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Maria S's Experience

Experience description:   

As I was asking God for sign if he exists ,seeking for comfort from higher place and I was tempting him to give me proof ,crying with soul, not with words, finally one night I had this dream that I call the' sign' and answer. It happened during sleep, not illness, and it is not NDE but I have read many years later that  out of body experience can occur during sleep or following an traumatic event . And I find many of the details to be very similar to those described in NDE stories. I have forgotten most of it but I keep the remembrance of 'heaven' in my heart and I enjoy very much talking about this to everybody although the people don't understand what I am talking about and it is not their experience. 

So /in my dream/ I felt myself on something like a hospital trolley and I was pinned there, not able to move, my hands and legs tidied up so that I couldn't move whatsoever and I was rushed on this trolley to some place like a surgery or operating room, or so I thought. I felt my body completely motionless and paralyzed and only my head was able to move partially and I was able to see myself but not able to move or to help myself. I was very scared as somebody/ some presence that was felt but unseen/was having power over me and I felt they wanted to do me something like children who can play with a bug but I did not know what are their intentions and what they want to do with me or how they will use their power over me.

The trolley was moving through a dark corridor and I could feel the sensation of movement. Somebody was pushing and directing the trolley through this corridor and the corridor was dark, narrow ,and horizontal. It felt like a corridor from darkness rather than man-made walls. And I was like a hospital patient going to operation with anesthetic half activated in my body /and that is why I was immobile/ and half -not yet /that is why my mind was still aware of what was going on around me/.

Then I felt the presence started preparing tools for the operation to start, it must have been sharp like knives and axes. I was terrified as I was anticipating the pain and terror but in my silent horror I just was not able to move or free myself or to scream and I was totally surrendered to their will. Then they started operating on my body .I could hear the tools cutting my flesh but to my surprise and relief I did not feel pain and nothing at all. I just could hear the sound -it was like when somebody cuts meat ,half frozen, and it is easy to cut through, with some crunchy ,even pleasant sound coming from that. At that point I was still horrified and too much concentrated on the operation to be able to analyze further what was all about. But when it was finally done and over I understood what it was: they have been cutting in order to separate my body from my soul, because when they finished, we were at some huge gate which was the border to the light and I was free to go to the light, to the world beyond the gate.

I knew I had left my body behind ,physical body perhaps, but I still had body, that was light and I was myself, but not myself. It was myself but in indescribable state of mind or being, walking through this town of light, bubbling with joy and happiness and freedom, in heavenly mood, and most importantly happiness for no reason, with no end. I was just so happy. I knew I am in heaven and I clearly understood that heaven is not a place ,it was a state of mind. /Later I have met the same in other people's books./ Most importantly -this happiness was not only mine, it was shared: everybody was happy there and that is why I was even more happy-because I wouldn't bear the thought to be happy while somebody else is suffering. Everybody seemed to be in close relation to each other. It was like you are walking alone but you are not alone. It was love all around, peace, joy and everything that is opposite of loneliness, and so alive. And the music, yes, everything was singing. It felt that my soul wanted to sing of joy and I started singing. But it was not like on Earth. Here I would be shy to sing with full strength of my breath and voice in the middle of the street, between strangers and I would consider what the other would think, that I would disturb them, that this is not acceptable ,that I will seem mad or that I may sing faulty. There I just felt like to sing with joy, with no limitations, no prejudices, no restrictions, no fears, no embarrassment and no worries that could stop me. My soul felt like singing and was singing. And I just started singing with all my strength.  But most importantly, they were 3 women walking before me, and they also joined me, even more, it was like they knew the same song that I was singing .They were going on their way but it seemed they are aware of me and we were in connection of love, even when we are free to follow our ways or freedom.

This was heaven where there is no suffering, no diseases, no worries, no fears, no loneliness, no death, no darkness. And where everybody was together but not in physical sense, in sense of connection and love.

I enjoyed walking on the street with the same good mood. I don't know for how long.

But then I saw another picture- in the darkness of the universe, from far distance and from different prospective, I saw the Earth like planet from the school book- with the blue of the oceans and like I was watching it from another planet or from the space in the cosmos. It was like photo from a book or rather distant view from somewhere far away. And I thought that on Earth is now night and I felt homesick ,nostalgic, as I knew that there was my home and I felt slight sadness for home.

I think at that time I wanted to return and I woke up. But I was a new person even though I realized it many years after, not immediately. The 1st thing what happened was that I lost my fear to die and in fact I started wanting to go back there, but in good time.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?         Uncertain            My father was drinking heavily and we were at constant stress and fear as these 1st years he used to beat our mum. As a child I use to wet myself at night and at 1st my speech was delayed. Also at the time of the experience my grandfather passed away. I was experiencing this terror of going to sleep as I was horrified of death. At the time I was still very young, I don't remember exact age but it must have been between 15-17 years of age.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?   Uncertain      In a way it is not, because as it seems to me I have been to the lower realms of heaven where everything seems close to our reality. On the other hand it is not possible to describe it as it is state of being and state of mind that is very different of ours ,in fact opposite of what we know on Earth, where we are burdened with sadness and worries, with suffering and death and we are trapped in unwanted confrontations and wars. This place is just not real, it is so much more beautiful than a dream. This is place of safety, this is a home where it is peace, love and freedom. Where there is no injustice not only towards you but towards nobody. Nobody wants to hurt nobody just to embrace the love and joy.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal    All the time but it is a different type of awareness, different reality. It felt so real, I never doubted it. And if even I am wrong and was nothing more than a dream, I will die happy with the remembrance of this dream.        It was adapted to perceive different type of reality and is not comparable to what we know from before. The world there is not perceived as a place of danger and therefore one can exists without fighting for survival, competing for love and resources. It was like being awake and connected with everything through connection of love and peace, kinship. Also it was like you don't think ,you feel, you exist and everything is just beautiful and sufficient, just right. You are piece of heaven with your own place in it. The same with the others.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.    I was seeing and feeling, I was aware.

There was another dream when I felt that I am out of body and flying, and my vision was inner vision ,like 360 degrees, but it was on other occasion, not in this dream.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.    I could hear but I cannot see that it was more unusual.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?    Yes   The presence cut out my body from my soul in order to let me go to the light beyond the gate, to cross to the other realm. As they were cutting I could hear this sound like somebody is cutting frozen meet with crunchy sound but no pain or physical sensation.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            At 1st I was afraid not knowing what the presence will do to me ,then relief, joy and happiness, feeling of coming back home at heaven.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?           Yes     Corridor, horizontal dark corridor with somebody's unseen presence.

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes     After I passed through the gate to the light. But this light was not personified ,it was like world of light and joy, not a person of light.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?            I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin    I felt this presence ,that was admitting through the gates to heaven but I did not see it.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?         No   

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?    No       Not in this dream but in another-yes, I could say ,like past lives regression.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?          A clearly mystical or unearthly realm            Yes, I entered the world of light, the heaven.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?     No       It was rather like sensation of no time, just present ,just feeling of being alive and full with joy.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?            No       I did not understand but it was like I did not have need to understand more, what I experience was enough and did not compel for more answers or experiences, it was sufficient and it was complete, it was happiness, unity and good.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     There was a boundary ,a gate separated the 2 worlds ,physical and heaven, and the corridor was the bridge between both.

Did you come to a border or point of no return?       I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life I would say that seeing Earth from distance in Cosmos was for me that point when I felt that I miss my home and my family and I decided to come back.

Did scenes from the future come to you?       No      

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?        No      

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   Large changes in my life  I don't fear death .I hope I will go back to heaven. I am vegetarian and the animals are my brothers. I feel that we answer before God ,not people. God exists but bigger than in the human mind. I hope we will see the whole picture one day and the wholeness will give us its entire beauty. 

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?   
Yes     As I mentioned above, I believe in God ,not in religions and human interpretations of God, in fact ,I don't believe, I know, I am aware of more than this physical reality beyond our senses. I have experience small miracles. I am vegetarian which is beyond my own culture and I am very proud that my eyes opened.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?    No    

Have you ever shared this experience with others?           
Yes     Years afterwards. They do not take it seriously or start slightly believing little more but it is my experience more than their. It means much to me.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No    

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:    Experience was probably real    At 1st I did not think much of it except that I lost my fear of dying and I was filled with joy when thinking of afterlife. It affected me more in long-term duration and it is more vivid now than it was then. It is like the feeling of lost paradise.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time: Experience was probably real           I believe it was like out of body experience ,not NDE, that occurred in my sleep as result of the distressed state that I was in before that. It was supplemented with feeling of motion through the dark corridor, separation from the body and noise, then sensation of becoming light and euphoric after entering the world beyond the border, the music and union with the everything alive, the love and freedom, the perfect happiness.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Uncertain            My relationships are still not OK, I often feel anger and rage but now I can reassure myself that one day I will come to know the reasons, that I will be healed and complete again, and we all will be repaired and will find deeper meaning and connection beyond the visible things.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes    I believe the religion is human creation, interpretation of God within the limitations of human knowledge or lack of knowledge ,conditioned by customs and traditions, and it is more about teaching good practices but not necessarily giving satisfying answers about the truth about ourselves or God. And God is bigger than our limited perception and understanding .I also believe we owe the respect to all forms of life ,no matter what. We do not have right to experiment in the sake of science by making alive creatures to suffer and when we go beyond we will know better our connection with the whole.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?  Yes    Often I feel in my dream I am flying and feels so cool! It reminds me OBE .I absolutely love flying in my dream and sometimes it feels to me more real than just a dream. It is like my soul has gone for a walk out of my body to refresh itself. It happened to me recently in my dream I was flying with somebody else unseen. This somebody was a friend of mine with whom in the real life I was angry. In my real life I was so down but I woke up laughing with laud voice like the children laugh, it was so funny that I burst out in laughter out of control as my friend was making me laugh, like telling me not to be sad, tickling my tummy. During this last flight I had the strange feeling that I have different vision which is not with eyes but it comes from within my entire being, from my tummy ,or it can be called inner awareness. It is not the sight from the eyes but probably that what is called 360 degree vision.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?    Uncertain    1st of all, the experience itself was about living it and experiencing it, about feeling it. As I said heaven is about being ,not about talking or rationalizing or going somewhere. It was like switching on to happiness mode. Therefore the words are instrument of this reality and they make it sound all wrong, too much or not enough ,too simple or too pretentious, they cannot give the real sensation of being there. Also you cannot describe what is joy ,you can only know it if you feel it.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     all the experience