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Natalie S's Experience

Experience description:   

I had started meditating (after a ten year break or so) at the beginning of January 2012.. Around three days later my husband was away with work. I felt compelled to meditate so put the kids to bed and sat in the lounge. I closed my eyes and almost immediately my breathing became very deep, I could hear it and it didn't sound like me.. I quickly found myself in 'the other side' (as I like to put it).. I was in a place of pure love and beauty. The landscape and colours were brighter than I had ever imagined. It was similar to the 'heaven' depiction of the film 'what dreams may come' starring Robin Williams. There were trees and mountains and a stream.. I felt complete connection with all around me and I felt pure love emanating from the landscape/energy... By the stream there 'hovered' a beautiful being. She was not human but she was beautiful... Angelic looking. She had long black hair and was wearing a white dress. I went over to her (although I didn't feel I was in a body as such, but it was like my eyes were facing her eyes... I felt completely connected with her. I could feel her unconditional love, incredible wisdom and compassion, and complete non judgement. She said (telepathically, as if through her eyes) a few things, such as 'your doing fine', but the main sentence I remember is her saying 'there's not much time, you've got work to do'.. She hugged me and her embrace was so incredibly loving and compassionate, wise and non judgemental. The next thing I know, I am back in my lounge. I burst out crying, sobbing. I don't know whether this is because I left such beauty and love or because I was about to discover I had cancer.. Or perhaps a mix of the two. 

Once I 'came round' I felt like I wasn't completely grounded.. I had a buzzing in my ear. I remember walking around the house and I felt quite primal (similar to the feelings I had just before giving birth.. I was in a world of my own). I went upstairs and ran a bath. I lay in the bath and my hands just started feeling my breasts (I had never felt my breasts before for lumps, it had never crossed my mind). I was in a trance like state and almost animalistic in my search for something.. After a while (I have no idea how long, maybe ten minutes), I found a tiny lump right at the back of my breast (I could only feel it if I lent forward)... I jumped out of my trance with shock...

Bizarrely, I didn't connect my experience with finding the lump (it was only after I was diagnosed that I told anyone). I went to my GP who couldn't find a lump but referred me on anyway (I changed to a female GP on the morning of my appointment - and she happened to be the head of early cancer detection in my area - I feel blessed I got her as no one, not even me at times, could feel the lump)..

My lump didn't show on two different mammograms at the breast cancer clinic and I had to guide the doctor to where it was. When she saw it on the screen she couldn't believe that I had found it.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?   No   

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?   Uncertain    I could explain the scene etc., but it is difficult to get across to people, the feelings of joy, unconditional love, wisdom, compassion that were so wonderful and bright

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?   Yes    I had undiagnosed breast cancer (the lump was at the back of my breast under dense tissue. I had vascular invasion and my lump was very near my lymph nodes. The cancer cells were moving towards my lymph nodes and my surgeon said it wouldn't have taken long for the cancer to have reached my nodes). In the words of my surgeon 'scientifically, its not right you found this tumour, it was at the back of your breast under dense tissue. I could hardly find it and I was operating on you'.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?   I was extremely alert and conscious

Was the experience dream like in any way?   It was like a very vivid dream

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?   Uncertain   I didn't feel I was in my body... Its like I was travelling with my eyes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?    I felt the purest love and connection... I felt completely and unconditionally loved in the landscape I found myself in and when I was connecting with the angelic being...

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?    no

Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?    Yes    If someone was to draw heaven, I think it would be pretty similar to the situation I found myself in. As i said before, similar to the 'heaven' depiction in the robin williams film, what dreams may come.

Did you see a light?    No    It was incredibly bright but there was no 'light' as had been described in near death experiences.

Did you meet or see any other beings?    Yes    A being who was so beautiful and wise and loving and compassionate and non judgemental. She didn't have a human face, but it was angelic. She was wearing a long white dress.

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state?   No   

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?   Uncertain    I was told 'there's not much time you've got work to do' and the experience led me to finding a lump which was breast cancer

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?    Uncertain    everything much much 'brighter'. I felt more aware and in tune with all that was around me

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?    Uncertain    the experience felt timeless..                        

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?    No   

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?    No   

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes    I no longer fear death (I just wasn't ready to die then)

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?    I have always believed in 'the other side' (for want of a better phrase). This just clarified it for me. The whole experience and cancer journey has influenced me to (seek to) experience life differently.. Its a process, but I worry ALOT less, I am much more of a witness to my life.. I know that this is just one journey I am not and I try not to get caught up in the drama (I don't always succeed.. I am still very much a human on the awakening process).

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes    I know from the deepest part of my being that there is 'the other side' and that I go there when I pass on. I know it is the most beautiful, loving, wise place. I seek to find ways (whether through spiritual practice or by letting go of my negative beliefs, though processes etc) to help me increase this feeling in this world (and sometimes I do feel raised energy vibrations and a sense of peace similar to what I felt during my experience, but it is not often and is fleeting)..

Have you shared this experience with others?    Yes    Reactions have been positive.. It has made many people's hair on their arms tingle etc. Some friends who were more cynical about the spiritual side of life have become 'believers' of a greater consciousness and wisdom and purpose after what I went through

What was the best and worst part of your experience?   The best was the pure love and compassion and wisdom and non judgementalism I felt all around me, and from this angelic being.. I felt complete connection and love with everything around me and with this being... Incredible... The worst part was that the experience led me to discovering a lump (for which i am grateful), but that was a tough journey (although one that has made me who I am today).   

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?    No