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Kathy P's Experience

Experience description:   

I was in my bedroom at my parents home in ware, mass. I had to leave school in the early spring of 1973 because I was to exhausted  and depleted to continue studies. In the middle of the night, the experience began with a sudden loss of breath, as though my breath had been forced, knocked out of me. I had a sudden rush which felt as though my inner body, soul had been pulled up, into the room above. I experienced music like I had never heard. There was brightness abound, a private yet calm travel where I was experiencing a different state. I clearly remember I was calm, I also vividly recall the sure knowledge that my father knew what was happening. I traveled through the house, hallway to my parents room. This was preceded by a feeling I was in something like clouds. I found my father in bed, I saw him in his sleep, there was some kind of communication, but I specifically recall his state in sleep was anxious. My father was my adopted father. This was a very critical issue in my life. I was devoted to him, and he loved me dearly. His existence was why I had the will for life. He was a Unitarian Minister, however a very loving, non judgmental and courageous man. When he adopted me, he was the president of the Home For Little Wanderers organization. He met me while visiting an orphanage, and simply took me home, and there I stayed. I had two adopted sisters, who were much older than I and who I learned as I grew up, did not want me in the family. Thus was also the position of my adopted mother, however she was not a stable woman.

When I was above my father looking down, I recall feeling deep fear of loosing him. I was terribly afraid of abandonment, not by him but of unknown circumstances. I recall a point of 'decision', which I could not describe or put in words. Simply a decision, then I felt something like a blessing. I recall returning to my room, my body, then consciously waking to see my father coming into the room. I will add as I left my fathers room, I knew he was waking and coming to find me. I specifically recall his looking at me in bed, thinking I was not there, then feeling relieved that I was alive. I heard a silent conversation by him, as I became conscious.

He left the room, I heard his tears, emotion and his talking to my mother. The next day, I collapsed in the rose garden in the back of our house which had a patio the shape of a musical note.

The following months which included much hospitalization, and a great deal of chaos in my families life, finally brought me back to Health. I contribute my will to live to my fathers unconditional love, not just for myself but his love of mankind.

My father was partially blind, his eyes did not focus still or forward. I was born without fingers. As a very very young child, I saw him as my angel, and always believed he was directed to ME by a higher power.

One more very important thing that happened was the day, a few months after my experience, my father and I were sitting in the kitchen, I had shared my experience with him for the first time. His reaction, he told me he knew it had happened. He repeated that to me numerous times through my life.

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?   Yes  I became gravely ill following an extended diet following a high protein , little carbohydrate diet.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?  Yes     Words are none , as this might be  like in a different dimension.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?         when I was above my father, looking down and knowing that there was a decision experience.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness?      More consciousness and alertness than normal   I felt no anxiety, nor fear like in living. The since of fear of abandonment was not like that in living. I also had a feeling of knowing I would never be alone when I had this experience.

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   I had an entirely different perception of everything, but all at the same time. But very clear and detailed, expected almost.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.   i recalled only hearing that which was connected to the experience, and hearing my father and his thoughts as well as words.

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?   No  

What emotions did you feel during the experience?   Calm yet a different kind of anxiety related to being alone. The being alone was resolved and I knew would never be the case.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?   Yes   I can not define it as a tunnel, rather a path. Like a garden path with bright peaceful space, cloud effect. It was a very defined journey.

Did you see an unearthly light?   Yes   It was lbrightness, a different space from earth or sky, or clouds. Free, organic and I remember simply accepting it.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?   I heard a voice I could not identify
There was as best I can describe a great spirit.

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)?   No  

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?   No  

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?   Yes   Memories as though they were in front of me.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?   A clearly mystical or unearthly realm

It was not this life or earth, but it was not extreme, simply accepted as just is.

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?   Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual
At times faster, and times time was still.

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?   Everything about myself or others
This event both during and after simply confirmed my existence and validated me, as well as simply acceptance of life and death as the process.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?   Yes
Something that was there but did not hold me.

Did you come to a border or point of no return?   I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life
There was a decision, somewhat conscious, somewhat a decision outside of myself.

Did scenes from the future come to you?  Scenes from my personal future 
A change I was aware of, changes to come.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness suggesting that there either is (or is not) continued existence after earthly life (“life after death”)?   Yes   A communication, serious in nature but as I said before accepted by me that so called death was not empty, but real another space, time, existence.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that God or a supreme being either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   I had a total confirmation that one, I would never be alone. A guide, support or love by something would always be with me.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that you either did (or did not) exist prior to this lifetime?   Yes   When I later in life learned of my Native American history, i recalled during the experience visions of life in these historical times.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness that a mystical universal connection or unity/oneness either does (or does not) exist?   Yes   There was a calm, almost in the air message of love emanating from something unique.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s meaning or purpose?   Yes   Acceptance of it all.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding earthly life’s difficulties, challenges, or hardships?   Yes   Acceptance of it all.

During your experience, did you encounter any specific information / awareness regarding love?   Yes   Love, protection and caring was the central message.

During your experience, did you encounter any other specific information / awareness that you have not shared in other questions that is relevant to living our earthly lives?   Yes   A very personal confirmation.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?   Yes   Special would not be the word I could use. Purposeful is the best. A job to do, and do again.

What occurred during your experience included:   Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your exp   I was generally simply going day to day as a young person. Self absorbed. The experience emphasized not to be self satisfying.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience?   I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of th   Difficult to use words, the right ones to explain this entire experience.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   Greater confirmation that my father was chosen to discover me.

My experience directly resulted in:   Moderate changes in my life

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?  
Yes   Greater acceptance of social responsibility.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?   Yes   Very sensitive to others emotional needs. Not affraid of risking my self, life to reach out to any living thing, human or animal.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?    
confirmation of security, and my father having been chosen for me.

Have you ever shared this experience with others?  
Yes  Father and husband.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?   No  

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   Completely accepted it and was guided to accept it and be comfortable with that.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:   Experience was definitely real   There is no reason to question it, it was personal, and no need to make more of it than it should be.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   I have understood that some people are chosen for some things, that it is not in our hands to decide the importance of that role. I know we all have a purpose, need, gift and that we are somehow all connected. I do believe only love is important, as even in death I believe we have love, leave love behind.

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?   Yes   Integrated Christianity and Native American practices.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?   Yes   personal

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?   i am only sharing this so that it may be somehow helpful. However, I hope that we can learn from these experience, to share, to appreciate yet not to over dissect these.

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Uncertain   Words do not give respect to this type of experience, but words are all we as human have to share and explain.

What could a national organization with an interest in near death experience (NDE) do that would be of interest to you?          if a person goes through this, yet is bothered or confused by it the purpose might be to offer opportunity for sharing and support. Not to over dramatize it, or over promote it through media.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience?          some things should be left private, personal. Not all must be shared.