I was in an abusive
relationship after running away from a lifetime of a dysfunctional and abusive
home. Felt like I'd only been put on this earth to be abused. I knew according
to my catholic upbringing that suicide was a mortal sin. But I was sooo tired of
dealing with abuse. As I took the valium I begged God to forgive me and let me
come home. This life was just too hard. I passed out for what I found out later
was a couple days. When I started to come to I cried "Nooo God please I want to
die." I passed back out. But this time I dreamt what didn't feel like a dream at
all. at first I stood out of my body looking down at my body lying on the
balcony. Then I turned and was floating over the apartment complex. I could see
people swimming in the pool. Playing golf on the golf course. Then I saw my
mother at home sitting at the kitchen table crying. My siblings kept coming in
to try and console her but she continued to weep. Part of me wanted to go to
her. But I continued on. I was standing in a void. I was so tired all I wanted to
do was lay down and sleep. When I looked down I saw this deep inky darkness . A
deep black . I cant even describe in words. It was pulling at me. But somehow I
knew that if I laid down in this darkness I would never be able to get back up.
So I resisted. Then I remembered that I needed to look for a light to the left.
I looked up and to the left where I saw what looked like a bright star. As soon
as I turned towards it, It started moving towards me. The closer I got the
larger and brighter the light got. And the more excited I got. I was going home
to heaven. But then confusion. At first I just saw many shadows of people
mulling around in the light. Then they all turned to me and put up their hands
as if telling me to stop. I hesitated, then tried to continue saying "but I want
to come in." The shadow hands multiplied and became more insistent in their stop
motion. I felt rather then heard them tell me God had a purpose for me that I
still needed to fulfill. I couldn't come in. Not yet. So I said fine if I can't
come in then I want to live. Right then I felt a falling sensation and my eyes
popped open wide awake full of energy and determination to overcome and live to
serve whatever purpose God had in mind for me. I called my mom. Years later when
we were talking about it Mom told me at that very moment she was sitting in the
kitchen crying because she was so worried about me. She felt Something was very
wrong. The kids kept telling her not to worry I was fine. But she couldn't stop
crying. worrying and praying for me to stop.
Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? Yes I took an overdose of valium
Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain The depth of the darkness . The void. The feelings and senses . how real it all was. How beautifully awesome.
At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event? Uncertain Took overdose of valium but it didn't kill me. Just knocked me out for a couple days.
What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience? I was out cold But awake . I was more tired then I'd ever felt but alert. Conflicting, I know
Was the experience dream like in any way? Yes it was a dream yet not a dream
Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? Yes I was just me I looked the same. but separate from my physical body.
What emotions did you feel during the experience? First the extremist exhaustion. Then wonder. Sadness at seeing my mother but joy at where I was heading. Then confusion. Understanding and finally determination and purpose.
Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises? It was silent only my own thoughts and thoughts projected towards me
LOCATION DESCRIPTION: Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures? Yes I recognized my balcony and apartment complex the golf course. My mothers kitchen. the darkness and feeling of eternal sleep was foreign to me though. I had always been taught fire and damnation as the opposite of heaven. The light to my left coincides with my teachings though.
Did you see a light? Yes It started as a bright star up and to the left of me. When I turned towards it, it grew until it got very bright then the shadows walking around in it. They started blocking the light when trying to stop me and project a message to me
Did you meet or see any other beings? Yes My mother and siblings. Then the shadows blocking the light
Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? Yes
I saw my mother crying in her kitchen and my siblings trying to console her. Which much later I found out was actually happening at that moment. I was in Colorado. My mother and siblings were in Wisconsin at the time it happened.
Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? Yes I saw my mother crying in her kitchen and my siblings talking to her in Wisconsin
Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different? Yes It was all about what I felt emotionally and sensed mentally I didn't hear anything but thoughts. I couldn't smell or taste or speak.
Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Uncertain Not time, but not sure what you mean by space.
Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? Yes I came to know that God had something special he wanted me to accomplish in this life. That I needed to go back. Knowledge I needed to gain and a special reason he wanted me to go on. It was not my time.
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes The shadows. They projected to me Gods message. And that if I chose at that time not to go back then the darkness was the alternative.
Did you become aware of future events? No
Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body? Yes I was given a choice to return and fulfill Gods wishes for me or lie down in the darkness for ever.
Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? No Not really
Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience? Yes I had a new sense of purpose. I changed my whole life around after that .
How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices? I left the abuse behind, and got counseling. Went back to school. Always kept close to God and tried my best to live as he would want me to. Did a lot of praying. And researching different faiths. Because I don't believe any one religion has all the answers but the all have pieces of the puzzle.
Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes My whole life changed for the better after that. I left the abuser. Got counseling went back to school. Completely straightened my life out after that.
Have you shared this experience with others? Yes My mother was amazed. People usually either chime in with similar stories of their own.
What emotions did you experience following your experience? Renewed energy and love for self. Determination to heal and overcome.
What was the best and worst part of your experience? Best: feeling that God has a special purpose for me in this life and having something to strive for.