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Jonita K's Experience

Experience description:   

I was laying on my hospital bed, in my friend's arms, we were going through a 'Wee Wisdom" magazine. I had just lost my sight in my left eye, due to radiation treatment for my cancer, and I had always wanted to be a nurse, like my mom was. For some reason I thought due to the loss of sight in my eye that would no longer be possible, why I thought this I don't know, but I did, but I had never voiced my concern to anyone, not even my mother. Yet for some unknown reason something inside of me said/urged me to say so to my friend, an older lady whom my mom and I had just met through a friend of hers. So I did, I remember saying," I guess now I won't be able to be a nurse anymore 'cause I can't see in my eye," and I remember welling up inside, not wanting to let my tears go in front of her, it felt like a great sadness inside of me. The same as if confessing a great secret, inner desire or fear. She looked at me and without missing a beat she said," Well, I don't know about that but I'll tell you what we can do. I can cross your eye and we can say a little prayer and ask God about it." With that I agreed and she did so. The prayer I don't remember but we went back to the magazine and I remember being curled into her side as all of a sudden feeling VERY tired. The same tiredness as you get from taking an allergy pill. I would also like to add that there was also no oxygen in the room either before someone would like to try to discredit my story with that :).

  Well I fell asleep and I thought, at the time, I woke up just as fast feeling like I had rested after a full night's sleep, though still a little groggy. I remember my friend saying, " Oh! You're awake" and as I opened my eyes more and began to sit up I said, 'yep' and the days and months and years carried on.

   It wasn't until much later, in my late teens I started to remember what had happened. Before I go any further I will also interject that I had another 2 experiences that I classify as spiritual as well during that time of my cancer. The other two were that 1. the same lady was given my pain from some nasty stitches I had left to my left eye after surgery. The doctors were surprised that I was painless, but glad.  They were the ugly big bulky black kind of stitches used in the 80's.The lady was in Gander NL. while I was in Halifax NS. btw. She had complained to a friend of hers of this strange, because she never got headaches, strong, aching, headache she was having the whole day, and for a couple of days after as well. Her friend took her up to the airport to meet us when we got into Gander, and mom whispered to me to run to our friend, as, 'she'd like that' so I did and yes our friend was VERY happy I had. While everyone was catching up, mom had told them how I was painless and all that had happened and what we were to expect, as much as we could tell anyways. Our friend and her friend were talking her friend said to her Now we know why you have that headache. God had taken the pain from my stitches and placed it on her. The second time, was about the same time as the other one, and my main story, Though exact times I don't recall, but it was during the beginning of my treatments...I had to have a cat scan done, the first I'd ever had....I wasn't scared of the machine or anything, but I remember being in sooooo much pain, I had an iv in my hand, and a board to keep my hand still, they had to inject me with dye with a huge needle, that my mother had enough sense not to let me see. I also recall being extremely tired, and I was crying blue murder, I was so uncomfortable. So a nurse stayed with me while I had the scan done, I probably made her deaf with my crying. But she held my hand through it all and I remember she was squeezing my hand very hard, to the point both our hands were shaking, and I remember thinking I wish she'd let go, why is she squeezing so hard?!! and I let my grip loosen on hers to try to let her know without saying anything to lighten up a little already....I was taught to have respect for others, especially people older than you and quite often kept my mouth shut as a result. Well the nurse never did 'lighten up' and I guess, I had cried myself to sleep....I don't remember going to sleep, just waking up. When I did wake they were pulling me out of the machine and my mom and the others were walking into the room again. The nurse walked over to them and I heard my mom first and then the others ask her what's wrong?!! What happened?!! What did you do?! And looks of total shock on their faces. My mom looked over at me and then they hushed it down even more and turning away from me as much as possible. The nurse looked at mom and said, 'She's, me, going to be alright," in a tearful voice, low enough that I could barely hear. My mom confirmed that for me years later. The nurse's hand was covered in very black and blue bruises from her fingers almost to her elbow, though she made sure I didn't see it. We believe this to be a second 'grace from God' for a lack of calling it anything else. But my pain had stopped and I wasn't tired anymore and I did fall asleep during the scan, something I never did after and I did have many more later.

    Ok now back to the main story if you want to call it that......

well those years were tough, I lost my hair, went down to less than 48 pounds, lost most of my teeth at once, bleeding gums, couldn't talk more than 5 steps without tripping.....and a bunch of other things. Money was much tighter...back then NO ONE would help. It didn't matter that there was a sick kid who could, and probably would, die even with treatments, that were completely experimental and had to come from the USA, or that my parents were retired with very little money...my father was a much older man. The government wouldn't help, my mother's insurance wouldn't help, the cancer society wouldn't help, EVER throughout my entire cancer time did the cancer society EVER help once! A social services worker met us in the old Janeway in ST. John's when the doctor first discovered what I had saying he couldn't touch me, couldn't help in any way...he'd have to send me to the Kilam! I remember THAT conversation very clearly. My mom's faced dropped and she turned white. She thought what kind of a place is THAT?! For MY child??!! Then the doctor explained it was in Halifax NS. THAT worker, if you could call the insensitive thing such a term, told my mom she'd have to show all her bills and records for the past 5 yrs? Possibly as far back as 10...keep in mind this was before computers and the internet....my parents had to go around and ask the groups they were part of for donations, now we only lived in a small town at the time and filled with mainly retired older people on fixed incomes, and see what we could get without the government...then they would see what they could do for us. She made my mother go through everything out in the open, in front of all staff that were present and the public... and ME. I will NEVER forget that. It was embarrassing and humbling for my mother to go through it like that and even the nurse there was in tears for her. She looked at my mom after and said she wouldn't go to that ' insert ANY word here' if she were my mom. My mother replied ," I will...for her', me. and the nurse cried again for us. That worker also wanted to send me alone....Me go somewhere, especially new without my mom??!!! You have GOT to be kidding lady! I was 5 in the middle of kindergarten and she wanted me to go on a plane, first time ever, to another province, first time ever, get through an airport, first time ever, get to the city of Halifax so they could run tests, WITHOUT my mom??!!! That worker had to be on crack! Thankfully God provided for us.

   Life went on for me and my family, there's a story there how my father and brother coped without my mother...but it would make this story even longer, though more meaningful to anyone who may read this and need the inspiration ...and I may go into further detail when the time is right. During and after my treatments I always felt different from the other kids around me. I didn't fit in, in some cases I didn't want to either. It did sadden me that I didn't have any real friends, but it wasn't until my mid teens that things really struck a chord with me. My brother had said one evening that he had seen my report cards from kindergarten, and judging from them, before my cancer treatments, I was even smarter than he was. OUCH! He got straight A+s without looking at a book. I had to fight just to get c's and in math d's. A side affect from radiation to my brain, among many others. It was then I really started to hate God and everyone around me. Why me?! What did I do, I didn't ask for anything, why not someone else?! and I went into a depression that I hid from everyone.

   It was just after these times and when I was at my lowest, that I started remembering things that had happened that day I was 'taken', for a lack of a better word. My friend confirmed what I had thought had happened to me many years later when I was about 25. She said after I had fallen asleep that day with her in the hospital I had risen off of the bed and was nothing but skin and bones. She says I was hanging there for 1/2 an hour, but my mom and I figure it was probably max 20 mins cause she wouldn't leave me that long, and she was talking to the doc...I'd have cried if I weren't glued to her hip.

   Well my friend was a little scared at first but then realized I was with God...She'd gotten a feeling, and just prayed that I'd come back before my mom and the doc came back in and saw me floating in the air. Funny thing is after that day God used my friend to help heal people. If she put her hands on them God would heal them, whatever they had.

   In the time I had fallen asleep, a sleep that came over me in seconds, and was very peaceful and natural, like falling asleep in front of the TV, and had woken up a lot had happened to me. A lot is still lost to me...after I had my time there it was erased from my mind, I wasn't allowed to remember all I had seen or heard. I had to go through my life as if nothing had changed. It would serve for the better good that way.

               Anyways, this is what I do remember....

I was taken into a very bright white room...everything was bright, it felt like you'd need sunglasses it was such a strong white, and yet for some reason I didn't need them....in the room I was with Jesus, how I got there and who brought me I don't remember, possibly the Holy Spirit??? though I'm pretty sure I saw 'people' maybe angels???? Though I do think they were people who knew me, ancestors, passed friends of family that sort of thing, yet the bible tells us the dead know nothing. They await the resurrection, so I'm not 100% sure on, but they were humanlike if that helps. I spent A LOT of time with Jesus....it felt like hours and possibly a day or two, but God did it all in 20 mins of our time. What I remember is spending a great deal of time in Jesus' arms and talking in this room, we were sitting on a ledge of some sort. Behind us was water and on wither side of us were more white walls. I don't remember what He sounded like exactly, it was more like we talked through our minds than actually speaking words, but the voice I heard was strong but gentle. As if one were talking to a scared animal. I remember laying in His arms, being held against His chest and being comforted. I wasn't sure why, I didn't need comforting at this point in my life, sure I didn't have everything I wanted, but what kid, or person does...this comfort felt like it was for the things that were going to come, how true that was, as you read above. What we talked about in that time I don't remember either, but after He put me down to sit next to Him on the ledge He showed me something. I'm told by others it was a book, though what I remember is looking down into a fountain of still water...like a white well with crystal clear water. It wasn't very big as such, to be honest the size reminds me of the 'pensive' in the harry potter movies, but it was much nicer than the movie.

   I was told to look into the fountain behind us, though again other people with similar stories, i.e. Glen Tectford, claim it to be a book... not the book of life but another that shows the things we will do in our lives and how things we do affect others. So I looked down and was shown what my life was going to be like. I saw everything, from where I was currently in my life to everything I was going to go through. I was shown the people I'd help, even though I didn't know I was helping them and even those that got help from me but didn't want it....they just stumbled on their path walking with God because of meeting me.

   Then I was shown what my life would be like if I stayed where I was now in heaven. I saw the difference and I knew as I watched the first part of facing the treatments I did not want to go back. I wanted to stay where I was. Loved, protected, surrounded in perfect love and peace. I saw what would happen to my parents, my younger brother, younger by a year than me, and my other family members. I don't remember what I saw but I do know without a doubt that it was far from good...so many people lost somehow, and hurt in some way. When Jesus was done showing me, I remember turning frontwards again, He looked at me, bent His head a little...like a parent does when sitting next to their kid talking about something important, and said now you can choose what you want to do. You can go back and go through all you've seen here, and if you go back you will have to go through everything, or you can stay here. I remember looking down at my feet, crossed at the ankles and swinging back and forth gently, about 6-10 inches from the floor, my hands braced at my sides, head bent, and tears falling as I struggled with the choice I had to make then. I kept screaming at myself I do not want to go back, I don't why would I....and then the images of my family came to me.....but I don't want to go back, I repeated to myself inwardly....and as I did this a couple of times my tears kept running down my face. Then no sooner had I started my struggle then I had my answer. I kept looking down, my feet stopping, heart breaking to tiny bits as I spoke... I remember actually speaking the words aloud, nodding my slumped head slowly, softly, not wanting to, 'I'll go back'. I remember screaming at myself even as I said those words, what?! No?! You can't do that to yourself! Why would you?!..No sooner had I gotten my answer out and gotten the what and no out that Jesus said 'you made the right choice'. I looked up feeling such a joyful feeling, though it makes more sense to me to describe it as such a joyful sorrowness, with my heart still breaking at what I was giving up and the bitterness, hate, hardships and pain I would face.

   I don't remember much after that. I think I was comforted again briefly but was quickly sent back to my body. It seemed once I'd made my choice it was urgent I go back. When I did get back I simply recall waking up, as I described above.

   I've never felt again as I did while I was there, and I often find myself being homesick for a place I can't remember fully and don't really know, as it were. I often have déjà vu and have had dreams come true. I also remember things before they happen, done that to my mom a few times. After beginning to remember things, it would come to me in bits and pieces over the years, my hate for God vanished, replaced by the Love I had had for Him as a kid, but stronger. There have been a lot of things I'd love to have changed in my life if I had only known what I know now...but that's not how it works. We're supposed to go through life as best as we know how, not looking over our shoulders to the past regretting things, but looking towards the future, getting closer to God as we go.

   In the bible Jesus spoke of how great people are if they have faith and trust in Him rather than actually seeing. I can say how true this is. It's easy for me, and others like me, knowing what they've seen and experiencing things...for those who simply have faith it isn't always as clear to them. I've heard people often wonder is there really a God and say well science can explain everything out there. You can go back to the tiniest cell/atom/whatever, but science can not say where that came from. Seeing is powerful and I find myself always saying to them, there is a God, I've seen Him and He knows what He's doing even if we don't what we're doing. 

At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event?         Yes     I was going through cancer treatment for a very rare cancer, at the time. But during my experience it was not a factor. I was simply in my hospital room reading with a lady while my mother talked to the doctors about my test results. I was not hooked up to any machines, lines, no blood tests were being done, NOTHING at the time that science loves to give discredit for.

Was the experience difficult to express in words?   No      

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?    Normal consciousness and alertness    just before being shown the fountain           

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.    I don't remember if my other senses were stronger or not but I do remember everything being much much brighter to me.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience.    don't recall

Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body?    Uncertain   I was shown what would happen in the future but as for what was going on where my body was at the time, no I saw nothing like that. My full attention was where I was outside of that room.

What emotions did you feel during the experience?            happiness, peace, love, comfort, sadness, loss, joy, a feeling of belonging there, that I was finally home as if after a long hard trip/vacation....also torn between what I wanted and what my family and others needed me to go back for.  

Did you pass into or through a tunnel?           Uncertain      don't know for sure how I got there....it seemed like I was just 'there'

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes     everything was lit up with brightness, nothing on earth can compare.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?            I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin    see above in question 2 second last part. But yes...Jesus, he talked to me with a voice as well as without.

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?         Uncertain    I know I saw humanlike people...were they alive before or angels. I don't know.

Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?    No      

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?          A clearly mystical or unearthly realm            see question 2 ....white brightness everywhere, clear water

Did time seem to speed up or slow down?     Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning            time stood still

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?            No      

Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No      

Did you come to a border or point of no return?       I came to a definite conscious decision to "return" to life         *************see question 2****** I chose to come back. I could have stayed or go back...

I wanted to stay where I was. Loved, protected, surrounded in perfect love and peace. I saw what would happen to my parents, my younger brother, younger by a year than me, and my other family members. I don't remember what I saw but I do know without a doubt that it was far from good...so many people lost somehow, and hurt in some way. When Jesus was done showing me, I remember turning frontwards again, He looked at me, bent His head a little...like a parent does when sitting next to their kid talking about something important, and said now you can choose what you want to do. You can go back and go through all you've seen here, and if you go back you will have to go through everything, or you can stay here. I remember looking down at my feet, crossed at the ankles and swinging back and forth gently, about 6-10 inches from the floor, my hands braced at my sides, head bent, and tears falling as I struggled with the choice I had to make then. I kept screaming at myself I do not want to go back, I don't why would I....and then the images of my family came to me.....but I don't want to go back, I repeated to myself inwardly....and as I did this a couple of times my tears kept running down my face. Then no sooner had I started my struggle then I had my answer. I kept looking down, my feet stopping, heart breaking to tiny bits as I spoke... I remember actually speaking the words aloud, nodding my slumped head slowly, softly, not wanting to, 'I'll go back'. I remember screaming at myself even as I said those words, what?! No?! You can't do that to yourself! Why would you?!..No sooner had I gotten my answer out and gotten the what and no out that Jesus said 'you made the right choice'. I looked up feeling such a joyful feeling, though it makes more sense to me to describe it as such a joyful sorrowness, with my heart still breaking at what I was giving up and the bitterness, hate, hardships and pain I would face.   I don't remember much after that. I think I was comforted again briefly but was quickly sent back to my body. It seemed once I'd made my choice it was urgent I go back.

Did scenes from the future come to you?       Scenes from my personal future           answered in question 2*****

   I was told to look into the fountain behind us, though again other people with similar stories, i.e. Glen Tectford, claim it to be a book... not the book of life but another that shows the things we will do in our lives and how things we do affect others. So I looked down and was shown what my life was going to be like. I saw everything, from where I was currently in my life to everything I was going to go through. I was shown the people I'd help, even though I didn't know I was helping them and even those that got help from me but didn't want it....they just stumbled on their path walking with God because of meeting me.

   Then I was shown what my life would be like if I stayed where I was now in heaven. I saw the difference and I knew as I watched the first part of facing the treatments I did not want to go back. I wanted to stay where I was. Loved, protected, surrounded in perfect love and peace. I saw what would happen to my parents, my younger brother, younger by a year than me, and my other family members. I don't remember what I saw but I do know without a doubt that it was far from good...so many people lost somehow, and hurt in some way

Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?        Yes     besides the following I've discovered I'm back to testify that there is a God, and to help those find it within themselves to begin to look for their path to God. I saw what would happen to my parents, my younger brother, younger by a year than me, and my other family members. I don't remember what I saw but I do know without a doubt that it was far from good...so many people lost somehow, and hurt in some way. When Jesus was done showing me, I remember turning frontwards again, He looked at me, bent His head a little...like a parent does when sitting next to their kid talking about something important, and said now you can choose what you want to do. You can go back and go through all you've seen here, and if you go back you will have to go through everything, or you can stay here

 I remember actually speaking the words aloud, nodding my slumped head slowly, softly, not wanting to, 'I'll go back'. I remember screaming at myself even as I said those words, what?! No?! You can't do that to yourself! Why would you?!..No sooner had I gotten my answer out and gotten the what and no out that Jesus said 'you made the right choice'. I looked up feeling such a joyful feeling, though it makes more sense to me to describe it as such a joyful sorrowness, with my heart still breaking at what I was giving up and the bitterness, hate, hardships and pain I would face.

Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:   Large changes in my life 

   I've never felt again as I did while I was there, and I often find myself being homesick for a place I can't remember fully and don't really know, as it were. I often have déjà vu and have had dreams come true. I also remember things before they happen, done that to my mom a few times. After beginning to remember things, it would come to me in bits and pieces over the years, my hate for God vanished, replaced by the Love I had had for Him as a kid, but stronger. There have been a lot of things I'd love to have changed in my life if I had only known what I know now...but that's not how it works. We're supposed to go through life as best as we know how, not looking over our shoulders to the past regretting things, but looking towards the future, getting closer to God as we go.

   In the bible Jesus spoke of how great people are if they have faith and trust in Him rather than actually seeing. I can say how true this is. It's easy for me, and others like me, knowing what they've seen and experiencing things...for those who simply have faith it isn't always as clear to them. I've heard people often wonder is there really a God and say well science can explain everything out there. You can go back to the tiniest cell/atom/whatever, but science can not say where that came from. Seeing is powerful and I find myself always saying to them, there is a God, I've seen Him and He knows what He's doing even if we don't what we're doing.

Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience?    No    

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?    Yes     déjà vu at times at times knowing when things will happen, knowing when something's wrong/happened with someone

Have you ever shared this experience with others?   Yes   25 years. They were touched and slowly changed their lives, found peace

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?    No    

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:    Experience was definitely not real    I have to say not real because I didn't remember until about 7 years later.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time: Experience was definitely not real    I have to say not real because I didn't remember until about 7 years later.

Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?           No      

Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience? No   

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?  No   

Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience?    Yes    you asked in question 2 all the details...the other questions my responses were the same as question 2

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you?     being in Jesus' arms being comforted