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Patrick M's Experience

Experience description:   

My first memorable awareness of existence was being in a pushing, shoving crowd of spiritual beings like myself. Our form was human in appearance minus bodies of flesh. There were more participants than could be counted. All where I was located were formed in a line that ran from left to right. From rear to front the crowd appeared to consist of 15 to 25 beings. To the right the line seemed to continue without discernible end. To the left the line was much shorter, and appeared to run for what seemed like 50 to 75 yards (or meters). The line continually surged forward but was restrained from gaining ground, yet the attempt to move ahead was ceaseless . There was no violence among participants, only the urgent effort to move forward. There was much jostling within the group and I was uncomfortable with the knocking about. I too felt the need to go forward, like a salmon swimming upstream.

To our front was the throne of God and He was seated upon it. We were unable to see Him or the throne in the distance yet we knew He was there. Light from the throne lit the sky above with a natural yellow-golden radiating glow. Each person was driven forward by their love of God, their creator. That love was boundless and the need to express it to Him was personally urgent and consuming. Nothing else mattered at that time. All in that seething mass had the same goal. I was among that number. We were all restrained from attaining our destination by a clearly established non-physical boundary that could not be crossed. I think there was a divine security force in place whose presence was enough to prevent access to God. There was such pandemonium that I do not recall exactly how that restraint was accomplished. It clearly was necessary to restrain the mass lest the participants be out of control in their desire to see God and tell Him of their love for Him. There seemed to be no logic or judgement in play; behavior was driven by a compelling instinct or emotion.

We were trying to approach the throne from its left side. I do not know how I knew that. I became frustrated with the lack of progress in moving ahead. I grew tired of being knocked about in the surging mass. I seemed to be a slightly smaller than most of the others and I knew I couldn't force my way ahead. I backed out of the mob, turned left, and made my way behind them to the end of the line, which was a fairly short distance away. Once at the end, I turned to my right and made my way along the line which faced the front of the throne. After some distance I chose a place to try and move forward to God. The barrier remained, my attempt to personally express my love to God was unsuccessful. My disappointment, sadness and heartbreak were very great.

An idea came to me. I would come to earth and live a perfect sin-free life to express my love and devotion for God. It was my hope that by honoring Him in this way that I would be recognized and brought into His presence. Then I could tell Him of my great love and adoration. Looking back, I now see that I wanted to worship Him in person. Apparently all in the crowd had that same intent... personal worship of God.

With great exuberance and not a hint of reservation I told my plan to anyone who would listen. There seemed to be very open communication among those present, as well as a purity of emotion. I had no shyness or reluctance to engage others in conversation, which appeared to be some form of telepathy. So I continued sharing my idea with others, becoming part politician and part salesman. Some of those I spoke to were members of the general population; ordinary spirit forms who may/may not come to earth as humans in the flesh. Other spirit beings were different. They appeared to be, for lack of a better descriptive term, members of the divine staff. They had responsibilities within the spiritual realm and did not appear to be involved with coming to earth in human form.

I do not recall the number of beings I spoke to, nor for how long a period. Time was irrelevant. On earth my behavior would have made me an intolerable pest without manners and good judgement. I had become my own lobbyist in a fervent effort to carry out my plan. Eventually someone came and to me and took me to the spiritual gatekeeper responsible for sending people to earth. He was a very senior male figure with a formidable appearance, complete with beard. He had no apparent sense of humor and time was of the essence with him. His behavior was brusque, strictly business and all contact with him was brief and to the point. I do not think this was God. He was, however, someone with a mission and he was clearly committed to his work. Whether the only gatekeeper or one of many I do not know.

The gatekeeper said 'There is a life available that you would be acceptable (or suited) for. It will be very difficult and there will be much hardship. You do not have to accept it.' It sounded to me like I was being offered a part in a play. Overjoyed and enthusiastic beyond words, I snapped at it. 'Yes, I'll take it. I'll go.' 'You do not understand,' the gatekeeper said. 'This life will be so difficult that if you take it, you may not not be able to return here.' At this point I told him I still wanted to accept the life he had described. 'No,' he said. 'You must think this over carefully before you can accept..' He then summoned two escorts who walked me to a place of contemplation. At that point everything changed. The experiences I recall up to this point were in shades of gray, like early 1950's television programming picked up on an old fashioned indoor rabbit-ear antenna. Images are not clear and sharp. Some are like a fog parted, then closed. Others as though there was a weak television signal or electrical interference. But when I got to the place the escorts took me things were very different. I found myself in an idyllic place of wondrous richly colored natural beauty and total peace. I was on high, grassy ground overlooking a wonderous meadow which flowed downhill into a valley. The view stretched to the horizon. It was a scene of perfection with a sky of perfect blue, a sun which provided a perfect light and a perfect temperature. It was quiet and a place of complete calm, less, perhaps, the gentlest breeze. The colors were rich and deep, almost vibrant. There I sat and marveled until my escorts returned. In earth time, which doesn't exist there, I may have sat for an hour, perhaps less.

The escorts arrived and took me back to the gatekeeper. I do not recall conversing with them as we moved to and from the place of contemplation. I stood before the gatekeeper. He was to my left front at his station a few feet distant. I told him with just a few words that I accepted the offered life wanted to go. He said nothing but gave me a glance of what appeared to be condescension. It seemed he thought me foolish in my choice and for an instant I wondered if he was right. I made a one-third turn to my right and stepped forward into what appeared to be a dark cloud. I instantly began a head down descent. I arrived in an instant. In a dark place I saw the skeleton of an infant and the dark outline of its flesh. The baby's head was turned to the right. The bones were slightly darker than white. I saw the sternum and ribcage, and entered the body by passing through the sternum. All faded to black.

I was born prematurely and had a low birthweight. It was doubtful that I would live. A life of struggle had begun, and it would include poverty, hunger, major physical abuse and more. What I agreed to has indeed transpired.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? No

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience? Awake and alert. What I have provided you is more a matter of clarity of recollection of experience, which varies from somewhat obscure to clear.

Was the experience dream like in any way? No.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes At that time I had no physical body. I was myself in spirit. There were no mirrors so I do not know what I looked like. Other spirits I saw had human form.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Disappointment, sadness, delight, exuberance, joy, peace and calm. Also indescribable love of God. Emotions matched the circumstances experienced, just as on earth. Emotions in our earthly life mirror those experienced in spirit. I do not recall ever experiencing a negative emotion while in spirit.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises? No.

LOCATION DESCRIPTION: Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures? Yes I was in the place where God exists. I do not recall locations being discussed or evident. What was, was. There were many spirit beings there. Some served God in some way, others were more rank and file who could possibly come to earth in human form.

Did you see a light? Yes Light emitted from the vicinity of God's throne. It was the only light source I recall, except for the sun as described in the text.

Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes Yes. Those I recall were in human form. I knew no one and that did not seem to matter one bit. A general openness seemed to exist among spirit beings. There was no communication I recall among the beings trying to make their way to God. The were like love driven lemmings following their instincts and emotions. What I communicated to anyone I could get to listen was my desire to come to earth to live a life of perfection in order to honor God. My hope was to gain contact with Him. My idea worked as intended at the outset, the rest has been naive folly.

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different? Yes Sight existed. Speech was not used as communication was apparently done with telepathy. I don't recall hearing anything; again, communication was telepathic. Touch existed because I recall being knocked about while in the group of spirit beings trying to get to God. If a sense of smell existed it was only at the place of contemplation.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Yes Time was different. There seemed to be no sense of it. Only the gatekeeper displayed an interest in time, and he likely had a great deal of work to do.

On earth we are focused on our planetary time in relation to our 70 year life expectancy. Where I was it there was no night or day that I recall, nor a need to eat, drink or sleep. Spirits seemed to be beings of some form of divine energy that needed no support or maintenance, save their love of God.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes There was a boundary around the area surrounding the throne of God which was impassable. I do not recall it being visible. I do not recall if protective beings were present or not. I tend to believe so but cannot confirm it by memory. I do know the barrier could not be breached by those who tried.

Did you become aware of future events? No

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body? Yes I made a decision to come to a body and had no knowledge of what body it would be. I was delighted when my request was granted.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? Uncertain I was born to a mother who was very spiritual and had extraordinary psychic ability. I have inherited a small portion of her aptitude. I do not know if there is any connection existing between my pre-birth experience and the person designated to be my mother.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? No

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices? I have lived with this my entire life. It happened to me and is part of my memory. I do not try to push my experience on others. I do not let differing opinions sway my view. I have had so many unlikely experiences in my life that I simply accept them. I have definitely learned to heed psychic warnings.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? No

Have you shared this experience with others? Yes Yes, occasionally in conversation. People are usually polite but skeptical. I once spoke at an IANDS meeting on another topic. I was asked about pre-birth memories and provided a less detailed affirmative response. A man spoke to me as the meeting was breaking up and described an almost identical experience. The major difference was that I volunteered and he got drafted into coming to earth. His inclination was to stay where he was. He is apparently wiser than I was.

What emotions did you experience following your experience? My emotions, as described, occurred during the experience, not following. I am not emotional now, nor was I at any time, while in the flesh with regard to this memory.

What was the best and worst part of your experience? The best was experiencing success at implementing my plan.

The worst continues with the experience of life. There is hatred, cruelty and horror to be experienced in this life. Those things steal away goodness and innocence from a person's soul. We learn from our experiences and become the product of them. I am not the person now that I once was. The gatekeeper was right. I don't think I am going to make it back to the place I started from.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience? No. I have been candid and forthright with the details as I recall them. I have nothing to add at this time.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes To the best of my knowledge, yes. My goal is to provide accurate information to those who study these experiences. At my age it is apparent that my life is drawing to its natural conclusion. The time for me to provide this to you is now, and to do it as precisely as I can. Anything other than accuracy and truth diminish its value.

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire. Not to my knowledge.