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Kathleen B's Experience

Experience description:  

My grandfather had been sick for quite sometime before the event.  He had been in the hospital every weekend for about three weeks prior as his lungs kept filling up with fluid and he would stop breathing.  We had talked about whether or not he wanted to keep having his lungs pumped out over and over and he had told me that he was tired and wanted to go.  The day this happened, my mother called me and said my grandmother had called her and said that my grandfather had again passed out from the fluid and she was hysterical.  I went to my grandparents home and realized that it was the same thing as before and what my grandfather had said.  The ambulance had gotten there and I told them that they did not need to do anything to help my grandfather.  I just wanted him to be taken to the hospital so that he did not die in the house as my grandmother could not have handled him dying there.

I went with him to the hospital in the ambulance and into the emergency room.  We were put in a multi-bed room and the curtain was drawn.  As I watched my grandfather struggle to breathe I realized that as a Catholic he could not say his final words to God and I started to pray asking God to let me be his voice so that my grandfather could tell God whatever he needed to.  I wasn't really sure that this would work or what would happen but it just seemed to be the thing to do.  As I started to pray, I asked God to allow my grandfather to use my voice to confess to him his sins and to ask God for his blessing. I began telling my grandfather that it was okay to let go and God would take care of him and to go toward God when I felt like I was being pulled toward a great bright light.  Not a harsh light but a light filled with warmth and peace. 

I remember feeling and seeing my grandfather's had in mine and him telling me he was scared and he needed me with him.  It was bizarre as I was not dead or dying but I was having this feeling as if my spirit/body was being pulled toward the light at the same time as my grandfather was.  The light got brighter and then enveloped us. We were standing in a place that was illuminated but not with regular light or lamps or candles and there were other people there but I could not make out who they were nor was I frightened or surprised to see them.  My grandfather was on my left and we were still holding hands.  I could sense/feel the presence of something/someone else coming toward us with a brighter light about them than where we were.  There were no footsteps heard but I saw and felt this person/entity coming closer. 

When he arrived next to us I realized that this was Jesus and he was talking to my grandfather and I was answering him for my grandfather.  I felt my grandfather's fear leave him and Jesus outstretched his hands to take my grandfather's hand in his.  At the very moment God/Jesus took my grandfather's hand I felt God touch my hand and I suddenly felt/knew this tremendous sense of peace and forgiveness and universality.  I felt how all things were connected.  There was no time as we think of it.  It was as if I understood how each atom is connected with each other and how the trees and sky and people and animals are all connected and how time is not linear in the sense that we see it but is like a continuous thing.  This really doesn't describe it well.  It is as if there was no yesterday, today or tomorrow.  Everything was intertwined and flows forward and backward with out moving. There was this sense of all knowing and such an overwhelming sense of peace and love and acceptance and I can't describe what.  And this all happened in what seemed like forever but also in a nanosecond at the same time.  I remember being thanked by my grandfather and God and realizing that I couldn't stay but not wanting to let this place go and it was okay.  And then I was being whooshed backwards away from the light and found myself back in the room with my grandfather's body and I knew he was dead and in heaven. 

During the time this happened I had no sensation of being in the hospital nor did I hear the hospital noises or smells or people.  I remember feeling speechless and moments later my mother and grandmother walked in the room and I told them my grandfather was gone and I had to be alone.  I was so overwhelmed, that is not even adequate, that I just walked outside.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     It was so incredible that words can hardly describe it.  I didn't tell anyone for a very long time because I thought people would think I was crazy.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          Yes     My grandfather was dying but I was very much alive and well.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    When I felt God's hand touch mine along with my grandfather's.

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness?    More consciousness and alertness than normal

If your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience was different from your normal every day consciousness and alertness, please explain:            When I felt God's hand touch mine along with my grandfather's.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?  Yes     When I and my grandfather were being pulled toward the light it was as if the rest of the world faded away and the only thing that was there was the light getting bigger and brighter and more encompassing.  When we arrived?! everything was soft and almost foggy but it did not matter.

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?            No      

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Uncertain

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Peace, contentment, love, joy, awe, wonder

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?          Yes     See question #3.

Did you see a light?           Yes     See Question #3.

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Yes     They were all around the room/area.  I could hear them calling/welcoming and comforting my grandfather and then there was God.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?    No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          Uncertain      After I returned to the emergency room from what I believe is heaven, a voice told me that I prayed a beautiful prayer but there was no one else in the room.  About 8 months later I told my mother of my experience and she said that the night my grandfather died she awoke to the smell of his cologne.  He was at the foot of her bed and told her that everything would be alright.  About a year later my grandmother told me that several days after my grandfather had died she saw him in her room and he told her he loved her and would always be there for her.  My grandmother is not a religious woman.  She rarely went to church or prayed or even talked about a belief in seeing dead people but she described this as if it had been something that was very convincing to her that my grandfather was okay.

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?            Yes     I went to heaven.  I know it was heaven even though I can't describe it in regular words.  I just know.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Yes     Time had/has no boundaries as we perceive it.  It was all connected and there was no yesterday, today or tomorrow.  It is if all was, is and will be is only a human perspective.  Yesterday, today and tomorrow are all interchangeable.

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?     Yes            See Question #3.  I know that all things are connected.  The trees and the animals and people and the stars and space and that everything is dependent on the other and that this occurs on a beyond atomic level.  I also have this continuing sense of calm and peace and joy that has never left.

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No      

Did you become aware of future events?       No
            it's no because the future is now and before and it's all connected.

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?     No      

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     I told my mother about 8 months after.  She had had the experience with my grandfather and said she had the same sense of connectedness and peace and joy.  We both had trouble describing the experience.  It is if regular words just don't come close to what we saw and felt and experienced.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    Yes     I had heard of it but was not really sure I believed that such things happen.

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:            Experience was definitely real    I was overwhelmed for months afterwards.  I kept reliving the experience over and over in my dreams and waking moments trying to find words that fit.  I still have trouble finding words that fit.  It seems that words are too inadequate to properly describe the experience.  It's only when I talk to someone or perhaps read someone's same experience that I know they understand.

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?    It was the part when God touched me.  It was then that I knew how all things were.  I had this great understanding of everything.  I knew that all was/is/would be okay.   I still feel that.

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:            Experience was definitely real            See  Question #40.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           Yes     I feel more compassionate with others.  I am less likely to make judgments on others' behavior and find my self thinking only best about others.

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?           
Yes     I feel certain that God loves me and cares for me and is always around me.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        I know that it may be hard to believe I could have experienced this without being dead or near death but I did do this.  It was and is as real today as it was when it happened.  I was just as surprised that it happened to me as I always thought this only happened when you were dying not if you were just there praying for someone else.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?         Yes    

Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?   The only thing I can think of is that words are very difficult to come up with when trying to describe this experience.  They seem inadequate and small for what happened.