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Pamela B's Experience

Experience description:   

When I was a teenager, I would often experience insomnia, tossing and turning at bedtime for hours.  During this particular night at age 14, I was upset and crying--I was feeling depressed because I felt my childhood was miserable.  My father emotionally/mentally abused me for years. I was also sexually abused several times.  I felt very lonely, and felt horrible about school, my self-esteem, and just about everything else.  However, I had never taken any medications and never have talked to a counselor.  I have always considered myself a very strong person, and felt I had the strength to overcome this childhood.  I knew someday I would be free and independent. 

After crying myself to sleep, it seemed to happen almost immediately when my mind slipped into the sleep stage.  It came upon me so quickly.  First, there was a high pitched ringing in my ears.  Then I couldn't move--I felt paralyzed.  Everything was dark, and it felt as though my mind was empty.  This is the hard part to explain--it felt as though every cell in my body was "speeding up" or spinning at the speed of light.  There also felt like there was electricity shocking my brain.  I could picture these electrical shocks and currents inside my head (that came from no where?). 

At this point, I became frightened and remember that at the time, I thought I was having or was going to have a seizure.  I could not get the seizure thoughts out of my mind.  Although I was terrified and felt that I could somehow stop this, at the same time I was extremely curious and let it go on.  Next, all my atoms or cells started vibrating intensely.  They were shaking after the speeding up/spinning part--I cannot explain how I knew that these were individual cells or atoms vibrating.  The vibration became more and more intense--this is when it felt somewhat painful, kind of like an earthquake in my body.  Then suddenly, my spirit pushed very hard out of my chest.  I felt my soul going through my physical body.  Then I remember feeling as though my soul was traveling upward through a sort of tunnel.  I could not see this tunnel, but somehow I just knew it was a tunnel.  It was a black tunnel. 

Now I began to think I was now in the process of dying.  As soon as my soul came out and I started going up the tunnel, there was a small circle of white light.  It was sort of a dim circle at the time.  Then the light got closer and closer, while I felt this circle above me and the tunnel.  The circle was expanding in the black.  The circle got bigger and bigger, or I got closer to the light.  I felt much emotion at this time--bewilderment, fear, but also love at the same time.  Even though I now felt for sure that I was dying, I was amazed and curious and scared all at the same time.  I felt an intense sense of peace, love and freedom.  Fear and joy all at once.  Then I sensed if I let this continue, and the circle of light gets big enough to erase all the darkness, and I enter it, that I would die and never return to my body.  It seemed I wasn't supposed to die, so I quit traveling to the light and came out of this "trance" by going back into my body and opening my eyes to stop this. 

After going back into my body and opening my eyes, I was at the normal, awake state of consciousness again.  I was wondering what just happened. 

When I "awoke", I felt physical after-effects in my brain.  This is why I am truly 100% sure this was not just a dream.  My brain actually hurt for a long time afterwards.  I felt as though I was given shock treatments in my head (I assumed this is what they would feel like).  My brain felt "fried", and that my head was actually burnt inside from the electricity.  Like it was sizzling after the electrical currents stopped.  This part is hard to explain, but although I have never been electrocuted, I felt that this is what one would feel like afterwards if they received strong electrical currents on their head.  This physical pain hurt for almost an hour afterwards. 

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No      

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     Bodily physics, emotions and sensory aspects difficult to explain in words but mostly difficult for others to understand.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          No      

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           I felt I was neither awake nor asleep.  I remembered the experience as if I was awake.  I remember it more vividly than any dream I've ever experienced.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   Not at all.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes     I did not look back at my body.  I just "knew" that my consciousness/soul came out of my body and were completely separated.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Fear and curiosity, then love, peace, and freedom.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           Yes, there was a loud ringing in my ears.  I also could hear my cells or atoms in my body vibrating then shaking.  I could here the shaking--it is hard to explain.  When I left my body, everything was silent.

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?    No           

Did you see a light?           Yes     Described above as a small dim circle that kept getting bigger and brighter as I traveled upwards through a tunnel.  I sometimes wonder if this is similar to being born and leaving the birth canal, leaving the darkness and going out toward the light.  This sort of made sense that I thought I was dying, and if the darkness disappeared and I was totally immersed in the light, that I would have died (then I would be reborn?).

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?          Yes     I felt I had more than the normal 5 senses.  I felt I was in another time/space/dimension/state of consciousness.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     I felt one with the world.  I felt anything was everything.  There was nothing and everything at the same time.  As if the whole world is intangible.  As if the whole world was an emotion or an energy.  It seemed to be another dimension we are all capable of experiencing. As if it's there, but most don't know how to sense it.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes     I felt that I was meant to experience this to help me get through a terrible time in my life, and to open my mind.  It seemed this experience was meant to be, and that it would somehow relate to who I am and what I do in the future.  I felt I gained knowledge about the universe that most people do not have.  After this experience, I felt a total sense of calm and much of my fear and self-doubt disappeared.  I felt so strong, so individualistic, so connected to the spiritual world, so free.  I had the knowledge that everything would be "ok", that everything is pre-destined, that everything happens for a reason, and that we as a society have 1 common purpose and goal.   Since this experience, I feel that I somehow just "know" this is the truth.  I became stronger, wiser, and had a sense of peace and nonchalant ness toward a lot of the world, that I still carry with me today.  I feel that material and tangible things serve such minimal purposes, and the consciousness/spirit is everything.  I feel I now know where are society is heading, and what we will become in the future.  I know I can't explain this too well, and I know it to be true, although the majority of the population can't see it or won't see it this way.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?             Uncertain      It wasn't a physical boundary, but I felt as though if I traveled totally into the white light, and all the darkness disappeared, that I would be physically dead.

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes     As I said above, I feel that I was going to live a physically long life to be able to contribute something important such as a knowledge about the unknown to humanity.

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       Yes     I wasn't very scared when I felt like I was dying, but I felt that I wasn't ready to die, and that I had a strong purpose in life to fulfill.  This is when I decided to go back into my body.  I still to this day feel that I will not die soon, and that I am meant do something for humanity on a large scale.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         Yes     I constantly see the future in everything we, as a society do.  But I don't see this as a psychic revelation, it just feels as if I just know what is going to happen.  That our society is still evolving toward a spiritual goal.  That everything in the world is working toward this goal.  That it is meant to happen.    

I have such an amazing intuition--that it still surprises myself at times.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     This answer was basically described already, but I can say I became much more spiritual and have more strong feelings that everything happens for a reason.  And that I have experienced this pain and misery as part of the master plan.  That everything that happens in life in the whole world is meant to be as a variable toward our spiritual goal. I see the importance of experiencing the bad things in life now, and that it makes me the person I am today.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       I feel that everyone is so small and trivial now (including myself).  I feel that everyone is equal and even sort of look down on people in authority, people who are famous, etc., because I feel that a lot of these people will not contribute as much to our spiritual destiny as many others will.  I feel that many of these people are set above the common people because of the ego we have.   Some of these people are meant to contribute a lot too, but not the majority of them.  I somehow know that a percentage of everyone--no matter who you are--just a flat percentage, will contribute more than others to our spiritual goals.  I also feel that each and every person contributes in some way.  I am now very bothered at the unequal treatment of people in our society.  I view service people and little kids as equals to the President of the United States.  I am very saddened by what I see is an oversight by people who do not have any spiritual sense.  It is hard to explain, and I don't know how I know this to be true, but I just know it is.   

So in fact, it does change my career choices.  I feel I can no longer work for organization that doesn't treat everyone equal.  (This excludes about 95% of jobs!).  I feel I want to lead, influence and advise people.   

It is very frustrating the see that the majority of people do not see this equality.  It seems as if hardly anyone knows or cares.  I feel that people are sometimes like drones and all follow the same materialistic thoughts and it seems stupid to me now--like how can the world not see this to be true? 

I have a hard time fitting in with society in general now, and that I am different because I can see these things.  It is so frustrated that most people do not see this because it is as clear as if is was written to me.  I feel all alone--and that I look at world differently than just about everybody else.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes     I feel so spiritually enriched and strong.  I am much more confident now than I was before the first experience.  I am much more sure of myself now, and sense a higher purpose. At the same time, I get depressed because I feel alone with the knowledge I have, the sense of purpose, and that I think differently that most everyone else.  I feel no one can relate to me, and that the majority of people are kind of like herds of animals that simply follow the leader.  I feel that a lot of people have such closed minds, are materialistic, and I get disappointed and saddened often about this.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I shared this with a therapist a couple of years ago.  He said it was very interesting that I felt a new inner peace after this happened. 

I told my sister who listened, and was partially interested, but couldn't see it as a "big deal".  It tried to tell a couple of friends, but they didn't even seem like they were interested.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Already described above.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The worse part was the fear.  The best part was simply the fact that I experienced this in my lifetime!  The best part was also the knowledge I gained, because I have always tended to look at everything how it relates to the "big picture".  Because of my interest in the unknown, I was so happy to learn things that otherwise couldn't be taught to a person.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        Yes, I had another OBE 15 years later (5 years ago).  This one wasn't so spiritual, but was significant because I moved around my bedroom and actually saw the green numbers on the alarm clock that I otherwise wouldn't have been able to see from the position in which I was lying.  I also felt that I was "seeing through" my eyelids even though my eyes were closed. 

I tried to induce the OBEs off and on for years, but have only been able to get to the vibrating part, the paralyzed part, or just beginning to see the faint white circle of light from a distance.  Then I "wake up".

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No response            No.  In fact, I feel the opposite.  I think I can't experience any of the OBE experiences anymore, no matter how hard I try because I have been on meds.  I think meds will stifle any possible experiences.

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes     I feel I was mostly able to communicate my experience, although some of it is hard to describe.  I hope some out there can experience how I feel about my life and society now.

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    Can't think of any at this time.