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Linda R's Experience

Experience description:   

I would like to preface my description by telling you that I was experiencing periods of deep depression around the time of the experience. It was a very difficult time in my life. I still have some, but have learned to manage it better. I mention this because I believe that the message of the experience is relevant.

I was asleep, yet at some point during the night found my self in a somewhat semi-conscious lucid state (I lucid dream frequently, yet this wasn't like a lucid dream, or any dream). I couldn't see or hear anything. I was in a sort of gray void. I know I was positioned on my stomach. All of a sudden I felt the bottoms of my feet tingling and then, as if the bottoms of my feet opened up and the life force energy of my body was being pulled out through the soles of my feet by a vacuum. I did sense a swirling motion shape of the energy, but couldn't see anything. I was able to observe this, as I was feeling the life force leaving my body.

I could also sense my entire body as if it were becoming a shell. I was the observer and the observed all at once.

I became frightened and realized what I thought might be happening. I thought that my life as I knew it was about to end. I reacted as if I was in real danger. Fight or flight, but there was no place to run. I could feel my self screaming NOOOOOOO in my head.  My next thought was to call upon Jesus. (I was raised as a Roman Catholic, although I'm not one now and I'm not a fundamentalist Christian or anything.)

I remember saying firmly in my mind, "Jesus Christ please help me, I need you RIGHT NOW!". I immediately felt him arrive and he, like a big wad of energy, was on my upper back. (It reminded me of having a shiatsu massage! When the therapist stands on your back.) Anyway, it "HE" felt like a weight of 1000 pounds bearing down on my back and through my entire being. Again I was on my stomach and I couldn't really move or feel myself breathing. The vacuum thing was still happening but could feel my focus changing. I could hear him, telepathically, telling me the following. I'll put my simultaneous interpretations in parenthesis.

"You are not suffering. (like you think you are). I did all the suffering that needs to be done."  (as he was putting pressure on my back I think he was stopping the outflow of my life energy.) The pressure was also like it was intended to be a very, very brief taste of what he had experienced in his own reported death. When he let go of the intense pressure I could feel a release, as if being set free. It was very brief, but memorable as a message being conveyed to me. (I interpreted this as a way to show me that what I think is pain and suffering is just an illusion, that I create in my mind and/or that pain is all relative...and that I can choose to let go of it by choice.

It all happened very fast and ended just at that moment. I then awoke.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No      

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     The nature of sensory awareness and emotions associated with the experience. The distinct separation of conscious awareness and feelings/sensations that were all happening simultaneously.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Uncertain      I was sleeping at the time and am unsure if I had any physical problems that may have led to this experience. I felt incredible pressure in my chest during the experience, yet disappeared when the experience was over, so I've wondered if I may have had a heart problem during the event, although the chest pressure was in the middle of the event and not the beginning. Nothing like it has occurred since.

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           I was lucid and in a dream state, but not really dreaming. Difficult to explain.

            Was the experience dream like in any way?   As I stated above, I think I was in a dream state of REM/Alpha or Beta, but I was not having a standard dream.  I am very sensitive and very aware of varied states of consciousness, so this was definitely not a dream.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Uncertain      Well, I couldn't see my body or anything. It was all like an extra-sensory pure energy experience  (without the 5 physical senses).  I could sense the beginning of the separation of the life force from the body through my feet, while my consciousness was somewhere still near my head area as it normally seems to be located. Seeing, but without eyes. (I now believe that I may have experienced this triple separation because I was still mostly in my body, and if I did eventually fully exit, my consciousness would have gone with the life force, but only as the last part to leave.)

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Fear, relief, courage, strength.

I felt afraid to leave my body and wanted to stop the energy from draining out. I knew I couldn't control it on my own so I called for help. I felt so relieved when Jesus arrived, but was still not sure of what was going to happen next.

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           No.

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?            Uncertain      I was in a void.

Did you see a light?           No      

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Uncertain      I was, at first, concerned that whatever was happening with my life energy, might have been caused by an unfriendly force or being, which is why I called for help, although I realize now it didn't really seem like an entity at all (more like gravity or an strong ocean wave force). It just felt as if my feet opened up and my energy was going out, but being pulled out into the unknown. Then Jesus showed up, but I couldn't see him. I just knew he was there and could feel his presence. (See my full description for details.)

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? Uncertain     

In hindsight it seemed kind of like an experiment in will power. I did exercise some amount of control/command. I attempted to stop what was happening by saying no and then calling out for help.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?          Yes     I felt as if I was in a gray void. I could sense things telepathically and conceptually. I could not see, smell, hear, talk, or touch but I could feel and communicate and hear all telepathically. There weren't any visuals, except for the perception of shape, the swirling shape of the energy from my feet. Nothing with my ears, eyes, nose and mouth or voice. It's difficult to describe in words.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Uncertain      Time didn't really exist. I was completely present and very much like when one is in the creative process and linear time seems to disappear.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    Yes     I had, at the time, a brief sense of knowing that I really don't need to suffer at all. I can't say that I've been able to completely embrace this in my current waking life. I seem to know it intellectually and remember the message, but it feels as if it didn't take hold, completely.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?             Uncertain      Don't think this question is relevant to my experience, although I knew that if I didn't ask for help that it was highly possible I would be crossing over and ending this life. I didn't really know where I would end up and didn't want to know, then, because I wasn't ready.

Did you become aware of future events?       No      

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       Uncertain      I knew it wasn't the time for my life to end and therefore called for help to stop the exit (if that was what was happening) while it was in progress. I never fully left my body. It was more like water (the life) being drawn out through a straw (my body being the straw) and then (the pressure by Jesus) squeezing the straw to make it stop. The thing is, I don't know what happened to the energy that did go out. I didn't feel it coming back into my body.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?         No      

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     I've learned that help will come when you need it the most, if you ask, especially in this type of experience. I don't think I'll be as afraid, if it should happen again and I might actually enjoy the experience.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       I wish I could say that I've fully integrated this lesson/message into my current life experience and I am always with the intention to do so, but I am still experiencing/probably creating, on some level, blocks to my happiness and still feel a very low reserve of life force energy. It's a cycle. I feel like a battery that lost much of it's charge. I now have trouble seeing any future for my self, at least not in the old way. Certain things just don't cut it for me anymore.  It wasn't this way before and most of my life has been really good and lived with purpose. I'm also not really positive that this single experience is the cause. This is a difficult question to answer with regard to this particular experience.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Uncertain      I don't think so. Hard to tell.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Uncertain      I remember sharing it briefly with someone, at one point, and realized the person (who was giving me the I-think-you're-crazy-look) was not going to "get it" and it would not do either of us any good, so I managed to get off the subject and keep it to myself. I'm sharing it now because I feel ready and that it's time to do so.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  I was surprised that I reacted so quickly, in the experience, so it gave me a sense of confidence that when the going gets tough (like a life threatening situation) that I can definitely get going and spring into action.

I was also surprised about Jesus being so matter-of-fact. I'm so happy and grateful, but just surprised that he showed up to get the job done with such speed and efficiency and move on. There was love also, but it was, as I said, very matter-of-fact and I didn't feel special or anything. In retrospect, I just felt like another one of the kids in a large family needing some help with tying my shoes or something. I was and still am a little mystified by the occurrence and what may have caused it to happen. (in other words, "Did I have a physical problem that may have caused it?") Also I wonder what happened to the energy that did manage to escape. That scares me most of all, because I seem to lack a certain amount of life force, drive and motivation, even now. I'm well aware of this and trying to get it back or find it through diet, meditation, prayer, polarity work, body work, etc, but it has been a real struggle. It seems I've tried everything. I also find it difficult to envision a solid future. It's difficult for me to have goals and dreams now for this life, but I continue to try to cultivate them even if they come and go so quickly now. I feel I have a purpose but don't know what it is. I've stopped trying to figure it out. I just want to feel true happiness again.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The worst part was the initial fear and feeling of losing my life, losing control, by what seemed to be some outside force. Not knowing what was going to happen. I just knew it wasn't time even though being earth bound is very challenging for me most of the time and admit I've wanted to leave at times. I would never try to make it happen, but I have wanted to "Go Home"  so to speak.

The chest pressure was not very pleasant, but seemed necessary to make the point (like life itself!). I wish I would have asked Jesus some questions?

The best part was that I had an option (changing the situation by asking for help) and it worked. I'm also very happy that I remembered it in detail and can share it.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        I would just like to add a comparison and relate it to other experiences I had prior to this one.

This was a little like "sleep paralysis or I'll call it (S.P.)" which I've experienced on several occasions, but different, because in S.P., I experience much more fear and complete lack of control. Also S.P. is what I would call an In-The-Body experience.  The experience I am describing in this questionnaire was really unique. 

As I'm writing this, I'm now remembering that I had, what can be viewed as the "opposite" of this experience, at age 17, while away at Prep School. I was also sleeping, at that time, and was experiencing my very first episode of sleep paralysis. I didn't know what it was and didn't learn about the term "Sleep Paralysis" until several years later.

I'll briefly describe it. During this experience, at 17, I felt a presence beside my bed and it seemed to be "adding" some sort of energy to the top of my head. It was a sparkling, bright white, tingling energy that was administered or transferred through my Crown Chakra (as I know it to be called now) accompanied by a prayer in a language I didn't know. It sounded a lot like Latin, but I really don't know. I had no idea what was happening, at the time, I was only 17 and was unaware of such things. I found the experience a little frightening even though I eventually (after years of metaphysical studies and other experiences) came to see it as probably positive. I didn't tell anyone about it for years and even now hesitate a bit to share this, but it happened, and I can't help now but connect the two. Like a give and take of energy. A full circle.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes     Yes, I think they provide excellent triggers for remembering. Thank you for providing a place for us to share these experiences. The more I write the more I remember and I could expound further.

I hope I was able to clearly convey the experience.

Please offer any suggestions you may have to improve this questionnaire.    You might ask "Have you ever had any experiences prior to this one that resembles the experience in any way or that you could relate or compare it to?"