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LJ's Experience

Experience description:   

I arrived at the hospital where my Father lay dying. Nurses prepared me to enter his room by telling me that he would not respond to me in any way. With a heavy heart I donned the gown and mask to enter his room along with a breathing specialist.

  Dad had been bald since my early childhood, and when I matured into a snotty young woman, I began teasing my Father about spit-shining his head. So without anything else to say to my dad when I walked into his room, I said, "time for your spit-shine and there is nothing you can do abut it," and my Dad opened his eyes and said, "not even now, girl."

  Dad remained awake while the breathing treatment was taking place, and he responded to what I said. As the breathing specialist left the room, Dad asked "am I dying?" Before I could answer doctors and nurses filled his room to witness the "miracle" return from death's door, and I was ushered from the room.

   Upon returning to my Dad, and alone again he asked if he was dying, and I told him his truth and asked him if he was frightened. He said that he was, and I instantly had a new idea.

    I told Dad that if he was frightened that I would walk with him to the light. I told Dad that if I believed it was possible to walk with him to the light and he would believe it was possible for me to walk with him to the light that maybe I could walk with him to the light. I asked Dad if he would like to try, and after several moments of silence, Dad agreed.

    Being at Death's door, as my Father was, is a slow and cumbersome return to the world of the living, and Dad would rest often, then return to me to look deep into my eyes and say a few words. I stayed with my Dad throughout the night, and sat by his bed. When Dad would rest I would also close my eyes with my head on his chest and rest with him. When he would stir back to consciousness I would waken with him.

    Through the night I woke and slept as my Father woke and slept. In the wee hours of the morning, after having talked to Dad about not fearing death we closed our eyes, and this time I felt my self standing in a dark void with my father on my left side, and some unknown being to my right. Off at a great distance from the darkness of the void came a pin prick of bright light which startled me and I opened my eyes to find my self staring into my Father's opened eyes, and I asked "did you just see that, to which he nodded that he had seen what I saw, and to affirm I asked what he saw, and he replied "a light."

   Morning came and my step-mother replaced me at my Father's side without knowing my Father lay behind her conscious, she began saying some awful things to me about my dad, and rather than add to stress to an already stressful situation, is said nothing at all, but kept watching my Father's eyes as his wife talked. She turned and saw my Father awake and blanched. I kissed my Father good-bye promising to return that night after I had a sitter for the kids.

   After a few hours of rest and a sitter for the kids, I returned to my Father's side for another night by his side. To the amazement of his doctors my Father returned from death's door and continued to hold on. Throughout the second night, when my Father would rest, I too would close my eyes to rest with him.

   Almost every time we closed our eyes to rest together we would see the pin prick of light at a distance, but each time closer than the last time, and my Father began to be more comfortable with the void, the light, and this unknown being there with us standing in the void.

   Within 72-hours I had my Father transferred from the Hospital in Tampa to a Nursing Home in Zephyrhills closer to his children and grandchildren. His sisters came in from Georgia and his room was full for the next 48-hours.

   I stayed full time with my Father in the Nursing Home and my teenage daughter stayed with me the first night.

   During the night, my daughter watched the ritual my Father and I created of talking and resting together with my head resting on his chest. She and I took a break in the early hours and took a walk outside in the night air. With a great concern, my daughter asked one very important question of me.

   How can Granddaddy understand you when he is sleeping? She explained that she watched me moving my lips to my father while his eyes were closed, and no sound came from my lips, yet by reading my lips she understood most of what I said, but she asked how it was that her sleeping Grandfather also understood well enough to answer me with the appropriate yes or no response. I had no other words to tell her so I told her what was going on, and we returned to Dad's side.

    Again we went into our then usual routine of talking briefly then resting together with my head on his chest. Very soon after taking a break with my daughter, my Dad and I closed our eyes to rest and again returned to the light, but almost nothing was the same as it had been.

    I stood in the same void with my Father on my left and an unknown on my right. Until this particular rest period, I did not visually see my Father standing on my left and the light had been at a distance, but this time the light was upon us brilliant and there. Dad stepped from my left side into my range of vision and stepped into the light.

    I watched as my Father moved away from my side into the light. He stepped into the outer perimeter of the light and looked into its depth for a few seconds then turned to face me and as he smiled he raised his arthritic arms high above his head and beamed with the greatest joy I had ever seen on his face. And as quick as this the void was gone and I found myself staring into my Father's eyes.

    The next day, September 27, 1999 we moved my Father home so he could die at home with the love of his children and grandchildren surrounding him. As much as I wanted to return with my Father to the light the experience did not happen again and on October 5, 1999 Dad walked into the light without me.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No      

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     this is unusual, but it happened with my Father as he prepared to die and as he began to witness the light.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    I was not the dying patient, so my level of alertness was very high.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            I was not the dying patient, so my level of alertness was very high.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     the light that began as a pin prick at a great distance moved closer and closer to my Father and I each time we rested together.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?            Yes     there were no sounds in the void; only the light, my Father, myself, and the unknown entity on my right (whom I never saw).

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            profound peace, love, and joy.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          No      

Did you see a light?           Yes     no light in my conscious visual field can compare to the light I saw with my Father as he died.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     I met with and spoke with the being on my left, but never saw the man.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No       I assume my Father passed through this phase of his death, but I could not. My grief was profound, because I could only walk with my Father to the light and I could not walk with him into the light as this was not my death.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?           No            I saw only a dark void and a light moving ever closer and my father stepping into the light and raising his arthritic arms high over his head.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     the dark void was certainly an altered space.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     No      

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes     I could not move to step into the light with my Father.

Did you become aware of future events?       Yes    my father would die and he would go into the light alone without me, but he had at peace doing so, and no longer quite so afraid.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     No      

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     many months passed before I could share this event with others. I cared for Ms. Ellie who was dying with blood cancer, her kidneys failed, and it was very hard for her to live. She said to me if going has to hurt like that again I think I would rather just die. I was inspired as if from outside my self to share my story with Ms. Ellie as I acted out how my Father raised his arms and turned to smile a brilliant smile. Ms. Ellie asked if I truly believed the experience took place as I experienced it and I had to tell her that what I experienced was as real as breakfast that morning. Ms. Ellie decided that she would let go, and follow her husband and my father, and within a few days Ms. Ellie walked into the light.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Yes            previous personal experience allowed me to know the light and believe it was possible for me to walk with my Father to the light.

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    I was on top of the world knowing my Dad would go into the light.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?    I felt that I let my father down because I saw him step into the light and I could not keep my promise. However, I came to understand that I did keep my promise and walked my Dad to the light.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real    I view the after-life as a very real place where there is the light of love.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     Love is all there is.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?           
Yes     I believe that love is all there is and all that is important.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No                  

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes