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Kathleen N's Experience

Experience description:   

I was living in California at the time of the event.  My cousin had been battling cancer in Michigan.  Sometime before I woke up on the morning of her death, I had dreamt that I was in Michigan with her.  I had had similar out of body experiences that had been validated and so I knew that this wasn't a "dream," but it's what I call it.  My cousin called on me to thank her for the (telephone) support through the months, told me she loved me and that she was worried about her husband and her children.  I told her they would be fine and that we all love her and for her to do what she needs to do.  As I stood at her bedside, it seemed as though a wall in the room opened above her head.  I looked through it and at that moment I could feel the presence of another being standing over my right shoulder.  It felt like my Aunt (deceased and no direct relation to my cousin). I couldn't see the presence.  I could only feel and mentally hear it.  I watched the activity through the wall.  Bright sparkling, radiant lights were bouncing in the distance over a green landscape, like birds and butterflies but undefined.  The landscape was green and the sky was a cloudless beautiful brilliant shade of blue.  A sense of more than one planet in the sky.  Could not see or just don't remember but the feeling was there. 

The presence over my right shoulder told me that this was my 'gift' for helping my cousin and that I would share in this experience now.  The hand that I felt on my shoulder, lifted and I could feel myself lift towards the open wall and into the landscape.  I was at the edge of this landscape but in it.  Hard to explain but you'll understand soon.  I watched my cousin blend into the feelings that I had begun to experience at the same moment of her death.  The feeling of purity in all positive emotions such as euphoria, joy, happiness to the extent of feeling like I wanted to cry but it wasn't a crying feeling.  My heart, mind and body felt touched in a way that I had never experienced until that moment and have not felt since.  All my worries, the stress in my life, all thoughts went blank and I became one with the 'feelings' of this euphoria and could feel myself drifting beyond the edge of where I stood.  And at the moment of realizing this permeating feeling and the motion of drifting, I felt the presence place a hand (or pressure) on my right shoulder and said, "This was your gift. It's not your time." 

I got out of bed, called my mother who lived in Michigan and asked her if she had been to the hospital lately.  She said she was preparing to walk out the door soon to go and visit her.  I said, "You won't need to and should stay home.  Cousin won't be there when you get there."  She asked me what I meant and I told her that Cousin had passed over.  Mother went to the hospital anyhow. 

When she arrived, the hospital staff told her that only immediate family members were allowed.  They gave her no other information.  Upon arriving home, Cousin's husband had phoned mother and confirmed that Cousin had died.  She had been pronounced "brain dead" at the time that my meeting with Cousin took place.   

I saw my Cousin twice after she died, and a couple of years ago, her second youngest daughter got married.  She had approached me at the reception and was talking about her mother and wishing she could be there.  She said she often wondered if her mother was ever concerned about their future and if she heard them all say good bye to her.  I told her yes and that there was a time when I met her in a beautiful ice cream parlor and she told me that she missed her children and wanted them to know that she loved them. 

Her daughter was elated and happy to hear those words.  I could feel a sense of relief and happiness at the same time from her daughter and I honestly don't know if I could have shared her mother's concerns if I hadn't really heard them for myself.  People look for assurances and there's always someone to give them.  Sometimes they are light hearted assurances or a hug.  This time, I felt that the words were powerful in a way that 'touched' her daughter like only a mother can.  Because of this, I know that the last meeting I had with my cousin after her passing was for this very reason... to share it with her daughter.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?          Yes    The euphoria. Hard to explain something that you have never felt or experienced on such a deep level, in words that touch the soul or could be explained in terms that could be felt or visualized.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes    My cousin had died the day she slipped into a coma.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?  The entire time actually.  However, if I had to choose a point it would be when I was at the edge and feeling the euphoria permeate my body.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?          More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:        These were not feelings that one experiences on a daily basis. It would be nice if we did because it would resolve so much conflict in the world.  I consider what I saw and felt beyond every day life.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?          Yes    Vision was clear; field of vision was tunnel vision like: darker around my peripheral view but as I looked ahead, it widened.  Brightness: yes, heightened. Depth of perception: did not look two dimensional. Nor was it flat.  Seemed to shift at times if I recall.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?
          Yes    There was nothing to hear - physically.  All spoken words were mental.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?          Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?          For me, out of body experience is usually emotion-less most of the time.  But at the time I was experiencing the 'gift,' I had a 'thick' feeling but not heavy or draining.  More like the emotions were permeating throughout every cell of my body.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?        Yes    Please read #3

Did you see a light?         Yes    I saw 'light' but not just "a light."

Did you meet or see any other beings?         Yes    Please read #3. This also pertains to #19.  My Aunt who was deceased at the time of the event.  I have always assumed that she was there to help me help my cousin pass over.  Again, no 'voices' just mental conversation.  Otherwise, had no experience with a "god" or angels in terms of 'mystical.'  Regarding #20 - I might have considered the bouncing butterflies of light as described in #3 as deceased spirits but I cannot say with certainty that that is what they were.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?   No      I learned to not pass judgment; to have compassion; what unconditional love truly feels like; that death is not the end nor is it a beginning.  But rather a transition.  I learned that there is more than one dimension of existence and that we can exist on both and possibly already do.

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?         Yes    The timing of my cousin's death and my out of body meeting with her.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?          Yes    Please read #21 

Regarding #25, I don't know that I would say it was "mystical" but it didn't look like any place on earth.  Otherwise, it was an unfamiliar place.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?  Yes    During the highest point - see #4

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Uncertain     I only knew that I was (mentally) called by her to help her. When I arrived (via OOB) the events occurred naturally as though I was suppose to be there. 

Regarding #29: I did have a feeling of being complete but not necessarily as though I was "one with the world."  Was more of a feeling that there was 'peace within myself'

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? Yes    Yes. Please see #3.  Crossed the boundary and within moments was pulled back. Apparently, I would have died or left the physical dimension because I was told it wasn't my time.  However, I felt no sense of danger to my physical self or any level of my being.  It actually felt better over there!  ;)  I wanted to experience it a little longer so that I could play in it, literally.  I feel as though I would have returned voluntarily but maybe one can never say for sure... Re #33.

Did you become aware of future events?      Yes
          Yes. Before and after, I have always experienced a level of precognition or premonition since about the age of 10.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?       Yes    Yes, a little stronger following the event.  I attribute it to 'trusting' my intuition more.

Have you shared this experience with others?        Yes    Naturally, I shared the experience first with my mother. Her reaction was neutral because she didn't want to believe that my cousin had died and she knew that I wouldn't tell her something like that if it hadn't happened. 

The others that I told, were in a group setting of social peers. Their attempts to understand the feelings I experienced showed me that the depth of the feelings are not only difficult to convey in words but have to be demonstrated to be understood and felt between humans.  This does not mean by hugs alone. 

I don't think they were influenced by my personal experience other than an understanding that these experiences don't have to happen only when you're dying.  Some people experience being a part of someone else's NDE.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No     

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:   Experience was definitely real   Reality: I knew my cousin had died at the moment she died.  I knew I was there and I had experienced undeniable feelings of euphoria and elation, joy and more to a degree that I had never before or since, experienced.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you? All of it was meaningful considering the fact that my cousin died. The most significant part was that I was there for her.  The most meaningful part was the 'gift' - to experience it and know where she was going and what that 'other place' is like.  I have also doubted whether the presence that I felt over my right shoulder was really my Aunt's energy.  Sometimes I feel that I was shown her energy because I would know it and be comfortable with it, and it would not be something so unfamiliar to me that would frighten or put me back to body, thereby missing the opportunity to help my cousin.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:          Experience was definitely real         It took roughly 6 months before I felt like these feelings had subsided to a degree of 'normalcy.'  And was maybe 2 years before I no longer felt compelled to share them as profoundly as the days immediately following the experience. 

During the summer of 1994, I had taken an English class at a local college and for my final, I chose to write a report on UFO's.  As I was researching the topic, I came across an article on "NDE" and read further.  As I was reading about Near Death Experience and learning for the first time what it was about, the feelings came flooding back and I realized that this was what I had experienced with my cousin.  The big question that then arose for me was "how could I have experienced this when I wasn't dying?"  I switched my subject from UFO to NDE and my English report was applauded by my instructor with an A- and a note:  "A very nice touch to your research - to implement your personal experience in an attempt to dispel science's theory."

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?          Uncertain     I've allowed myself to feel love on a deeper scale for myself and others.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?
Yes    In terms of my beliefs:  My religious or metaphysical standing hasn't changed. I'm still a non practicing catholic and have leaned towards the metaphysical, primarily because of a history of various experiences.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?    No         

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?       I believe we can visit this place any time whether physically or mentally.  I have since been OOB and traveled to a place with help, specifically where I've been shown more than one planet parallel to earth.  IE: standing on one planet and viewing 2 others that appear so close you can touch them.  I don't know what it means yet, but I'm sure one day, it will make sense.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes   

Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience? To offer more boxes to clarify answers. Some could have been answered more ways than one.