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Rich L's Experience

Experience description:   

After many months of studying the lives of Christian saints, so called Gurus from India and individuals from other cultures it became upon me in my gut I had to in fact be like them. It was quite a shock of realization. I had no idea how to go about that.  

I had a duty to clean up a forward compartment deep in the bowels of the ship. I vowed simply to go down and contemplate this situation. After the fifth time I vowed to not come out until whatever was to suppose to happen happened. All I did while I was down was to feel whatever it was I was feeling. For the most it was sheer terror and shock I was feeling for days prior. On the sixth time down to compartment I surrendered to fact this was it.  

Then I felt into this fear and shock. An direct intuition or insight for the lack of a better term. It came to me that I must die in order to go further with this. This was not a call to commit suicide. Rather a direct response to the fear and shock I felt. It was more a surrender to completely feel and be this fear and to submit to feeling it entirely and to do that I must be ready to die. I accepted that notion.  

When that occurred in an instant the whole compartment lit up with love and I felt myself disappear and lifted into and as light, love and life.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Yes  I felt an immediate call if you will that I had to be relinquished or be willing to die in order to fulfill this desire or obsession. I accepted.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     There are no words to fully communicate the nature of the experience. The experience was so powerful and complete. How can you explain your individual identity has no existence apart from everything around you and everything and you are light, life and love to infinity.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    The entire time for weeks afterward. Though after time the experience diminished. In its place a presence was always felt in my body and heart.  

A more  powerful experience occurred years later though.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   This is the crazy thing about it. I was still in the service and had to perform my duties while all this love and complete dissolution of self was occurring.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   I saw light surrounding and coming from every object and person around me all the time. I could instantly know what the person was feeling at times. I even felt love and devotion of an individual who also felt presence of God. During my second experience I saw many crazy things and could know what was about to happen at any give moment. I also felt I created life with every breath and my own life was free to create as I wished.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   I don't think I felt any difference in hearing.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   Yes   I saw a person dwelling on a thought that formed in front of his forehead. If I paid close attention I would know what was. I chose not to. I also saw many times balls of light floating. I saw light when I felt love pouring from my heart all the time.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   Complete overwhelming compassionate love pouring from the heart as everything I saw. I also felt my psychology or emotional state my normal sense of self and identity as a construct. I became to favor this in order to function normally. I had no will to function normally but I have to make a living. I always felt life as we know it truly is a cosmic joke and take it much too seriously.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   Yes   The light I saw was a glow around a person or all objects within my field of vision. The light intensified when I accepted and surrendered to the love presence I feel.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
The being if you will is felt as life itself all life all existence or my particular existence.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No   No I am not one to have visions. I am pretty down to earth. I can reason that people who describe same such experiences with contact with a known religious figure as a way of association that makes sense to them. The whole thing is so over  powering you think you are going crazy. So to hang to anything that makes sense is completely reasonable to me.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
Time has mo meaning in this type of experience except for practical purposes.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   Everything about the universe
When the second experience happened I felt I created this moment and everything in it with every breath. The second experience was so much more powerful and overwhelming.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   Yes
My own weakness as an individual in the every day pressures of life diminished this realization to a demoted experience. I think it was meant to go on infinitely.

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   No

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   I can only say I definitely died. Life does exist beyond death because our mind functions with our identity. I felt no boundaries. My daily life became heaven after death.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   Again the overwhelming love and joy can not be explained otherwise. God by definition is something the mind creates in order to say something about aspirations to feel love and compassion over and above yourself. I felt at the time no difference, "I" did not exist when the whole of the earth around you and the universe is the same as you and you are feeling everything as love and life.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   Yes- I only do not like to describe my experience in religious or any ones doctrinal set of beliefs. Which is why I am quite happy to call it a near death experience.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   Yes   The every day pressures of life may diminish this love and joy. I seemed to encounter greater challenges or crises if you will while it was going in both the first and second experience. Attention to responding took away from the being with this experience. Prayer and meditation put me back into a more direct contact.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   Yes   The every day pressures of life may diminish this love and joy. I seemed to encounter greater challenges or crises if you will while it was going in both the first and second experience. Attention to responding took away from the being with this experience. Prayer and meditation put me back into a more direct contact.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   Love is all encompassing and not personal.

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   Uncertain   I learned that fear and its effect on the body as shock is a cover for love and fully living life as a happy person. Its easy to be happy and to make everyone feel happy when they around me. That is what I am about.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes   I think what I experienced is the penultimate experience of mankind. Only a person who capable of maintaining the experience through out their entire life is better. I believe that would be a Jesus or Buddha or whoever. Somehow others unconsciously feel your condition of love and it effects them in different ways. To be conscious of fully feeling love as life is inherently rife with difficulty at least for me.

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   I feel enlightenment to be a dirty word. we need to find another way to communicate something that is the inheritance of every human being.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   Obviously I am writing this many years after the fact. I made a habit of writing a daily journal at the time for many years. Since the two experiences and a meaningful third emotional break through were the most powerful of my life. I have written in journals at the time both occurred.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   My ambitions became very practical. I felt capable of being a fully functioning member of society. Not so much before. I became more capable of dealing emotional issues.

My experience directly resulted in:  
Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?  
Yes   I think our beliefs are a societal necessity but not so much for the individual who is spiritual. Its a necessary step along the way. Once some sense of spirituality is attained then it must nurtured and tended to. There is nothing in my world that seems to know what that is so I will physically die one day and be happy to be the love and light that creates all existence without being an angel or a deity or anything but that.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   No       

Have you ever shared this experience with others?  
Yes  thirty years. I shared it briefly with my oldest stepdaughter after her Mom's passing (my wife). I have shared with no one else.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   No   I can remember when I was very young being shocked upon the realization that I must die at some time in my life. That gut reaction caused to me think seriously at what should be my goal in life.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   I am still trying to make sense of it. At times I thought I was going insane. I only felt sane when I prayed and meditated and the presence could be felt. Then I would feel love and see light.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   It doesn't matter that it happened to me. It matters that I communicate it if what I say is important for people to know. I have no interest in being part of anyone's club to investigate or research.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I became more outgoing and accepting of the world as it is.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   Prayer when I practice (not after) is a meditation or contemplation of presence. Presence for me normally occurs within the everyday actions of my daily life so I do not sit and pray. I pray and meditate while doing my everyday stuff.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   Yes   While driving the second more powerful experience occurred while driving. A bird hit my windshield. I took as an omen to or moment to fully surrender to death again. This was seven or eight years later after my military service. this time it was much encompassing and overwhelming.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   Probably tons more.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Uncertain   Again words do not help to describe it.

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?        None. I don't like clubs.

Please offer any suggestions that you may have to improve this questionnaire.  Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?                    Glad its over.