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Lucinda B's Experience

Experience description:   

I wanted to have a natural child birth and at the request of my midwives, I put together a birth plan.  What I wanted, what I didn't, etc. 

I wanted a natural child birth experience.

I did not want any medication

She was to stay attached to the placenta until I said it was time (once she was breathing and latched on)

I am a huge Attachment Parenting believer and felt the experience of labor was an important one.

After my water broke, the contractions became mind altering.  I was screaming for hours.  That I remember.  But I had said no medication.  Even if I asked for it, I had refused it for myself.  I had no idea what labor felt like and I had now idea I was having back labor (when the head comes out face up instead of face down so the skull drags along the spine the whole way down).  At some point closer to the delivery I realized I was on the ceiling of the hospital room watching everyone.  I could see my husband, the midwife, the nurses coming in and out.  I could see myself lying in the bed, all the monitors etc.  Time stood still and all of a sudden I was back in my body and I had the INCREDIBLE urge to push. (Not to be too personal but it was an orgasmic urge to push.  Women who have given birth naturally will understand this.)

Everything after that was about the trauma of the pain.  For months I would cry just talking about it.  I definitely suffered PTSD and I believe the pain was so excruciating, I had an out of body experience to survive the experience.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? Yes    They did give me mdication once the painful contractions started around 10pm but the intense labor lasted 8 1/2 hours and I remember it being around 3 or 4 am when I left my body.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?         No     

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?         No     

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience? I was fully conscious when I was on the ceiling looking down.

           
Was the experience dream like in any way? No.  I remember it vividly but I do remember the room being a bit foggy like.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?          Yes    I looked like me on the ceiling and like me in the bed.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?         nothing.  I just watched.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?         No

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures? No     

Did you see a light?        No     

Did you meet or see any other beings?         No     

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state?          No     

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?        No     

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?     No      Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes          I have no idea how long I was there.  I was shuttled back to my body as soon as I felt the urge to push.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No     

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?                    No         

Did you become aware of future events?      No     

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body? No      Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?            No     

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes    I was in shock.  I was horrified my body could do this to me. I was very mad at myself for self-inflicting this pain on myself.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       I was (and still am a little bit)mad at my husband for not stepping in and taking over my care.  I had to leave my body to survive.  It was so traumatic I became very introverted.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?      Yes          I had no more children.  I would never go through that pain again.  I felt betrayed.

Have you shared this experience with others?       Yes    That is a good question, their reactions to the OBE was nothing.  Almost like they didn't hear me say it. It was almost as if they ignored that part and told me I should be happy because my daughter was healthy.  After a few weeks I realized no one wanted to hear about the trauma anymore and I stopped talking about it.

What emotions did you experience following your experience? Anger at myself, (interestingly enough, never angry at my daughter) I felt like I had been violated by my own self.  I cried for at least one year whenever I would think about or talk about it.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?    The worst was the pain.  The best was the OBE.  I had no pain.  In the following months, the best was a day with no tears and the worst was depression. No one could understand and thought I was crazy about the OBE.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?          Looking back, I realize there is a transformation from a Maiden to a Mother and the pain of childbirth is a part of that transformation.  It breaks down the former and remolds us into Mothers.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?          No     

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?                    Yes    I realize this experience was a survival response to the pain but it opened up a door for me that now 17 years later I am embracing.  Embracing that we are able to experience other realities here on earth.  I have had two vivid dreams where God came to me and well, that's for another forum.

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.       Because the experience was 17 years ago, my feelings then are completely different than my feelings now.   Perhaps a little compare your feelings now vs then.