Marcella P's Experience
Transformative experience, age 28:
At age 28, while employed in Hong Kong, I experienced a spiritually transformative event, which I believe is directly related to my nde birth experience.
The status of my health at the time of the experience was excellent.
The status of my health now (age 56) is excellent.
I was living and working in Hong Kong for a catering company. My life was happy, I was completely healthy – no medical conditions whatsoever. I loved my job, had a great roommate, and loved all things about living in Hong Kong. I was under no stress in any area of my life – I was mentally stable, psychologically stable; I did not take any drugs or medications, I did not drink at all, by this time.
While cleaning my apartment one day, while my roommate was on vacation, I listened to a new music cassette tape. At the end of one song, the lyrics were ‘Open up to the Love of God, oh believe.’ At hearing this, I suddenly had the experience of my mind ‘opening up’ to this suggestion, and I told myself (much to my surprise), ‘That’s exactly what I need to do!’. There was a sense of ‘lightness’ about this thought, which was new to me. I then immediately thought ‘What a stupid idea, I’m not crazy’, and put it out of my mind. Over the next few weeks, the words ‘the love of God’ continuously repeated in my mind, and I mean continuously! If I wasn’t consciously thinking about something, those words would pop in, going round and round, driving me crazy.
I began to start thinking about soul, death, afterlife, sin. I wondered if these things were really real, and if they were, what about me? Where would I end up if they were? I began to get extremely concerned about these thoughts – even my boss at work noticed the change in me – so I decided to buy some books which would convince me that these things were crazy. I bought the books that said religion was false, Jesus never existed, etc. I read them, but still could see through them, I knew that they were wrong. All the while I began to see and hear everywhere I went, something about God, Jesus, faith, love; I would pick up a magazine, and something was there about God. I would look at the side of a bus, and there was an ad for a spiritual group meeting. I even began to feel an invisible presence near me almost all the time – I often would turn around on the street as I felt someone was ‘just there’ behind me – they were there but I couldn’t see them.
I decided to finally buy a Bible, and that would convince me that this was all false. I bought the Bible, read it, (as a Catholic, my parents did not allow us individual Bibles – per Church teaching. We only knew about scriptures from what was read out at Mass [i.e., not much], or what was quoted in a Jesus film); and immediately had the strong conviction that this was true.
I then decided that if the Bible held real truth, I was missing something and decided to begin going to Mass again. I had only been going to Catholic Mass for Christmas and Easter, since my teen years. I went to a Catholic church near my apartment. As I sat in the Church, the Mass was almost over. I remember thinking, ‘Well, this is just as boring as I ever remember it being – I guess I made a mistake in coming here.’ Suddenly the priest raised the Host and recited the words, ‘Lord, I am not worthy to receive You, but only say the words, and I shall be healed.’ At that exact moment, the space above me suddenly opened up into Heaven. I did not ‘see’ Heaven, but I felt all its power and glory above my head. I knew, absolutely knew, that if I looked up, I would see Heaven and I would die from it. There was so much spiritual power above me, that I physically began shaking. This intense power remained above me, and I internally realized the distance between me – the ego me – and divinity, spirit, God, holiness. Although I now know that this separation is not “Real” in terms of Ultimate Reality, that “sin” is only the human sensation of separation from God/Reality/Truth, but at the time, this was my spiritual starting point – I needed to realize that there was a something Other than what I then knew and experienced. Before we can know our True Selves, I feel it is important for us to initially know and experience that we are Not our True Selves – and from there we can progress spiritually to becoming who and what we are in Spirit. At that time, this Divine Power shook my entire being – mind, body, soul, consciousness. I was fixed to the spot where I was kneeling. I was time for me to move out into the aisle to take Communion, and I had difficulty moving physically, as I was shaking so much. I looked around, and no one was even aware that this Power was present!!! Still to this day I can’t imagine that no one else present was aware of this. At the time, all I could think of doing was to throw myself down on the floor of that church and worship God. How I refrained from it, I still don’t know. Back in the pew, I thought that I needed to speak with someone about this. I looked up to the priest, and suddenly the words in my head were ‘He doesn’t see.’
I was a complete illiterate about anything religious or spiritual, and yet at that moment I understood completely what it meant, ‘He doesn’t see’. Upon leaving the Church, the words ‘You need to pray” kept repeating in my head. In the foyer, I picked up a small prayer booklet. At home, I opened it up and began to leaf through it. I said to myself, again, these prayers are just boring, they don’t seem to be anything special to me. As I then turned the page, I came to a prayer which was written in the form of a letter to the reader from Jesus. The prayer began, ‘My dear Child’…
The very instant I began reading those words, I heard them in the voice of Jesus. He spoke those words to me. It was His voice, not mine, not just any words in my head. The tears began streaming from my eyes, without my even being aware of it. I was instantly upon my knees, with my face to the floor. I said, “Dear Jesus, I don’t understand what’s been happening to me these past few months, but if You want me, here I am.”
At that instant, (what I now relate all seemed to happen in less than 1/1000 of a second, and happened all at once, as well) the Real, Living Presence of Jesus appeared. He was more alive than anything in this Universe. His being was All Power, Glory, Light, and Love, I imagine that this is how He appeared to the Apostles after His resurrection. The Power radiating from Him was enough to blast the entire Universe apart. He appeared in the shape of a human body, but the Glory was so intense that I did not ‘see’ any things such as hair color, facial features, clothing. Every cell in my body recognized Him, and there was the strong awareness that I had known Him for eternity.
It's difficult to describe, but His ‘Jesus-ness’ was so intense - He radiated every ounce of His ‘Being-ness, Human-ness as Jesus-on-this-earth, that there was no mistaking who He was. It was impossible not to know that He was Jesus, and there was no other being in this Universe that He could be mistaken for.
When he appeared, at that instant what was known as my ‘mind’, simply stopped working. It simply ceased to exist, was ‘stunned into silence’, as Dr Hawkins says in one of his lectures. This was a very literal, specific occurrence. If I had had the capacity to look onto the floor, I’m sure I would have seen what was ‘my’ ‘mind’ lying there, dead – the spiritual power and intensity which was present simply wiped out any power of mind.
Jesus then radiated (Like a nuclear blast is radiated into the atmosphere!) LOVE such as no one can imagine, into the area of my heart. At this time, I had no knowledge of anything like my own body. I have the strong impression that my physical body no longer was functioning – I knew that my physical eyes were not seeing this, and knew that if they had been, they would have been burned out from the glory. It is true that a physical body cannot be in the presence of God and survive. I knew that I was seeing this with spiritual eyes. And my physical eyes ‘knew’ this – I don’t know how, but that is definite.
The LOVE continued to radiate into the area of my heart – the physical body-heart or the spiritual body-heart, I can’t tell even now – and there was a sense of absolute astonishment as to how the entire Universe was not being radiated with this LOVE at the same time as well, but into my own heart the LOVE continued to pour. The ecstasy of this was unbearable, unbearable. Love is a meager word to describe what was being poured into me….I cannot find another word for it. It was unbearable ecstasy of Eternal Love.
Up to this time, there was some sense of these events happening to something called a “body”, an “ego-me” – suddenly there was only the LIGHT of DIVINITY – and the LOVE of DIVINITY – this was EveryWhere, and NoWhere – there was no thing which was not Divine – and there were no “things’ - the “I” that had been ‘me’ no longer existed, there was only “SELF” in this DIVINE ETERNAL LIGHT and LOVE – and that is All There IS. All form is Divine Light and Love. Non-form is Divine Light and Love. “SELF” is Divine Light and Love. Only the Eternity of Love and Light existed – no separate universes, no separate worlds, no separate nations, no separate people, no separate individuals – but all universes, worlds, nations, peoples, individuals, were in this SELF which was an ETERNITY OF LOVE LIGHT DIVINITY. All was SELF, and SELF was DIVINTY and LIGHT and LOVE. This presence of SELF existed in the Eternity of LOVE and LIGHT for Eternity.
This LIGHT and LOVE was Alive, Knowing, Silent, Peaceful, All-Power, Silvery-white BEAUTIFULNESS which extended for ETERNITY.
>From “nowhere” (?), from “the ego that still existed” (?), from Jesus Himself (?) came the thought, “If this continues, you will die”. Instantaneously, the mind came back, the ego came back, “I” came back, the body came back. The ego became afraid of death, and “I” said “Lord Jesus, I’m afraid, please make this stop”. For many many years I was confused as to who it was who had communicated this statement to me – was it the Devil? An Angel? I know now that this statement was Divinity’s way of communicating to me whether I wished to choose earthly life, or to remain in Divinity. It was my choice, karmically, whether to continue on into Eternity, or return to a bodily-existence. As the mind, body and consciousness slowly came back to “earth”, after making my choice to do so, the glorious, exquisitely gentle, light as a feather and All-Powerful presence of Jesus slowly “melted” away from me – as if it could not bear to be separated from me!!! It was exactly like melting snow – soft, gentle, but All-Powerful – that separation was one of the most beautiful, and at the same time most painful, of spiritual experiences.
I have no conscious recollection of how long this experience took, or whether the body was even conscious or alive at that time. The days and months immediately following this experience were traumatic, but magnificent at the same time. It seemed as if my entire body had been changed – I thought differently, experienced events and emotions differently, physically felt different – all more acute and intense. Living in a tropical location was difficult – the intense sunlight was almost unbearable – I remember often how going out into the sunlight would feel almost “blinding” – yet the colors were glorious and intense – almost unreal in intensity. Flourescent lights are everywhere in Hong Kong, also, and this caused discomfort. I desperately sought for a quiet place – in a city with a population of millions! I would frequently go to the Zoo in Hong Kong, and found a bench in a shady location which was somewhat isolated – this became my meditation garden.
I believe that I was in the body for the first part of the experience, then out of body/lost all awareness of the physical body in the second part of the experience when the self went into Eternity.
In terms of this experience, I did not experience the presence of deceased persons, darkness, landscape, city, void, special knowledge, life review, or vision of the future.
In terms of this experience, I did experience a ‘boundary’ – I believe that I was given the choice to either return to this life, or remain in Eternity, and end this life, when I heard the statement spoken to me – “If this continues, you will die.”
In terms of this experience, there was an overwhelming emotional tone of Love, Ecstasy, Peace.
This experience had an immediate, and continuous on-going effect on relationships with family members. I became a spiritual/religious fanatic after this experience. This alienated family members, and subsequent individuals in the various religious groups with which I was affiliated. My family, to this day for the most part, believes that I had a nervous breakdown in Hong Kong. They also have told me many times that I am mentally ill, and on one occasion both my mother and father told me that they wanted me to seek professional mental help, as they believed I was mentally ill.
Most painful was to have church leaders, teachers, and friends within religious organizations who treated me as if I was a ‘problem’, ‘insubordinate’, and ‘just plain crazy’. I was asked to put myself under the ‘instruction’ of an older woman while in the Assembly of God Church, for supposed ‘insubordination’ to the Pastor – I was complaining that members of the Church were not ‘on fire enough to my liking; I was also asked to step down from the board of elders at the Messianic Congregation, as they did not feel I was a good religious example. I had at this time left my employment, and was basically meditating all day, and living what I now see as an ‘ascetic’ lifestyle.
I have had a couple of friends hint the same to me as well, that I should seek professional mental help. This may have been beneficial for me at one time, I can now admit, but I have been able with the grace of Divinity to work through much of those difficulties.
My employment since this experience has, in my own thinking, been a disaster. Since the experience, I have had the strong feeling that I have been called to some type of ministry, calling, etc., but I have never been able to determine which direction that is. I have sought, prayed, fasted, meditated, read books, joined prayer groups, gone on retreats, all in an effort to determine which direction my calling is in. I have recently had three interesting experiences, which have given me hope in that direction. I sought in vain for some type of direction, and took jobs such as working for a printer/copy company, working as a home health aide, doing temporary office work. I have always felt, up to today, that I have not fulfilled or successfully used my talents in the area of employment. I have always felt that I have worked ‘below’ my talents and capacities in this area. This has been a great source of embarrassment and distress for me over the years.
I spent two years in Hong Kong, and then returned to Buffalo. Through a series of events, my employment ended with this company. My father was angry with me for a long time, and felt that I was supposed to have remained with this company. I also have felt that it may have been a ‘mistake’ for me to have left the company. Are ‘mistakes’ possible in the spiritual realm? I don’t know, but looking back I feel that my path was in that direction, and I failed to take it. Currently in my job as a Medical Assistant, I have been told that “God wants you here”, whenever I complain or get depressed about where I am and what I am doing as employment. This area in particular has been a major issue for me, one that I have spent a long time praying for direction about.
To this day, I still feel strongly that I have not fulfilled or met my purpose for this life. However, there have been events happen (dreams, communication through written materials, etc) that have given me hope that I have a future purpose that is yet to be fulfilled.
The changes resulting from the experience have been at times incredibly frustrating and painful, depressing, and also beautiful, soul-stirring and uplifting. I have had mixed changes – both internally and externally with others, family, job, life-purpose, religious and spiritual belief systems. In short, every area of my life has been in constant change and upheaval, on and off, since the experience at age 28.
Over time, the changes in family relationships have lessened in intensity; the changes in friends and social relationships have stayed the same (which is not good, per my estimate); the changes in life purpose have been improving since the experience; the changes in belief system have been constantly improving since the experience; thee changes in spiritual experiences and growth has been constantly changing for the better since the experience.
My spiritual experience at age 28 was neither consciously nor deliberately induced.
After the experience at age 28, I considered the contents of my experience to be extremely wonderful, also puzzling as I did not understand how/why this incredible event had just seemed to ‘happen’ to me out of nowhere; I have struggled greatly with the guilty and depression of having chosen to come back to this life; I have struggled with the seeming fact that I have not used this experience as well as I would have hope, especially for the benefit of others – I struggle internally with the thought of “What have I done for others with this miraculous experience?” I do not consider the contents of my experience at age 28 to be frightening in any way; except that the spiritual power which comes up on occasion is frightening in its power and intensity.
>From a spiritual point of view, since age 28, I have had multiple spiritual experiences which are a direct relation to the vision/transformative event. Following are multiple examples of these experiences:
There were no associated medications or substances at the time of my experience at age 28 with the potential to affect the spiritual experience.
This experience has been incredibly difficult to express in words. When I was first at New Life Assembly, I was asked to give my ‘testimony’. I was unable to physically speak of the experience, except to say “I saw Jesus! I saw the Light!”. It has taken about 25 years for the experience to be ‘downloaded’ into me – I think that I had to grow into it. I have also been growing back into acceptance of what the experience really meant – in that Presence of Jesus and into Eternity, there was no dogma, no belief system, no religion, no catechism, no doctrine. I am working on growing into the spiritual purity of the Love that was shown to me, in order to live it out every day for others.
At the time of this spiritual experience at age 28, there was no associated life threatening event.
My level of consciousness during the experience was EXTREME consciousness – have never equaled it again so far. My level of alertness during the experience was also EXTREME – have occasionally equaled it again in some spiritual experiences I have had to this date.
The spiritual experience at age 28 was not dream-like in any way.
At the time of the spiritual experience, I experienced not necessarily a separation of my consciousness from my body, but a complete loss of awareness of the body and mind. While in Eternity, there was no knowledge or memory of a body, a mind, a separate consciousness.
The emotions which I felt during the experience were an ecstasy so strong that it was unbearable, and felt that the body would die from it; there was also the most powerful feeling of Love which I have yet to experience again; there was also the “emotion” of Peace during the time of Eternity – hard to describe but it was a Silence that was felt as an emotion.
During this experience, I did recognize Eternity, while part of it; there were no other locations such as Heaven, Hell, Hades. I did not experience a traditional “Heaven” as known through Biblical teachings. I do not know whether the Eternity I experienced was part of Heaven, or separate from it.
I did not encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures.
During the experience, the Love that Jesus poured into my heart was “All” Light – the most blindingly brilliant Light one could imagine. With the intensity of several millions of atomic bombs. Subsequently, when He has appeared in any way to me, it has always been in this brilliant Light. Eternity was an alive Light, and an alive Love, again both as brilliant as that of Jesus.
During this experience, I met only Jesus. He was known to me more certainly than I know myself! He did not speak to me while I was in His presence; at that time, every cell in my body knew who He was.
During this experience, I did not experiment while out of body or in another altered state. I did not attempt to visit a family member or friend at another location.
During this experience, I did not eyewitness an event that I would not have known about had I not been out of body.
During this experience, I did not attempt to move a physical object while in the astral/etheric universe.
During this experience, I did not observe or hear anything regarding people or events during my experience that could be verified later.
During this experience, I did notice how my 5 senses were working. Vision was extremely sharp, and notably it was not vision with the eyes. As stated previously, the physical eyes in the body knew that the spiritual eyes were seeing something, but could not register what was happening. There was some type of sense of touch operating, as I could seemingly ‘feel’ the entrance of the Love/Light from Jesus entering the body – whether it was a physical body, or etheric body, I can’t tell. Initially it could have been the physical body, because there was the sense that the body would die from this ecstasy. The Peace and Silence while in Eternity were something palpable, and very real – one could ‘hear’ the Peace and ‘hear’ the Silence – they were both alive.
During this experience, time stopped the very second I heard Jesus speak the words ‘My dear Child’. There was no longer time when Jesus appeared, and then into Eternity there was absolutely no time present at all. Also, the presence of time was very distorted when I experienced the Love being ‘melted’ away from me. This seemed also to be outside of time.
During this experience, I noticeably did not have an experience of ‘knowing All knowledge’ while in Eternity. I experience ‘being All’, rather than ‘knowing All’. While in Eternity, I experienced All things as One, which could be said to be universal order. There was nothing that is, that wasn’t present in Eternity as the ‘Self’ that was me.
Hearing the words ‘If this continues, you will die’, was definitely a boundary, but not a limiting physical structure. I strongly believe that if I had agreed to the experience continuing, that the body would have died.
I did not become aware of future events during this experience. Notably, on March 14th of 2017, during sleep, the following was spoken to me: “In October (of 2017), you will be rewarded with great clarity of vision.”
During this experience, I did not hear any unusual sounds or noises other than the voice of Jesus speaking the words ‘My dear Child’.
I was involved in the decision regarding the decision to return to my body. Additionally, I have always had a sense of ‘anger’ at this point – here I was a complete ignorant in spiritual things, and was instantaneously thrown into this ‘spiritual event’ with no knowledge of it, or what to do about it. I always wish that I had been given an explanation of what was being said to me – how did I know what that meant, ‘If this continues you will die’. Where were all the angels or other beings who should have explained to me what was happening, and that it might be best to choose the words, ‘Okay, I’ll let it continue!”. My emotions on this point have always been mixed – why was it given to me when I was completely ignorant of spiritual things?
I definitely did have psychic, paranormal, and spiritual gifts following the experience at age 28. Some examples are including below, but they include: having dreams which come true, knowing the thoughts and feelings of others, experiencing the emotions of others, as well as animals; levitation; light episodes – experiencing light emanating from others, and myself; encounters with dark spiritual entities; rebuking dark entities from other human beings; experiencing healing energies; etc.
My entire world view was changed due to this experience, and continues to change. My views on politics, religion, society, family, God, faith, death, mankind, have been continuously changing since the experience.
The experience has negatively (I believe, up to this time) affected family relationships; and negatively affected friendships. My religious practices have been in an almost constant state of change and growth since this experience – they have included growing through Roman Catholicism, Pentecostalism, Messianic Judaism, Buddhism; I have been learning and growing spiritually almost non-stop (and loving every minute of it!).
My career choices have suffered, I believe, due to the experience. I was so focused on spiritual things, that I neglected the day-to-day career choices I probably should have made.
I made one attempt to share this experience with family – did not go over well. I made one attempt to share with my Aunt – she said to me, ‘Oh, so and so was baptized in the Holy Spirit, too.” Then she dismissed my account. I have shared with two other people in a religious setting – they were positive and accepting. I once shared my story with publicly at the Salvation Army – I was told afterward by the director, “You didn’t have to go into that much detail”. Didn’t go over too well, I assume!!! I recently sent my account to PMH Atwater, for use in her book on premature-infants and nde’s. As far as I know, no one has been positively affected by my spiritual experience, either at birth or subsequently at age 28. I often think of George Ritchie’s account in his book, where he mentions that he tried several times to relate his experience, all with failure, until he felt that Spirit opened the doors for him, and then he had success. I feel somewhat that this may be the case for me, as well.
Emotions following my experience have ranged from joy and wonder, initially, all the way down to severe depression and guilt – not forgiving myself for coming back.
The best part of my experience was having had it at all!!! How blessed I am to have seen what I saw, and experience what I did of Eternity. How I wish that the whole world could have experienced it along with me. The worst part was integrating myself back into life, and forgiving myself for the choice I made. Also, for forgiving myself in being just human as I have grown over the years – allowing myself to make spiritual mistakes.
My whole life has changed due to this experience – all areas are so different from what they might have been, had it not happened.
Since the experience happened, I have not had any other events in my life, (apart from ongoing spiritual experiences), medications, or substances which reproduced any part of the experience.
Following are some examples of spiritual experiences that I have had following the experience at age 28:
Within a couple of months after this experience, I became very afraid that I would “lose” this experience – at that time I did not know how it had arrived in my life, and whether or not it would just “leave”. I asked fervently to be shown that I would not be “abandoned” spiritually. One day, I opened the Bible, and my eye fell upon the verse in Isaiah: “And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity, and the water of affliction, yet shall not thy teachers be removed into a corner any more, but thine eyes shall see thy teachers: And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left”. As my eyes fell onto this verse, these words suddenly became LIGHT. They were burned into me. This verse would become literally true in my spiritual walk, many times.
While living in Hong Kong, I traveled to Lhasa, Tibet, during vacation. I had no knowledge of Buddhism at that time, only my Catholic background, in terms of religion. My guide was from Nepal, and during the trip asked me if we could stop at a monastery which was not on the tour so that he could visit a friend who was a monk. I told him this was fine, so we traveled to this monastery. With my tour guide and his friend in conversation, as I looked at this monk, I suddenly saw bright beams of silvery light flowing from his eyes (I have seen this on several other occasions with other individuals). I asked my guide if the monks, and this monk in particular, had ever heard of Jesus. He replied that “yes, they knew about Jesus through the talks they have had with Western tourists”. Prior to this I had only experienced this LIGHT within and radiating from myself, and others I knew to be believers in Jesus. I was astounded that I was seeing this same Light in someone who was not a believer in Jesus – and a Buddhist no less – I was very puzzled for a long time as to why this would be.
After an extremely disturbing event concerning a family member, I had the following experience: One night, while sleeping, I saw the words, which were hanging in a sky-filled dark space – “THE LORD IS MY LIGHT AND MY SALVATION, WHOM SHALL I FEAR?” I stood, as if suspended in this dark night space. I saw that these words were on fire, each word was alive, and as my eye fell upon each word as I silently read the word, a LIGHT and FIRE would shoot from each word into my being, and an absolute ecstasy would enter into me. In the spaces between each word, which was about a millisecond long, I would seem to return to the normal body experience. It was almost as if I was being electrocuted, then the current was turned off for a second, then electrocuted again, then the current turned off, etc. etc. I read the word, LIGHT and FIRE and ECSTASY entered, then normal consciousness, then the process would happen again, word after word, until the sentence was finished. It was EXQUISITE (!) and GLORIOUS (!) and painful when it was an in-between time, between each word. It sounds crazy, but the experience was INEFFABLE.
I was guided to help some individuals with mental illness, and was spiritually able to command lower astral and demonic spirits to leave the bodies of afflicted individuals. I was enabled to pray over individuals for their physical healing. One notable event, when praying for an individual afflicted with both mental illnesses and demonic afflictions, my hands were nearly crushed when a lower astral/demonic entity left this individuals’ body – I had mistakenly been holding the individual’s hands to comfort them, while praying. This individual nearly jumped off the couch due to the force of the event, and the super-human strength going out through this person nearly crushed the bones in my hands.
During these years, I worked as a home-health aide. During my initial training, a Nurse was asked, What do we do if someone dies while we are there? The Nurse quickly replied not to worry, it almost never happens, and a Nurse is there – you’ll probably never have to experience that. Right in my head was the Voice, telling me that it was going to be different for me. True to its word, I seemed to be always at the home of someone either in the process of dying, with only a short time to live, or someone died while I was there in the home, or someone died just a week or so after I left their care. It was a blessing to me that even the Nurses noticed that I was able to handle the event of caring for a dying patient, and asked me if they could request me for any terminally ill patients. I was pleased to help them.
I was in the home of an elderly woman when she died – no friends, or family ever came to see her. I was not concerned to be with her body while waiting for the Nurse and EMT’s to arrive, I was able to hold her hand and pray for her when her time came. I helped the Nurse when she arrived, and the Nurse anxiously asked me if I would like some counseling or time off afterward. I was fine, I told her (wondering why someone would need time off, or counseling? It did not seem a traumatic event to me – this beautiful elderly woman was now at peace – who needs counseling for that?)
I was in the home of a young man dying of AIDS – at the time I cared for him, he was almost unable to speak – I attempted one conversation, to tell him that God was beautiful and loved him very much, and that Jesus was beautiful and loved him very much. Jesus’ came to this planet to show us his love – nothing to fear at all when we went to the other side. He then spoke with me, and was fairly lucid, enough to say that yes, he believed in Jesus’ love, and knew that Jesus would take care of him at the end. This man died one week after I left his care.
I was blessed when a woman dying of cancer asked her family and the Nurse to make sure that I was present when she died – she wanted me to be there, no matter what. I was in her home when she passed away – all morning she had the ‘death rattle’. She was a large woman, and the cancer had caused her so much pain that she declined any bathing for the last couple of weeks. When the Nurse arrived, the Nurse asked me to bathe the body as best I could, so that her family could come in and see her in a clean state. She had lost a lot of bodily fluids and functions at the time of her death, as well. I walked down the hall, asking Jesus to please not bring her back to life just at this time as I was cleaning her, as He would then most likely find me immediately in His presence, due to the shock of the event!! I was able to wash her body well enough to present a clean situation for her family – no problems. I was brought to tears when this woman’s daughters thanked me profusely, and one of them, with tears, asked me “How can you do this? How does someone find the strength and love to do this?” I was too choked up at the time to respond, but I believe I gave her some kind of answer regarding LOVE.
On the evening of the Messianic Jewish Congregation Yom Kippur celebration, I had decided that this would be my last evening with this Congregation. After leaving the building, I stood outside at the mailbox in front. I held the letters in my hand, and said a final prayer – “Lord, I surrender this to you – If this is a mistake, let me know now, and I will change everything”. I suddenly saw in front of my eyes a picture of a page from a book read long ago. The page had been highlighted in yellow by myself. The book was written by a Christian missionary, and his theme was that in the search for your “place” in ministry (which I had been searching for from day One), you must consider that “God may place your ministry outside of any formal religious denomination, Church, religious body, or organization”. I saw this point highlighted, and magnified before me. My heart was calmed, I dropped the letters in the box, and said goodbye.
Sometime after leaving the Messianic Congregation, I began to experience a fear coming up in my life on a very frequent basis. It seemed that everywhere I looked, there was the picture, or movie, or advertisement, or newspaper article, showing a large ocean-tanker, the Lusitania liner, or the Titanic. At each time I saw this image, a great terror would shoot up within me, from the pit of my stomach. My palms would start to sweat, and I felt an overwhelming sense of panic rising up in me. Often I would leave the room or area in which this image was in – I could not even stand to look at the picture. I would start to be careful even in turning the pages of a magazine, in case I would turn the page, and there would be the picture of a tanker, ocean-liner, etc. I know this sounds bizarre, but these images were showing up everywhere in my life. Since I had lived my life for so many years in such peace, this fear was very disturbing. I prayed, meditated, sought spiritual guidance as to how I should deal with this. As I was reading more and more material on near-death experiences, I learned that phobias are often a result of an unresolved issue from the death of a previous life. At this time, I was not a “believer” in previous lives – I wasn’t against it, but did not hold it as a truth in my own life. I came across a book by Dr Brian Weiss on previous lives, which included a CD for regressing to past lives. I was becoming more and more anxious regarding this phobia, and only wanted the fear to go away. I attempted to solve it myself – I resolved to go to my local library, and take out several books on the Titanic – I just “happened” to know where they were on the shelves – I had passed their location one day, and the fear and panic rose up once again. So on this day, I marched into the library, walking to the shelves in question. As I got closer and closer, I nearly passed out from the panic – I couldn’t do it! I couldn’t go any closer, and felt an actual panic attack coming on, overwhelming me. I practically ran out of that library in tears.
I prayed intensely for the protection of Jesus, and asked him that I would be able to use the CD from Dr Weiss – I only wanted the fear to go away. I began to listen to the CD each day. By this time, I had something of an “inner knowing” that this fear had much to do with the Titanic in particular. I prayed in a heartfelt manner to Jesus, asking him that in some way, though I did not believe in past lives, that He could just remove the fear, the panic. I also told him that if I were to somehow see the sinking of the Titanic, that I would not be able to survive if I had to relive that event, and could He somehow allow the fear to go away, without living through an event such as that, again.
A short time later, I had a dream. I was standing in a bedroom of a type of ocean liner – the windows were the familiar round portholes. I noticed out the window that it was daytime – the sky was blue, the sun was shining. I felt as if this was a good sign, somehow. I looked toward the door – they were the familiar swinging doors, both sides with a porthole, which are found on most boats. Coming through those doors, from top to bottom, was a deluge of icy-black, greenish water. I looked toward my right side, and saw a suitcase opened. On top of the clothing was a heavy knit sweater, which my mother was knitting for my father at that time. It was a distinctive pattern – grey, with large red trim in a star-shape around the neck and sleeves. The wool was called “Icelandic wool”, as it came from sheep in Iceland, and was waterproof. In this dream, I said to myself, “I’d better put everything on, it’s going to be cold.” Suddenly, I was outside the ship, in the water, with a small group of people. The sun was shining, and the sky was blue. Along the water came a yellow school bus, which stopped in front of us. The doors opened, and we got in. The dream ended.
I was impressed by this dream, but the ego part of me became upset. Here I was so anxious, praying, trying to deal with this issue spiritually, and had received a dream that seemed to make no sense – a yellow school bus? How foolish – what in the world could this mean? It’s stupid and makes no sense. These words were hardly even out of my mouth, literally, when I suddenly saw in front of my eyes the page in your book “Coming Back To Life”, which describes the function of yellow in the out-of-body and near-death experiences. I understood that Spirit was teaching me that I had just been in the “school” of these experiences. I repented of my impetuousness and ignorance.
Not long again after this dream, while asleep, I was suddenly climbing a ladder, surrounded by dark, greenish-freezing water. An arm plunged through this water, pulling me upwards. This arm was glowing, white, and seemed to have the appearance of the arm of an angel. I had been climbing down the wrong way on the ladder, not able to see in the blackness of the water. Next, I was above in the air, the scene below me – it was nighttime, and very dark. I was looking down upon a small group of individuals, huddled together in water. They were all wearing large grey life-jackets. One of the individuals – a male - was looking up to the sky. I was acutely aware that if I simply shifted my consciousness, I would take in the sight of the Titanic sinking, off to the left of my vision. I was strongly conscious that I did not want to do this, and focused again down at the group of individuals in the water. Someone was with me up above, and told me to “Look at his face”. I focused my consciousness again on the man, and saw that his face was like one who was mentally unbalanced by the terror and fear of death. I have never seen anything like the look on this man’s face: sheer terror. As I looked into this face, I recognized myself – it was as if I was simply looking into a mirror – this man, dying in the water after the sinking of the Titanic – was myself in my previous life. I knew this completely. I knew that this man was a British worker on the Titanic. I knew that I was that British man, who had worked on the Titanic, in my previous life. I had the sense as well, though not strongly, that I was running away from my life, as I knew it at that time – running away from family and responsibility. Nothing more was shown to me after this.
Since that time, I have no fear when encountering any images of ships, the Titanic in particular. At the time of the 100th anniversary of the Titanic sinking, I was actually able to watch the entire movie “The Titanic” – I was so proud of myself! No white knuckles, no curling up into a ball with fear! I was literally scanning the scenes of the ship, hoping to catch something with which I would be familiar – but no such luck. I have the sense, although it was not made clear to me when reviewing my previous death in that lifetime, that I worked below decks, and would not have often gone up to the higher decks. I believe that this episode of spiritually conquering the fear of “death” in the previous lifetime, was an important part of growing into the initial spiritual experience in Hong Kong, where I was unable to spiritually progress due to the fear of “death” at that time, as well.
While watching a program on interviews with survivors of the Titanic, to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the sinking, I was struck with the recollection from a survivor named Eva Park, who was a young girl at the time of the sinking. She recalled how she was always unable to look at photos of the Titanic due to her strong emotions – I was struck with how similar that was to myself – I also was almost physically unable to look at a photo of either the Titanic, or any other large ship, such as a tanker.
Because of being aware of the beings, energies, and multitude of spiritual levels which exist, I have always been cautious of getting involved in activities which claim to activate, engage with, or manipulate these beings, energies. However, during a time of feeling “stuck”, and needing a spiritual push, I attended three energy-healing sessions given by a local practitioner of a certain popular spiritual pathway. During the first session, I experienced a strong sense of a large beam of light being “beamed” from underneath my back (I was lying on my back on a table), through my body at the point of my navel, and extending up and outward through the ceiling of the room. After the session, I asked the individual performing the sessions if she had at any time gone underneath the table, and perhaps laid her hands on the area below the table where my back was located. This individual stated that they had not done any work below the table – the hands had been over the top of my body only. Driving home from the first session (three were ‘mandatory’), I had to stop the car suddenly due to the actions of another driver. Without thought, words of annoyance came out, directed at the other driver – “Oh, come on!” Instantly, as these words were said, I experienced the literal presence of a spiritual being beside me, in the passenger seat area. The air in that space was suddenly filled with sparkles, and this being communicated telepathically to me a sense of bemused dismay that I would send out negativity to soon after my peaceful energy session.
The second session I went quickly into a deep, calm meditative state. Quietly, the following words were spoken to me: “We don’t have to do the work of breathing in and out anymore – it’s not necessary”. At this statement, I smiled to myself and felt much joy. By this point, my breathing had become slower and slower, and it was physically easier and more pleasant in between each breath, as I began to actually feel the uncomfortable labor of breathing. At the time, this seemed to be an invitation to me to leave the body.
At the third session, I was restless, felt uncomfortable, and the session felt as if it lasted forever – but not in a pleasant way. I felt almost relieved when it was over. At the close of this session, the individual performing these sessions asked me several times what information I had to share regarding my experiences at this, and all three, sessions. This person then informed me that they were not supposed to share any of their own thoughts, feelings, or experiences to the one having the sessions, so as not to add their own biases to the sessions. With tears in this individuals’ eyes, they informed me that at the second session, they saw “coming from behind me, at the level of my back, angel wings were just beginning to open up”. I was startled by this, and mumbled something about “yes, there have been many references in my spiritual journey regarding wings, flying, flying away, etc”. I did not know how to respond at that time, and I currently still do not know what to make of this event. I have had no personal spiritual confirmation of this event, and so I merely hold it as “an interesting spiritual event”. I personally make no claims regarding this event – I have never shared this specific event with anyone else. Interestingly, though, Dr. Hawkins has confirmed through consciousness-testing techniques that the realm of the angelic is a spiritual level that is attainable by humans as we progress spiritually.
Also at the close of these sessions, the individual performing the energy-healing sessions told me that, as far as far as this person could remember, this was the only session they had ever done in which their hands had not felt warm, but remained cool throughout each session. At many times during these sessions, I could definitely feel heat radiating to my body and aura.
Regarding OBE, I have experienced this often since age 28. At one time, during sleep, I was suddenly conscious of returning into my body. I was out-of-body, hovering over the body on the bed. Just as a feather floats down in the air, and sways from side to side, just like that, the etheric body floated back into the body, yet swaying down from side to side. It was a fairly bumpy motion as I re-entered the body. I awoke with a jolt, and said to myself – “Well that was a bumpy landing!”
A second time, nighttime, as I was entering back into the body, I was again aware of the etheric body hovering over the body on the bed. As I awoke suddenly, I experienced my ‘self’ as both the body in the bed and the etheric body over the physical body. There was a strong confusion at the time, as I was not sure which direction I was supposed to be going in, and I said to myself, “I’m not sure which body I’m supposed to be in!”.
Another dream, very uncomfortable. I was walking down a hallway with a bright red carpet, some kind of house-like area. On either side of me, were multitudes of large black serpents. I was aware at the time, that these serpents were extremely poisonous. There seemed to be an invisible barrier between me and these serpents, yet the fear I felt was still extreme. I was commanded to walk ahead, and did so, with the serpents on either side vigorously attempting to strike at me. I was asked not to stop, and continue walking, which I did. The dream ended.
Within a short time after my initial experience in Hong Kong, I had the following dream. (At this time, I was not even aware that such a thing as a Near-Death Experience even existed). I was standing in a large rectangular room, full of antique furniture, chandelier, bookcases full of books from floor to ceiling, and a roaring fire in the fireplace. One of the longer walls was made entirely of a glass-like material. Outside was a brilliant blue sky, waves of tall golden grass, and in the distance purple-blue mountains. A wind was blowing as I watched the trees wave and the grass bending beautifully back and forth, yet these was a deep, profound silence. As I watched out this window, I looked to my right. The existing wall suddenly disappeared, and in its place was a banquet table set with crystal, gold, and linen. I walked to the table and picked up a plate – it was made of the most beautiful crystal. As I put the plate down, I noticed that the table extended to my right side and left side with no end – I could not see the end of the table at either side, right or left. Suddenly there was on my left side a being “made of light” – he (I seemed to think in the dream, it was male) had piercing blue eyes because we looked at each other, and to this day I can clearly recall the blue of his eyes, but the rest of his composition was all light – he was like a light-bulb with eyes, but the brightest light bulb you have ever seen. I did not get the sense that this individual was Jesus. Suddenly, I thought to myself, “This is Heaven!!!” At the exact same instant, all people present (the table was suddenly filled with beings, stretching into infinity to the right and left) had the exact same thought at the exact same time – and we all laughed, at the exact same time! It was a beautiful, cosmic telepathic giggle! The dream ended.
Several years after this, I picked up the book by Dannion Brinkley describing his near-death experience. Well, my chin almost hit the floor when I read his description of “purple-mountains” which he saw in the distance, as he flew (traveled) with his Light-Being after his death. Up to that time, as I had been in Christian circles, It was not even a serious thought that people had actual “dreams of Heaven” which might actually have been true, let alone even visiting Heaven, or having out-of-body nighttime experiences of visiting Heavenly realms. I believe that in this dream I did visit a realm of Heaven.
At one time during meditation, while experiencing this heat-phenomenon (heat radiating from my shoulders down through my fingers, which happens often), I looked down at both arms as they were resting on my thighs. I closed my eyes again, and saw the same image of my arms resting on my thighs, but with a major difference. I saw what was an x-ray image – I could see through the arms, like a black-and-white xray image. I could see the bones, muscles, and blue blood – yet radiating down the arms, shooting out through the fingertips was a brilliant white light. Several times I opened and closed my eyes, and the image remained, each time the eyes were closed.
Some years ago, I began studying a text called The Essene Gospel of Jesus. During this initial encounter with this text, one night while asleep, I found myself in a beautiful black darkness. Around me were a small group of individuals. I could not visibly see them, but could hear that they were present. Many excited voices started to say, “Shhh, they’re coming!” Suddenly before us, I saw a luminous, glowing tableau of many of the Apostles of Jesus, wearing glowing, multi-colored robes. I intuitively knew that present before us were the Apostles.
Another dream, which occurred within about 5 years after the experience in Hong Kong. I was alone, and looking toward a stage-like area. There was a floodlight coming from above, onto a table on this elevated stage area. On this stage area was a table, and a book was open upon it. I walked to the table, and looked at the book. I began to flip through the pages. It was an Atlas of the world. As I flipped from the beginning of the book, on each page I could see a line going from one country to the other – on this line was the number of miles from the previous country. This same line with the distance from country to country, occurred on each page and from one country to another. I became aware that this was the distance I was travelling from country to country. As I reached the last page of the Atlas, the line going to the final country was blurred. I could not make out whether the line reached the shoreline of the country or not. I leaned forward to look closer, yet the line was still blurry. I said out loud, “I can’t tell if they make it or not”. In the dream it seemed to me that there was some question as to whether the plane made it to the shoreline or not – that perhaps there was some kind of accident which prevented the plane from reaching land. The dream ended.
Within the first year or so of my experience in Hong Kong, I had the following surprising dream. At that time, I had no actual knowledge of Judaism, nor of Israel except what I had seen in media photographs. Some years after this, I did go on tour to Israel. In this dream, I was on the rooftop of a building in Jerusalem – white stone, white plaster, typical Jerusalem dwellings (I was surprised to see these same types of dwelling when I did go to Jerusalem). I was looking at a short distance downward, to a courtyard which was packed with Hasidic Jewish men – dressed in their infamous black hats, black clothing. They were packed in – there was not a space between them, as they packed themselves in towards what I could see was the Jewish Temple – I could not determine if it was just the entrance to an actual Temple, or the area of today’s Western (Wailing) Wall, though have the strong sense that it was an actual Jewish Temple. As I looked at this Temple area, I saw a fire falling from Heaven, in the shape of “tongues of fire” like the Book of Acts and the Apostles. This fire fell upon each head of the Hasidic men who were present. I knew in this dream that this fire was the exact same fire which Moses saw at the burning bush. As I watched this fire falling upon these men, I suddenly heard them all speaking in tongues – loudly praising G-d, and Jesus. I was astonished even in this dream, as I was watching, as even then I could understand the almost impossibility of this event ever happening. As I woke, I physically felt the power of this spiritual event and the fire, it seemed to still come to me in waves, after waking up.
Not many years ago, I had a sudden interesting experience. I was getting ready to leave my apartment, and was standing near my door. Suddenly, I experienced a strong radiating energy which went up my body from my feet, up through my head area. It was shaped like a circle around me, and horizontal to myself, almost as if someone had lifted a hula-hoop shape made of energy from my feet up over my head. As this power came up through my head area, it was communicated to me “Purification first, then the rest”. The words “the rest”, I immediately was given to understand that many dreams and visions I had been given for my future purpose on this earth at this lifetime would only be accomplished after this time of spiritual purification was over.
Just prior to my father passing away, at almost 91 years old, myself and a couple of siblings were meeting with the Hospice representative at my parents’ apartment. As it happened, that afternoon I had heard about the sudden death of a man who had been the son of my parents’ best friends. He had died suddenly that day, at his mother’s home. As I came into the apartment, I mentioned this event to those siblings who were present. I spoke in a quiet voice, and my father, who was very ill at that time, was back in his bedroom, and would not have heard my voice. I walked into his bedroom to say hello. As I came up to his bed, he immediately began to raise himself onto his elbow, with a strength of body which startled me. I almost thought he was going to fall off the side, so vigorous was his movement. He immediately leaned up, and his eyes looked from mine, deliberately over to my right side. He pointed his finger at that space, and said to me “He’s here? He’s dead too?”. I then calmed my father, not wanting to give him distressing news. I did not mention the death of this individual to him. One week later, my father passed away. I believe that somehow the spiritual presence of this individual may have been able to manifest himself to my father, through my spiritual openness and presence, rather than that of another of my siblings. It is my belief that this deceased individual did manifest himself to my father , by ‘arriving with me’, at that time.
Some time after my father had passed away, I had the following dream. I was confident at his death that he had gone to a positive spiritual place, so I was not overly worried for his future. One night, I suddenly was in a beautifully lit, glowing-white building. I was standing in a hallway, and along this hallway came my father. He was wearing his favorite baby-blue sweater, khaki pants. He looked physically as he did at approximately 80 years old. He looked happy, and at peace. He stood before me, hands clasped in his usual position underneath his stomach in front of him, a concerned fatherly look on his face. I was relating to him something of importance in my life, and he was listening intently. This was the end of the dream. I awoke with a feeling of peace, knowing that he was alright. Also one evening, after my grandmother had passed away, I suddenly was back at the apartment at my parent’s home where I had stayed for several years. I was speaking with my father, and suddenly from the bedroom my grandmother walked out, purse on her arm, and said to me, “Hi, remember me?”. I laughed, and said to her, “Of course, grammy, I remember you!”. End of dream. Concerning my grandmother (my mother’s mother) she had a very beautiful experience after her husband died. He had died before her, and she had relied upon him for everything. She was very depressed without him. My Aunt related to me a conversation she had had with Grandma. My Grandmother had told her that she had been so sad at the assisted-living facility where the family had tried to move her, (she was now living at the home of my Aunt) because if she went there, she wouldn’t see Grandpa again. My Aunt responded that didn’t she remember, Grandpa had been dead for several years at that point? My Grandma replied that she was wrong, Grandpa had sat with her almost every night while she watched tv, and at other times he was with her as well. When anyone else showed up, Grandpa would “disappear”. My Aunt dismissed all this account as Grandma “being too old to know what she was talking about”. One morning a friend who was a health-aide stayed with Grandma, who was still in bed, Grandma called the aide into the bedroom, and asked her to tell her “who is standing at the foot of my bed? I can’t tell whether it is my husband or brother?” (both of whom had pre-deceased her by some years, and whom she had missed greatly). The aide replied that she did not see anyone standing there. The next morning, my Grandmother passed away.
I was blessed to have had a beautiful pet for 18 years, a lovely part-Maine coon cat. He passed away at 18-years of age, and I missed him greatly. He had to be put-down at the vet on a Friday. On the next day, I took some of his favorite toys with me to a beautiful outdoor spot where I always went, for peace and communion with God. On the next day, Sunday, I had been sleeping as usual. Suddenly, I awoke, startled. What had woken me was the feeling of something jumping onto my legs at the bottom of my bed. I lived alone, and no one else was with me at that time. During his lifetime, my cat would always jump onto the bottom of my bed, in the same place at my legs, at the same time each morning, to wake me up to be fed. On this Sunday after he had been put down, I experienced a small weight jumping onto the bottom of my bed, at the exact same spot on my legs, at the exact same time which my cat had always awoken me – I physically felt this weight, which woke me up. I looked at the clock, and it was exactly 5:18 am – I start work early, and this was the time Yudi always wanted his breakfast. He always woke me at 5:18 am – what a joy to know that he visited me after his passing – I think he wanted me to know he was okay, and was happy. Again, I had the following short dream. I was kneeling down, calling to an animal. Into my view came a beautiful lion cub, about 3-4 years old. I began to joyfully and lovingly pet and caress this lion cub, and the cub came to me peacefully, and was purring and rubbing around me. I knew in this dream, that this was now Yudi – he had been able to advance and reincarnate into this state, with the help of my prayers, and his own desire to grow and advance spiritually in this realm.
A large part of my spiritual work since the beginning of my spiritual journey has been trying to deal with the emotions of coming back to this life – I had repressed much of these emotions – the guilt, the inability to forgive myself, the feelings of failure – time and again these emotions would overwhelm me, yet I had difficulty processing them. Many times over the years individuals had told me that I was “unwell”, “mentally unbalanced”, “mentally ill”, “unable to cope with the world” – this from religious individuals within the Church, siblings, friends, and both parents. A family member told me at one time, “You always seem so sad!” Yes, that was true – at that time I was grieving for what I had lost, and what I felt I could never attain again – the state of bliss and LIGHT. I had an underlying fear that I had “lost” any chance of ever attaining this state again within this lifetime – that I had ruined my chances to progress spiritually because of my decision, that I had “denied” God – this in spite of the many spiritual blessings which I had received through the years. One blessing in particular occurred early this year, 2015. I was in a state of emotional upset – heart-broken at the seemingly failure of my entire life – spiritually and literally. To my mind, I had failed in all areas – work, career, family, friends and relationships, religion, spirituality – everything and everyone seemed to have been adversely affected by me and my life – I saw no reason to continue living. As I sat, overwhelmed in tears and sobbing, suddenly in my mind came the strong phrase “Jesus is comforting you”. At once, I was aware of the presence of Jesus, just as he had come to me at the beginning in Hong Kong – just to my left side, about 3 feet away from me, was His luminous presence, although this time there was no vision of this event, just the physical sensation of it. And as I became aware of His presence, He began to fill me “literally” with comfort. Just as you would fill a glass up with water, I physically felt comfort flowing into my body, from feet to head, and replacing the desolation felt just seconds earlier. I felt the comfort just as literally as I feel water, sand, or any other physical object. It was just that real, and it was astonishing. The event lasted only a few moments, but now I was calm and composed – feeling wonderful.
For the past several years (until 2015) I have visited the relics of the Buddha, in Toronto, and Rochester. Last year, my prayer as the Monks were blessing me with the relics, was that I would regain that initial spiritual state in this lifetime. Since the initial experience in Hong Kong, I have come to learn that my spiritual path has been to “grow into” the spiritual depth of that initial experience. In March of this year, 2015, I was sleeping, and suddenly was aware that I was awake while still asleep. I asked myself suddenly, “Am I dreaming now? No, I’m awake”. Instantly before my field of vision was a burning, liquid fire. The left side contained this fire, and I knew that it was God. The right side contained this same fire, and I knew that this was the “ego”. As I watched, a small lick of a flame reached to the right side from the left, the flame no bigger than a candle flame, and the separation between the two sides was no wider than an eyelash. Yet, as this small flame flicked over to the “ego-side”, I experienced and felt the “ego” dying – this was a real death, I actually physically experienced death, the ego was terror-stricken, the power of it was breathtaking. Then it was over, I woke suddenly, and was actually literally out of breath from the sheer power of the event. Yet I felt a joy and ecstasy because I hadn’t failed spiritually! I had struggled for almost 25 years with the feelings of being a ‘spiritual failure’.
On the night of Saturday January 24th, 2016, I experienced the following dream: I was in a foreign country, I think it was Germany. Suddenly, I was in a darkened room – very black dark –was some type of malevolent entity/being in the room with me. I then saw myself in a reflection of some kind that was in this room, a mirror, or some type of shiny surface. I saw that there was strong light in the form and shape of lightening, which encircled my entire body, much like the aura does. This light was very strong and active, also much like lightening. I had my arms extended out, parallel to the floor, and shooting out from my palms was this same active, strong, lightening-like energy. The color of this energy remained a strong, bright white – no variations in color. In the reflection in which I saw myself, the light was streaming from my eyes, as well.
In another dream, 2016, I was stepping upon the heads of black serpents – I expressly recall the sensation, the physical feeling of these serpents underneath my feet – in particular, the last one, I felt even the shape of the head underneath my foot. There was no emotion attached to this dream, no feeling of hate, fear, disgust, danger, etc. (but on waking up, I shuddered because it was actually kind of disgusting!) There was only the acting of crushing these serpents under my feet. After awaking, I began to become concerned about the fact that, on most occasions previously when having dreams of this sort, something would manifest in my physical life which was a problem – a family argument, car problem, financial problem, work problem. Something would have always happened which meant a problem to me in physical real-time. As I was worrying about what manner this problem would manifest itself as this time, the knowledge came to me that this dream represented “things coming up from within me”, i.e. not an outward manifestation this time.
While falling asleep, sometime in 2016, suddenly there was the ‘disappearing’ of the awareness of the body, while at the same time an ethereal, luminous, ‘heavenly’ light of exquisite pale silvery blue, began to fill the inside of my body, my being, all self/ego was dissolved into this luminous light. Knowledge that this heavenly light was all there was to what was ‘inside’ the small self – the small self became the luminous light. At the same moment this light began to manifest itself, there was a beautiful ‘floating’ sensation, a ‘lightness of being’ sensation.
Afternoon on Friday, July 1st, 2016. Since my birthday prior to this, June 28, I had been in a depressed mood. I was unable to get the day off work for my birthday, and was depressed about other life issues – same job, getting older and not advancing at all, seemingly being exactly the same in life and personal issues as I was 30 years ago. I had decided in an angry moment, to discontinue doing the meditation exercises I had been doing for the past several years. I was finishing Level 3 of the Holosync Solution, and was set to begin Level 4 at the beginning of July 2016. I finally talked myself into beginning Level 4, assuring myself all the while that this was a stupid waste of my time. I put the cd on, and lay down to begin to listen.
Just prior to a meditation session, I had had a birthday. I was depressed, feeling stuck in all areas of my life. Suddenly during the session, there was an explosion of light within me, and the form of Jesus came through this light-explosion towards me, his arms outstretched – he was in the shape of brilliant, blinding, white light. The power of this love and light shot through me – and as soon as he had appeared, he disappeared.
Regarding my ongoing issues with employment/life purpose, I had the following experience: From the book “The Laws of Love”, by Paul Ferrini – I experienced a strong emotional reaction of love while reading the following section of this book, pg 109-111: “’The Great Work of Our Time’ – ‘When one person masters all ten spiritual laws, his light expands tenfold, perhaps even a hundredfold. People who are hungry for the teaching find their way to his doorstep.
>From one committed teacher, another ten teachers emerge. Thus, the spiritual community touched by the first teacher expands to hundreds, perhaps even thousands. In his time, Jesus spoke to thousands. Since then his teaching has reached billions. Of those, one was a St. Francis. One was a Ghandi. One was a Mother Theresa. And each of them had their own ministries bringing others to truth, to freedom and into the lap of unconditional love and compassion.
You do not have to compare yourself to other teachers to understand your important place in the collective atonement process. Every teacher has students who are waiting for him or her to leave the desert and begin teaching. Your students are waiting. That is not an invitation to rush or skip steps. Your healing must take as long as you require. But it is a message that time is of the essence. Your awakening and the healing that it brings to others is important. It is valuable. Indeed, it is sacred. You need to trust it.
No one thinks she is worthy to teach or heal until God blesses her and sends her forth. But then she knows in her heart and never looks back. We do not teach or heal for personal glorification, but for the glorification of God. Without God’s love and guidance, we would not be up to the task. But because of it, we can do all that is given us to do.
You and I have powerful companions. We are asked to witness and to serve. But we are not asked to do it alone. The help that we need will be given to us. In this, we must learn to trust. And the more we trust, the more it shall come to pass.”
While asleep, I ‘dreamt’ that I was in a church, some type of cathedral. In the front pew, there was a man – I got the impression that he was the Pastor or Priest, the head of this cathedral. He had a long grey beard, a grey suit – not modern looking, but something similar to those worn in the Orthodox Christian churches. I was at the front, in front of this man, and was lying on the floor at the front of the church, face, down, arms out in a cross-shape. Suddenly, I perceived the loss of the feeling of the body as the light and power of divinity filled the body. Without the sensation or feeling of the body, the body then levitated. During this levitation, there was no sense or feeling of the location of the body, but there was the absolute knowledge that the body was levitating. After a short while, there was the sense of the body again, without any strength to move the body or get up from the lying down position. I made several attempts to get up, and struggled to do so as there was no strength in the body. Eventually, I was walking outside this cathedral in a crowd of people, and those around me were aware that I had levitated. As I was waking up, I continued to experience the warmth of the power still surrounding me – the knowledge that I had been levitating was strong in my consciousness. To my remembrance, this was the first instance of levitating, with the certain knowledge that I had been doing so.
I was suddenly semi-awake at night, and aware of a multitude of white lights whizzing around me and around the room, full of energy and aliveness. At that moment, it certainly seemed that they were trying to wake me up! These lights reminded me of the small fairies which are in the Walt Disney movies. I tried to sit up, immediately thinking ‘What’s happening?’ Suddenly I was aware that a large black 3-dimensional figure was standing in the doorway to my bedroom. Not human…definitely…very dark and ominous. All of a sudden, the body started shouting to this being, ‘In the name of Jesus, I command and demand that you leave my presence immediately…in the Name of Jesus, I command protection for myself….!” Just as quickly, I was back asleep. I awoke refreshed, energized, no sense of fear or dread, and I easily remember what had happened during the night.
During sleep one evening, I woke and was observing myself in levitation in my bedroom. I noticed myself kneeling in prayer, and levitating. My form was near the bedroom window into which some light was shining, so I could clearly see my form there.
While reading through the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (family issues) recently (2017), I was reading the following section. During my reading it was spoken to me that, “This sounds like your ministry.” The quote is as follows: “Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A kindly act once in a while isn’t enough. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be. It may mean the loss of many nights’ sleep, great interference with your pleasures, interruptions to your business. It may mean sharing your money and your home, counseling frantic wives and relatives, innumerable trips to police courts, sanitariums, hospitals, jails and asylums. Your telephone may jangle at any time of the day or night. Your wife may sometimes say she is neglected. A drunk may smash the furniture in your home, or burn a mattress. You may have to fight with him if he is violent. Sometimes you will have to call a doctor and administer sedatives under his direction. Another time you may have to send for the police or an ambulance. Occasionally you may have to meet such conditions.”
The questions asked and the information that I have provided accurately and comprehensively describe my experience. I’ve given a lot of description of how I have tried to integrate the experiences (birth and age 28), and would be very interested in the attempts of other experiencers as to how they have done so as well. Perhaps some questions could be used just for ‘explanation of how they have grown’, or ‘what have you done spiritually with the experience since it happened?”. I’m personally always interested in the how-to of someone’s spiritual growth and development.