Patrick M's Experience
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Experience description:
My first memorable
awareness of existence was being in a pushing, shoving crowd of spiritual beings
like myself. Our form was human in appearance minus bodies of flesh. There were
more participants than could be counted. All where I was located were formed in
a line that ran from left to right. From rear to front the crowd appeared to
consist of 15 to 25 beings. To the right the line seemed to continue without
discernible end. To the left the line was much shorter, and appeared to run for
what seemed like 50 to 75 yards (or meters). The line continually surged forward
but was restrained from gaining ground, yet the attempt to move ahead was
ceaseless . There was no violence among participants, only the urgent effort to
move forward. There was much jostling within the group and I was uncomfortable
with the knocking about. I too felt the need to go forward, like a salmon
swimming upstream. To our front was the throne of God and He was seated
upon it. We were unable to see Him or the throne in the distance yet we knew He
was there. Light from the throne lit the sky above with a natural yellow-golden
radiating glow. Each person was driven forward by their love of God, their
creator. That love was boundless and the need to express it to Him was
personally urgent and consuming. Nothing else mattered at that time. All in that
seething mass had the same goal. I was among that number. We were all restrained
from attaining our destination by a clearly established non-physical boundary
that could not be crossed. I think there was a divine security force in place
whose presence was enough to prevent access to God. There was such pandemonium
that I do not recall exactly how that restraint was accomplished. It clearly was
necessary to restrain the mass lest the participants be out of control in their
desire to see God and tell Him of their love for Him. There seemed to be no
logic or judgement in play; behavior was driven by a compelling instinct or
emotion. We were trying to approach the throne from its left
side. I do not know how I knew that. I became frustrated with the lack of
progress in moving ahead. I grew tired of being knocked about in the surging
mass. I seemed to be a slightly smaller than most of the others and I knew I
couldn't force my way ahead. I backed out of the mob, turned left, and made my
way behind them to the end of the line, which was a fairly short distance away.
Once at the end, I turned to my right and made my way along the line which faced
the front of the throne. After some distance I chose a place to try and move
forward to God. The barrier remained, my attempt to personally express my love
to God was unsuccessful. My disappointment, sadness and heartbreak were very
great. An idea came to me. I would come to earth and live a
perfect sin-free life to express my love and devotion for God. It was my hope
that by honoring Him in this way that I would be recognized and brought into His
presence. Then I could tell Him of my great love and adoration. Looking back, I
now see that I wanted to worship Him in person. Apparently all in the crowd had
that same intent... personal worship of God. With great exuberance and not a hint of reservation I
told my plan to anyone who would listen. There seemed to be very open
communication among those present, as well as a purity of emotion. I had no
shyness or reluctance to engage others in conversation, which appeared to be
some form of telepathy. So I continued sharing my idea with others, becoming
part politician and part salesman. Some of those I spoke to were members of the
general population; ordinary spirit forms who may/may not come to earth as
humans in the flesh. Other spirit beings were different. They appeared to be,
for lack of a better descriptive term, members of the divine staff. They had
responsibilities within the spiritual realm and did not appear to be involved
with coming to earth in human form. I do not recall the number of beings I spoke to, nor
for how long a period. Time was irrelevant. On earth my behavior would have made
me an intolerable pest without manners and good judgement. I had become my own
lobbyist in a fervent effort to carry out my plan. Eventually someone came and
to me and took me to the spiritual gatekeeper responsible for sending people to
earth. He was a very senior male figure with a formidable appearance, complete
with beard. He had no apparent sense of humor and time was of the essence with
him. His behavior was brusque, strictly business and all contact with him was
brief and to the point. I do not think this was God. He was, however, someone
with a mission and he was clearly committed to his work. Whether the only
gatekeeper or one of many I do not know. The gatekeeper said 'There is a life available that
you would be acceptable (or suited) for. It will be very difficult and there
will be much hardship. You do not have to accept it.' It sounded to me like I
was being offered a part in a play. Overjoyed and enthusiastic beyond words, I
snapped at it. 'Yes, I'll take it. I'll go.' 'You do not understand,' the
gatekeeper said. 'This life will be so difficult that if you take it, you may
not not be able to return here.' At this point I told him I still wanted to
accept the life he had described. 'No,' he said. 'You must think this over
carefully before you can accept..' He then summoned two escorts who walked me to
a place of contemplation. At that point everything changed. The experiences I
recall up to this point were in shades of gray, like early 1950's television
programming picked up on an old fashioned indoor rabbit-ear antenna. Images are
not clear and sharp. Some are like a fog parted, then closed. Others as though
there was a weak television signal or electrical interference. But when I got to
the place the escorts took me things were very different. I found myself in an
idyllic place of wondrous richly colored natural beauty and total peace. I was
on high, grassy ground overlooking a wonderous meadow which flowed downhill into
a valley. The view stretched to the horizon. It was a scene of perfection with a
sky of perfect blue, a sun which provided a perfect light and a perfect
temperature. It was quiet and a place of complete calm, less, perhaps, the
gentlest breeze. The colors were rich and deep, almost vibrant. There I sat and
marveled until my escorts returned. In earth time, which doesn't exist there, I
may have sat for an hour, perhaps less. The escorts arrived and took me back to the
gatekeeper. I do not recall conversing with them as we moved to and from the
place of contemplation. I stood before the gatekeeper. He was to my left front
at his station a few feet distant. I told him with just a few words that I
accepted the offered life wanted to go. He said nothing but gave me a glance of
what appeared to be condescension. It seemed he thought me foolish in my choice
and for an instant I wondered if he was right. I made a one-third turn to my
right and stepped forward into what appeared to be a dark cloud. I instantly
began a head down descent. I arrived in an instant. In a dark place I saw the
skeleton of an infant and the dark outline of its flesh. The baby's head was
turned to the right. The bones were slightly darker than white. I saw the
sternum and ribcage, and entered the body by passing through the sternum. All
faded to black. I was born prematurely and had a low birthweight. It
was doubtful that I would live. A life of struggle had begun, and it would
include poverty, hunger, major physical abuse and more. What I agreed to has
indeed transpired. On earth we are focused on our planetary time in
relation to our 70 year life expectancy. Where I was it there was no night or
day that I recall, nor a need to eat, drink or sleep. Spirits seemed to be
beings of some form of divine energy that needed no support or maintenance, save
their love of God. The worst continues with the experience of life. There is hatred, cruelty and
horror to be experienced in this life. Those things steal away goodness and
innocence from a person's soul. We learn from our experiences and become the
product of them. I am not the person now that I once was. The gatekeeper was
right. I don't think I am going to make it back to the place I started from.
Any associated medications or
substances with the potential to affect the experience?
No
Was the kind of experience difficult to
express in words? No
At the time of this experience, was there
an associated life threatening event?
No
What was your level of consciousness and
alertness during the experience?
Awake and alert. What I have provided you is more a matter of clarity of
recollection of experience, which varies from somewhat obscure to clear.
Was the experience dream like in any way?
No.
Did you experience a separation of your
consciousness from your body? Yes
At that time I had no physical body. I was myself in spirit. There were
no mirrors so I do not know what I looked like. Other spirits I saw had human
form.
What emotions did you feel during the
experience? Disappointment, sadness,
delight, exuberance, joy, peace and calm. Also indescribable love of God.
Emotions matched the circumstances experienced, just as on earth. Emotions in
our earthly life mirror those experienced in spirit. I do not recall ever
experiencing a negative emotion while in spirit.
Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?
No.
LOCATION DESCRIPTION:
Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar
religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or
amazing creatures? Yes
I was in the place where God exists. I do not recall locations being
discussed or evident. What was, was. There were many spirit beings there. Some
served God in some way, others were more rank and file who could possibly come
to earth in human form.
Did you see a light?
Yes Light emitted from
the vicinity of God's throne. It was the only light source I recall, except for
the sun as described in the text.
Did you meet or see any other beings?
Yes Yes. Those
I recall were in human form. I knew no one and that did not seem to matter one
bit. A general openness seemed to exist among spirit beings. There was no
communication I recall among the beings trying to make their way to God. The
were like love driven lemmings following their instincts and emotions. What I
communicated to anyone I could get to listen was my desire to come to earth to
live a life of perfection in order to honor God. My hope was to gain contact
with Him. My idea worked as intended at the outset, the rest has been naive
folly.
Did you experiment while out of the body
or in another, altered state? No
Did you observe or hear anything regarding
people or events during your experience that could be verified later?
No
Did you notice how your 5 senses were
working, and if so, how were they different?
Yes Sight existed.
Speech was not used as communication was apparently done with telepathy. I don't
recall hearing anything; again, communication was telepathic. Touch existed
because I recall being knocked about while in the group of spirit beings trying
to get to God. If a sense of smell existed it was only at the place of
contemplation.
Did you have any sense of altered space or
time? Yes Time
was different. There seemed to be no sense of it. Only the gatekeeper displayed
an interest in time, and he likely had a great deal of work to do.
Did you have a sense of knowing, special
knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?
No
Did you reach a boundary or limiting
physical structure? Yes
There was a boundary around the area surrounding the throne of God which
was impassable. I do not recall it being visible. I do not recall if protective
beings were present or not. I tend to believe so but cannot confirm it by
memory. I do know the barrier could not be breached by those who tried.
Did you become aware of future events?
No
Were you involved in or aware of a
decision regarding your return to the body?
Yes I made a decision
to come to a body and had no knowledge of what body it would be. I was delighted
when my request was granted.
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or
other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the
experience? Uncertain
I was born to a mother who was very spiritual and had extraordinary
psychic ability. I have inherited a small portion of her aptitude. I do not know
if there is any connection existing between my pre-birth experience and the
person designated to be my mother.
Did you have any changes of attitudes or
beliefs following the experience? No
How has the experience affected your
relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?
I have lived with this my entire life. It
happened to me and is part of my memory. I do not try to push my experience on
others. I do not let differing opinions sway my view. I have had so many
unlikely experiences in my life that I simply accept them. I have definitely
learned to heed psychic warnings.
Has your life changed specifically as a
result of your experience? No
Have you shared this experience with
others? Yes
Yes, occasionally in conversation. People are usually polite but skeptical. I
once spoke at an IANDS meeting on another topic. I was asked about pre-birth
memories and provided a less detailed affirmative response. A man spoke to me as
the meeting was breaking up and described an almost identical experience. The
major difference was that I volunteered and he got drafted into coming to earth.
His inclination was to stay where he was. He is apparently wiser than I was.
What emotions did you experience following
your experience? My emotions, as
described, occurred during the experience, not following. I am not emotional
now, nor was I at any time, while in the flesh with regard to this memory.
What was the best and worst part of your
experience? The best was experiencing
success at implementing my plan.
Is there anything else you would like to
add concerning the experience? No. I
have been candid and forthright with the details as I recall them. I have
nothing to add at this time.
Following the experience, have you had any
other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part
of the experience? No
Did the questions asked and information
you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?
Yes To the best of my
knowledge, yes. My goal is to provide accurate information to those who study
these experiences. At my age it is apparent that my life is drawing to its
natural conclusion. The time for me to provide this to you is now, and to do it
as precisely as I can. Anything other than accuracy and truth diminish its
value.
Please offer any suggestions you may have
to improve this questionnaire. Not to
my knowledge.