone has been influenced by my experience, except myself.  This is quite frustrating to me, since I feel I have the universal knowledge and I want to run and tell everybody.  But nobody wants to hear.  They have long established religious beliefs that they are not ready to give up.  Or else it is just too fantastic to believe.

   As soon as it happened, I went to the kitchen and started to tell my mother.  She quickly stopped me and announced that "strange things happen to everyone.  But you keep them to yourself!"  That stopped me from telling anyone for a real long time. 

 I was always a person who said, if I see a UFO or have a paranormal experience (like seeing a ghost), I'm telling everyone.  But I was mistaken. Now I realize that nothing can be gained by sharing.  Either the person thinks that you are insane or a fool.  Plus, the truth be told, I would only believe in UFO's if I saw one myself.  There is a pervasive attitude, in our society, that our reality, as we perceive it, must be protected at all costs.  Even if it means condemning the true-tellers unjustly.  I used to wonder if this was a organized effort by the government, so as not to upset the masses.  I now believe that it is some internal denial in each of us.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Immediately after, I felt confusion, fear, joy and peace.  All at one time.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The best was gaining "the knowledge".

The worst was the fear that I was dead.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Uncertain

When my heart went into atrial-fib, years later I had to be hit with the paddles seven times to bring me back.  During that experience, I saw no light or tunnel and did not leave my body.  However, I did have the very same feelings about universal order and the true nature of our lives.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes

The things you asked about are what I tell someone, when I do try to share.  Reactions from others, for example, emotions and mostly knowledge gained.

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    The questions were well thought out and it felt good to get it off my chest.  You might ask "How do you interpret what happened to you?"