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Rachel S's Experience

Experience description:   

            My account of my death experience doesn't start until the fourth paragraph but I ask that you humor me and read the first three because they may be of interest to your research.  One day, in my mid twenties sometime, I remembered an experience I had.  This is probably the strangest part, one day I remembered being on the other side.  As I remembered it, I stood there bewildered, knowing that I hadn't dreamt it.  I knew this because at that stage I was still having nightmares every night so I am a very experienced dreamer and I know that when I have a vivid dream I know I have had it as soon as I wake up and it stays with me from there.  I also wasn't aware of an incident of dying and having this experience.  One day I just remembered it.   

At the age of nineteen I was seriously broken from my childhood, I had always functioned and was employed but at nineteen I began having flashbacks and falling apart.  My life had become overwhelming for me and one day I decided to take 18 panadol tablets to put me to sleep.  My aim was to be knocked out for a couple of days so I could have a break, I knew it was risky but I wasn't bothered by that at the time.  This resulted with me in hospital, getting my stomach pumped and a doctor asking me if I had really taken 18 panadol and that I was going to die if I had because it was no longer in my stomach.  I passed out the moment he finished asking me that question and the next thing I knew was I was violently ill, alive in a hospital bed.  I hadn't had a NDE but years later when I remembered my death experience I thought that maybe I died that day when I was nineteen and the doctor hadn't told me.   

Years later after I remembered being on the other side, maybe 6 or 7, Mum and I had an extensive conversation with my dead Grandma and I was asking Grandma questions and Mum was relaying her answers to me.  We have only had one very extensive conversation with Grandma because we felt displaced and exhausted for two days after.  Obviously Mum has some psychic abilities and I trust them implicitly these days because she told me that the terrorists were going to bomb London the day before they actually did.  Anyway, I asked Grandma about my memory of being on the other side and she told me that I hadn't died when I was nineteen and that my memory was from a time before the earth existed!! 

So, the first thing from my memory is I was standing in a place where everything was white.  In front of me was a big white stone building with three stairs leading up to it.  There was a young man standing on the top step, looking at me, we knew each other (my Grandma told me he was my angel during that conversation with mum in this life so I will refer to him as my angel from now on).  I knew that I had just arrived and felt like I had just been chased and closed a door behind and me got away from whoever was chasing me.  That's what it felt like from that perspective at the time but to me now it is obvious that I didn't get away, they got me and I died.  I looked up to my angel and asked, "What was that all about?'  All communication in this place was telepathic, this was not a big deal to me and was natural.  As I asked this I was referring to the life I had just left.  I was also feeling embarrassed and ruffled as I asked this question.  The ruffled feeling was from how I left my life but I didn't know why I was embarrassed.  He answered me, told me what life was all about in a few words and my response was, "Oh, of course, I knew that....oh well."  I shrugged my shoulders as I said this in a 'oh well never mind' sort of attitude.  I can't remember what his answer was even though I've tried very hard to.  My angel looked concerned in response to my attitude.  Next the thought from my angel was that we were entering the building through the door and the next thing was we were inside.  I don't remember us opening the door and entering.  It's like inside and outside were two separate times, like two separate chapters but they weren't because when we were inside, the door was behind us (I didn't look at it, I just knew it was) and we had just entered.  The building was one big room full of people, they were also all in white and chatting to each other, telepathically.  I didn't know them but I knew that they all knew me.  The ambiance was strange, like a wake, they were all chatting away softly to each other and they each had a long stemmed wine glass in their hand and I assumed they had wine in it.  I stood there looking at them with my angel, they were all dressed like my angel, it seemed he was like them.  I was aware that they were all aware of my presence but they didn't stop to look at me, they continued chatting in a low, quiet tone just like people do at a wake but these people weren't solemn.  That's where my memory ends, I didn't leave but I don't know if I stayed because I felt like they were different to me, higher or something, I felt like a visitor.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     It's hard to communicate that one day I remembered it, I didn't dream it, and I didn't die in this life but I strongly believe it to be a real memory, a vivid one that has always stayed with me.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain      I knew I was dead, I don't remember how I died or if I went back.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    I had the same alertness during the whole experience.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            I had the same alertness during the whole experience.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Uncertain      I don't remember, it seemed normal.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
            Yes     I was hearing people speaking but no-one actually spoke.  I could hear their thoughts when they expressed them without speaking.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Uncertain

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Ruffled is the only word I have for the way I felt at the beginning of the experience, embarrassment, curiosity, detachment

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Uncertain      I don't remember leaving my body, I just knew I had because I had left and finished my life.  I was on the other side from the beginning of the experience.

Did you see a light?           No      

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Uncertain      They looked like people but none were old or children and they felt different to me.  They were in the building and they did know me.  The one who met me at the door told me what my life was about and expressed concern at my attitude and the others didn't communicate anything directly to me.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           No           

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     It seems that we moved by thought.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Uncertain            It was special compared to normal life, like knowing that they knew me, the meaning of my life and knowing about telepathy but it was all just accepted and not really thought about there.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     The door was a boundary between outside and inside the building but I had already crossed the boundary to death from the initial moment I was there.  There didn't seem to be an option to go back, I didn't even consider it and I sensed from 'my angel' that it was final.

Did you become aware of future events?       No           

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Uncertain      I don't know if I did go back but the experience of remembering the experience has lead me to become very spiritual and develop some psychic gifts.  I have had visions that I sense are real and I can regularly receive other peoples thoughts before they speak them, I think I hear them even when they don't say them but there is no appropriate way to confirm that because they haven't spoken their thoughts.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I told Mum a couple of years after I remembered it.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No      

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was probably real    I'm talking about days after I remembered it, it was so profound that I didn't think about how real it was, I was mostly bewildered at where it had come from.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?    No specific parts, it was all meaningful.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real            Mum can concentrate on a person and see through their eyes and feel what they're feeling, I know she can do this because she allowed me to test her a number of times (God love her).  Mum has also predicted major events.  I believe my experience to be absolutely real because Mum confirmed it to me when we spoke to Grandma.  I was also profoundly changed by that particular conversation with Grandma by the content and the strange state I was in for two days after.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     I am acutely aware of my mortality and strive to make my life about love, I have become very spiritual and studied many NDEs (thanks to sites such as this one).  This has led me to understand what is important in life and I constantly strive to adhere to my ethics in relationships.  LOVE and GRATITUDE is all we need in relationships, the rest all flows from there.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?           
Yes     I was looking for a religion that would teach me honestly about God before I remembered this but couldn't find one and I have stopped looking for a long time now, since I remembered this and started my spiritual journey.   I have learned that we are all an expression of God and all I have to do is love in order to know God.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         Yes     I have dreamt I have been murdered three times, once I began leaving my body and it felt like I was being drawn out of my body through my shoulders and head.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        I am hoping you see the validity of my account even though it didn't happen in this life.  I was a very badly abused child, the type you can see in a very disturbing movie.  I started to fall apart at the age of nineteen and didn't want to live for a long time.  I was always caring to my family but I was unable to be constructive in relationships and was venomous to anyone who stepped on my toes.   This experience led me to keep finding the strength to live and endure my hellish life and now I appreciate my life and have a very loving life.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes     My experience has a different context but I feel I have been able to express it accurately and comprehensively.

Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?   No, it's good.