Maria S's Experience
As I was asking God for sign if he exists ,seeking for comfort from higher place and I was tempting him to give me proof ,crying with soul, not with words, finally one night I had this dream that I call the' sign' and answer. It happened during sleep, not illness, and it is not NDE but I have read many years later that out of body experience can occur during sleep or following an traumatic event . And I find many of the details to be very similar to those described in NDE stories. I have forgotten most of it but I keep the remembrance of 'heaven' in my heart and I enjoy very much talking about this to everybody although the people don't understand what I am talking about and it is not their experience.
So /in my dream/ I felt myself on something like a hospital trolley and I was pinned there, not able to move, my hands and legs tidied up so that I couldn't move whatsoever and I was rushed on this trolley to some place like a surgery or operating room, or so I thought. I felt my body completely motionless and paralyzed and only my head was able to move partially and I was able to see myself but not able to move or to help myself. I was very scared as somebody/ some presence that was felt but unseen/was having power over me and I felt they wanted to do me something like children who can play with a bug but I did not know what are their intentions and what they want to do with me or how they will use their power over me.
The trolley was moving through a dark corridor and I could feel the sensation of movement. Somebody was pushing and directing the trolley through this corridor and the corridor was dark, narrow ,and horizontal. It felt like a corridor from darkness rather than man-made walls. And I was like a hospital patient going to operation with anesthetic half activated in my body /and that is why I was immobile/ and half -not yet /that is why my mind was still aware of what was going on around me/.
Then I felt the presence started preparing tools for the operation to start, it must have been sharp like knives and axes. I was terrified as I was anticipating the pain and terror but in my silent horror I just was not able to move or free myself or to scream and I was totally surrendered to their will. Then they started operating on my body .I could hear the tools cutting my flesh but to my surprise and relief I did not feel pain and nothing at all. I just could hear the sound -it was like when somebody cuts meat ,half frozen, and it is easy to cut through, with some crunchy ,even pleasant sound coming from that. At that point I was still horrified and too much concentrated on the operation to be able to analyze further what was all about. But when it was finally done and over I understood what it was: they have been cutting in order to separate my body from my soul, because when they finished, we were at some huge gate which was the border to the light and I was free to go to the light, to the world beyond the gate.
I knew I had left my body behind ,physical body perhaps, but I still had body, that was light and I was myself, but not myself. It was myself but in indescribable state of mind or being, walking through this town of light, bubbling with joy and happiness and freedom, in heavenly mood, and most importantly happiness for no reason, with no end. I was just so happy. I knew I am in heaven and I clearly understood that heaven is not a place ,it was a state of mind. /Later I have met the same in other people's books./ Most importantly -this happiness was not only mine, it was shared: everybody was happy there and that is why I was even more happy-because I wouldn't bear the thought to be happy while somebody else is suffering. Everybody seemed to be in close relation to each other. It was like you are walking alone but you are not alone. It was love all around, peace, joy and everything that is opposite of loneliness, and so alive. And the music, yes, everything was singing. It felt that my soul wanted to sing of joy and I started singing. But it was not like on Earth. Here I would be shy to sing with full strength of my breath and voice in the middle of the street, between strangers and I would consider what the other would think, that I would disturb them, that this is not acceptable ,that I will seem mad or that I may sing faulty. There I just felt like to sing with joy, with no limitations, no prejudices, no restrictions, no fears, no embarrassment and no worries that could stop me. My soul felt like singing and was singing. And I just started singing with all my strength. But most importantly, they were 3 women walking before me, and they also joined me, even more, it was like they knew the same song that I was singing .They were going on their way but it seemed they are aware of me and we were in connection of love, even when we are free to follow our ways or freedom.
This was heaven where there is no suffering, no diseases, no worries, no fears, no loneliness, no death, no darkness. And where everybody was together but not in physical sense, in sense of connection and love.
I enjoyed walking on the street with the same good mood. I don't know for how long.
But then I saw another picture- in the darkness of the universe, from far distance and from different prospective, I saw the Earth like planet from the school book- with the blue of the oceans and like I was watching it from another planet or from the space in the cosmos. It was like photo from a book or rather distant view from somewhere far away. And I thought that on Earth is now night and I felt homesick ,nostalgic, as I knew that there was my home and I felt slight sadness for home.
I think at that time I
wanted to return and I woke up. But I was a new person even though I realized it
many years after, not immediately. The 1st thing what happened was that I lost
my fear to die and in fact I started wanting to go back there, but in good time.
At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain My father was drinking heavily and we were at constant stress and fear as these 1st years he used to beat our mum. As a child I use to wet myself at night and at 1st my speech was delayed. Also at the time of the experience my grandfather passed away. I was experiencing this terror of going to sleep as I was horrified of death. At the time I was still very young, I don't remember exact age but it must have been between 15-17 years of age.
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain In a way it is not, because as it seems to me I have been to the lower realms of heaven where everything seems close to our reality. On the other hand it is not possible to describe it as it is state of being and state of mind that is very different of ours ,in fact opposite of what we know on Earth, where we are burdened with sadness and worries, with suffering and death and we are trapped in unwanted confrontations and wars. This place is just not real, it is so much more beautiful than a dream. This is place of safety, this is a home where it is peace, love and freedom. Where there is no injustice not only towards you but towards nobody. Nobody wants to hurt nobody just to embrace the love and joy.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal All the time but it is a different type of awareness, different reality. It felt so real, I never doubted it. And if even I am wrong and was nothing more than a dream, I will die happy with the remembrance of this dream. It was adapted to perceive different type of reality and is not comparable to what we know from before. The world there is not perceived as a place of danger and therefore one can exists without fighting for survival, competing for love and resources. It was like being awake and connected with everything through connection of love and peace, kinship. Also it was like you don't think ,you feel, you exist and everything is just beautiful and sufficient, just right. You are piece of heaven with your own place in it. The same with the others.
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was seeing and feeling, I was aware.