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Michele A's Experience

Experience description:   

I had a dream one night where I believe I may have died and come back. There were no eye witnesses to tell me. Anyway, here's the dream. I was in a darkened room and a woman was showing me pictures of the people in the room. In the pictures the people had auras around them but when I looked at them directly, I did not see the aura. Then I thought, "If I can see the auras in the pictures, then it must be there." So I squinted and saw the auras. One of the light auras started to become larger until it encompassed my view and I saw the face of a bearded man, in his forties approximately, slightly balding, and with glistening loving eyes. His face started out small and then became larger as it approached my view and then it shot through me like a bullet. Immediately, I was immersed in a bright light that flowed like streams of light water all over me. I felt like I was being washed in love, peace, and joy. I was overcome with so much joy and thankfulness for this experience that I began to cry in sheer gladness.

I began to thank God for taking me out of the stress and pain-filled life I had. I noticed my life in the lower left hand corner very small. I knew somehow that my life wasn't important and that what I was experiencing at that moment was true reality. The more I focused on the light, the smaller my life became until I forgot it altogether. Then a surge of true peace came over me. No more life, no more strife, only love and peace. I noticed to my right a presence of a being of sorts. I reached my hands into the light to surrender into it even more and it came to my awareness that the presence was the Father. ( Incidentally, this "Father" I speak of was not a male figure or being. It didn't have female or male characteristics. It was pure light and unconditional love and beyond what I can describe to you in human words.

But when I became aware of it, the word "Father" was in my knowledge. That is how it felt, not a human father. ) I became aware of the Father not in my vision but through some time of telecommunication, like knowledge was streaming directing into my awareness from this Father presence. I knew that I was one with the Father and the Father was one with the light and this presence was the source from which all of this peace, love, joy, and light was streaming. I stayed in the light for what seemed a very long time. This was home and I was thankful. Then my awareness moved to a vision of myself on a stage, speaking about God to a large group of people. I was using words like "salvation" and "revelation". The man I saw before was behind me telling me what to say and I kept turning around asking him to repeat his words. After the talk, I was directed to a green room to pick up my small child and saw myself talking on a bunch of TV's. Then I was directed to the darkened room again. The woman came one more time with a cloth of burlap. There was a red glossy paint like substance on it. When I touched it, it turned into the words, "God loves you". Then I awoke.

I was euphoric for months. The earth seemed different, like everything had light in it and was humming and more colorful. I loved everyone, no exceptions and felt like I was walking on air all of the time. The greatest gift I was given at that time was a very large compassion for all of humanity and I knew that I had to follow that passion at all costs. After a few months, the euphoric experience wore off, but I never forgot that dream. It planted something in me and became the focus of every decision I've ever made. I had plans to be an orchestral clarinetist, but after this dream, my mind went other places. I thought I might be called to be a nun or do something spiritual with my life. I tried the convent, but that didn't work out. I did church work which wasn't it either. I thought in my mind that somehow I was supposed to be a preacher or a teacher of spiritual things, or just a speaker. No matter what I did, I couldn't get that dream out of my heart. To this day, I believe the dream to be heaven, to be our true reality. Sharing this with others is what gives me the most joy. I believe that I am called to share this with others which is why I am so grateful to have found this site. Thank you!

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Uncertain  I wonder if I died in my sleep and came back.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     The words I used to describe being in the love and joy paled in comparison to what I actually experienced. It was beyond anything I've ever heard of or experienced before or since.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    During the light heaven experience. All seemed so clear.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   Everything seemed so much more clear to me and all stress was gone.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.
   My vision was not one of eyesight. It felt like my consciousness was seeing for me.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.
   I don't remember hearing anything in my experience. It seemed that knowledge and information were streaming into my consciousness.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   Euphoric love, peace, joy, and thankfulness.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   Yes  

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
I felt a presence of the "Source" which I felt was "The Father" contained within and through the light to my right hand side and slightly above me. It felt like "the Father" yet not male. I just knew it was "The Father" and the Father was the source of all the love, peace, and joy.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   Uncertain   I saw a man and woman, but I was not sure who they were.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
I was immersed in a bright light beyond earthly light filled with streams of unconditional love, joy, and peace. I was floating in it. There was no top or bottom ground. It extended outward forever.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual
There didn't seem to be time.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   Everything about myself or others
I understood that my life was no real and that heaven was real and I was suspended in it. My life in it's form meant nothing. Only the love I had for humanity meant anything.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   No

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   No

Did scenes from the future come to you?  Scenes from my personal future 
Possibly. I saw myself standing on a stage speaking to a large group of people about salvation. There was a man behind me telling me what to say but nobody else could see him but me. I also had a child which at the time, I did not have. I always thought this vision may be a calling to speak about God to others which is what I have been doing through my music. I still feel this vision is unrealized but will come to pass.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   I was suspended in unearthly light and unconditional love and saw my life in the lower left hand corner of my view. The more I focused on the light, the smaller my life became until it disappeared completely. Heaven is the only reality there is.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   While I was suspended in the light and after my life disappeared, I became aware of the presence of "The Father" to my right hand side facing me and slightly higher than my view. It was not a male presence or female, like in earthly terms. It knowledge was streaming to me like telepathic communication, not in words but in knowing. What I felt was the Father who was the Source of all the love and peace I was experiencing. All of the streams were coming from the center of this area of my view. I felt the love of the Father and was not bothered that it was "the Father" instead of "the Mother", even though I have always been a strong advocate for women's rights and power. It wasn't a male presence but the name that was given to me was "the Father" and I understood it was the source of who I am as well.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   I felt a oneness and overwhelming unconditional love for all of humanity and knew everyone was my universal family.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   Yes   Earthly life and challenges will be gone no matter what they are when we move forward to heaven. They mean nothing.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   Yes   Earthly life and challenges will be gone no matter what they are when we move forward to heaven. They mean nothing.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   God is love and we are love and we are one with God.

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   Yes   We are here to be our truest most loving and light extending selves. If we know that we are the light, then we will live in joy and peace. Sharing this with others and listening to our real self is what is important. The form that this takes does not matter. Our life is not as important as we think. Only our love goes with us not our accomplishments and pain.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes   I came to know that my purpose was to spread the word around that God exists and that the spiritual beings will tell me what to say. I need not prepare anything.

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   I had this NDE when I was 21 years old and in college. I grew up in a liberal Catholic environment and believed in Jesus. That was pretty much it. In college, I played the piano once in while at mass on campus but that was the extent of my knowledge. I can't say I even thought about heaven. I think at the time I believed that I would be judged for my actions and I had a lot of guilt about not being good, even though it wasn't that bad in hindsight. In my NDE, not only was I not judged for my actions, they completely disappeared. My whole life disappeared completely like it meant nothing. The only thing that mattered was the light, the love, the peace. God was unconditionally loving. That was new for me. And the fact that my life was not real wasn't even on my radar screen. That was a totally new concept.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   I honestly cannot remember what happened around the time of the experience, but I remember to the last letter my NDE experience. And I know I will remember it forever. It was the most profound thing that has ever happened to me.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   The reason why I was living after my experience revolved around love for all of humanity. That has made the most impact. Every decision I made after this experience was based on a spiritual reason. Beforehand it was based on how to be successful in life and career. I also became a bit frustrated afterward because at the time I was unsure about what the dream meant and why I came back. I felt called to share God with others which I have done instead of pursuing a music career. So, I went into church music and healing music instead. But I still feel like I am being called to share this NDE with others and that is what possibly part of the experience was calling me to do. I am starting this process right now with all of you.

My experience directly resulted in:   Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?  
Yes   God became more important than myself and this life.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Yes   My music shifted into a more healing nature and I could feel energy all around my body and in my hands and voice as I performed. I have prayed with people and sang healing songs and people were healed. I was able to sing and speak in tongues as well.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?    
The immersion into the light of heaven was the most special part and means the most to me. It was incredible! The other part was the passion I felt to share God with others and the unconditional love I had for all of humanity. I just had to do something spiritual with my life after this. I never felt so compelled before.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?  
Yes  I shared it right afterward with a nun at the college I was attending and she shrugged it off. I shared it with friends, family, and clergy at the time and nobody knew how to respond to me. I didn't know it was an NDE until recently when I started reading other people's experiences. In my performances and retreats, sometimes I'll share it but nobody really comments on it so I let it go. My husband is jealous that he doesn't experience these things.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   No  

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   I knew it was real and it was a calling of some sort. I felt like I had died and gone to heaven and back because of the way I felt for months afterward, like walking on air, and seeing the world so much more illuminated.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   I believe I did go to heaven and back and was given a calling to share God with others. I do not need to know what to say. The words will be given to me. God is here with me all the time. I need only to remember my experience and I can feel it again. When I extend it through my music or through sharing, that is when I feel the most euphoric. It was more real than this world is. Sometimes I question if it was something just in my psyche at the time, but when I say that something in my gut feels wrong. I know it was real.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   Well, I definitely love people more and are challenged to stay in that love when things get tough. Before I would just think of myself. Now I honor the light in myself so I can love others more. On the other side, my experience sometimes makes people uncomfortable when I share it and at times has lost me a friend or two.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I became more concerned with spiritual practices after my NDE. I started going to church more and opening myself up to everything spiritual.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   Yes   I have had other spiritual dreams, but not like the NDE. One time while I was just normally reading a book, my spirit opened up and I felt and saw the light, love, and joy again in euphoric state for about five seconds, but I became afraid of it and it shut down. I've tried to reproduce it and have asked God for another experience, but I haven't had one.  

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes  

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?       Your organization already has been helpful in giving me a forum through which I can share my experience with you and others. That means a lot. Secondly, I would love to be connected to others who have had NDEs. There is a certain temperament that goes with having this experience that can make someone feel a bit crazy. Sometimes people in our lives do not understand or believe what we are saying is true. It would be nice to have a community who actually believed me. Sometimes people think I am sharing it to brag that I am spiritually superior to them which is not it AT ALL! I just have a passion about sharing God with others and sharing my experience. Getting the word out to people that NDEs are real is crucial. I believe they are a way that the divine is trying to get our attention.