Paula R's Experience

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Experience description:   

I think my experience was not by accident or really intended for me to believe that it was an NDE, but actually I think it was given to me on purpose, and to deliver a very vital message to me that I very much needed to know at that time in my life!

I was undergoing surgery to get my old breast implants removed because one side had capsulated (the tissue around it had become hard, making the implant look weird) and I was getting better ones put in to replace the bad ones.  My first breast implant surgery was terrible, I ended up with bad scars on my breast, a lot of pain and infections, and instead of feeling better about myself and looks, I felt ugly and very depressed.  And being a dancer it was devastating! I hated myself!  And now I was going to get the problem fixed and the scars removed.  The surgery itself took over 10 hours!

For some reason, I knew weeks ahead of the surgery that I was to go through some kind of spiritual experience.  I just felt and knew this, I don't know how I knew, I just did.  The experience started, I assume, shortly after I was put under in the operating room.

The first thing I remember was just like floating upward like I was in a very peaceful state of limbo.  Then in an instant I was with a Being. I'm pretty sure that this Being was an angel, and I could almost swear that it was the Archangel Michael himself.  I have a very close relationship to this particular archangel for a few reasons, which I can tell you about later if you want to know.  That's a whole other story, lol!

Anyways, I was holding this angels hand, and as I looked down at his hand, I could tell it was a man's hand, it looked like a strong hand, yet he was holding my hand very gently.  He had on a soft cotton long robe that went down to his ankles and I could see his bare feet, which also looked like a man's feet.  I tried to look up at his face, but I couldn't, he was too bright, and it only blinded me, so I kept my face down.  I knew I wasn't pure enough to look and actually be able to see his face.  I felt kind of silly after that for even trying!

I looked around to see where I was and where we might be going but all I could see around me was whiteness and nothing else.  There was no landscape, no up or down, just whiteness for as far as I could see.  Then this angel started to just walk with me, and as I looked down I noticed that we were walking on these white rays of bent light!  That's the only way to describe them, we must have walked for like 10 miles or longer!

Then I started to receive thoughts and feelings, there was never any verbal words spoken, everything was through telepathy.  I felt so safe, so loved, so protected.  I felt like this place was where I had come from and I felt welcomed here, I belonged here.  It was like going back to a place that I was taken from a long time ago, I felt that I had missed this place for so long!  And the feelings of peacefulness, tranquility, huge LOVE, were so strong!  I was so relieved to be in this place. I was the happiest I can ever remember being! I felt God's true unconditional love, a love that no human could possibly give to me.  It was so awesome! I was a happy camper! But it also made me very sad, because I knew in my heart and soul that it would never be possible to ever find this kind of love from any human soul, it wasn't the human's fault, it was just that way.  The lesson I think I was supposed to learn was that it didn't matter if I ever found the so-called true love on earth, because it would be waiting for me after this life, and I would reunite with it again.

It was strange because the whole time I was at this strange place, I don't remember ever thinking or worrying about anything that I had left on earth or any of the people close to me in my earth life.  And I always thought that we would remember stuff like that, but I guess that's why I really believe this experience to be a lesson for me about love.

The feelings of love went on for awhile, I was soaking it all up.  Then, for the first time, the angelic Being actually verbally said, "Ok, bye Paula."  And I was like, "Huh, what?" And before I knew it, I was floating down into my body in the recovery room. I felt my ethereal body connecting with my real body, and then settling back down into my head and opening my eyes!  Weird!  And then that's when I realized I was back on earth!  To say it lightly, I was really pissed off!!  I was back on earth!!  I immediately started to cry uncontrollably, I was furious that this angel had made me come back here!!  I felt like I had been tricked into coming back, in a way.  That's why I think he spoke verbally to me in the end cause he was trying to throw me off so I wouldn't put up a fight to stay where I was, I was supposed to come back to earth, it wasn't my time yet to die, so to speak.

My best friend was in the recovery room and she ran to my side and kept asking me what was wrong, and I was crying so hard that I couldn't even talk or explain to her what had just happened!

She said to me that she knew I wasn't there, and then that's when I noticed that my feel were like burning up!  I said to her, "My feet, my feet, somebody massage my feet, they're on fire!" And the nurses pulled back the blankets around my feet and the bottoms of them were like bright red and hot to the touch!  I was trying to explain to my girlfriend that I had just walked like 10 miles on these white rays of bent light with an angel, lol, and she and the nurses looked at me confused!  So, my girlfriend kept rubbing my feet for me, until the hot feeling subsided.  It was like I actually brought that over from the other side!  I thought it was cool, or maybe it was intended for me to feel so I didn't think my experience was a dream or something but actually real and I did experience what I experienced.  I think it was intended to make me not doubt what happened to me or what I had felt.

After that experience I remember feeling a lot of evil in this world, and I felt as if there were very jealous entities out there that hated me for had experiencing what I had experienced. I felt like things were trying to suck the love out of me that I had received.  I don't know how to describe it any better than that.

Anyways, that's about it. About the white rays of light, I did a little research on them and they turned out to be the aurora borealis! I found pictures in books up at the university that looked exactly like those the angel walked with me on!  Cool, huh?

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     Uncertain

well, I've heard people and even my own doctor say that the anesthesia could have had something to do with my experience...but I know it did not!

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain

As far as I know the surgery I was having went smoothly, no one ever said otherwise to me about it.  It was however a long surgery, about 10 hours long.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           very alert, awake, attentive, I can still describe the whole experience like it happened yesterday!

Was the experience dream like in any way?   No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Uncertain