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Paula K's Experience

Experience description:   

In January of 2013, I entered a treatment facility for alcoholism and infidelity. A month into my treatment I came down with the flu and was prescribed Tamiflu, which I had an allergic reaction to. I had been in the process of writing my life story to present as an assignment and was having horrible feelings of shame. I was also in a state of horrendous fear that I would lose my husband and children. After about 2 hours after my first dose I awoke and began to feel as if I was sinking into a deep hole until I found myself at what appeared to be the bottom of a well. I thought I must be totally delirious and remember thinking I'd never had a flu this severe. I felt like something was wrong with my vision because I thought I was hallucinating colors and flashes of light, then suddenly I had a flash of my whole life go by in it's entirety and it was then I realized my thoughts were not coming from my body, they were coming from above and to the right of my body as if I was completely disconnected. I remember looking down at my body then turning away because I didn't want to see myself. I was very confused.

After I had the vision of my life I began to cry and sob at all the pain I'd caused to my loved ones. It was the most tremendous emotional pain, totally indescribable. I was feeling my pain, their pain, everyone's pain. I remember beginning to pray to God to heal me. I begged for him to take the pain away and I remember thinking that if I couldn't be healed that I would die. It seemed like I was in that well for eternity. The next thing I remember was waking up the next morning and walking down the stairs to get my meds. My head was still very fuzzy from the medication and I was telling the other girls that I had been out of my body. After two more doses of the medicine I thought I could be having an allergic reaction so I stopped the Tamiflu and went to see the doctor.

I told him that I had experienced being out of my body and he said I had an allergic reaction. Well it was a very short lived flu because the next day I was perfectly fine, in fact I felt like a new person and I was full of love for everyone. It was so amazing because I suddenly felt like I had this big secret, like I had discovered the keys to the universe. I felt one with my creator and overwhelmed with love and joy and compassion.  Everybody at the center was astounded at this transformation. I also had this surge of creativity. I went to a craft store and bought paints and my apartment began to look like an art studio. But the most amazing thing was the immense thirst for knowledge I acquired. I felt like overnight I had learned to speed read. I devoured books and began to understand the link between meditation and some sort of bliss I was having that at the time I had no idea what it was. I felt like I was healed from alcoholism and any other destructive behaviors. Of course I'd never say that out loud because we all know that addictions are not cured, only managed. Well, I now believe in miracles because I have not had a single urge. I'm now 9 months sober and I've continued to learn, grow, and create. The whole direction of my life has changed. I feel I'm at a choice point and I'm thinking of going to graduate school so that I can become intellectually aligned with some greater purpose. I've continued my meditation practice, have begun a kundalini yoga practice, and find great healing in my weekly drum circle. I have repaired my family and they are completely stunned at my transformation.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Uncertain   I was diagnosed positive for influenza and prescribed Tamiflu, which I had an allergic reaction to. I had a fever and no one to watch me, so it's unclear whether I lost consciousness or not. On top of that I was in a great deal of emotional stress as I was in a treatment center and writing my life story and was wracked with shame and guilt over hurting my family.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?....Yes....There are no words. Words would be an injustice to the experience.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?....More consciousness and alertness than normal    Unsure....Unsure

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.    Early in the experience I had bright flashes of color and light that I had never experienced before.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.    I didn't notice anything different except for hearing my own thoughts away from my body.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?    No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?....Sadness, guilt, shame, desperation  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?....No....

Did you see an unearthly light?....No....

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?....No   

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?....No   

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?....No....

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?....Some unfamiliar and strange place....

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?....Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning....It seemed fast at times, and slow at times, indescribable

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?....Everything about the universe....I felt I understood everything about the universe and united with the inverse afterwards, still feel that way.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?....No....

Did you come to a border or point of no return?....No....

Did scenes from the future come to you?....No....

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?....No....

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:....Large changes in my life....The whole direction of my life has changed as stated above. It's very easy to live consciously and contemplatively. I appreciate things at a much deeper level and have a very deep way of thinking, relating, and understanding of people, nature, events, art, music, philosophy, and animals.....

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?    Yes     Already explained.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?....Yes     I feel vibrations. I have a stronger awareness of how emotions affect my body. I can see my aura and other peoples aura. I have wild vivid dreams that I'm trying to understand. The two weeks directly after the experience I had 4 grotesque nightmares of being murdered and one of being dismembered. These nightmares are very intense but I don't fear them. Somehow when I'm in the dream, I'm able to understand that I'm dreaming. I've also had intense dreams about catastrophic events like tsunamis, tornadoes, military invasion, and the apocalypse.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes   I told my therapist when I got back to Austin. He was the one who told me I had an NDE. I didn't even think of it that way because I didn't feel my life was threatened because all I had was influenza.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?....Yes     All I knew of NDE was about the book, Life after Death, that came out in the 70s. I never read it because I thought it sounded ridiculous.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:....Experience was definitely real    I was in utter shock that what I previously believed to be hogwash was totally real.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:....Experience was definitely real....I know it's real because of how my life has changed.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?....Yes....My husband and I have been able to move past my hurtful actions that brought me to treatment, and my daughter and I have repaired our relationship.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?....Yes   

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?....No   

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?    Yes   

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     It's all significant to me, but mostly that I feel like I begged for healing and received it, and now I have an opportunity to lead this rich life and hopefully find my true purpose. I cherish the experience and I want to cultivate and nourish it.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?....No.