Patricia S's Experience

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Experience description:   

When I was about 3 years old, perhaps close to 4, I lived in a semi-countrylike setting.  It was safe there and I was wandering through a field by myself. It was a warm, sunny day, probably in spring or early summer.  As I looked at the beauty of nature all around me I had my first introspective moment.  This was because my feeling were flip flopping back and forth so much that I had to take notice of my own inner workings! 

First I would feel joy because the lovely scene from nature before me reminded me of "where I came from."  (I always assumed this place was Heaven, though I don't remember when I actually used that word, in my head, to identify the place.)  But shortly after feeling the joy of being reminded of "where I came from" I would feel rather upset and unhappy because I was not THERE and THERE was soooo much more wonderful than this world!  It was as if I was looking at the picture of a loved one and feeling joy at the sight of that face, but knowing that after all the picture was just a two dimensional object not the real, living, wonderful person. This world is like that - in it's most beautiful moments it is no more than a pale reflection at best compared to the reality of Heaven. 

So the feelings of a child's heart went, back and forth, joy and then disappointment and sadness,  back and forth. 

I had many disillusioning experiences with "religion" while growing up, and

the childhood experience helped me not to become a complete atheist - though sometimes I would say that I was one. I have actually since come to a complete belief in the Bible.  I believe that the Bible hints at a pre existence of the soul and understand that the ancient Rabbis also accepted this concept, and called the pre-existent state "Gup."   

It is interesting to see, reading through many of the NDEs that one does not necessarily have to have an NDE to share in some of their insights and experiences.  For example in one NDE story I read something I felt was shown to me while very much alive:  We never really love with our own love.  All true love flows through us from the Father and His Son.  There is much more I could say that I have experienced as mentioned in your stories, without having an NDE, but I guess it is really not necessary.  It is not a unique thing for our Heavenly Father to communicate with us and teach us in life or in NDE.  Many people will know that what I am saying is true.  Thank goodness we don't have to die to learn a great deal!  But thank goodness for your site and for all the wonderful stories shared here.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    The whole time.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    Normal consciousness and alertness

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     Only in the sense that I was (dimly) "seeing" into the pre-birth past "where I came from."

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?            No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Alternating joy and sadness.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No       It helps me to know beyond doubt that there is a Heaven to go to and that life is not meaningless and random.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No       But I have certainly had prophetic experiences - later verified - since then, and not through NDE, as I have never had an NDE.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes     I only knew that there is a place where I pre existed that I was dimly remembering and that it is the "real" world and that all that is wonderful is there.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No       I just wandered off in my little 3 year old world, not saying anything to anyone, not even having the language skills to articulate the experience to another person, or even having the thought in my head to do so.  Most of life is a wonder at that age, and this particular experience was just another of those wonders at the time.

Did you become aware of future events?       No
            I have been shown a few future events as an adult  - both in my personal life and nationally - and they have come true with surprisingly statistical improbability.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     Yes     I don't really like to talk about them too much.  I believe as one gets closer and closer to the Holy Spirit, He does reveal things to us, as it says in the Bible He will.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I didn't share this experience until I was well into adulthood, as it just didn't occur to me to do so. I have shared it with a few others here and there over the years, though. I seem to be surrounded by basically tolerant people who just listen and don't put things down, though they don't necessarily believe spiritual experiences one way or another either!

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    I don't remember consciously thinking about the experience again until I was a young teenager.  I do not know why it occurred to me to reflect on it then.  I was the opposite of religious - very rebellious, prideful and pseudo intellectual.  Perhaps the Lord prompted me to stop and think about that childhood experience in order to soften my hardening heart.  I don't really know for sure, though.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?    I am just very grateful that the Lord allowed me a little glimpse of "where I came from."  It has been very comforting to me to know that there is wonderful place to go back to.  Again, this experience kept me from being totally cynical about religious experiences, also.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real    I can't verify the experience scientifically, but it seems improbable that a 3 year old child would independently come up with such ideas.  And it is very interesting to read NDEs where people talk of "going home" when they go to Heaven.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     I think any time you are given a glimpse of Heaven you tend to be more loving and tolerant of others because you have - hope!

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?           
Yes            Though I am a Bible believing Christian, I do not feel that most in Christianity believe we pre existed.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?         
Not really.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.  Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?      Not really.  You seem pretty thorough.  (But let me know if you decide to publish this story.  Though it is not an actual NDE, I hope it may be a door to faith for someone/s.)