Maarit H's Experience
My 3 years younger sister was visiting me during winter time. I was 19, living upstairs of a Finnish-American couple in a small city in East Finland. I had my own room upstairs - very tiny, just enough for two people to sleep in. I let my sis sleep on my couch, as I didn't have a bed, and I made myself a bed on the floor next to the tall cupboards. The doors were wooden, light in color.
I laid on my stomach peacefully, arms under my pillow and my head resting against the pillow. I was waiting for to fall asleep and I felt myself very relaxed. Just like before you actually fall asleep. Suddenly I felt like someone would have took a hold from my ankles with both hands and started yanking my legs upwards, like trying to flip me over. I know my legs were on the mattress, so I though 'This feels rather strange, like someone's yanking me'. The force - whatever it was - yanked my legs pretty high, maybe 50cm/19,5 inches upwards, and on the third yank I flew out of my body. It happened so fast, it didn't even took a second! It felt like it all happened in 000.1 second. I think I came out through my legs, as I literally felt yanked out by the force which was playing with my ankles.
I found myself standing in a COMPLETE emptiness. There was NOTHING in there. It was pitch black, so black and empty that even the color black didn't exist there. There was no direction, no time, so sound, no smell, nothing. Absolutely nothing. There are no words in this Earth in ANY language which could describe this complete emptiness. Even the word complete emptiness makes no sense, as emptiness is something that exists, but in that black space nothing existed. Nothing. It was overwhelmingly dark. I also felt that it was dense and limitless, reaching for eternity. I felt nothing on me or against my skin, but I just knew the place was thick somehow.
I looked around in panic thinking 'Oh my god, I'm out of my body and I have no idea how to get back!!' I was wearing blue loose pants and a pale colored t-shirt, but those weren't my clothes normal clothes.
I stood there in one spot, too scared to move, and I most likely looked like a deer in headlights ready to be ran over! I simply just knew I couldn't find my way back by myself. I felt that I was horribly far away from my body, I could just feel that my body wasn't even close by - like I had entered a completely different dimension and I couldn't cross the space between the dimensions. Imagine you are in your home and suddenly get yanked in 000.1 second to the remote and isolated location on the completely different side of the globe, and left there alone without any money or way to get back home.
I had just recently started to read a lot about spiritual themes, like angels. I had always been interested in parapsychology and other unworldly matters, ever since I was 6. When I learned to read at age of 7, I hoarded all 'strange' books I could find from the library. So, shifting this interest to spiritual growth and understanding oneself and this world was just natural step to me at the age of 19. My friend was a far more educated with these matters, as both of her parents were spiritualists and had raised her with the belief is Universal Laws. We meditated once with her, asking help from archangel Michael to my worries. Back then I had felt his presence behind me, and when the meditation was over I told about this to my friend. She smiled me and said 'Yes, I felt and saw him, too. He stood behind you with a loving smile'. That's how I had seen him inside my head during the meditation, too. After that I started to learn more about the angels as spiritual helpers and guides (for me they didn't belong to any religion, they were just spirits called angels).
As there was nothing that existed in that emptiness and I didn't even know where I should head to, as nothing made sense there, I remembered angels. So I yelled 'Angels! Help me! Come to help me!' (something like that, I was so in panic I can't remember the exact words).
As soon as I had yelled that, two huge male figures in white robes came to me. They had loose sleeves and little belts, like leather robes. I don't remember seeing their feet. They just floated and basically flushed in a one 'whoosh!' to me. They had no wings or anything similar trademark to an angel, except the clothes. They were at least 2,5m/8.2f. tall, but I don't know was it that they were really that huge or was it because I felt myself very small and vulnerable out there, like I would have been a very tiny mouse... Somehow I have a feeling I wasn't there in my full spiritual glory, but very shrank version of it due fear.
The man with wavy brown hair took hold on my left hand, standing on my left, and the blond man with kind of similar hairstyle took hold of my right hand, standing on my right. I was like a very tiny child in between their parents!
Next I saw myself standing high in the air, from the outside viewer's perspective, like I would watched the event from TV or from book. It was a light summer night (summer nights are like a bit dim days in Finland), in a remote place in Finland. Remember that in physical reality there was winter with snow in Finland. There was a sand road between two small fields of hay, which were surrounded by deep spruce forests. There was this old hay barn, the ones you see pretty much everywhere in the hay fields, where farmers grow their hays. There were wooden phone lne going next to the other side of the sand road, and I stood above one of the poles, both angels still on my sides. I spend years thinking this scene might have been just my imagination and it never happened, as it sounded crazy - how can one see herself standing in the air from other person's perspective, like you sometimes see dreams of yourself where you inspect your dream self as an invisible watcher. In 2012 I found Anita Moorjani's book - 10 years later after this event - and I learned the first time that vision like this was normal when you were out of your body. Countless experiences in NDERF helped me with this, too.
This inspection time lasted perhaps 4 seconds and then I was again seeing with my eyes, like the way we do in physical body. I felt the angels holding my hands. I looked below and I was so high. In my head a fear ran through me; what if my hold slips from the angels' hold and I either drop down or what worse, get sucked again into completely nonsense place?
The blond angel on my right heard my fear, even when I didn't say anything. He said to me 'Don't worry, I can also carry you'. Then we where back in that black nothingness and the brown haired angel was gone. The blond angel took me into his lap, in princess carry hold, but he was SO, SO HUGE I fit perfectly on his upper arms. He bend his forearms over me, and he was so huge the forearms or palms didn't even touch me. On top of that he drew his face closer to me, protecting me with also with his head. I wrapped my arms around his neck and I didn't even manage to get them wrapped so that my fingers would have touched each other. I have to say that I'm very short woman, only 153cm/5' so my arms' length when combined together is around 150cm/a bit less than 5', but I felt that despite my tiny size the man was still very huge. He would have appeared as huge to anyone else, too. Maybe no one could wrap their arms around his neck completely! I made some measurements with objects later, comparing them to my own body and how I fitted into his arms and how my size was compared to him. I figured out that I was most likely just the size of his leg from a foot up to a knee. He wasn't this big when he came to me with the brown haired angel, but he got this big when he picked me up into his hold.
I was dazed by all of this that for a second I lost ability to speak or think. He looked very humanly, like any other beautiful blonde man with manly nose and beautiful eyes (perhaps they were blue). His hair was very vibrant in the blond color, almost shiny. His skin was pale and I remember that there was this sort of golden hue lingering on him; on skin, hair, robes ect. I saw his face from the side only. He made no eye contact with me and he had very calm but completely unreadable look on his face. Almost 'blank' if you can use that word in positive context. He felt extremely calm and relaxed, like imagine being in completely panic and a someone is there being calm next to you, completely unaffected by the events disturbing you. They don't show any specific emotions and radiate anything specific, but you feel very safe and calm.
I was surprised that he was so considering and very kind to me, clearly wanting me to feel safe and calmed down. I had had negative experiences with my father, who was emotionally distant and secretly hated me for being born and forcing him to be a father, so I really didn't put words 'men' and 'safety' and 'concern of your well-being' in the same word. His brotherly kindness and the calm feeling, his willingness to help a stranger, felt so surprising to me. Perhaps in some level I had expected a female angel or an angel with no visible gender to come to my help.
I managed to find my voice, after staying in his hold for a while. 'Thank you', I tottered, 'but I'm really scared and I just want to go back home'. I spoke these words with my lips moving, like speaking out loud.
'No problem. I'll take you there', he replied telepathically, without his lips moving and I could tell he was smiling without really having any smile on his face.
Everything went black in my eyes for 000.2 seconds and next thing I saw was my body on the blue mattress, in the position I had 'left' it there. My vision was spinning with a very fast pace as I was spinning down to my body. I could see the doors of my cupboard, even when my physical eyes where shut, when I felt how I was being gently places back to my body. It took some time actually, maybe 15 seconds, as the angel - who I couldn't see anymore - made extra care that my soul would be attached back well. Like fitting something JUST FITTING into this mold. When I felt that I was completely in, there was a short silence, until I heard the angel spoke to me lovingly, still smiling 'You can start to wake yourself up slowly now'.
Almost right after that I 'woke up', aka my body opened its eyes and started to move. I had seen everything around me even with eyes closed, so it really didn't feel like waking up from a sleep, but regaining control of your body. I was very scared afterwards, too, as I feared that if I lie down again, I will again end up into that horrible nothingness. Like there would be nothing stopping it from happening again.
After the experience I wanted to try out automatic writing and contact the blonde man who had saved me. I reached him quite easily. He introduced himself as my guardian angel/spirit called Athamaijos. The brown haired man was “his brother”, as he stated it, called Plotemaijos, though I don't think he meant it as similar to physical sibling relationship. When I asked where I had been, he answered that I had ended up into a space between Living and Spirit worlds. To be honest I didn't believe this! I thought I had imagined this explanation myself and I wasn't really writing automatically. 3-4 years later I was reading a spiritual book, which said there was a space between Living and Spirit worlds, and that the space was completely dark with nothing in there. I immediately new that was the place where I had been – and that I hadn't imagine the written answer from the blonde man. Reading later NDEs I came across with this same darkness in the experience stories.
I didn't get out of the body anymore after that. No getting sucked out to random places. I have had clear dreams where I'm out of body, and those feel really wonderful! In one dream God showed me how it feels to die; The God pushed me down with his light and my soul started to ascend slowly, with a rocking movement. The higher I got the more full of love, joy, peace and calmness I felt. Then I started to decent and the closer my body I get, the more heavy and hard everything felt. Like being pushed into a wayyyyy to tiny back. When I was in my body I stood up and sighed to the God and 3 spirits inspecting me; “That was the most amazing thing and dying feels so, so wonderful, but I'm not ready to die yet. I've got lots of plans for this life time and for those plans I will need my body”. Then I woke up.
Athamaijos – the man saving me – became important spiritual guide to me. I often talked with him and I was able to first write down his answers and later hear him in my head. I still talk with him occasionally, though he has clearly given me more space to figure things out myself, now that I have grown spiritually to more confident and stronger woman. I was always happy when I met spiritual people who could see spirits, and they described my angel as a blond man with this certain hairstyle, a having white robes and a golden hue. He helped me with my first meditations and I often saw him when I meditated. Sometimes I felt his touches, too. I know it's his job to look after me till the day I die, and maybe he accompanies me through out every life time.
I have added drawings of the experience here as a link, to show you how it was and what I saw. I saw the brown haired man only slightly but I have a feeling he had blue eyes. I'm not sure of the blonde man's eye color either but brown felt somehow right. Oh and he really did have that kind of a blank expression.
At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event? No
Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Sort of. There are no words for the black space that could describe it. I have memory of seeing the two men but if I tried to draw a detailed portraits of them, I couldn't do it, as very tiny details are hazy.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? There was no peak in my alertness or consciousness levels. They were normal. I think it was because I was so horrified!
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness No change, I was too afraid to notice anything.
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I was able to see myself from other's person perspective, like I would have having a dream and inspected myself in that dream. I spend years thinking this was only my imagination and such things couldn't happen, until I read Anita Moorjani's experience with similar limitless vision.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I heard the blonde man speaking in my head. His lips never moved.
Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body? No
What emotions did you feel during the experience? Panic, total panic. I was horrified and confused, so much afraid. I was aware that I was HORRIBLY away from my body and I couldn't find back without any help. Before I realized I should call help I stood there in panic thinking 'I'm not in my body, I need to get back, where is this empty place...?!'
I was calmed down a lot when the blonde man picked me up - actually the only
calm moment during the experience - but I was still afraid and plead to get back
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
Did you see an unearthly light? No
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
I have drawn doodles of both of the men I saw.
wo huge male figures in white robes came to me. They had loose sleeves and little belts, like leather robes. I don't remember seeing their feet. They just floated and basically flushed in a one 'whoosh!' to me. They had no wings or anything similar trademark to an angel, except the clothes. They were at least 2,5m/8.2f. tall
The brown haired man had a semi-long little bit wavy hair, short from back. The blonde man had similar kind of hair style, but his bangs were straight. I know brown haired man had blue eyes, but I'm not sure of blonde man's eye color despite seeing his face. Brown feels the right. They both looked very human, except the blonde man seemed to have a very dim golden hue on him.
When the blonde man picked me up his size was A LOT bigger than when I saw him
for the first time. He always had blank expression, but it wasn't negative thing
in any way.
Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No
Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience? No
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm
I found myself standing in a COMPLETE emptiness. There was NOTHING in there. It was pitch black, so black and empty that even the color black didn't exist there. There was no direction, no time, so sound, no smell, nothing. Absolutely nothing. There are no words in this Earth in ANY language which could describe this complete emptiness. Even the word complete emptiness makes no sense, as emptiness is something that exists, but in that black space nothing existed. Nothing. It was overwhelmingly dark. It also felt to be limitless, continuing eternity to all directions, and it felt somehow dense or thick - like standing in a thick fog where you can't see anything.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No
Did you come to a border or point of no return? No
Did scenes from the future come to you? No
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)? Yes As I was clearly separated from my body and I understood it immediately, I take this as a very great example of the fact that life continues - we continue to exist as we are - even when we get separated from our body. This includes death.
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist? No
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime? No
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist? No
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose? No
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships? No
During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love? No
During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives? No
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose? No
What occurred during your experience included: Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I had just started to study about spirituality and universal laws. I knew there were OBEs, life after death and such, but I wasn't too familiar with angels/spirit helpers yet, nor I had no idea of the black space or the limitless vision.
How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of th I have forgotten everything else from that time, except the fact my sis was visiting me, it was winter and were we both slept at. I also remember telling the experience to my friend when I took a lonely bus ride back home. Anything else I have forgotten.
Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience: I have worked as a medium and I still am, and sometimes I wonder if the experience and meeting the blonde man helped me to go forward with this subject. I started automatic writing and my first readings for my own self right after the experience. Meditating helped me a lot to find out new information and the blonde man was always there when I meditated, often guiding me to different places. I talked with him about spiritual matters and worries I had regarding spiritual life, as there were so many teachers with different teachings, and I worried if I'm doing something wrong. He always soothed me and gave me good answers. He definitely has helped me a lot with my path! I don't think my path or interest towards spiritual matters wouldn't have been this big if I didn't have OBE and meet him. It was easy to believe I was being helped and protected by invisible spirits, as I had seen them myself! I knew I was never alone. I did even crazy life changes, believing that if I followed my heart and inner guidance, I would also be protected.
My experience directly resulted in: Moderate changes in my life
Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience? Yes I believed in spiritual helpers, guardian angels, angels ect. after meeting the men and getting help from them. It was easy to trust to these invisible beings, even when I couldn't sense them.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Uncertain I can't tell if this event made me psychic, but it did help me to go forward with that path. I have worked as a medium for 8 years now, with paying clients. I dare to say I'm one of the best in my country regarding some spiritual themes when it comes to medium's work. I noticed that it was easy to me to hear the blonde man speaking - actually any spiritual helper speaking - and I had long conversations with him. The more I practiced the better I became. Talking with him was important to me. I still occasionally talk with him and hear him loud and clear.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The blonde man explained later to be my spiritual guide/guardian angel, so he became my right hand, especially when I took my first steps into the path of spirituality. I knew I had my back covered by him and I often asked his opinions over matter which worried me. So, meeting him was very important.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I have shared this with some people, like my best friends and my sister. They believed me, naturally. My best friend especially comes from a spiritual family and she has been around these matters since she was born. I gladly tell about it to anyone who wants to hear about it, as long as they are truly interested and not just looking for an argument.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes Yes, I was aware that some people have had NDEs and it's sort of normal thing.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened: Experience was definitely real I say that the experience for me was definitely real, even though the scene where I see myself above the sky made me think I had made up that in my head afterwards, because it made no sense to me. This thing definitely happened to me.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time: Experience was definitely real The experience was absolutely real, I don't doubt it. Even after 14 years I was able to remember it with great detail, even though I have never described to anyone the experience is such detail as I did with this questionnaire. Sometimes, when I go to sleep, I fear that I experience it suddenly again.
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience? No
Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes I must say yes, as it inspired me to study more spiritual path and guided me towards medium's work. I had lots of spiritual practices I followed in my 20's but now I have let go of them (I don't need them anymore) and allowed myself to be free, continuing the spiritual life as I see the best for myself.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain I have had negative sort of like OBE experiences during night - I think I'm awake walking around my home, trying to switch on the light, but my hand goes through the material and I realize I'm not in my body. Sometimes I wake up and I can feel how I'm a bit above my physical body. Sometimes, especially if I sleep too much, I get these intense 'battles' where my soul tries to get sucked out from my body and I resist it. I don't know would I end up again into the blackness if I allowed the sucking take me. I'm too afraid to try it. These are not night terrors, I can tell it. i'm always awake and aware when these happen, and I can feel my physical body and soul differently.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? The experience has left me with a fear of it occurring again suddenly. I do fear OBEs, even when I know I will be brought back. Perhaps I fear that I won't be brought back, that I just suddenly die and I can't do anything about it. I hate the idea of leaving here against my will before I have fulfilled my bucket list!
Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Uncertain It's always difficult to explain unearthly things with Earth's words. They are limited. This experience wasn't limited in anyway.