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Kathleen P Experience

Experience description:   

I have all the classical signs of being a walk-in. However I did not know that I was until I was 65 years old. I was 30 years old when it happened and the entire time up until I finally learned about walk-ins I was and very confused because I had no way of knowing or understanding exactly what happened to me or why. I mean I knew I didn't have brain damage or was crazy even though there were times I did start to question whether maybe I was and just didn't know it. But after the surgery I distinctly remember thinking to myself 'it feels like someone has taken over my body. I was no longer in control of my own thoughts or actions'. I remember it scary as hell because things like that are not supposed to be able to happen. I didn't know what to do. I knew I couldn't tell anyone. Number one I knew I would have made a laughing stock out of myself if I told any body about it and they might even have locked up in a mental hospital.

Long story short I turned into a completely different person with a completely different personality and my entire family turned their backs on me because of it which nearly tor my heart out and I almost did go crazy because of it. I wasn't even allowed to be around any of my grandchildren.

While I was still in the emergency room after having had my aneurysm I had what I have always called a supernatural experience. What happened was the best way to describe it was as if I was suddenly in a whirl wind and I could hear what sounded like women talking but couldn't make out what they were saying. I remember being scared to death because I thought sure I must be dying and I remember grabbing a hold of the sides of the bed because I was afraid I was going to be flung off. But again, I never told a soul abut it that experience. For one thing I didn't know how to describe it and I didn't have a clue why it happened or what had happened. So I kept it to myself but I never forgot about it. But after discovering that I am a walk-in everything finally made since for me. Why my personality changed so drastically, why it felt as if someone else had taken over my body etc.

I believe when the whirlwind episode happened I believe with all my heart that is when the soul exchange was taking place. That was the voices I heard. And I believe a miracle was being performed, repairing whatever brain damage may have occurred from the aneurysm.

Even the brain surgeon told my parents that I should not have lived. He said when the blood vessel broke it would be equivalent to a bomb going off inside of my head and at the very least I should have had to learn how walk and talk all over again, or severe brain damage. He said my recovery was a complete miracle and had nothing to do with him.

Was this experience difficult to express in words? Yes

I about 99% certain that I am a walk-in.

Did you ONLY sense an awareness of presence of the deceased without actually seeing, hearing, feeling or smelling them? Yes

Did you hear the deceased or hear something associated with the deceased? Yes

Describe what you heard, how clearly you heard it and what was communicated: I heard two women talking but I could not make out what they were saying. Actually what it sounded like is when you talk into a fan it garbles the sound of you voice a little bit. That is what it sounded like but I still don't know what they were saying partly because I was scared to death thinking that I was dying.

Did the voice or sound seem to originate externally or outside of you, inside you, or did you not hear a voice or sound, but had a sense of knowing what was communicated? I felt as if I was suddenly caught in a whirl wind. I could hear the voices but I don't really know if it was in my heard or if the two souls were in another dimension while the soul exchange was taking place.

If you heard a voice or sound, was it similar or dissimilar from the voice or sound the deceased made when they were alive? Similar yet different due to the garbled sound like talking directly into a fan. But the voices sounded feminine.

Is there any possibility what you heard was from any other source present in the surroundings at the time of your experience? no because no one else was in the room with me at the time.

Was there any possible impairment to your hearing at the time of the experience? no

Did you feel a touch or experience any physical contact from the deceased? No

Did you see the deceased? No

Did you smell a distinct smell, scent, fragrance or odor associated with the deceased? No

How long did the experience last? Not long, less than 5 minutes

Was the beginning and end of the experience gradual or more sudden? The beginning was very sudden. I suddenly felt as if I was in a whirlwind. I remember grabbing the sides of my be and hanging on for deal life and was afraid of being flung off the bed.

Could you sense the emotions or mood of the deceased? Yes

I was scared to death and thought I must be dying. I remember crying and calling my mother after it was over and asking her to please come up there to the hospital because I didn't want to die alone.

Did the deceased give you information you did not previously know? Nothing that I can remember.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience? Experience was definitely real

Please explain why you view the reality of your experience as real or not real: Oh it was real alright. For I felt like I was living in the twilight zone. My personality changed and my family fled because of. I couldn't figure out how or why I was no longer in control or why life had turned completely upside down. It wasn't until I learned about the Walk-in phenomena which answered all my questions and filled in all the blanks and finally made everything very clear for the first time in 35 years.

Was the experience dream like in any way? Yes

It's been like a night mare that I couldn't wake up from. I mean it's just not normal for a person to be able to turn into a completely different person. It's almost like a position I guess, but the difference is, there was soul exchange. The soul my body was born with died from the aneurysm and a new soul took it's place. It just so happens that the new soul (that's the one I have now) had a completely different personality than the one I originally had.

Describe in detail your feelings/emotions during the experience: Obviously I was confused because I couldn't figure out why it felt as if someone else had taken over my body. I wish I would have know about walk-ins back then and it would made my life a lot easier. I'm sure I would have done things much differently this past 35 years if I had known. I was extremely hurt and angry about my family disowning me like they did. But I realize now that they just didn't know how to deal with it either. I guess I have never completely stopped being sad about being treated that way because I don't feel like I deserved that.

Was there any emotional healing in any way following the experience? Yes

Yes, but not until 35 years and come and gone when I finally learned that I am a walk-in. It was if a mountain had been lifted off my shoulders.

What was the best and worst part of your experience? The best part was finally learning what happened after 35 years and not going to my grave before I found out what caused my personality to change like that. I knew I didn't have brain damage and I knew I wasn't crazy. But I did know that it had something to do with that feeling I had like someone had taken over my body. I just didn't know that that really was possible.

The worst part of that experience was for my family to disown me. I truly thought I would die of a broken heart. I spent a lot of very lonely holidays all alone. Birthday, Christmas, Thanks Giving, 4th of July, Easter, Mothers Day etc. How could they do that? I'm not that bad.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience? Yes Describe: It affected every aspect of my life that you can possibly think of which of course bothered me greatly for many many years but eventually I learned to accept it. I think because my disowned me I began looking for love in all the wrong places and made very poor choices trying desperately to find someone that would love me and want to be with me.

After divorcing my first husband of 15 years I got remarried to a man that was 10 years younger than I was, quit a job that I had been at for 10 years. Him and I moved to Florida. He was a Muslim and I was a Baptist. In the process of my trying to convert him to Christianity I ended up being the one to convert to Islam. He stayed married to me just long enough to become a citizen and then dumped me. He merely used me. I remarried another Muslim who promised that he would not do that to me. Well guess what, he used me too. My next husband turned out to be a drug addict and so quickly dumped him. My next husband was a Muslim who was already married and I was going to be his second wife. All three of us was going to live in Pakistan but I had that marriage annulled.

The man I am married to is an American and we have been together for 17 years. I eventually got stabilized after meeting my present husband and we have been living happily ever after. I no longer have a religious preference of any kind but am very spiritual.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?
Yes My entire personality changed. All of my likes and dislikes changed. All of my thoughts and my behaviors changed. Even my religious beliefs changed. I got divorced after being married for 15 years and I ended up being married and divorced again and again. I am now on my 6th marriage. Thank God I eventually settled down and have been with and married to the same man for the last 17 years.

Before my aneurysm I was very shy and timid and extremely reserved. After the aneurysm I was no longer shy or timid. Now I don't take no you know what off of anyone. I am very outspoken now.

Did the experience give you any spiritual understandings such as life, death, afterlife, God, etc.? No

Death Compacts are when two or more living people promise among themselves that whoever dies first will try to contact the other(s). Have you ever made such a compact? No

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Confusion, sadness, anger, bitterness and loneliness but the moment I realized that I am a walk-in I was ecstatic. I cried but they were tears of joy because finally 35 years of not knowing what had happened and thinking I would go to my grave not knowing, there's no words to describe how good that felt. It helped assure me that I was not crazy after all.

Was the experience witnessed or experienced by others? Yes

All of my co workers

Did you have any sense of altered space or time? Uncertain

I never really thought about it.

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose? No

Did you become aware of future events? No

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience? No

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body? No

Did you meet or see any other beings other than the deceased? Uncertain

I didn't see any but I heard what I now believe to have been angles communicating with one another during the exchanging of the two souls. However at the time I did not know who or what they were. I came to my conclusion about them possibly being angles after I learned about walk-ins.

Did you see a light? Uncertain

At the time I do remember an extreme brightness all around me but I never associated it with thing or having any particular meaning or significance.

Did any part of your experience seem to occur in a place other than the location described above? Uncertain

I never did figure out where or how it occurred. I am kind of the opinion that it may have been in another dimension.

Have you shared this experience with others?

Yes Only with my present husband. Of course my family is aware even though they still won't have anything to do with me. But I am in the process of writing a book about it. My husband does not think that I am a walk-in because he thinks there is no such thing as walk-ins so obviously not a subject that him and I ever talk about.

I have two boys and our relationship has been estranged for many years. I was never allowed to be around my grandchildren. They are all grown now but they still won't have anything to do with me because that is the way they were raised.

But in June of last year my oldest son came to live with me and help me when he learned that I had broke both of my legs. I was so happy to have him here and we were getting very close to one another once again. But he was lived with me for 6 months when died right after Christmas this year. That was obviously devastating.

Have you shared this experience formally or informally with any other researcher or web site? No

Is there anything else you would like to add regarding your experience? When I used the phrse my entire family a few questions back I don't think I stated who my consists of: mother, father, brother sister, two boys 5 grandchildren.

Were there any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience? No

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience? Yes

This didn't reproduce the experience but I know it helped contribute in destabilizing me to certain extent. 10 years after my aneurysm I developed bipolar disorder which I'm sure helped to put an even bigger wedge between me and my family. But like I said, I finally pretty much stabilized out 17 years ago after meeting my last husband and got some stability back into my life.

Did you ever in your life have a near-death experience, out of body experience or other spiritual event? No

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes