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Julie T's Experience

Experience description:   

My third experience is fairly recent, it happened while I was giving birth. I was supposed to get a c-section, but for some reason they let me go through child labor for over 24 hours. I was completely exhausted when I suddenly started to feel my baby daughter and I "go". I have to say that I was receiving intravenous pain killers such as dilaudid, and then, as my body was still unable to push hard enough, I was given ephedrine. After giving big pushes in the hope of finally getting the baby out of me, I was suffering from extremely painful abdominal cramps. It's at this moment that I started asking myself questions such as: "would it be possible that, in this day and age, in a reputable hospital, surrounded by plenty of doctors and the best technology available, I would still be at risk of dying while giving birth, like in the old days ? In front of my family members ? and all these doctors?" A voice suddenly responded, with a tone as ironic as my questioning: "if that must happen, what can you do about it ? That's just the way it is, yes, that's just the way it is...". At that very moment I felt that I was leaving my body. I was half conscious and floating up in the air, in what felt like an empty space. Only a part of me was filling up this space... like if I was inside an egg or something.  I felt like I had no more problems, no more worries, no more baby... absolutely nothing but the essence of myself, without any emotions. I felt great. When I woke up, the doctor was in the process of removing a syringe from my arm, and I felt tremendous pain. I told her: why did you bring me back ? I was fine where I was! I was very angry at her. She did not respond and turned her back at me. An emergency c-section was performed soon after.    

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words?
         No       I remember these events very clearly. 

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?         Yes      My first experience happened while I was dreaming. I was 16 years old and I found myself in a room where I met a man dressed like a Roman. This man told me I was dead and that I had some time left to say goodbye to my loved ones. I listed in my head those that I wanted to say goodbye to, and decided who I was going to begin with. When I got to say goodbye to my boyfriend, I was floating over him and started feeling very sad thinking that I would not see him anymore. I also said to myself that I could not die now, as I was babysitting my sister's kids. The second experience happened when I was 33 years old. I had not slept for 2 consecutive days, and I felt myself go. The next thing I remember, I was digging with my bare hands at a very thick wall made of stones, mud and red flesh. I could not take a break from this intensive labor, as the wall was closing itself around me and I felt like I was chocking and crying like a baby. After a lot of hard work, I finally got through the wall. The other side was filled with a very bright light. A tall man dressed in white clothes and wearing a crown stood in front of me and tried to stop me from looking at the light. I was trying to avoid him, as I was curious and wanted to see the light. The light screamed: what is she doing here ? She cannot be here, how could she have got here ? The man answered something that I could not hear, and then looked at me with a smile. The light then said that it had the power to take my life away. I said: no, I want to live. The light repeated: those who come here must stay. The man explained to me that I had passed a point of no return and confirmed that the light really had the power to kill me or save my life. I was just a little girl dressed in a dirty, shredded dress... I went down on my knees and said: if this is the end, what can I do about it ? The light screamed: Woman! Gird yourself. I said: I can't, I am too small. The light repeated twice: Gird yourself ! The man-king told me to get up, and he carried me back home on his shoulders.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?            During the entire experience. Same answer applies to my three experiences. 

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal every day consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness

            Same answer applies to my three experiences.

Did your vision differ in any way from your normal, everyday vision (in any aspect, such as clarity, field of vision, colors, brightness, depth perception degree of solidness/transparency of objects, etc.)?   Uncertain            During the experience I had while I was 16, I was in a convenience store and I knew that people could not see me although I could see them. 

Did your hearing differ in any way from your normal, everyday hearing (in any aspect, such as clarity, ability to recognize source of sound, pitch, loudness, etc.)?

            No       

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes

What emotions did you feel during the experience?
       First time: sadness. Second time: exhaustion followed by curiosity. Third time: fear, irony, peace and anger.

Did you pass into or through a tunnel or enclosure?       Yes      a very think wall (during the second event) 

Did you see a light?  Yes      a light that was both alive and conscious. 

Did you meet or see any other beings?      Yes     the man-king, the living light, a man dressed like a Roman, a voice with an ironic, almost mean tone.

Did you experience a review of past events in your life?  No       

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?  Uncertain        When I asked the doctor why she brought me back, but she did not answer me. 

Did you see or visit any beautiful or otherwise distinctive locations, levels or dimensions?  Yes      see above.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?            Yes     I cannot say for sure how long I have been unconscious during these three events. 

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?         No       

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?            Yes      I must be careful not to get overtired. Heart problems are common in my family. 

Did you become aware of future events?   No            

Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience you did not have prior to the experience?    No       

Have you shared this experience with others?      Uncertain        Only to some very close relatives, and not in great details.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?         Yes      

How did you view the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:    Experience was definitely real. My memory of these events is crystal clear. I am 36 years old and I am convinced that when I am 90, the souvenir of this event will be just as clear as it has always been. 

Were there one or several parts of the experience especially meaningful or significant to you?        that I must be strong as I go through life, and that I want to live this life so badly that it is my belief I've died three times and come back. I am stubborn. 

How do you currently view the reality of your experience:
           Experience was definitely real         See answers above.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?  No       

Have your religious beliefs/practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?    
Yes      I am becoming atheist.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?     No       

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?         
No.

Did the questions asked and information you provided so far accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?   Yes      I feel like I have said everything there was to say.

Are there any other questions we could ask to help you communicate your experience?       no, it's ok as is.