Jonathan D's Experience
My regression into a past life as a Native American
After forty minutes of deep relaxation, the facilitator guides me to visualize a large, beautiful corridor with doors on each side. He instructs me to walk and describe what I see. I describe the walls to him, and then I tell him that a door in particular draws my attention. It seems older, it stands out. The following is the transcription of the session, which I then translated from French to English:
I have an impression of very old wood. But I feel I will go deeper if I concentrate on what the door makes me feel rather than what I visualize. The door has a round top, and curiously the handle is on the left side of the door, not on the right, as I would normally expect (there are of course doors with a knob on either side, but in that moment it seemed to me that doors normally have a knob on the right side.)
Can you describe the doorknob, what is it made of?
It is made of gold, but it is not a round doorknob, it is like a handle, the vertical bar is twisted. It is covered with white rust. My first impression was that it is made of ivory.
Concentrate your attention on this door for a moment, and while you observe this door a part of you can feel, in the depths of your being, that behind this door are the memories, emotions, intuitions, even the images, of another incarnation. I will now count to three, and at the count of three, this door will open and you will find yourself on the other side. You will find yourself in the environment of another time, another place where you have another body, and you will know that it is you. You will be able to describe, spontaneously, what you perceive and what emerges. At the count of one, now this door begins to slowly open... two, you begin to perceive more and more what is on the other side of this door... and three. The door opens completely, and you now find yourself on the other side, in the environment of another time, another place. You have another body. And spontaneously, would you say that you are inside or outside?
Are you standing, sitting? Lying down?
Describe to me the environment where you are sitting.
There is sand, the first thing I saw is a man on a horse, but I donít know if Iím making this up (laugh).
So you saw a man on a horse, are you on a horse yourself?
No Iím sitting on a bench, itís made of two logs. It seems to have been made in a rush, the logs still have bark on them.
Are your feet naked or are they covered?
My impression is that they are naked... with a kind of thin sandal under my feet.
And if you look at your legs are they naked or covered?
And if you look above your waist? Are you wearing clothes, or not?
Hmm. Itís like thin leather, beige.
Do you have the impression that you are a man or a woman?
Iím a man.
And what age would you say you are, approximately?
Hmm... Probably in my thirties.
And is your hair long, short, mid-length?
I have slightly curled black hair that is tied at the back of my head.
Do you hold something in your hands?
My wrists are tied [together] with twisted cord.
Ok, are you held prisoner?
Yes... Iím Native American.
Do you have the impression that you are situated in what today is Canada, or the United States?
More in the North? The South? West? East?
Iím more in the East... West of the Great Lakes.
West of the Great Lakes, more or less in the Midwest?
And who has made you prisoner? Who has tied you?
I think itís... I think the man on the horse is guarding me, but itís not him who has tied me. Heís not the authority that has tied me.
And what is happening inside you while you are there, what do you experience internally?
Hmm... I have to center myself (to perceive more clearly)Ö I have the impression that their reason for tying me is futile. I was just living my normal life, doing my thing, and they take me into their drama. I feel a disconnect, itís as if they involve me into their... as if they make me play a role in their play, their issue, and I donít really know what is going on.
Are you alone, or are there other of your comrades who have been made prisoner with you?
Iím alone, but Iím not alone. On the bench with me there is a presence, older than me. I donít know if itís my guide or...
So you feel that there is a presence with you...
Itís my grandfather.
And do you perceive his presence, is he there physically?
He is not there physically, but I have an impression of his long grey hair.
And what happens next?
The man on the horse brings me, holding me by the cord tied to my hands. He goes towards a village... I see the entrance which is a fence made of big horizontal logs.
Itís a village of white people, or...?
No, itís a village of Natives... Ahh...
So he brings you into that village...
Ahhh (sigh)... Iím starting to feel what is going on... Hmm... Yes. There is a priest, a kind of missionary. Ah yes... and I am... not a shaman but I have likeÖ
...a gift, or...?
Not really... I have a wisdom or... a symbolic way of expressing myself that connects with the souls of others. I connect with the souls of my people... And I want to preserve the symbolic life of the group, itís a language by which we can understand each other... to talk about [our] souls, about life. But that priest wants us to translate our language... I donít mean translate in the sense of in writing, but...
...to make it accessible for him?
No, no, he wants us to speak by Christian symbols, [to use his images instead of ours] and... I despise him...
You despise this priest...
But... heís empty! He doesnít know what God is... (sigh) And Iím feeling that all this strangely resonates with my own perception of religion [in my present life].
Itís as if your spirituality is...
Ah, I feel a defiance. I recognize it in myself in this life too. I know that our truths are real, and invincible in the face of his...
...to this priestís truths?
...his empty stuff that we donít understand... but... it puts me in trouble, because this priest... wait, I will try to concentrate on him to recognize him more.
Take a deep breath...
He wears small round glasses, with a round hat. I wish I could connect with him... I mean, not me right now [in this session], but [as] him (the Native man). I mean, myself as that man. I so wish that he (the priest) could understand... But heís completely shut off.
Closed off to anything that is not his doctrines, or...
Itís like, he is even afraid of spirituality. He reports all truth back to what is written in his Book... we donít understand his Book, and when he tells us about it, itís... absurd. His God who is... crucified... Itís all nonsense... (pause) the sunshine is beautiful.
Hmm. The sunshine is beautiful. And are there many people around you?
Now Iím standing in front of a rectangular log-wood edifice, Iím standing on the left-side of the door [and the priest is standing a few feet away on the right-side of the door]. The man on the horse has moved away, heís just... guarding. Heís in his own bubble. Inside, itís a school. Now itís not a class, but people are gathered inside.
And who are the people who fill this room?
Hmm... (pause) there are dignitaries... at the back there are members of my people, but at the front on the right there are other priests, and on the front left there are... I donít know if theyíre policemen but... theyíre like figures in a position of authority. But theyíre only passing through the region. These priests too. I think theyíre a delegation.
Have they come especially for you?
Theyíre not in the region for me. But theyíre sitting here for me. In fact, all these people are now gathered here because of me.
And what happens next?
Hmm... Ahh... (sigh) I feel, first, if I step back from this scene, a defiance. Itís part of my soul, itís me. I feel entirely confident in myself. I know that all this is rubbish. I know that the truths that I defend and to which I devote myself are eternal. But... Ah my God! Ah... (deep sigh). I understand too in this context, what I feel... that when facing people who have never tasted this, I feel... utterly defeated. Because my strength, my invincible strength, lies above [and beyond] what these people can apprehend. So on the level of this... trial, this kind of judgment scene, where they want to... question me, all my resources are... useless. All the resources I have cultivated in my life and that make me a strong person have no value whatsoever in this context...
Because they have no value in their eyes...
Yes, and because the language by which I could express this power would only enter their ear and come out the other. It canít even be expressed in words. And also... Ah...
Are you still in contact with the priest?
Mpff... (sob of anguish) now Iím in the room... (deep sigh of frustration). They are going to banish me (sharp resentment).
Of the village or...?
(sigh of anguish) They have no right! (with indignation) (sob)
They want to banish you from the village?
Ahh... O my God... Itís strange because I feel deep resonance with my present life.
We can come back to it later.
Yes, I wonít analyze it now but... Ahh...
So they want to banish you from the village and...
Yes they want to bring me along with their delegation. Ah Ahh... (sharp pain)
They want to bring me to a grey place... a city... a place... (cry) [where] I donít know myself anymore.
You lose your bearings...
Ahh... (cry) all that gave me strength... Itís not with me anymore... (sigh)
[Especially] this inner life that I could share [with others], we understood each other with our [symbolic] language. In fact in my present experience (as this Native man) I donít feel that we are in nature [anymore], I feel that we live more in a desert area, I think we had already been moved here. Yes. We have been displaced here, we are not in nature anymore and me, Iím trying to preserve what we had...
What remained, following the displacement... now they remove you completely from that...
(cries of anguish)
Yes... Itís painful.
My friends, my wife. And the people I brought happiness to. Theyíre not allowed to be happy. Theyíre not allowed to listen to me. Theyíre supposed to disconnect from their roots and accept the authority of this priest. Respect him. In fact I think he...
...he wanted to eliminate the influence you had?
Yes, thatís it. So long as Iím there, they donít listen to him. And he thinks that my people donít listen [to him] because of me, but my people donít listen because his doctrines, his images, his language, have no resonance... and... I remind them of the forest... (sob of anguish)
Itís really an uprooting...
Yes, and me, Iím going to be doubly uprooted... (cry) Ahh... Ahh! (anger) And in my life after that, people look at me as if Iím worthless. I have no more value.
In that city, that grey place...
(cry) Ahh... and the way people looked at me before, with sparks in their eyes...
Because they recognized your wisdom?
I made their heart vibrate, I gave them hope that there is more [to life], that the Great Spirit exists... In fact, I was like an interface, because these people had been uprooted, and my role was...
...to facilitate the transition?
Actually, the transition itself is a tragedy, but my role was to keep their inner life alive, so that they donít fall into despair...
As if they indirectly used you to keep cohesion in your people?
Well... my grandfather, he (sigh of recognition) Ahh... Itís he who awakened me when I was younger... he was full of joy... and heís still with me while Iím with these people (at the trial), but heís in spirit.
Is he called S. (my maternal grandfather in this life) in your present life?
Iíll now count to three, and at the count of three you will be naturally transported to another important moment of that life. One... two... and three. You are now transported to another significant moment of that life as a Native. A moment that has had an influence on your present life.
Iím sitting alone at a table, it looks like an old kind of picnic table.
How old are you now, approximately?
Hmm... Iím not much older.
Do you feel itís after this second uprooting?
Ok. So youíre sitting alone at a table...
Iím in a house that has two windows (one in front of me and another on my right). Hmm. I see light through the window in front of me... and [in this moment] I have just remembered that my grandfather is with me...
And how does it make you feel inside, to remember that he is with you?
Through the reflection of sunlight, I remember... I remember the eternal Light. (sob) Ahh...
And this house in which you find yourself, is this the house where you live, or is it another place?
Itís a house that I rent.
Ok, and do you live alone or do other people live with you?
I live alone. (sigh)
So youíve felt the presence of your grandfather in this ray of light.
Itís not that he is [in the] ray of light, but his presence has reconnected me [to my soul] through the... [ray of light]. Ahh...
And what is your state of mind at this moment when you are sitting at this table in this house? How do you feel?
It helps me understand that... (sigh) that the Light is still invincible even if I canít protect it in my peopleís consciousness. It helps (wavering voice)... it helps me detach myself from the frustration and the sadness of not being there for my people (sob). Because... I have resources to protect myself from despair, but them... (deep sadness).
The sadness is still present...
Well, at the moment Iím in, I feel liberated from that.
It gives you a perspective...
Sitting at the corner of my table I just realized that... Ahh... the smallness of this world, and that even if [my people] forget, itís not forever. And even if they fall into despair, itís not...
...itís not eternal, not permanent...
...and I can detach myself from that responsibility.
It helps you not to be completely absorbed, submerged by that...
...and... itís especially... the frustration towards these people [who banished me]. I also brought this ability to detach myself into this life [as a Native, from previous lives]. Ahh... (deep sigh).
...[your frustration] about their lack of understanding...
...well, about their insipid way of life. Oh my God, they live only in surfaces! Only money and what they can acquire and take away. Ahh... I see this Light [now, through the reflection that shines through my window].
It makes you feel better...?
Yes... Ahh... (sigh)
It appeases, attenuates the sadness...?
Yes, itís a ray of sunlight that reflects on something [metallic] by the window [in front of me], and itís as if I enter into that ray of light. Itís my grandfather who... at this moment Iím not conscious that my grandfather is [helping me do] this. Now [as I revisit this life] I can see him, and I know itís him who has inspired me to delve into that ray of light.
At this moment you didnít perceive his presence? Ok...
No, but now I can feel him. I mean, I could feel [a spiritual presence] then, but I didnít know [at that moment] that it was him.
A little like when you felt him on the bench in the first scene?
When I was [sitting] on the bench he was with me but I didnít feel his presence with me. Actually, I could feel the ďqualityĒ of his presence, but not that it was him. Not that he was just there [beside me].
Yes... I understand.
Ahh... (deep sigh)
I will now count to three, and at the count of three you will be transported to another important moment of that life. One... take a deep breath, two... and three. And you are naturally transported to another important moment that has had an important influence on your present life.
Hmm... there is a lot of dust, sand, there are many horses around. Iím with other Natives. There is a cylindrical construction, we are all standing around this...
...and what is happening?
Hmm... I donít know...
Are you... what sensations do you experience? As you are all gathered in the center is there a feeling of well-being, of danger, of fear?
Of danger. I am 45 years old.
Youíre 45 years old, ok...
Itís been a while since the time of the last scene.
And where is this feeling of danger coming from?
I donít know... there is a lot of agitation around, many horses. They are white people [around]... (long pause) I donít know what weíre doing here.
Ok, can you can you describe the place where you are, is it a village, or a Native village?
No, itís further away from dwellings.
Are you in the country, or...
Itís like a large cylinder, made with vertical logs of wood.
Is it a kind of reservoir?
No, not a reservoir. Itís like a place where we can be the center of attention. On top of the cylinder there is a kind of small protruding roof, like... to cover us if itís raining. Ah yes... There are different kinds of people [standing around the construction], there are black people too. Hmm...
And what are you doing, do you have the impression that you are working, or...?
No, we are standing with our back again the large cylinder. I think... I think we are to be sold.
Are you with other Natives, members of your people?
Nobody that I know.
And you see black people with you?
Theyíre more on the other side of the cylinder. On my side we are Natives. Theyíre in [bad shape]... the man beside me (on my left) is a drunkard. Almost no teeth left. He doesnít seem well.
And what happens next?
A man comes on his horse and pulls me. He brings me away.
Do you feel you have been bought?
Yes... Iíve been bought by a fat man... No. I mean, the man who sold me is a bit fat.
And what about the man who bought you, what do you feel about his vibrations, his energy?
Hmm. (intrigued) Itís funny, I feel like... my first impression was that of a woman who looked at me, and she really saw me. I saw a spark in her eyes... the man who bought me, [her husband,] is a decent man. I think they need a domestic. And they have felt my quality [as a person. She saw me and told her husband to take me. I saw him walk up to the big man on the left and make the transaction. She wears a long dark dress and her husband is wearing a red tweed suit. He is elegant].
So they bring you along with them.
Iím sitting at the back of a carriage. (The couple is sitting in the front).
A carriage drawn by a horse? (I remember two horses).
Yes. Iím sitting at the back. They are distant. My wrists are still tied, by precaution. But I donít feel at all like I felt when my hands were tied [in the first scene].
Like the time when they uprooted you?
In fact, now I feel liberated. Itís interesting, in that incarnation I tend to think symbolically, well... to think through symbolic resonance. And Iím reflecting on the fact that the cord that tied my wrists before my banishment were the opposite of my ties now, because now I feel Iím being freed from the city.
And they bring you to the country?
Yes... Yes. They have heard good things about me. Iím an honest person.
And what happens next?
Hmm... (laugh) Iím not too sure... Ahh... (laugh) That woman, I feel love for her. Iím in love with her, but I hide it.
You feel attracted to her?
No, itís not a sexual attraction... But I feel... love for her.
In your heart.
Actually, itís her. In that life, itís her.
Like earlier, you felt that she recognized you, that she saw you.
Itís her that I love. Ahh... (deep sigh)
She recognizes your light, the true being that you are.
(sigh) Yes. Hmm...
Yes. It touches you, to be recognizes by her...
Yes... But Iím not supposed to love her. (sigh) Hmm... I must have discipline. Because I have regard and respect for the man too. He is a good person.
So you are comfortable with this man and this woman, compared to what you have known previously?
Ah... (moved) It makes me so proud to take care of what is theirs. I take care mostly of the exterior [of their domain]. Horses, and bringing wood, and... Itís large, and itís a remote house.
Are there other animals than horses?
Yes, there are chicken... no pigs.
Is it a kind of farm?
No, itís not really like that, itís more like a small domain, semi-autonomous. There are two female domestics who work inside. One is black, and the other is mulatto. She must have been born of black and white parents.
And they are younger than you?
Yes. (In their teens)
And what kind of rapport do you have with them? How do you get along with these two women, these two domestics?
Theyíre still young, hmm... I think theyíre... not really scared, but naturally prudent [around me]. There is a rule that we should keep our distances. Because exterior and interior tasks are separate.
And your rapport with the owners are always good?
Hmm... [I remember] the woman, one night sheís drunk, sheís angry. She throws her wine glass to the floor. (It left a vivid mark in my memory, the shattering of the glass, the spilled red wine.)
Is she angry with her husband?
No, with me.
And what is the cause? What makes her angry?
I trouble her relationship with her husband... because... Iím disciplined, but... her husband can sense the affection I have for her. And she would want me to stay, she has affection for me too. She also keeps her distances...
Her husband is jealous of your affectionate rapport, even though nothing is going on between you?
Hmm... itís not... heís not a jealous man. These two persons are evolved souls. Heís not (really) jealous but it makes him uncomfortable. Sheís angry because she has to send me away and she doesnít want to.
And what happens next?
I go to take a walk, itís night. I walk out of the house... I go to take a walk in the forest. Iím under the stars. (long pause) Hmm...
And what happens next?
Hmm... I put the affection I have for her in a star (giggle). [Now] I couldnít tell which one [it was] (laugh).
So you project all your affection for her into that star?
Itís hmmÖ another [spiritual] guide who has suggested this to me. Iím not aware of the suggestion at that moment but... I had an intuition. Then I sit on a [large] rock, and I contemplate that star. Ahh... Iím trying to see in that star the spark that I saw in her eyes the first time she saw me.
The spark in her eye. And how do you feel, as you send you love for that woman into that star?
I feel serene. Because... I can also feel this in [my present] life, that I have cultivated a lot of detachment [in my past lives]. I have had to... through my experiences of detachment in this life [as a Native] and I think in previous lives as well. Iíve developed a lot of detachment from earthly things. And actually, over the time that Iíve been their servant I have gradually begun to realize that [my love for that woman] is a projection [of something greater than her, that she is only human]. She is an admirable woman, and it gave meaning to my life to devote myself to her, like a Queen. But for her husband itís too strong an affection. He would want a servant who is more detached.
It destabilizes him?
Yes, and itís also that he feels it divides his wifeís heart. Because she is not indifferent to my affection. Heís a good husband, heís devoted and kind to her, but heís more preoccupied by his business, his commerce.
His material success... animals?
Itís not commerce... he has accounts. No, not animals. He has possessions abroad. He has... itís like... I donít know. I donít think I knew very much [about it], but I know that what preoccupies him is in another country, maybe Europe, Iím not sure.
Heís very preoccupied by that aspect...
Heís not very preoccupied, but it makes his preoccupation less...
Hmm... no. Itís... she like to be treated like a Queen, and he doesnít really treat her like that. Well... he treats her with respect, but...
...itís as if his devotion is not...
...it does not have this ďmysticalĒ quality...
...a devotion that is larger than life.
And you were saying also moments ago that you felt this devotion for her was directed towards her but that it was something much greater that you touched through this [experience]?
The love that I have for her is the love I have for that star... well... my love for that star is still a projection but... that [spiritual] being is [the real object of my love]...
Ok. I will now count to three, and at the count of three you will find yourself on the very last day of that incarnation, where you are a Native, around the Midwest in the United States, in an earlier time. One... two... and three. And you are now transported to the very last day of your incarnation.
(coughs repeatedly) (laugh) I smoke too much.
You smoke too much?
In that life.
In this life too?
In this life not too much, but... Iím in my bed, Iím alone and... my lungs hurt. I cough too much. Because of the big rolled cigarettes that I smoke, with no filter.
How old are you, approximately?
Iím 68 years old. (It strikes me how clearly this number appeared in my mind)
And you are alone in your bed. And what makes you think itís the last day of your life? Do you feel it inside you?
I donít know... I just went where you told me to go (laugh)... (cough) Yes, itís been weeks that I have trouble getting up because Iím hurting all over my body. My body is aching. Too much tobacco. My lungs burn, it sears my lungs when I breathe.
I will now count to three, and at the count of three you will find yourself at the moment of your very last breath, at your very last heartbeat in this life. One... two... and three. You are now transported to the very last breath, at the very last heartbeat, and you now leave this body as you have done many, many times before. You leave this body.
My hair are long and grey, like my grandfatherís.
Do you feel you are inside your body, or have you left it?
No, Iím above my body. Ahh... I wish to turn around, ah! (sigh) I turn around there a Light behind me. Ahhh... I (sigh... cry... breath-taken with wonder) Itís my Princess... Sheís standing on the right side [of the Light], sheís all dressed in white... Itís her that I love. She has flowers in her hair. She signals me to proceed towards the Light. (giggle) Ahhh...
Elevate yourself softly, and let yourself be drawn towards the Light.
Ahhh... itís white, itís luminous. Ahhhhh... Woahh it is huge! Itís... itís as if the whiteness in around me is like a mist, and the more I look [and as my vision pierces through the mist], the more... Whhooaaa. The more I see how vast it is. As if the mist allows me to adapt to the grandeur.
To the grandeur... and do you feel that you are moving or are you stationary?
Iím moving forward slowly. (pause) Hmm... The white woman is slightly behind me, on my right side.
The one you called your Princess?
Do you feel that she is guiding you?
Yes... she has put her hand behind my higher back [below my neck]. In front of me there are other beings... [It seems there are three on the left side and two on the right, placed in a semi arc].
Are they beings you feel you know... deeply?
Iím not yet connected with them... (laugh) I need to concentrate more on the Light right now, because if I turn to these beings my energy is lowering. (I wasnít feeling it was the right moment for me, in this session, to experience meeting with them).
Continue letting yourself be drawn to the Light.
Ahh... (long pause) I feel I need to descend to a deeper state.
To descend to a lower level?
No, I mean to go higher (i.e. deeper). I need to calibrate myself. Because Iím feeling myself (in the session) coming back here.
Take a deep breath, and I will count to three, and at the count of three you will be transported to an energetic place where you need to go, a place where you are awaited. One... you are guided, drawn to that energetic place, more and more. Two... more and more deeply. More and more deeply. And three. And you arrive in this energetic place where you are awaited.
I am inside a black sphere. Itís... here that I come to contemplate my life. Itís black, like Iím enveloped [within blankets].
Are you alone in this black sphere? Do you feel there are other presences near you?
Hmm... my Angel, the white woman, she is outside the black sphere and itís as if she is holding the black sphere [in front of her, near her heart]. I am much smaller than her now. Well... not too much smaller, but Iíd say my height is like the height of her headÖ But itís not really important.
Ok. So you come here to contemplate the life that you have just left, in that black sphere? Let the sensations, impression, images, come by themselves.
Hmm... when I was in the city, not really a [big] city, but a kind of urban center where there is more activity, I had a (female) companion, she was a bit... not choleric, but...
She gives me the same impression as a girlfriend I lived with a few years ago.
Ok... and what did it make you feel, this relationship with this short-tempered woman, in that life?
She projected her negativity in her environment, what is around her. [She had no patience for] untidiness in the home. And. I didnít connect with her emotions. For me, what she felt was futile, and so I was not sensitive with her.
And you sense there was a certain futility to that relationship?
No itís not what I meant to say, what I mean is more that [this situation is] something that I have had to deal with [again in my present] life. Itís not yet top notch, but I have learned to be more sensitive to someone elseís emotions that I do not understand. I can be empathetic, itís not really a problem, but I have difficulty taking seriously someoneís feelings when their feelings donít seem ďvalidĒ in my view. This is a learning that has returned to me in many relationships [in this life].
And would you say that in that life of a Native, that this relationship was there for you to develop empathy, or understand how...
...I didnít really learn it [in that life]... itís a learning that I brought with me [to work on it] again in this life. Often she was sad [and upset] but I didnít take her [feelings] seriously.
And you are still in that black sphere?
I had entered again into the life... I [will now] return into the sphere. (pause) Hmm...
And what do you perceive now?
Hmm... In my life in the city, there are many people who have perceived my... the spark in my eyes, and they would have wanted to drink from what I could have given them, but I have always closed myself off. Not always, but Iíve only revealed myself to a very restricted group of people. And I didnít look people into the eyes, I didnít try to connect, so there have been many people who desired to talk with me but whose need I didnít recognize, because I didnít look at them. They could have benefited from me.
So you understand this aspect, the closing off that you experience during your life in the city?
Yes, because during my first three years in the city I was very gloomy, because I hadnít yet detached myself from my people and I worried about them. So in the beginning I was really, really closed off. Later I opened up a little, but I was always very, very solitary. And that is why I was comfortable working by myself, as I did on the house of the couple. I was working [mostly] alone, but there was another man, a little fat, with a short beard, who liked to chew grass. He was funny, but I couldnít really talk with him. I just had [work-related] interactions with him. There were other young men hired for various jobs...
...with whom you could connect, or...?
...no, no, not really...
...ok, not really.
In fact, itís in solitude and in my devotion to her that I kept...
...yes... other than that, I kept my flame... I did not shine my flame on other people...
Yes I understand...
Because... well... I closed off, after experiencing being uprooted, twice over. And... I did not root myself again in that life. Hmm... in that house [of the couple], and in the nature around it I connected in some way, but I didnít really root myself again.
So, now return to the black sphere if you have left it, and take a deep breath... And let other memories or scenes from that life that have been important learnings for you in that life.
Hmm... I learned... maybe itís something I had previously acquired, in lives before that life, but I have learned to work hard while finding deep meaning to what I do, even if itís something concrete, like chopping wood, to...
...to do it with your heart...
...yes and if I chop wood, to think of those it would warm... AhhÖ that made me happy. To devote myself... my devotion, itís as if my devotion became disconnected from the collectivity, because of my experience of being...
...[yes,] and after that I didnít reopen myself to live my devotion other than towards one person, or within a one on one relationship.
Are you still in the black sphere?
Iím in the life, itís as if each time I start thinking of an event I go back into that life.
If itís appropriate, return to the black sphere, and take a deep breath. And you are back in the black sphere. Let another moment, another learning in that life present itself to you.
Children. They helped me find my joy again.
Children at what period of your life?
[Three years] after I came to the city. A little girl [around age 7] asked me, ďWhy do you always seem so sad?Ē
And it made me laugh (laugh). She had her little brother beside her, he was just looking, but without understanding what was going on. He was cute. But this little girl, she helped me reconnect...
...she helped you reconnect, find joy again inside you?
It gave me a reflection, she allowed me to see it from the outside, because I didnít see that I was sad. Well... I was in sadness, but she allowed me to see it, to become conscious of it [from the outside].
Yes, she acted like a mirror...
(sigh) I want to thank her.
Ok, [take the time to] thank her. Can you see her, that little girl, can you bring her back to your attention?
Yes, I sat her on my knees and I gave her a warm hug.
Do you feel she is still in your presence?
I will ask you to simply look into her eyes, look into her eyes with love, and at the same time, ask yourself, is there someone in your present life who is incarnated or who has been in the past and who would be this soul? or not?
Simply look into her eyes and let it come, if someone [comes to your mind].
I donít know... It came to me spontaneously that itís N., but Iím not sure. I donít know if Iím mapping this over [what I am experiencing]. I want to concentrate more being with her. (long pause) Hmm... sheís familiar, but I donít recognize her [in this life].
So, it may return to you in the next days or weeks, spontaneously. I will now count to three, and at the count of three you will leave this sphere and you will be transported to another energetic place that you need to visit, an energetic place where perhaps guides are waiting for you, or beings of light are awaiting you, if it is appropriate. One... take a deep breath, two... and three. And you let yourself be transported to an energetic place...
...Iím sitting in the center of a circle of beings who are sending me energy.
Are there many of them, these beings?
They are forming a kind of teepee, or cone around me. They are disposed like this (I form a cone with my hands). What did you ask me?
What do you feel coming from these beings? Do you feel that these beings are people from your soul family, or beings who guide you in your different incarnations?
Hmm... I feel they are all close to me in soul, but in my present state (in the session, there seemed to be an emotional veil preventing me from recognizing them. As if I was not ready to open up to the intensity of the experience of recognition).
Stay in their presence.
Itís as if the place Iím in right now is to receive their healing, not to try to interact with them.
Itís perfect. Just let yourself receive their vibration, their energy.
And how would you describe what you receive from them?
Hmm... itís positive energy... joy... peace... to regenerate me.
Let yourself be re-energized, let yourself bathe in this energy. Take a deep breath, and breathe in this energy, in the depth of yourself, and let this energy regenerate every molecule of your body and of your subtle bodies. (long pause) I will now count to three, and at the count of three, we will be at the moment when this regeneration will be completed, at every level of your being. One... and two... and three. The regeneration is total, in every level of your being, physically and energetically.
Ahh... (sigh) Now that Iím free I just wish to fly... super fast... to shoot [into the sky].
So now, you fly away, and you ascend, higher and higher, faster and faster. And you fly, and ascend more and more. You fly to another energetic place that you need to visit, that would be appropriate for you to visit. Let yourself be drawn, fly towards that place.
Ahh... (sigh of liberation)
You are totally free. There is no limit anymore. You are totally free.
(deep sigh) Iím lying down in the grass.
Youíre lying down in the grass, yes?
(deep sigh) Everything is perfect. I feel good alone. It has always felt good to be alone.
And do you feel it is more of an energetic place, or more of a physical place?
Itís physical. Itís like the Earth, but itís even better.
Itís more beautiful than the Earth? Hmm...
(sigh) Ahh... I feel so much lighter. Ahh! (recognition) Further away there is a small pond, and my Angel is sitting on a large rock [by the water] (sigh).
An angel is waiting for you?
Itís her, my Angel... (sigh) she is the same that I loved in that woman, and in that star. She signals me to come to her.
Then go to her.
(smiling) (sigh) Sheís very playful. Very nimble in her [demeanor]... she is very wise, she doesnít take herself seriously at all. Sheís very impish (Fr: coquine) (giggle). I will sit in front of this pond. Itís a passage to descend... itís the passage to my next life.
Are you beside, or in front of that Angel?
Sheís sitting on the other rock across from me, beside the pond [we are sitting on two large rocks on each side of the path that leads into the water].
Do you feel that she is a soul-mate, a soul that you incarnate often with, or is it more that she plays the role of guide for you?
Hmm... I donít know, I think that in my recent lives she stays on the other side... [I feel that she has come to Earth with me, many lives ago]. She will make me look into the water now. I can see in the water images and reflections... itís as if this mass of water is a passage, and I can see images reflected in the water.
And you said that itís a passage to a next incarnation?
And can you see images of this next incarnation?
Yes, a little bit. (long pause)
Keep your attention to this water, this lake...
...my impression right now is that this is what is happening [in the afterlife], but that here and now [in this session] it is not the right time... itís not the [right] moment for me to focus on that. I donít know...
Can you reformulate what you just told me?
That before concentrating on what I could see in this lake, I need to be more in communion with her. Weíre sitting on each side of the pond, on large rocks, and there is a path of sand leading into the water.
Perfect... (long pause) connect your energies togetherÖ
Do you feel that she is a very evolved and experienced soul?
Hmm... yes... well, from what I can see I am aware that she is more evolved than me. She has resolved more energy [dynamics]...
And do you have the sensation that if we ask questions to her that she would answer, or not?
Hmm... Iíll walk with her. We will walk side by side... yes.
Yes she would answer questions or...?
I think so, yes. Not in words, but in impressions.
How do you perceive her energy?
(sigh) Very nimble. With much lightness of joy and freedom. She is not worried by things. She is very confident, trustful. Very fluid.
Is there a sound that comes to you spontaneously that would correspond to her energy, of this Angel?
I donít know...
Itís ok, it could come later... So, I will ask her a question, and...
...there came to me the name ďSolenĒ...
...Solen, ok. So I will ask a question to Solen. (pause) Jonathan would like to learn about his life purpose, how he could manifest in his life what he feels inside him, what he discovers, how he could benefit others. Could you, Solen, shed some light [on this], to help Jonathan on this matter. And you (Jonathan) can either let her speak through you, or report to me what she tells you.
(pause) I still have an energetic weight to release, around my solar plexus, to feel less nervous, more protected or less naked...
...yes, helpless. There may be a connection with... But Iíll make connections later...
And I saw you brought your hand to your solar plexus...
...yes, itís all my anxiety that makes me bite my nails.
Yes. Hmm... and does Solen have something, a way of being to suggest, so as to resolve this energetic [tension]?
Hmm... Through other Santo Daime works and regressions, to examine this tension.
In this experience during my previous life, of successive uprootings, I felt that I could only have an interior garden, but not let its fruits be seen on the outside.
As if you hold back, you close yourself off, because of that uprooting?
Actually, I feel that itís as if... this world gave me the impression that it is not worthy of what I have to contribute. Souls yes, but not... itís as if... this is also what caused me to... when I was in the city, in that life, I closed myself off, because it seemed to me that people who are preoccupied with this world do not deserve that I open up to them. And others who would be more special and open, to those I would open up, but only in very private contexts...
...not letting the influence or echoes of the banishment in that life prevent you in this life from opening up...
Yes... I feel resentment towards those who do not understand me, who disrupt my life, who disconnect me or prevent me from living the normal course of my existence. And I have associated people who are not awake to those who have wronged me [by banishing me]. Hmm... when we express ourselves on a larger scale, we will be heard by people who will not be open and who will not understand, and who will brush it off. And itís as if my resentment causes me to deny them even hearing [what I have to contribute]. So this also prevents other people, who would be open, to benefit from what I could share with them. Because one of the strength I have in me is [the ability] to reconcile opposites, to unify a perception in order to align an experience towards the truth. Itís as if I take the different ingredients, and they are then formed in my perception. This allows me to transmit knowledge in a nourishing way.
Are you still in the presence of Solen?
Stay in the presence of Solen, and reconnect yourself to her energy, what she transmits to you. (pause) Are you still sitting by that lake?
No, we are walking.
And describe to me the place where you walk, what you perceive.
Itís a white path. Weíre surrounded by a white mist, and under our feet is [very fine] white sand. Itís just a place where we walk (My impression is that our surroundings are simply an imaginal place where we walk. The surroundings donít matter).
I will now ask another question to Solen, and just let the information, let her answer come, simply. I will ask her to shed some light on your grandfather [in your present life], whose name is S. P., and who is present in your vibration. What information does Solen want to give you, regarding his energy, with respect to you?
Itís not the same essence as my grandfather in the life as a Native. I made a bridge earlier because heís my grandfather and heís my grandfather, but...
...itís not the same essence?
At this moment she doesnít give me the impression that theyíre the same essence. I donít think I have... She makes me see... I donít have a particular connection... from what I can see at this moment, he (S.) sends good energies to me, but we are not very close. This is the impression that comes to me now.
I will ask another question to Solen now. Solen, H., who is Jonathanís older sister, can you give us information, or shed light on the karmic links that connect H. and Jonathan?
Hmm... she (Solen) makes me see that she (H.) has been my younger sister in another life. We have a connection... she needs me in this life, because she lives a life of work, children, routine, always running, and there is not much love around her. Always expectations. And me I love her without expectations... and it does her good.
Are you still in the presence of Solen?
I will ask Solen now to give us information concerning M. T., Jonathanís ex-fiancťe, what are the karmic links between M. and Jonathan?
(sigh) All her family, they are all linked together to live hmm... they threw themselves into very difficult experiences in this life, and... the impression that comes to me is that I had made a deal with them to come into their life partially, to create situations [they need to face]. M. still has a lot to learn, to find her strength inside herself, and I...
...and you had a role to make her family evolve, to help them move [forward]...
Yes and... hmm... with M. I [came into her life] to bring her to experience deep love, and identify me as her object of love, like the bud of a love that she will come to experience more fully in future lives...
...as if sheís not ready now to go further...
There is too much negativity around her in her family, it is not the right condition for her to evolve in.
Yes... I understand. Ok. I will now count to three, and at the count of three, you will now visit an energetic place that you need to visit. Either the same as earlier, or another. One... two... three. Let yourself be transported to another energetic place, deeper and deeper. (long pause) Where are you now?
Iím in the sand, in the desert.
Are you alone, or in someone elseís presence?
There is an African aboriginal, standing on a dune above me, he holds a long spear. [He has red feathers on his head, chest and spear]. He is pointing his spear towards something...
He points to something?
In the sky.
And are you close to him or far?
Close... I have to walk in the desert toward that star.
Toward the star he is pointing to?
I feel like itís symbolism now. Iím starting to feel a little out of it.
Ok... we will now gradually prepare to return. I will now count to five, and at the count of five, you will simply let yourself drift into a white space, a luminous, timeless space. Let yourself drift into a white, luminous [space], a space where you will integrate and incorporate all that has happened during the session today, and that will also allow you to fully regenerate your energy.
I now address myself to your higher consciousness, and I ask your higher consciousness to help you, in the coming days, weeks and months, to help you make connections between the memories that you have visited, in this past life in which you were a Native, and to integrate also the information you have received in the interlife, in the different stages and places of the interlife. And in this past life, you have understood that you were like a beacon, a luminous resource for your people, your tribe, and that the uprootings that you have endured have caused you to shut the door. You have been somehow forced not to radiate what you carry inside you, and as a result you have closed the door, while keeping the flame lit inside you, but its transmission was not the same after that.
So, you have understood that this life, these experiences, belong to a past life. And that now, in this life, the life in which I know you by the name of Jonathan, the echoes and hurts of that past life do not belong to this life, but to the past. And now there is no more risk, no more danger to open yourself to others, and to communicate what you feel and carry inside you. The danger is not present in this life anymore. So in the days and weeks to come, you will be able to feel, more and more, inside you, that the influences of that life will dissipate, and the feelings of anxiety that you feel also physically, around your solar plexus, that they will dissipate, as you allow yourself to open up to others, and feel that there are people in your life that can be touched by you, and that can benefit from what you are able to transmit, and give them.
And in the coming night, and the nights that follow, I ask your higher consciousness and your soul to bring you dreams that will help you make connections between this past life and your current life, connections that will help you in your present life to integrate abilities that you had, and that you can re-access, because they are within you. And also dreams that will help you free yourself from influences that are no longer useful to you, in your current life. And I also ask your soul to make it so that all you have learned that is important to you today, be integrated in your thoughts, your words, and actions. And I ask that gradually you acquire a clearer understanding of who you are, and the way in which you can emanate in this life the person that you are.
In a moment, I will count to ten. And at the count of ten you will completely emerge from the state you are in, you will feel well, regenerated, ready to go on with your day. And you will remember everything that has occurred today. And in the days and weeks to come, you will continue to make connections between your past life and your current life. One... begin to come back, slowly. Feel the normal energy reintegrate your body, a bit like a hand that enters a glove... two... take a deep breath now... three... four... five... all the functions of your body come back to normal now... six... seven... eight... nine... you can move your wrists, your legs... and ten.