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Julie L's Experience

Experience description:   

A few months after my grandfather died I was laying in bed. I missed him a lot and had felt guilty for behaving selfishly. He had been sick for 2 years with cancer and  When he died I was at Walt Disney world with my son who was 5 at the time. I had arranged a 5 night stay there and he passed away on our second day of vacation. My mother called me with the sad news and had already  arranged a flight to Indiana for us the next day, farewell Disney! As a single mother and a waitress at the time, I had been saving all of my tips  for this vacation!  In my heart I felt that my grandfather would have wanted us to stay at Disney and have fun, that he knew how much I loved him! But my mother and grandmother needed me right away and it didn't matter to anyone at the time that my son and I would never return to Disney in our lifetime together. I felt selfish and wronged. I was mad that my grandfather had died. I wanted to grieve but I couldn't. I didn't.

After the funeral, I returned home, back to life as usual. I was watching TV one afternoon, it was a talk show about communicating  with loved ones who've passed over. I decided to try an exercise in meditation and  opened  myself up for some kind of experience with him. My meditating quickly to prayer and repentance. I was asking God for forgiveness for my selfish  behavior. I was crying and so truly sorry, I had never prayed so hard or so true in my life. You know like when the guilt of something you did overwhelms you to your core. My eyes were semi-closed, the TV on quietly in the background when I felt someone holding my right hand.

I opened my eyes and there was a translucent white, bright light all around me in the room. I could see through the light and see the TV on un front of me. As I felt the warmth of the hand that held mine I was engulfed with love, unconditional love was filling me, I was smiling from ear to ear! Tears still steaming down my face, I heard a male voice say to me, not out loud  but telepathically,  in my head, everything is going to be ok, none of that matters now. I Will always love you. I asked him if he was holding my hand and he said yes, He told me he was sitting beside me. Meanwhile,   all I could feel was this complete unconditional  love and forgiveness. I was so happy, so close to him! To this day I am  still not sure who came to me that night, was it God? The lord Jesus? my grandfather, who by the way had a close relationship with Jesus.  Whoever it was, he was divine and he loved me! I felt close to him and I can't wait to be with him again someday.

Any associated medications or substances with the potential to affect the experience?     No      

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? No      

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          No      

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           I was going to bed but I was still awake and  alert. Although very emotional at first.

Was the experience dream like in any way?   Just the fact that it happened made me think it was a dream! But, I know it wasn't

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     No      

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            Unconditional Love, peace, forgiveness, happiness!

Did you hear any unusual sounds or noises?           No, Not even background sounds were audible.

LOCATION DESCRIPTION:  Did you recognize any familiar locations or any locations from familiar religious teachings or encounter any locations inhabited by incredible or amazing creatures?    No           

Did you see a light?           Yes     A bright white light filled  surrounded

Did you meet or see any other beings?           Uncertain      In my gut I do think that it was Jesus and  that he brought my grandfather with him to comfort me,  that he held my hand and spoke with me, I could not see anyone, I was  just surrounded in bright white light that I believe was the lords love, the room was filled with the  holy spirit.

Did you experiment while out of the body or in another, altered state? No      

Did you observe or hear anything regarding people or events during your experience that could be verified later?          No      

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?          Uncertain            I felt so much joy and unconditional love, it's hard to describe the love I felt, unlike any love I've ever known. I couldn't stop smiling, and the tears of despair that I had once felt became tears of joy. I felt his hand, and it  was warm and gentle, The  brilliant white light was him and his  love. It's still so hard to explain it! Even though I couldn't see him, I knew he was there because his voice was one that I recognized, familiar somehow. It was gentle and loving, reassuring me,  forgiving me.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   No    

Did you have a sense of knowing, special knowledge, universal order and/or purpose?    No      

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?             No      

Did you become aware of future events?       No      

Were you involved in or aware of a decision regarding your return to the body?       No       Did you have any psychic, paranormal or other special gifts following the experience that you did not have prior to the experience?   Uncertain      I feel that I am very sensitive and intuitive now. I wasn't either of these before at all. I was definitely more closed off.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Yes     I'm not afraid of death now, I feel closer to God  now. I believe that he loves me unconditionally. Before the event I wasn't sure of where I stood with him. Being  a catholic, I was full of fear that god may not forgive me unless I confessed to a priest at church. I know now that he is with me all the time.

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       I switched from a catholic church to a Christian church, it feels more like home to me. I'm thankful and pray more.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         Yes     I am closer to god. I feel like I get it now.

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     Mixed reactions, but most wish they could have that type of experience for themselves. My grandmother and mom were happy for me. At the time it happened I thought it was just my grandfather that  had visited me. But as years passed by I knew it was more than just him in my room that night.

What emotions did you experience following your experience?  Peace, forgiveness, love and happiness

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The best part was the love I felt in him, the worst part is  that 15 years later it hasn't happened again.

Is there anything else you would like to add concerning the experience?        I wish everyone could have an experience like mine.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes