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JR's Experience

Experience description:   

Friday afternoon I had waken up, but gone back to sleep. And then it fucking happened. I see my own body. I'm next to myself in bed. In real time, there I am, sleeping away. But I'm also looking at myself. But I'm not me looking at myself. Here is the best way I can explain it. My mental capacity, my thoughts, everything that consciously/mentally/brain-wise makes me up, is in some dummy body. I'm my mentality in another vessel. And so my physical body that I'm next to, I'm completely detached from, and this is how I know. (Side note: It is extremely difficult for me to document this. I don't want to write this down. I don't know if it's embarrassment, or what, but I have no intention of ever telling anyone this part of the story. I'm the first person to want to talk about crazy dreams, but this is a detail I will forever hold mum.)  So this is how I know: I see my body, and I'm just like I was when I went to bed: My hair's in a messy bun, I'm in my underwear etc. The other vessel I'm mentally encompassing, I'll call "Z", starts sexually fondling my body. "Z" is touching my breasts, sucking on my nipples. My physical body is not the receiver of the touching stimulus, "Z" is. "Z" is trying to orgasm - When this is not to be, I wake up completely removed from this situation. I think I'm up in real life, but it turns out I'm just consciously stuck in another dream. (I have sleep paralysis episodes regularly, so being consciously stuck in a dream is normal by now).

     When I finally wake up for real in real life, I felt insane. The sexual innuendo is creeping me out, I am completely confused. Why would I want to have sex with myself? This doesn't make any sense. Why, when after hearing about all these life-affirming out of body experiences that I interest so much in, do I finally have one, without trying, and turns out I'm having sex with myself? I am horrified and disgusted. I'm lost, grossed-out. I'm let down.

Was the kind of experience difficult to express in words? Yes     The experience itself is clear as day. What took place during the OBE is embarrassing for me to talk about because it is sexually explicit.

At the time of this experience, was there an associated life threatening event?          No      

What was your level of consciousness and alertness during the experience?           I was 80% conscious compared to real life. Some things would cut in and out, but the experience was whole for the most part.

Was the experience dream like in any way?   I don't know if "dream" would be the right word - but I was aware that this was not real life.

Did you experience a separation of your consciousness from your body?     Yes     I was next to my body, seeing exactly what I looked like when I sleep. It was like waking up next to your boyfriend and thinking how weird people look when they're actually sleeping. The odd part was that there was absolutely no sound.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            It was completely sexual. I was having sex with myself. I wanted to orgasm. That's it. It disgusts me.

Did you notice how your 5 senses were working, and if so, how were they different?          Yes            The only senses working were vision and touch. No smell, no taste, no noise.

Did you have any sense of altered space or time?   Uncertain      Time was exactly the same. When I saw my body sleeping - I knew that it was about 1 in the afternoon - I knew this was taking place in real time. If someone in my house were to walk in my room they would see my body the same way I was seeing my body. Because of this, I wonder if I was moving around in my bed in real life. I assume I must have been. It makes me nervous to think about sleeping in bed with someone, not knowing what my body will be doing.

Did you have any changes of attitudes or beliefs following the experience?   Uncertain      I was really out of it at work after this all happened. I was so disgusted by myself. I felt dirty. Recalling it, I still feel dirty. Dirty and confused. Why would I engage in sexual activity with myself? Why was my OBE tainted by this? Why couldn't my OBE be sweet like other peoples'????

How has the experience affected your relationships? Daily life? Religious practices? Career choices?       This OBE compounded with a dream I had a month or two ago have affected my relationship with myself. I never feel alone, I always feel like there are things I can't see judging me constantly. If I want to have a beer or two alone, I don't because I feel like it's wrong, and I'm being watched by my spirit guides. Masturbation and random sex or wanting one night stands have completely stopped. It's not that I don't have the urge, I just don't want to let anyone (of my spirit guides) down like I did in my OBE.

Has your life changed specifically as a result of your experience?         No response           

Have you shared this experience with others?         Yes     Only one person. My very good friend Lauren, and I made her promise not to tell anyone. She reacted like it was normal and said I was probably trying to deal with my past. I don't see the connection she was trying to make. I've always felt I've had a healthy, active sex life. I was never sexually abused or anything.

What was the best and worst part of your experience?      The best thing I could make of this was that it happened. It's easier to see my mind & body as two separate entities. The worst was what actually happened during it.

Following the experience, have you had any other events in your life, medications or substances which reproduced any part of the experience?         No      

Did the questions asked and information you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?               Yes