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Melissa M's Experiences

Experience description:   

Series of 'dreams' - possible NDEs during untreated sleep apnea. Sequential dreams where spiritual teachers taught me things that build upon earlier lessons. 

1. EAGLE TEACHER - FLYING

Dream A:  Standing on sidewalk by a body of water near a telephone pole. Eagle landed on top of the pole and dared me to jump up and levitate at the top of the pole. I tried to explain that's crazy. People can't levitate. He flew and said 'like this'. I said, 'I don't have wings'.  Dream B: Next night, Eagle sighed and came to stand on the ground with me.  After much imploring, I agreed to just try to jump. He pep-talked me about my spiritual being not being limited by my body, until I levitated a few feet off the ground. Dream C:  Next night, Eagle encouraged me and I levitated at the height of the telephone pole. Dream D: Next night, Eagle said, 'now fly around'.  I was skeptical, but learned more quickly and successfully flew around. Dream E: Next night, Eagle asked me to fly around without him. Then told me he was leaving me because his work was done. I didn't want him to go. He told me I would now be studying with the Whale. 

2. WHALE TEACHER - BREATHING UNDER WATER

Dream A:  Whale offered me a ride. Then went under water. I protested that I could not breathe under water. He said I could. I protested more. He said it was just like with Eagle, how I thought I couldn't but I can if I have faith that I can.  But I still didn't in the first dream. Dream B: Whale encouraged me and I successfully breathed under water.  He was proud of me for learning so fast. He said he had to leave, that his job was done. I didn't want him to go. I asked if I had another teacher and he said the teacher would come when I was ready. 

3. LUCID DREAMING - FLYING AND BREATHING UNDER WATER

Many lucid dreams where I could explore places by flying or flying under water and breathing.

4. GOD'S EYE VIEW - LOOK WHAT I'VE CREATED - OVERWHELMING LOVE

In a lucid dream, a teacher (who was a presence but not a body) came to explain (telepathically and instantly) about how we're all connected and that I was part of God.  I was skeptical. He encouraged me to fly up higher with him to look down on creation. He encouraged me to step into God's point of view.  I was skeptical but when I looked back down on the rivers and trees and people, I was filled with overwhelming love. I thought, 'Look what I've created!' The feeling was indescribable. It comes close to say that it was like a whole-body orgasm, except that I was in a ghost-body so it wasn't even limited by physical sensations. It was unimaginably intense love.  I tried to fly down to talk to the people to tell them how much I loved them, but they either couldn't see/hear me or even if they did they didn't think my love was a big deal. Some saw me as my human self and said, 'Who do you think you are? You didn't create me.'  Then I realized that by trying to connect with them I had stepped outside of being fully one with God, into being just a tiny part of God, so I was in fact back to being just me.

5. THE FACE OF GOD - OVERWHELMING LOVE

In a lucid dream (where I felt very volitional, not just watching a story), I was flying around and a teacher appeared.  The teacher seemed female and I could see her but she didn't quite have a body.  She said 'come with me' and we started flying into the atmosphere. I asked where we were going. I felt a little frightened, that I should not be going so far. She said that I was going to see the face of God. I was happy for a second but almost immediately became frightened and said that I'm not ready for that. I was surprised at my reaction because I had considered myself a spiritual person. Even a bit superior to others. But when presented with the opportunity to go as far as seeing the face of God, I felt humbled and aware of my smallness.  She took my hand and flew me along, and I was still protesting and she was saying I was ready and that I needed to open my mind to being ready.  I consented to trust her judgment of my readiness. Then it was time to see God.  It was very different than what I expected.  It was a gender-less face, adorned like a Hindu God, with beads and colorful scarves.  I drew a picture of it in my dream journal.  The most impressive thing about it was the feeling that came with it. Again, it was overwhelming love, only even more intense than the 'God's eye view' dream.  I was paralyzed and couldn't move or breathe, as if I had been struck by lighting.  My energetic body was overcome with sensations of love as intense as if my whole being were in a state of orgasm.  

6. NATURE OF GRACE

In a lucid dream, a teacher came to me and we flew to a place where she showed me a vision of how Grace works.  It was as if a fan was pointing straight upward and there were different colored ribbons flying up and swirling around so that it looked like a DNA strand.  The ribbons themselves had free will and so parts of them would splinter off and go on a random direction away from the beautiful structure of the whole thing.  But the instant that it would go free, Grace would come and take the wayward splinter strand and push it back into the pattern of everything working together for good.  It would have to weave different colored strands together so the whole thing ended up more beautiful and intricate than if there had been no free will/randomness. 

7. TUNNEL OF KNOWLEDGE -- LIFE REVIEW -- WHOLE PLANET LIFE REVIEW - WHY CAN'T I STAY?

Another lucid dream, a teacher or two teachers appeared. There was male and female energy but no visual presence to look at. I was glad they had come back. I wanted more of my encounter with God. They told me I was going to see the nature of the universe and/or the whole world from God's point of view (it was instant telepathy so it's hard to be precise with words to convey the meaning that was being conveyed to me).  Again, I was scared and I protested that that was too much for me to handle, that I wasn't ready and wasn't worthy of seeing that.  They took my hand and drug me along as I protested and bargained that I would be ready later. But again they convinced me that I was ready. But they bargained with me that I would only see my own life review. We flew through dark outer space for a long time. Then we approached a colorful cylinder hovering in space. They told me to fly inside of it and I would see my life review.  I was scared to go in. They said they'd go in with me but as soon as we were in, they left me alone. They were watching from outside the 'tunnel of knowledge'. But to be inside was mine to experience alone.  The tunnel seemed to be made out of a magical film strip where each image was actually a moving image of different events. So my life review happened all at once because time wasn't a factor. I don't remember specific events. I only remember the feelings of humility, remorse, gratitude, understanding, peace, forgiveness, and awe that I could be simultaneously aware of so many things at the same time.   Then the tunnel pulled me along, like a tractor beam. Then I was in the area where I would see everyone's life on the planet, including how the universe was set up. Again, I do not remember any specific things I learned, but when I was in the experience, I had the sensation of being aware of EVERYTHING at once. Everyone's story. The structure of the universe. The sensation of being paralyzed with an intense and overwhelming feeling of love was even stronger than before.  I was so amazed that I was capable of such expanded awareness, but I was just frozen, taking it all in. Riveted.  There was a light at the end of the tunnel, but it was more the feeling of light than a visual.  I wanted to go there and continue my journey. I felt that I had finally been fully initiated and that I was home, or I had been made capable of going home. But the teachers made me come back out the bottom of the tunnel.  I wanted to know why. They 'said' I would be allowed to go there later. Finally I felt ready to progress but this time they were holding me back instead of pulling me forward.  They said they didn't know until just then that I couldn't go on. I wondered if I didn't pass some test. I tried to prove to them that I had gained all this knowledge. But they said it wasn't about that. I just had to do some more things on the lower plane.  I did not like the idea of all the suffering of Earthly life, but they said that these new experiences would bring me strength and that I could help others. These weren't words, they were just thoughts.  I was feeling special for having gained this knowledge but they told me that everyone is that special and will have the same experience and that I should be careful not to start feeling superior. That's not what this is all about. As soon as I accepted that I had to go back, I woke up.  I wrote this and all these dreams down in a dream journal close to the time they happened. It would be interesting to find those and compare what I wrote to how I remember them now.  But they feel as vivid 20 years later as they did at the time. 

8.  SLEEP PARALYSIS AND 'VISITATIONS' as AFTER EFFECT

After these dreams, I started getting visitations in the early mornings by beings that would come stand over my bed and watch me sleep. Sometimes they would sit on my bed and my body would roll toward the depression they made in the bed. But I was always experiencing 'sleep paralysis' during these events so that I could not open my eyes or turn around to see who it was. There is a chance that some of them were actually people I lived with coming to check on me or trying to wake me up because I slept 12-18 hours per day and they didn't know why at that point.  But other times I was able to open my eyes to see there was no one there. I would often hear the swish of the door against the carpet as it opened.  But then I would open my eyes and it would be closed.  Or I would ask if my housemates if they had come in my room. They would tell me they had not.  These presences always felt benign and curious, or loving and protective. A few years later, I was not doing well and spend two weeks in the psyche unit of the hospital.  (They thought my sleeping 18 hours per day was depression but actually it had just as much to do with severe sleep apnea.) There, I had the same kind of sleep paralysis 'hallucination' but much more intensely.  I felt a dark presence enter the room but I could not turn over or open my eyes even though I was quite awake.  (I'm assuming that the reader knows what sleep paralysis is.)  Then I felt a gigantic spider (as wide as my body) crawl up me with un-natural speed.  Then it was gone. It came with a creepy feeling that I was being maliciously taunted.  Another time in the hospital, I heard a dog's tags jingle, and all the sounds that would accompany a little dog walking down the hall and into my room. I thought, 'Oh, how cool! They brought a therapy dog!'  But I was frustrated that I couldn't turn around or open my eyes. But it jumped on my bed and curled up beside me. When I opened my eyes, thinking that the people would take the dog away if I wasn't awake to show appreciation, there was no one there.  I told the doctor about these events but he said they were not a side effect of my SSRI anti-depressant, and that if it wasn't a persistent and bothersome experience, there was no need to worry about it.  If these were real experiences and not hallucinations, I feel that the spider, which was my only negative experience, was probably some dark energies that hung around the psyche ward.  And the dog felt like it came to compensate for the mean spirit.   One last experience with sleep paralysis and a visitation came a couple years later. I heard the door swish open (even though it had not) and felt a very dark energy enter the room. Two entities, watching me sleep and feeding off my depression.  I could not move or open my eyes, but I remembered a story a friend told me where he had the same experience and all he could do was breathe out the word 'Jesus' and the dark energies went away.  As soon as I decided to say 'Jesus' they were gone. I didn't even have time to say it. And my sleep paralysis was gone.  I neither believe nor disbelieve these experiences to be 'real'.  And I'm not any kind of a standard Christian. I'm more of a new ager who likes my own personal version of Jesus. But it worked. 

9.  ASKING THE DREAMS AND VISITATIONS TO GO AWAY

Sometimes I asked the dreams to go away because I really needed to sleep. I used to be able to ask for a dream or dreamless restful sleep and get what I asked for every night. But every time I asked for a dream it would take over my whole day. I had to write about it and I was entranced by it.  And I didn't feel rested.  So I started asking for no dreams most of the time. I also got to feeling very proud of my dreams, like I was a very spiritually advanced person.  I mentioned to a friend that I was getting cocky about my cool spiritual dreams and he said, 'Oh, don't do that. I did that and they went away. For years!'  Well, that's what happened to me. I also asked the visitations to go away after I had the negative one.  I told them that if they were helpful spirits, I appreciate it but it scares me and confuses me (and may complicate my mental health care!).  So they went away.  I don't know if they were 'real' or I just told my subconscious to stop producing the experience, but they went away as requested.

10. A RAPTURE VISION - JESUS NOTE:  I was not a Christian at the time of this dream.  I had a born-again experience a couple years after it, but still wasn't a 'real' Christian because I never believed in 'one right religion' or 'jesus is only way'.  Dream part 1- Regular dream - riding carnival ride that you go inside and it spins around and you stick to the wall and your wall panel goes up.  Ended up alone in ride. They purposefully locked me in and loaded the ride onto a semi truck and it was driving down the freeway. I was in trouble. There was a hole in the ceiling of the ride and I wished I remembered how to fly. I wished I had kept studying with the spiritual teachers and practicing my flying.  So I remembered what the Eagle told me and started over with just trying to believe I could do it. It took a while but eventually I got so I could not only levitate but fly out of the ride.  Dream part 2 - Vision of the future? -   Flying along, I noticed that all the cars and people were frozen in place. Dreaming lucidly, I flew around to get a closer look. They were alive but frozen.  Then a young black man with dread locks flew in. I knew he was an advanced being. He said we needed to wake everyone up. He showed me how he touched their arm, simultaneously waking them up and transmitting information to them. I protested that I wasn't as advanced as he was and I couldn't do it. But he was impatient with me wasting time with my self-doubts. As he woke others up, they flew around and woke others up. So I decided I could do it too. Most people would wake up but some people wouldn't. The man said it was because they were closed to the information or had decided earlier to reject it. I remembered my family and I wanted to go find them. (My mother and siblings.)  He discouraged me saying they were far away and were unlikely to receive the information and cross over to this other mode of existence where we were flying around. But I wanted to go and I persuaded him to go with me. But part of the way there he said he really needed to be waking people up, not traveling. But he said if I needed him I would just think of him an he'd be there.  When I found the house where my mother and siblings were, the teacher man showed up and warned me not to stay inside too long. If they wouldn't hear the information, then I should be quick to accept that and get out and move on.  When I went in the house, I don't remember if I found them already animated or if I touched them and re-animated them.  But I was excited because I thought this meant they had received the information. But they hadn't. I tried to telepathically transmit it to them, but they could not see or hear me.  So I resorted to putting my feet on the ground and using words. Then they saw me. I tried to explain. My voice was excited and my feelings were overwhelming joy and love.  I said, 'It's all true! About God and Jesus, and all of it. It's all true! But it's nothing like what you think it is. It's WONDERFUL!!'  But they were not interested. They rolled their eyes.  I kept trying to explain using different words and they were closed.  But they were animated so I kept having hope that I was getting somewhere and if I just found the right words they would get it.  The teacher man came in and told me I needed to go. I could feel that if I stayed much longer I would become mortal again and not be able to fly, like them. But I wanted to risk it just a little longer. But the teacher said I couldn't sacrifice my eternity in the hopes of getting through to them. I didn't want them to miss out on what was going to happen, and I didn't want them to be left behind.  But I had to go. Once I left the house, the teacher said I was ready to resume my work alone and that I would not be seeing him again.  I didn't want him to go but I did feel capable, and I kept flying around, waking people up to this other reality where they could fly and we were getting ready to live with God and Jesus.  The reason this feels like an NDE-like experience is the feeling that came with it. The feeling of the overwhelming love that couldn't be contained in a regular physical body, and that even overwhelmed my spiritual body flying around.  And it was lucid. I felt very volitional in where I went. I wasn't just watching the story.  And it felt 'more real' than regular waking reality.  20 years later, I remember it vividly and am homesick for the feeling.  I want to get back there somehow. 

11.  DREAMS STOPPED WITH SLEEP APNEA TREATMENT

I lost the dreams in part because I asked them to stop because I needed my sleep, and in part because I was growing too proud of them and feeling spiritually superior.  But later, I have asked for them to come back and I suspect that they will not come back partly because my sleep apnea is treated.  I'm no longer having episodes of not breathing while I sleep.  I haven't had any NDE-like dreams for close to 20 years.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Uncertain  Untreated sleep apnea. A series of 'visits' during sleep, that built on each other in a long term 'story-line' over a few years.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     Several 'peaks' of a feeling of overwhelming love and a felt sensation of light (not visual light).  Felt like human form would not be able to contain it, so it has to be while in an energetic body. While in my physical body I have had spiritual experiences of such intensity that it was as if it was a whole-body orgasm. The 'dreams' had feelings like that but even more, like if you had to put that experience inside a human body, it would force the body to disintegrate into a lighter form of energy.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?         In the 'tunnel of knowledge'.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   The feeling tone of the experience was 'more real than reality'.  It makes normal life feel fuzzy, like a dream. There, it was crisp. Every bit of my being vibrating with light, love, energy, awareness, knowledge, excitement.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   Everything was crisper and more vivid, but no more so than a mushroom trip. (I've only used once and not near the series of 'dreams' that I'm calling NDE-Like experiences.)  It was more that the feeling of love on connectedness with all the visual aspects was so vivid that they seemed visually more vivid. That's why I didn't select 'incredibly more vivid'. Overwhelmed with the beauty, but only partially because of the visual effect.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   Hearing was about the same, except that attached to sounds was such incredible love-energy and sense  of connectedness that the emotional experience of sounds was vivid.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   Uncertain   I had a dream that my father was losing the use of his legs and collapsing. This was actually happening, but it came to me in a dream with made-up elements and story line. It wasn't a vision of what was actually happening.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   Love, to the point of a little bit of fear that I couldn't handle it or contain it or process it. A sensation of being paralyzed with the love passing through my 'ghost-body', as if being struck by lighting. Fear that 'I wasn't ready' for what I was being taught and shown or asked to do.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   Uncertain   It 'felt' like there was 'light' at the end of the tunnel, but I don't think I 'saw' the light. It was the energy of light and love.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Various teachers showed up. Animal teachers had bodies. Humanoid teachers did not have bodies. They were just there. They could 'take my hand' but they didn't really have hands. They were just energetic bodies. One humanoid teacher did have a visible body. He was a young black man with dread-locks.  He was an advanced spiritual being who taught me how to help others as he was.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   Uncertain   In the experience, I went back to see my living family and I tried to tell them, 'It's all true, about God and Jesus and everything! But it's nothing like you think. It's wonderful!!'  I wasn't in the presence of Jesus, but I had a perfect knowledge of the way things are and I was aware that he was an important part of the structure of the way things are.  And it was accompanied by that 'indescribable overwhelming love' and sense of being 'more real than real'.  I still can't find a way to incorporate this into my normal life.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   Uncertain   I had a life review and felt that I was aware of my life from all perspectives. But I don't remember any details.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   A clearly mystical or unearthly realm

Flew up into the atmosphere, the stars, to see the face of God and the nature of reality.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning
For just one segment of one of the experiences, during the life review and 'whole world life review' it was all at once.


Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   Everything about the universe
In tunnel of knowledge that looked like made out of filmstrip but every picture was moving. I could take it all in at once - everything that had ever happened to anyone, and the nature of the universe.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   No

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

Did scenes from the future come to you?  Scenes from the world's future 
I felt that the 'rapture' type experience was something from the future that was shown to me.


During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   I 'just knew' that the 'whole thing' about 'God and Jesus' was true, only it was 'nothing like you think' and it was 'wonderful'.  I also knew that if I had been allowed to go into the light, that my existence would have continued forever, not in an Earthly body.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   At one point, I was shown the face of God. The vision was less important than the feeling.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   Yes   In one 'dream' (during untreated sleep apnea), I met a spiritual figure who turned out to be myself, who boomed out that he had been alive for 10,000 years and really wanted me to get it right this time because it sucks having everyone you love pass out of your experience over and over again.  As usual, the overwhelming feeling that came with this is what makes it memorable 20 years later and feel 'more real than real'.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Uncertain   I stepped into the 'God's eye view' and personally felt the love God has for creation, and it's a 'one with creation' feeling.  On the other hand, in the 'rapture' vision, I felt a separation from the unbelievers, like we were going to different places.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   No  


During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   God is love. And love and light are kind of the same thing.

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes   I have a sense of having seen something special and knowing that there is life after death, but I don't know anything else.

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   I felt and said during the experience that 'the whole thing about God and Jesus is true' and 'it's nothing like you think' and 'it's wonderful'.  I also felt that a 'rapture' type thing will happen and that some of us will chose to stay and some will chose to go. I had never been a Christian and still cannot figure out how to integrate this experience into my beliefs. I believe in 'oneness' and 'everyone goes to heaven'.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of th   Other events from 20 years ago are very foggy in camparison

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   I was more open to spiritual things.  Became involved in Transcendental Meditation  and New Thought.  Later had born again Christian experience but never integrated Christianity because I couldn't accept 'one right way' idea.  But I have feelings and other waking experiences of 'vision' and feelings to confirm Christianity, but not the parts I can't accept. So I'm lost.

My experience directly resulted in:   Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?  
Yes   Because of my experience I believe in life after death and angels and oneness. I also had one of my episodes which showed me a vision of what Grace is and how it works and I accept it to be true.  (That there is free will and chaos but Grace comes in instantly after each choice is made, to weave the events back together to work for good and it's even more beautiful and intricate than it would have been.)

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Uncertain   I have had communication with my deceased father since the experience. I have also prayed to know if God is our literal Heavenly Father and felt that I was physically cradled five feet up off the bed, and I could feel hands.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?    
The vision about Grace. The vision of feeling the love of a creator God who is also one with creation. The vision of Jesus being real (in a non-conventional sense).  The feeling of knowing everything and the chance to go into the light forever.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?  
Uncertain  I've shared some of it with some people.  I shared with my husband soon after experiences. He thought it was strange and worrisome. We divorced. A few years before sharing with others. They appreciated it but no big deal.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   No  

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was probably real   I was a pretty staunch atheist and skeptic so that dampened the 'more real than real' feeling of the experience itself.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   I view the experience(s) as real but I didn't and don't admit that to very many people.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Uncertain   My marriage ended for several reasons, one of which was that I 'became spiritual' and he didn't support that and felt that I was not the person he married.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I began going to New Thought churches and that has become my life, and my part time profession (church singer).

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   Yes   I've had some similar 'overwhelming love' and 'whole body orgasm' feelings through Christian praise and worship singing and dancing.  The feelings are not as intense while in my body and awake, though.  

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Uncertain   I wanted to share a series of NDE-like experiences that go together as a cohesive whole. But I recognize that that is unusual.  I adapted the questions to express multiple experiences, but I feel that I was able to do so comprehensively.

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?          Publish video and audio interviews. Publish research findings. Have meetings.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?          Add 'New Thought' or 'Law of Attraction' to list of religious preferences.

When you ask if people believe in God, ask one question for belief in a deity / individual intelligence that is a creator  and ask another question about belief in God as 'the Oneness that we are all a part of' or some other less conventional definition.   There seems to be a major difference between a God that is apart from us and a God that we are one with.  It's just hard to answer that question if you went from believing in one type of God to the other. That's a significant change but it's not the same as going from not believing in God to believing in God.