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Marilynn's Experience

Experience description:   

I had been out drinking with my friends and when I got home there was a lot of my family there. I was excited because I was surprises because my cousin was there that had gone to the military. My dad was mad at me because he had called my work asking for me and the person that answered was a jerk to him and told him if he knew he wouldn't tell him because of company policy. My boyfriend was mad at me because I had gone out with my friends and they were being mean to me and I had already had way to much to drink and felt depressed. Everyone had gone to bed so I grabbed my aunt's pills and took the whole bottle. I went in where my boyfriend was going to sleep and told him what I had done. He took me to the bathroom and stuck his fingers down my throat to try to make me throw them up when I went into convulsions on the floor. He picked me up and put me in his truck and drove me to the hospital. I was having convulsions all the way there. When we arrived at the hospital, I was unconscious but I could still hear and think. I just couldn't respond to anything. I was powerless. I remember telling myself 'you really did it this time' because I knew I was dying.  Yet, I was still embarrassed because the doctors were ripping off my clothes.

I then remember thinking to myself 'oh well. it feels so good.' I could feel the warmth go over my body and this incredible feeling came over me. It is honestly the best feeling I have ever felt. There was complete joy. I was on 100 percent oxygen for 24 hours because I wasn't breathing on my own. I don't remember anything else until I woke up and pulled the oxygen tube out of my throat because I had started breathing on my own. I didn't know at the time that my family and friends had just held hands and prayed for me and as they said amen the light to my room started flashing and the doctors and nurses were rushing in my room. They called the respiratory therapist to my room over the intercom. My family thought I had died but yet I had actually started breathing. It was technically Christmas eve when I was taken to the hospital because it was after midnight. Even though I was breathing on my own I was unconscious.

I would periodically come to and I could hear and think but I still could not speak or move any part of my body. I couldn't let anyone know I was awake. I remember my mom trying to brush my teeth because they were black with charcoal. I was trying to open my mouth wider so she could brush them but I could not. I couldn't open mu eyes or even wiggle my finger. I finally woke up sometime before noon Christmas day.

My problem is the experiences I have had since the incident. I see, hear and know things sometimes that I shouldn't. Things that may seem like nothing to some are a big deal to me. It started with things like I got up in the middle of the night and walked around my husbands side of the bed and opened the curtain and looked out and seen a fire. I woke everyone up. We couldn't smell fire or hear anything but yet I just got up and went to the window from being dead asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night and saw a man standing above my husband and I. I closed my eyes just wanting him to go away and he stayed for what seemed like several minutes. When my husband and I woke up I told him that I know he doesn't like to hear my ghost stories but told him what happened anyway. I smoked back then and my husband was taking me to the store to get some cigarettes and we saw the ambulance about a quarter block down. We went down there and my neighbors told us that the 18 year old boy had hung himself that night. There is no way I could have known that. My husband was thinking about it that night and told me how creepy it was. I hadn't put two and two together to realize what had happened.

We had a stray dog come to our house and I started calling her Molly. I put a sign outside my house hoping her owners would see it and they did and when they came to get her we found out her name was Molly. I have been doing a side job with my mother in law for almost 2 years. When we first started working there we showed up and the gate was locked. She had the code written down so she put it in and we went about our day. Over a year and a half later we showed up and the gate was locked. My mother in law didn't have the number with her because the gate hadn't been closed even one time in the last year and a half. I didn't know the number the first time because she had it wrote down and she out and put it in. When she realized she doesn't have it I just got out and walked to the gate and typed in the code. We laughed because we thought that they seen us and happened to unlock it at the same time I was putting in the code. It turned out I put in the right code.

Not to long ago things changed for me. I stay terrified every single day of what I may see or hear. I kept seeing a doe in headlights and she is standing in the road just staring at the lights and the driver swerving to miss it and rolling over. This frightened me because I have 3 teenage sons that are all driving. I told everyone to please be careful and what I had saw. I normally don't say anything about the stuff I see because I don't want people to think I am weird or attention starved but this time it scared me enough to say something g. A week and a half later one of the people I had told was my cousin that works with me and lives a block away had her son in a roll over accident right in front of her house avoiding a doe and it all happened just like I said it would.

The list goes on and on of things that I have experiences. Some call it a gift but I am terrified of it. I had several brushes with death before and after my incident. I was power washing a dump truck when it began to rain and with no warning there was a loud pop and the sky lit completely up. I felt the tingle go up my arm. I realized that I was literally laying on the tire when it happened. It had been struck by lightening and the lightening blew a 6 inch hole out of the pipe (known as the stack) as it excited the truck. My mom and dad never left me with a baby sitter and they had some papers to sign somewhere and was leaving me at my aunts and as they left out the front door and got in the truck I ran out the back door and my dad was facing up hill and when he took off he ran over me. They rushed me to the hospital but I had no injuries other than scrapes. Just before the incident I was drinking on Yuba College campus with my boyfriend and I was sitting with my knees bent and I was sitting on the bottom part of my legs and I had my window down. My boyfriend spun the truck around to go the other way and I wasn't expecting it and it threw me to the side and I tried to brace myself on the window and forgot it was down and flew right out the window and landed on my head. It instantly knocked me unconscious for quite a few minutes. I was in a bad car wreck in a little truck in 1989 with 3 other people. We went off a 10 foot embankment and flipped. Not one of us was seriously injured. There were 3 breaks in the window and in spite of us 3 girls hitting the window at the same time we did not go through.

My family jokes and says I am like a cat with 9 lives but I am truly terrified all the time. Sometimes I can function normal and sometimes I freeze with fear.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   No 

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     The part that is hard to explain is how great it felt. Saying the best feeling ever don't even touch the greatness. Words cant describe

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    I would say it was when I was telling myself that I really did it this time. I didn't want to die. I just wanted those being mean to me to pay for hurting me so bad. The last thing I remember was the warmth and the absolute greatest feeling ever. I don't remember anything until pulling the tube out of my throat. It felt like a mile long and gauged me

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      Normal consciousness and alertness  

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   The only vision I had was mental vision. I no physical vision until I woke up Christmas morning.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   I know that there had to of been much that I didn't hear but the few things that I did hear were amazing because I could hear just fine but I was powerless to reply or move. I think I was conscious because I knew they were tearing off my clothes and I could hear them but yet I could do nothing to say anything or move in any way. It was like being paralyzed

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   Again it was so great that I have no words to describe how overwhelming it was on how great I felt. Because of this I do not fear death. I do not want to die but I don't fear it. I don't want my husband, children or other family to feel grief over my death but I believe it to be amazing on the other side  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   No  

Did you see an unearthly light?   No  

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   No  

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   No

No, I felt the warmth and it felt like it was coming from the light above me. It wasn't a super strong light. I have always thought of it as the lights the doctors use but I don't remember seeing anything just feeling the presence of the light and the amazing warmth

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   No

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   No

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   No

Did scenes from the future come to you?  No 

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   No  

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Uncertain   Certain because it was such a great feeling that even the thought of what we know as love wasn't even as great as this but a word that we could best use to describe the feeling would be love

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   No  

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   No  

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience   Just not sure. I guess I would say consistent. I fully understood my feelings at that moment but maybe its just that those feelings out of that experience don't feel as normal as they did in it

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience   I understood that I was dying and every second of the experience was memorable

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   I know that a lot of people wont get me when I say that before my experience I believed in god but  now I don't k know what I believe but I don't believe that the bible is accurate. I cant argue why because I don't know but I feel strongly about it. I believe that maybe parts of my experience I don't remember but yet I still know deep down. I do believe some people may be able to relate even though it don't make much sense

My experience directly resulted in:   Large changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?  
No   I always believed that the most important thing in life is to be good not only to people but animals. I am and have always been very connected to animals and I still feel the same way today

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Yes   I have already listed some experiences above but the list is a mile long

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?    
Yes, when my mom was brushing my teeth I was completely aware of what was happening and truly wanted to say something and to open my mouth but I felt paralyzed. The fact that that can happen blows my mind. People think you are not there but you are. It was very special to me to see my mom taking care of my lime she was and no even knowing I was there and heard every word she said to me. Mu mom and dad kept telling me to come on its time to wake up and spend Christmas with them. They were being so persistent but I just couldn't respond

Have you ever shared this experience with others?  
Yes  Everyone feels differently about it. Of coarse the people that were with me in the hospital know that the things I heard and felt were real because they were the ones that said them so when I say that I heard this or that they know it to be true even though I seemed completely out at the time

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   No  

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   After talking to my family the things I remembered about my mom brushing my teeth or my family persistently telling me to wake up that it was time to spend Christmas with them. I am certain I wasn't aware of everything that went on, just bits and pieces.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   I had never known anyone that had been nearly that close to death. In the last few years different TV shows have had people on that describe the feelings I have talked about this whole time. That is even more proof to me. How can some people know that feeling exactly

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   No  

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I used to believe completely in god but now I just don't know what to believe. I do believe we all have angels or spirit guides. I'm not sure who they are but they protect us and I have amazing ones protecting me

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   No  

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   No, I am doing this on my cell phone and it is really hard to proof read so I sorry for all the spelling and grammar errors

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes   Some things I had to repeat often but it seemed like everything about the experience was exposed

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?       I don't want to fear seeing things. Not just the ghosts or spirits but the things I see before they happen or the crazy things that I know but shouldn't know. My husband actually saw, a ghost or spirit with me. People call this a gift but I am terrified of it. I'm not afraid of death just the paranormal

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?                        No and Thank you for taking the time to try to understand